Walking through the doorway, Kaede paused and looked at the people gathered. "Hey guys. Did you all get one of these notes too?" She held up the piece of paper she had found slipped under the door of her dorm. Written in a messy, frantic scrawl, it asked her to meet up to talk about 'a matter of life and death, the most pressing issue this world has ever faced!' At the bottom the note was signed, Tsumugi.

"Yes." Kibo replied. "It is quite strange. If all Tsumugi wanted was to talk then all this secrecy wasn't necessary, not to mention the fact that she hasn't even shown up yet."

"I'm more concerned with this last part," Korekiyo said, reading off his note. "'Do not, under any circumstances allow Kokichi or Shuichi to know what you're doing.' It sounds very suspicious."

"Oh, I know, I know!" Angie shouted. "I bet Tsumugi wants us to help her play a prank on them!"

 "Seriously," Miu whined, barely avoiding flashing everyone with her feet resting on the table in front of her. "If that's all this is I'm gonna be pissed at her for wasting my precious time."

"I don't think that's it," Maki said. "She doesn't really seem like the type to play a prank."

"I agree with Maki Roll," Kaito added. "She's pretty smart when it comes to reading people."

Maki looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Don't think that's going to win you any bonus points with me. You're going to have to try harder than that."

"W-what? I have no idea what you mean," Kaito lied, badly. He was blushing.

"Maybe she wants to throw them a surprise party?" Rantaro suggested from where he was leaning against the wall.

"For what?" Ryoma asked. "I'm pretty sure neither of their birthdays are coming up any time soon. And besides, if that was the case then why would we keep it a secret from both of them? It's not like they have the same birthday."

"Dealing with all this suspense is a pain," Himiko complained. "Maybe I should just leave. You all can tell me about what happened later."

"That's a great idea Himiko!" Tenko agreed.  "After all, if this has something to do with those degenerate males, then it's probably nothing important. We can go to the dining hall and eat lunch together! Ooh, or maybe we can take a walk in the park,  just the two of us!"

"Nyeh, on second thought maybe I'll stay here after all."

"Oh, um, that's okay too. Whatever you want to do," Tenko said, looking down at her shoes, her disappointment radiating from her posture.

"Tenko look sad," Gonta said, his tone sympathetic. "If you want, Gonta can go to park with you. We can look for bugs together! Meeting new bug friends always make Gonta feel happy."

Tenko's head snapped up, her glare piercing, but before she could say anything, Kirumi stepped in. "Gonta, I don't think that's a good idea right now. Tsumugi asked to meet us here. If we left now, we won't be able to hear what she has to say."

"Kirumi's right," Kaede said. "If Tsumugi called us all here, it's probably something important. Let's just be patient." She entered the room and closed the door behind her.

(Several minutes later)

"All rights that's it!" Miu yelled, getting to her feet and stomping towards the door. "I got important things to do! If that bitch thinks she can make ME, the gorgeous girl genius, drop everything to wait for her then she's got another thing coming. I'm out-"

The door slammed open, nearly hitting Miu, who jerked back so fast she fell to the floor. "Hey, watch what you're doing! You almost damaged my beautiful face! Do you know how devastated the world would be to loose such a valuable treasure!"

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Tsumugi apologized, standing in the doorway. "I didn't know you'd be so close to the door." She held out her hand to help Miu up.

Miu swatted the hand away, standing up. "Hmph. Whatever. I'm going back to my lab-"

"Oh I don't think so," Tsumugi said, deadpan. She didn't raise her voice or move a muscle, yet somehow she radiated an energy of ruthlessness and absolute authority. "You are going to go sit down and listen to everything I've got to tell you. You are not allowed to leave until I tell you to do so. Do you understand?"

"W-what the hell... What's got your p-panties in a twist all of  sudden..."

"I said Do. You. Understand."

"AH! Y-yes," Miu whimpered, then slunk back to her seat.

Tsumugi redirected her attention to everyone else, only to find them staring at her with wide eyes. "Well now, this isn't how I meant to start this meeting, but since I've got your attention, I might as well tell you why I've called you all here today. It has come to my attention that a grave injustice is occurring here at this academy. Something so terrible that, if we don't fix it, here and now, our descendants will curse our names for the rest of eternity. " She paused.

Kibo raised his hand. "Um, what is this injustice you are referring to?"

Tsumugi glared at him. "I was getting to that. Haven't you ever heard of pausing for dramatic emphasis?"

"Oh, sorry, my mistake. Please continue." His expression reminded Kaede of a wilted flower.

"Ahem, as I was saying. There is a terrible injustice occurring at this academy. Two of our classmates, Shuichi and Kokichi, are the source of this problem."

"What? It's no surprise that Kokichi would be causing problems, but my sidekick would never-"

Tsumugi just looked at him, not saying a word, just staring at him.

Kaito sucked in a small, terrified breath, but tried to keep going. "Shuichi would never-"

Maki shook her head and slapped her hand over Kaito's mouth. "Do you want to die?" she whispered to him. "Because if you keep going you will, and it won't even be me that does it."

Kaito's eyes widened, but he appeared to settle down, and Maki removed her hand.

Tsumugi kept staring for a moment, then moved on. "Thank you, Maki. Where was I? Ah, right. As some of you may have noticed, Shuichi and Kokichi have been acting very strangely around each other. Blushing, acting flustered, finding excuses to get close together, staring into each other's eyes and imagining the life they'll have together where they'll have three adorable children and a cat named Sebastian and grow old together andandandand," She said the last thing quickly under her breath. 

Ryoma raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"What was that last thing you said?"

"Don't worry about it. It's nothing." Ryoma didn't look convinced but knew better than to press his luck. "Anyway," Tsumugi continued, "the problem we have stems from the fact that, despite the massive amount of romantic potential and obvious sexual tension between these two, they have reached an impasse where neither of them will do anything about it. In order for their love to blossom one of them has to make a move and admit their feelings, but I have been stalkin- I mean observing them for a month now and it is painfully obvious that it will never happen on its own. Shuichi is so timid and shy he wouldn't ask someone for a strawberry if he was starving to death, and Kokichi could give a clam lessons about not opening up when it comes to his feelings. The only option left is for us, their friends, to interfere on their behalf. Any questions?"

"Hell yes! There's no way Shuichi should have anything to do with that little purple gremlin!" Kaito protested.

Tsumugi stared at him again, her eyes pitiless and harsh. "That wasn't a question, and I'm pretty sure I didn't ask you for your completely insignificant opinion."

"Insignifica-hhhh" Kaito started to argue, but Maki elbowed him in the stomach, his breath leaving his lungs in a rush.

"Do yourself a favor and stop talking," Maki told him.

"Thanks again Maki. Any other questions?" Tsumugi asked, looking around the room.

"Uh, yeah, I have a question," Kaede said. "Don't you think you're going a little overboard? It's kinda an invasion of privacy to try to mess around with their relationship, don't you think?"

Tsumugi nodded. "That's a valid point. I'll have to think about it." She was silent for a few seconds. "Okay, I've though about it, and I've decided you're wrong. Next question?"

While Kaede sputtered, Gonta asked a question. "Gonta wants Shuichi and Kokichi to be happy, but Gonta no understand something. What exactly Tsumugi planning?"

"I'm glad you asked, Gonta. As of today, you are all part of the crew of the SS. Oumasai, and I, Tsumugi Shirogane, will be its captain. It is my job to guide and protect this ship at all costs, and you guys will help me. We will work together to ensure that Shuichi and Kokichi confess their feelings and get married and have babies and live happily ever after!" Tsumugi declared, breathing a little heavily. "Who's with me!"

"Hmm, sounds interesting. I'll cooperate," Korekiyo decided. "I wonder what sides of humanity this experience will allow me to see."

"If this is your request, then I will do my best to fulfill it," Kirumi vowed.

"Atua says this is a great idea!" Angie laughed.

"I will also participate,"Kibo said, grudgingly. "If only to make sure this doesn't get too out of hand."

"Hell yeah! I want in on some of this action!" Miu said.

"I'm in too," Rantaro said. "I think this'll be good for Kokichi."

"We'll go along with it too," Maki said, glaring at Kaito so he wouldn't object.

"I remember what it was like to be in love," Ryoma said. "But just because it's over for me doesn't  mean it should be for anyone else. I'll help out."

"Gonta will help too! Gonta wants friends to be happy."

"It'd be too much of a pain to get you to leave me alone if I said no. I'll make a love potion and sneak it into their drinks," Himiko said.

"Maybe we shouldn't go that far, " Rantaro commented. "That sounds suspiciously like spiking their food, which is probably a bad idea."

"Quiet, degenerate male!" Tenko ordered. "I'll use my neoaikido to make those two idiot confess their feelings. That way they won't go after any females!"

"Physical coercion also seems like a bad idea," Rantaro said. "Guys, I get that you're all excited, but think about this for a second. If we're too obvious with what we're doing then we might end up pushing them apart rather than together. We need to be careful."

"Rantaro is right," Tsumugi agreed. "Everything needs to be carefully planned down to the tiniest detail, which is why you guys will be doing everything I tell you rather than going off on your own. Trust me, I'm good at manipulating people into doing what I want them to do."

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Kaede muttered. "Okay, if everyone else has their hearts set on this then I'm in too."

"Excellent," Tsumugi said. "This is the beginning of something beautiful."

.........Meanwhile.........

"Nishishi. It was pretty naive of Tsumugi to think I didn't notice her spying on me and my beloved. It's a good thing I decided to spy on her back though. If I hadn't planted that listening device on her, I would never have known about her little plan. Things are getting interesting."