ARI.

I woke up with a smile on my face; a simple quality that hasn't happened in months. To wake up happy meant the start of a good day. It was Christmas morning and I was squirming with holiday joy. It was as if every nerve in my system were synapsing with surges of energy and my muscles were spazing in utmost excitement. The air was cold, my toes were in major need of fuzzy socks, and my taste buds were tantalizing with a yearn for peppermint hot cocoa with tons of whipped cream.

Today was the first time during this season where I felt the Christmas cheer radiating all around me. It was warm, welcoming, and familiar. Today was also my dad's birthday and while I wished he were still on this Earth with me, celebrating with laughter and lots of food, this warm feeling enveloping me felt like a hug from my dad. I missed him greatly, but I knew he was up in Heaven watching over me.

I eventually slipped out of the comfort of my own bed, greeting the cold air in my room like an old friend. I quickly sauntered across my room to the closet, grabbing a fresh, new towel. I merrily skipped out of my room, down the hall and into the bathroom where a warm shower was waiting for me. Normally, my showers ran long. I had a whole routine dedicated to my body cleansing ritual. But this time I didn't want a long shower. I enjoyed the hot water against my bare skin, but I was willing to sacrifice the feeling if it meant getting ready quicker.

To say I was excited would be an understatement. Luke, Mrs. Hemmings, and I were due to the hospital in less than two hours. We had planned to spend Christmas morning with my mother and sister, and the thought of it made me want to dance like crazy. Despite the fact that my mom was confined to a hospital bed, I knew that the company from myself and the Hemmings were enough for my mother to keep fighting for her health.

Once I ended my shower early, I wrapped the large towel around my body, quickly strolling back into my room. I stood before my open closet to choose something to wear. This wasn't going to be a normal Christmas family party, so I opted for something very simple. A pair of thick, black leggings and an ugly Christmas sweater that was thick enough to keep me warm. I spent about 45 minutes to myself getting ready. I blew dried my hair, did my makeup, changed my clothes, and before running out the door, I made sure to spend some time sending out personalized Christmas texts to all my cousins and friends.

"Happy Birthday, dad," I smiled to myself, looking at the framed photograph of my dad and I that sat on the small table in the foyer. I looked up at the ceiling, as if looking up into Heaven and shooting my dad a smile.

I opened the front door wide, and despite the tingling cold air outside that made my nose frozen and my cheeks to tint pink, I couldn't help but to grin. I walked to my car with a skip to my step, and once I was all situated, I blasted Christmas songs through my speakers. I sang at the top of my lungs as I drove through Percival Shores, arriving at the Hemmings household approximately 8 minutes later. I parked my car against the curb and instead of walking up the driveway like a normal person, I made my way to the front porch like a kangaroo on crack. I hopped, skipped, and even did a cartwheel to the door, relishing in the happiness that prickled every inch of me.

I rang the doorbell twice, stepping back onto the porch as I waited for the door to swing wide open. It didn't take long at all, and when it did, Mrs. Hemmings stood with an ear-to-ear grin on her face and a red apron around her waist. Her blonde hair was tucked up into a sweet up-do and her normally pale lips were painted with a ruby red lipstick - perfect for today's occasion. Mrs. Hemmings exuded such bliss that it was absolutely infectious. Without waiting for her to let me in, I quickly shuffled my feet into the home and pulled Mrs. Hemmings into a tight hug. I nuzzled my head on her shoulder and held onto her waist tightly, taking in the cozy smell of vanilla.

"Happy Christmas sweetheart," Mrs. Hemmings giggled, reciprocating the hug.

"Happy Christmas to you too," I smiled, pulling away from the embrace. 

I looked up at the woman whom I adored and praised as much as my own mother, thrilled to see the genuine jubilance in her bright blue eyes she so desperately deserved. While I did hear notes of classic Christmas carols playing in the background, the soothing sounds of Frank Sinatra were overpowered by the headstrong tracks of Blink-182 coming from an upstairs bedroom. When my eyes trailed upwards to the tunes, Mrs. Hemmings took notice and let out a chuckle.

"Feels good to have him home again, doesn't it?" a few beads rolled down Mrs. Hemmings' cheeks, wiping them away with her fingers, yet with a smile on her face. "He came home yesterday morning like nothing happened. Walked right into the kitchen, grabbed a cookie and asked what was for lunch."

"He would do that," I laughed, suddenly finding the same happy tears trickling from my own eyes. "But it's also very like him to come home right before Christmas. I had a feeling he couldn't leave you alone on this day."

"He couldn't leave us alone on this day," Mrs. Hemmings corrected.

I grinned at her again, my mind rapidly replaying events from the last few months, all leading up to this point. It was a tornado of emotions, a whirlwind of memories to an unsung soundtrack crafted by the music Gods. I was still amazed, still enthralled by the forces that brought Luke and I together. The two of us went from faces in a crowd, to the only face we wanted to see in a crowd. This boy made me so fùcking happy; he made me feel things that I didn't think were possible for a human without ultimately combusting. I was in love with Luke Hemmings and I couldn't thank God enough for sending down this angel, even though He took my father in replace.

"Why don't you go upstairs and say hi to Luke while I pack up the rest of the food I've cooked," Mrs. Hemmings explained with a smile, "I hope your mum likes what I've prepped."

"The fact that you even took time and energy to cook for us today is wonderful enough as it is," I expressed with admiration glossing my eyes. "Mama Hemmings, you could cook a bag of dog food and we'd still be grateful for everything."

"You're too sweet Ari," she pulled me into another tight hug. However, she suddenly pulled away to cast an expression of curiosity my way, "you're not just kissing my ass so I'd give you an A in class, are you?"

"What? Me? Kiss your ass?" I mused with a rascally clad grin, waving a hand in dismissal of her teasing statement, "of course not. Never!"

"Okay, good," Mrs. Hemmings chuckled and pulled me back into a hug.

"Is it working, though?" I quickly added, a hint of seriousness to my tone. "Because math is my absolute worse subject."

"What am I going to do with you Ari?" Mrs. Hemmings bursted into a fit of giggles, pulling me out of her embrace. She playfully smacked my bum, pushing me towards the staircase. "Go help Lucas!"

"Yes ma'am," I cheerfully replied, running up the stairs to escape Mrs. Hemmings' antics.

I continued to laugh to myself as my feet merrily scaled the steps to the very last landing at the top. I skipped down the carpeted hallway, Luke's music reverberating off of the cream-colored walls. I sang the All Time Low song to myself, approaching Luke's room. As the last few beats rang in my ears, and the song faded out, seamlessly weaving into Sum-41's Pieces, I knocked on the closed door.

"Luke, it's me! Open up. And you better have some clothes on," I teased, though getting an eye-full of a nude Luke wouldn't be absolutely terrible. I just knew I wouldn't be able to handle it-- I for sure would wither into dancing flames, leaving nothing but a hot mess no one wants to see.

I knocked on the door again, a little more harder this time. Luke probably couldn't hear me, not when his music was blasting at maximum.

"Lucas, babe, open the door or I will," I warned, my fingers grasping the handle. I rested my temple against the door, waiting for some kind of reaction from Luke. However, after a minute or so, there was nothing. Sighing with impatience, I broadcasted, "alright quiff boy! You better be dressed because I'm coming in!"

I turned the handle, opening the door slowly and the music sucker punching me in the ears. Without the barricade, the loud punk rock song hit my body with no limitations. I peeked my head through the slightly agape door, my eyes wandering around the room.

"...If you believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know. Just to see if it would show, that I'm trying to let you know: that I'm better off on my own..."

I opened the door wider, my fingers lightly grasping the door handle as I observed the seemingly empty room before me. However, there was something odd; a hauntingly eerie stroke of life that embodied the entire room.

"...This place is so empty, my thoughts are so tempting, I'd don't know how it got so bad..."

Articles of dark colored clothing littered the carpeted floor, an empty glass sat on the side table, Luke's guitar was on the bed, and the wired trash bin off to the side was overflowing with several crumpled pieces of paper. It was a normal setting; a dwelling that was so blatantly Luke. For the several moments I spent examining the room, I didn't physically see anything odd about it. But my heart however, my heart felt something totally off. It was a feeling that wouldn't disappear and it was burning holes into my soul. This peculiar premonition was powerful, domineering, and was literally weighing me down.

My legs wanted to move forward, to walk completely into the room, but some unseeable force was barricading me. It was as if fate was trying to protect me from something; trying to keep me from witnessing an unspeakable truth. Attempting to shake off this feeling was difficult, but as I held my breath, I pushed one foot forward.

Then another.

Then another.

"...Sometimes it's so crazy, that nothing can save me, but it's the only thing that I have..."

I kept my eyes on Luke's guitar that lied on the center of his unmade bed. As I studied the brass-colored strings, the gleaming wood, and the black guitar pick on top, a rush of memories invaded my mind. Luke behind that guitar were some of my favorite moments with him. It was raw, it was real, it was genuine. The beautiful, dimpled smile that would creep up on Luke's face every time he picked up that guitar was infectious and was worth more words than I could ever speak. His guitar was like a portal to his soul, and the music he played was a one-way ticket into his heart.

I crept up closer to the musical instrument, finally noticing a slight difference to it. Next to the pick, was a neatly folded up paper. I automatically assumed it was a song; private penned lyrics that probably were not meant to be seen, but to be heard. My hand reached forward, my fingers grazing the parchment, and as I was about to seize the document, my eyes caught onto something else.

It was so subtle, so faint that I wasn't even sure how it was able to captivate my attention. When my eyes lifted slightly, shifting its focus from the piece of paper to the empty glass cup on the side table, did I see something so alarming that my breathing literally stopped. Reflected upon the shining vessel were a pair of Converse-clad feet, swaying several inches above the ground.

I almost didn't want to turn around, to bolt my body to face the terrorizing reality behind me. My heart was already thumping against my chest, threatening to jump out of my body and I didn't know how to handle it. And even though I was so fucking scared out of my mind, I turned around.

"...If you believe it's in my soul, I'd say all the words that I know. Just to see if it would show, that I'm trying to let you know: that I'm better off on my own..."

Everything halted for one second. And within that one second, nothing mattered. It seemed as if the entire world stopped in its tracks; that Earth stopped spinning and the whole universe was frozen in time. Not even sound, or color seemed to be a reality. Everything was black, dreary, and heart-wrenching. There was no music, no clanking of silverware, and while my heart was pounding like a wrecking ball into concrete, silence became the loudest thing in the room.

My body backfired, every muscle ceasing to function. I couldn't take back what I saw. I couldn't eradicate the memories in my mind. I couldn't undo what my eyes captured, and even though I yearned to shut my eyes, my body wouldn't let me. I just stared and stared, my vision fixated on the tormenting scene before me. My knees buckled, causing me to plummet onto the floor. I felt my mouth open wide, screams leaving my lips, but the ear-piercing sounds were mute to my ears.

Luke hung from the highest shelf in his closet, a noose wrapped tenaciously around his neck. His skin was blue, his normally pink lips were purple, and his lids were shut tight - obstructing the radiant blue eyes I was so deeply mesmerized by. His body swayed from side to side like a pendulum before all momentum was lost, and his unmoving body slowly came to a standstill. The very same moment Luke's body stopped oscillating, was the same moment the world decided to continue.

"...I tried to be perfect, it just wasn't worth it, nothing could ever be so wrong. It's hard to believe me, it never gets easy, I guess I knew that all along..."

Once my muscles found the ability to function once again, I catapulted off of the floor and towards Luke. I screamed at the top of my lungs, hollering for help as the tears violently cascaded down my face. I grabbed ahold of Luke's legs, mustering all the strength I had in me to lift him up and ease the pressure from the noose that continued to hug his neck.

"Luke, what did you do?! What did you do?!" I shrieked, gasping for air as breathing proved to be difficult. I gazed up at the love of my life, witnessing his blue face and profusely crying.

I couldn't understand why this was happening. I couldn't grasp on the idea that Luke was so deep into darkness, that he felt there was nothing left for him. I loved him so fùcking much and he knew that. He knew that I was in love with him, that even though the world could be so messed up, the world needed him - I needed him.

"Ari! What's wrong?!" Mrs. Hemmings' concerned voiced filled my ears before a high-pitched scream vibrated off of the walls. Suddenly, she was next to me, holding onto Luke for her dear life. "My baby boy!"

The two of us were frazzled, knowing what to do yet not knowing what to do at the same time. The world was no longer slowing down for us, giving us the chance to think. Life became a tornado in the blink of an eye and as it spun, it gained speed and there was no sign that it was going to stop. I wasn't even sure when Mrs. Hemmings had called 911. All I knew was that one second I was holding onto Luke, and the next I was being pulled away from him.

Luke was suddenly cut loose from the rope around his neck and was delicately placed on the ground. There were five paramedics who surrounded Luke's still body, medical jargon being thrown around the room at rapid pace. I jolted forward, trying to crawl over to the boy whom I wished would open his eyes but a strong pair of arms were holding me back.

"Lucas! Wake up! Stay with me, please! Wake up! Don't you fùcking dare leave me! I love you Luke, stay with me baby, please wake up!" I wailed, continuing my endeavors to hold the boy I loved so much, but every time I tried to inch forward, I was being held back.

Paramedics pulled out a defibrillator kit, opening up the bright red box. Luke's shirt was cut open in a haste, revealing his bare chest as the medical team prepped his body to be shocked. Two black paddles were placed on different areas of his chest, and like routine the paramedics counted to three. A wave of electrodes ignited within Luke, causing his body to jump off of the carpet slightly. The whirlwind of action continued as the concentrated team attempted to bring Luke back to life.

I couldn't watch. I couldn't bare to see him die in front of my eyes. I didn't have the strength to witness an unthinkable tragic fate. So instead of watching the chaos before me, I closed my eyes. I closed them so tight that I hoped darkness would consume me too. I found my arms coming together, my fingers lacing and my lips mumbling a prayer.

"God, please don't let Luke die. I love him so much and I won't be able to live anymore if you take him away. I don't have my dad, Brayson is gone, my mom's health is declining, so please whatever you do, don't take the love of my life away from me. Please God, just let him live," I pleaded as my own body convulsed with fear and anxiety.

This wasn't fair and I refused to let Luke go. I couldn't imagine my life to continue without him next to me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Whether we stay best friends or get married, I knew in my heart that I wanted Luke to stay by my side. He was my everything and I was so pissed that he wanted to take his own life away. I was angry that he couldn't see how much he meant to so many people. But mostly, I was angry at myself because I couldn't see any warning signs. If I did, then I'd fight with him. I'd fight with Luke and I'd tell him to hold onto life; I'd tell him every second of every day how much his life matters to this world; and I'd make sure he knew that things were going to get better.

Luke was a piece of me and I was a piece of him. He attempted to take his life away, and with it, he took a piece of me too.

//

TAKE A MOMENT TO REFLECT.

//

This chapter was one of the hardest I've ever had to write, which is one of the reasons why I took so long to update. I knew from the beginning that this was going to happen, and I wanted to make sure I did it correctly. Imagining anyone (5SOS or not) attempting to take their life away is so heartbreaking. And it's even more heartbreaking to know that it actually happens.

If any of you have dealt with someone attempting to take their life away, I AM so sorry. I can't even fathom what you're feeling, but just know that you are a part of a wonderful community that will support you.

If any of you feel like you're worthless and are even considering taking yourself off of this Earth, this is YOUR SIGN to NOT do it. I'm here for you, Wattpad is here for you, and I'm sure if you keep looking, someone on your side of the computer screen is here for you too. PLEASE talk to someone, anyone. Friends, family, a teacher, counselor, internet friend... Just remember that you are important to someone and that life will continue to gift you with endless opportunities to be happy and successful. :)

IF THIS chapter was in any way difficult to read, I apologize greatly. I was crying myself as I wrote it and proofread it. It's a heavy topic and I promise, I didn't just wake up one day with the idea of Luke attempting to take his life away. It's been a major plot point since the beginning and like always, there's a reason for my madness. I don't just write and wing-it. I take my time to craft ideas, inserting themes and morals into my stories.

THANK YOU to all of you for reading, for commenting and for voting for my story. This has hit 500K+ views and is almost at 10K votes. That's amazing to me and I couldn't have done it without all of you!! So thank you from every inch of me, for giving this story a chance!

I LOVE YOU! <33