"In life, there are some people you're going to have to lose to find yourself."
[unknown]

//

WATCH THIS. It pretty much explains Skylar's feelings towards the gang currently lmao

I HOPPED IN the car and slammed on the gas pedal. I didn't know where I was taking myself and at the moment, I didn't care.

I don't even know the people in the Dingo and Jay's anymore... who are they?

Not friends. That's what.

I stopped in front of the Curtis's, taking a deep breath. Darry didn't come with us to the Dingo and Jay's, so maybe I can tell him about the gang. He'll understand. Darry always understands. I slammed the car door, rushing up to the front porch. I entered and was greeted with Darry sitting on his rocking chair, reading the newspaper.

He looked up and furrowed his eyebrows when he saw me. "Skye? Aren't you supposed to be at the Dingo and Jay's?"

I scoffed and sat down on the couch. He raised his eyebrows, "I can tell this is going to be a long story. You want some cake?"

I chuckled and nodded. He came back with two plates of chocolate cake. I took a bite and then got ready to tell him. "Darry, I don't even know the gang anymore. Including, Sarah. It's like ever since I've gotten back from college, they're new people. Ponyboy doesn't ask me to watch the sunset with him anymore, and he never really talks to me at all. Ponyboy and I used to be close. Sarah and I never fought, and now she's acting like I'm some pest. Soda of course left me, but now he's back. Steve used to be independent, but now he agrees with everything Sarah says and follows her around like a lost puppy. Two-Bit always used to watch Mickey Mouse with me, but now he doesn't even call me Minnie anymore, or try to make me laugh. Johnny is just Johnny and never talks to me now. And now, Dally is gone." I was full on sobbing by the time I finished my last sentence. 

A sad expression washed over Darry's face as he pulled me into a hug. When he pulled away from the hug, he had his hands on my shoulders. "Skylar, you know I always tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Right?"

I slowly nodded my head as tears fell down my face onto the floor. He stood up and took a deep breath. "Well, get ready for this."

(this is going to be long, but inspirational. Because Darry is inspirational asf.)

Darry looked at me and sighed, "Somewhere along the line, YOU changed, Skylar. Not them. You stopped being you. YOU let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. The Skylar we used to know put HER finger in other people's face because she stood for what she believed in. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know... The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place. You know that. And I don't care how tough you are, or that you're a Winston and you show no feelings, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it! You. Me. Or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" He started raising his voice and continued, "Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth! But, you gotta be willing to take the hits and not pointing fingers saying, you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her,  or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you, Skylar! You're better than that!" 

I was full on crying by the time he finished and he took a deep breath. "It's not us who's changed, Skye. It's you. You've lost yourself and you need to get yourself back."

I took a shaky breath. "How do I get myself back, Darry? Dally was a part of me and now that part is gone!"

"You lost yourself way before Dally died, Skylar."

"Then when did I lose myself?"

"When Soda left you for Sandy."

//

I WAS DRIVING around aimlessly. I had an hour to kill before I pick up the kids from school, and I'm not going back to the Dingo and Jay's. What Darry said makes sense now. I guess I did lose myself. I'm not Skylar Winston anymore. That's why I didn't want to party at the bar, that's why I haven't been as sassy as I used to be, that's why I always care what people think about me. I used to not care. I used to not get attached to things, but now I get attached to everyone. That's what killed me. Myself.

//

"Well, what do we have here? Skylar Winston at the bar? I thought you weren't a drinker." Bob sat beside me at the bar and I rolled my eyes.

"I thought I wasn't a lot of things, Bob." I spoke as I took a sip of whiskey.

He knitted his eyebrows in confusion. "The real Skylar would punch me right now. What the hell is wrong with you?"

I chuckled. "Soda. That's what's wrong with me. I don't know anymore. Now, please, if you're going to stay there, stop asking questions that I don't even know how to answer."

"And you just told me please?? Do I need to go get your brother? This isn't how a Winston acts."

"Really?" I scoffed, "Every Winston turns out like this. I thought I never would. But we're all naive, aren't we?"

"He really ruined you, didn't he?"

//

MY SPEED WAS accelerating as I went back to flashbacks of my old self. My sassy self. My 'I don't care what people think' self. The part of me that I lost. I don't even know who I am. I was speeding sixty miles over the speed limit now, and my heart was beating the same rate. I slammed on the breaks, causing me to lurch forward and bang my head against the steering wheel. 

I started feeling dizzy and reached up to touch my forehead. It was wet. When I brought my hand down, my eyes went huge. I was bleeding. My whole hand was red. "Skylar, oh my lord!" Soda shouted. 

I was at the Dingo and Jay's? The rest of the gang ran out and screamed when they saw me. "There's blood everywhere!" Sarah screeched. 

"What the hell did you do, Blue?! You had me worried sick!" 

I couldn't talk. Questions were being thrown at me back and forth and I started to see dots. Green. Yellow. Blue. Purple. Black. Permanently black. 

I heard hospital beeps and stirred around, slowly opening my eyes. I squinted my eyes because of the bright light and had a massive headache. "Oh, thank God! She's awake!" Soda yelled. 

I saw Colton above me and he gave me a small smile. "Hey, bud. Seems like you're my patient instead of my partner."

I slowly sat up and touched my head. "We put a bandage around your head. How did this happen, Skylar?" Colton asked. 

"I-I went to go find myself."

Everyone in the room looked at me like I lost my mind. Darry told them the exact speech he said to me and they all had guilty expressions on their faces. "No, it's my fault. If I wasn't being such a jerk then you wouldn't have ran out." Sarah shook her head.

"No, it's my fault. I took my anger out on all of y'all when I should've just taken it out on myself. Y'all aren't the one I don't know anymore. It's me that I don't know anymore." I spoke, biting back the tears. 

"Oh, Blue." Soda frowned and pulled me into a hug. I patted beside me and he laid beside me in the hospital bed, pulling me close to his chest. The kids jumped up on the bed with us and I lightly chuckled. They both snuggled up to my chest and I lightly smiled. "I need your help, Soda." I looked at him. 

"With what?"

"Finding myself again."