I dug my teeth into a sandwich, munching on it in exhaustion. The bread felt like a sponge, the filling tasted dull. I was staring at one point on the table, not really focusing on it though.

I knew Chaewon and Yeojin were watching my every little move in worry but I couldn't even look up and show them a little smile. It was impossible yet again.

"So... What happened?" Chaewon asked, earning a stern look from Yeojin.

I swallow the dry bite down, letting go of a heavy sigh. My hand reaches out for a glass of water, bringing it up to my lips as I say: "I saw Seungmin."

They both tilt their heads. "And...?"

"I thought you were over him."

The liquid slides down my throat, blowing down the flames in it. "So did I." My eyes look to the side. "However..."

"Huh? Are you not yet?"

"No," I'm talking slowly and I can't bring the volume of my voice up, it's slightly above a whisper, "but.. " I put the sandwich down, wiping the hands against each other to get rid of the crumbs. I then bring my palms up, pushing them onto my closed eyelids. "I recalled him during that kiss."

It's quiet for way longer than I'd like to.

"Damn, Jin, you're down so bad."

"Shut up," I groan before hiding my face in my hands. "I know, I'm stupid. I went for it to have fun and look how it ended."

"Jin, that was sarcasm."

"Does it matter though? Sarcasm or not, I messed the fuck up!"

"Calm down, there's no need to be so mad at yourself."

"There is. I told myself I was going for it for fun and ended up having a panic attack after almost ten months again. What am I supposed to do?"

Yeojin thought about it as Chaewon forced me into finishing the (and now let me quote her) "fucking sandwich".

"I know this will sound stupid but... What if we go party again this weekend?"

"Didn't you just hear-"

"I think you're just not used to this. If you want to enjoy yourself, you should go party a bit more, you know? You even said it yourself - Minho and Changbin made you feel some kind of disgust towards such stuff. Maybe you don't even realise how bad does it feel inside because you're just enjoying the new feeling while trying to push all the worries away."

I was munching on the sandwich silently for a while, thinking about it. "Maybe you're right."

"Of course she is," Chaewon rolled her eyes. "She's our little genius, did you forget?"

"Take the 'little' back, bitch."

I laugh and take another bite, this time finally tasting the bread and butter and everything else.

I guess I just really missed having someone by my side.

—★—

"No way! You're ready, wow."

"Oh, shut your mouth now, will you," I roll my eyes before stepping outside, locking the door behind me.

"Well, I'm sorry but as far as I remember, you weren't even dressed the last week."

"I love you too, Won," I give her an uptight smile. "Where are we going again?"

"You'll see."

"Don't tell me it's a gay club."

They both burst out laughing. "Don't worry, it's just someone from my course celebrating her birthday. She invited me. Said I can take anyone with me as long as they bring alcohol. I hope you did-"

Both me and Chaewon show the bottles.

I check hers, smiling as I hold my fist out. "Vodka as well?"

"As always," she fist-bumps me and we both turn back to Yeojin who sighs.

"I should start talking to someone who drinks rum too."

"Or we'll raise you into a vodka lover too eventually," Chaewon shrugs. "Everything is possible."

It doesn't take us long to walk to the house.

"Do those people not have parents?" I wonder upon seeing so many people and noise and mess.

"She does," Yeojin nods, being the one to lead us. "They're rich though. This is rented."

"You fucking joking, right?"

"I am fucking not, Jinnie." She opens the door. "Let's have fun now."

—★—

"That girl has been watching you for a while."

I raise my eyebrow, giving Chaewon a questioning look. "Alright. And...?"

"Go talk to her."

I scoff, brushing the hair out of my face. "She's not my type."

"Who is then?"

I look around. "Don't know actually. I'll let you know when I see them though."

"You really should."

I notice something sparkly above my right eye. I push the piercing up a bit so that it wouldn't distract me. "No one says it's my obligation."

"I do, though." She takes a sip of her drink. "Rather be fast before I find you someone."

"Who's your type then?"

"You know way too well I'm not into this stuff."

"Sorry, I forgot you hope you'll once experience that cliché scene where you bump into your soulmate in the library. They'll start picking up the books you've dropped as the librarian scolds you and when they look up, you both freeze, getting stuck in each others' eyes and you'll know they're the one," my voice and moves are dramatic. With a sigh, I close my eyes, hand over my heart. "How romantic."

"Let a girl dream," she shakes her head with a small smile.

"Hi, you're Yeojin's friends, right?"

We smile at the girl who just walked up to us.

"Yes, we are."

She shakes both our hands. "I'm Kim Chaewon, the one who set this party."

My friend laughs. "What a coincidence. I'm Park Chaewon. Nice to meet you."

"And I'm Hwang Hyunjin."

"Yeah, Yeojin mentioned she'd bring her two friends with her," she nods her head. "I'm so glad you came! Are you having fun so far? I noticed you've been standing here for a while... Thought I'd check if everything's alright."

"Yeah, we're okay, don't worry. We're just not the types to party hard."

Chaewon laughs. "He's just embarrassed because of what happened last time he got drunk. He can go wild even when sober but he's holding back now."

The other Chaewon gives me a wide smile. "Forget whatever happened! We should enjoy life as long as we can! Why else would you come?" She throws her hand around my shoulders and is already pulling me away. "Have fun, dude. I'm sure that whatever happened is forgotten by now."

I want him to remember it though...

I laugh a little. "I guess you're right."

"Trust me, I know what I'm talking about." And just like that, she walks away.

I look back towards my Chaewon and I want to go to her but she's pointing behind my back with a smirk.

There's a tap on my shoulder.

I close my eyes to take a tired breath before turning around with a smile. "Yes?"

It's the girl Chaewon said was watching me. "I'm sorry, I'm just... I can't really take my eyes off you, you know. So I wanted to ask-"

"Hyunjin," I hold out my hand. "Glad to me you...?" I wait for her to introduce herself.

"Yunjin."

"Nice to meet you, Yunjin."

"Nice to meet you too, Hyunjin."

And so we're dancing for a while, drink a little and from time to time, I notice Yeojin and Chaewon giving me those important stares. I always roll my eyes before listening to what Yunjin has to say, her lips talking next to my ear, my fingers caressing her thin waist.

We end up on the couch in the dark corner of the room. It's hidden in the shadows, just like her leaning in closer to me before I do so to.

We kiss and this time, I manage to push the memory of Seungmin back into the depths of my mind. He's not here and we're not together anymore. I'm not sad about kissing someone else, I'm enjoying it this time.

She's sat on my lap, holding my face in her hands so softly. She seems to be a little nervous about our current situation.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" I ask as I feel her body trembling.

"N-No, I'm okay. I- I just." She sighs. "I've kissed a girl two days ago, you see? And now I don't know..."

"Ah I see," I smile. "You don't know if you're straight, lesbian or bisexual."

She nods her head, sitting down next to me. "I'm sorry, I just... I think-"

"You didn't like it, right? I mean like... The girl was better."

"W-Well... Yeah." Her eyes are looking down that whole time.

"Yunjin," I call her and she finally raises her head. "It's okay, I get it."

"You're not mad?"

I giggle at how innocent she is. "You're literally the first person in my life who didn't start our conversation with 'are you bi?' so no, I am not mad."

"You're bi?"

That makes me laugh out loud. "Yes, I am," I say after calming down.

She smiles. "That's a relief."

"Why? Even a straight guy would've understood, I'm sure."

"I don't know. You just... feel safe, you know?"

"I'm glad to hear that." I get up, holding out my hand for her to take which she does and I pull her up to her feet. "Let's get us some drink then, what do you think? And you can tell me more about that girl if you'd like."

"Sure. Thank you."

I don't go wild that night. Yet I enjoy it still.