"Alright, you are dismissed for today. Hope you'll enjoy the rest of the day and other lessons if you have any."

"Thank you, you too," everybody responds.

They're all getting up and I'm still sitting there...

"Jinnie," Yeojin shakes me by my shoulder slightly, "let's go."

I blink a few times to pull myself back into my head. "Sure. I'll just... go to the restroom, okay?"

"Of course. I'll wait outside."

We get into the halls and part ways.

In the restroom, there's only one person locked in the cubicle at the very back and I don't really care as I turn the water on, washing my face with the coldest drops I can get out of that tap. Holding the edge of the sink, I raise my head to look at my reflection. "Alright, you fucker," I say in a quiet voice but it's still ricocheting off the walls, the low vibration shaking up the room in a scary way - that one person must be really confused but I don't give a shit as I stare into my own soul, "it was just a kiss, okay? He was a bad person but Jin will understand... She will... right?"

My own eyes give me out and I sigh, tearing some paper towels out of the box, drying myself before I let my hair lose and tie it up... and try to repeat it one more time since there is one strand that I don't like. I keep on talking to myself in the meantime because I feel like I'll go crazy if I don't: "You were drunk and wanted to go for it and didn't realise who he was. You know now and you feel bad for it. And to make things even better, you recalled-" My fingers freeze and the hair tie almost slips out of my grasp, my work gets ruined once again. "No, you didn't recall anyone. You're over him and you just wanted to enjoy yourself."

I finally finish tying the almost white strands up. I then start adjusting my clothes. "You now will go out there and try to explain this all to Jin. You'll laugh it off and go on, knowing that you regret it." I finally make myself stop with all the obsessive-compulsive stuff and pick my backpack up from the ground, looking at my reflection for the very last time. "Do I really though...?" I wonder and stand there just a little bit longer before shaking my head. "Nah, but I can't tell her."

With that, I leave, hoping there wasn't anyone actually and that the cubicle had only its door closed or else I might've just confused and maybe also scared someone.

I sigh and leave the building, smiling at my friend who's tapping the heel of her shoe on the side walk. "Finally! I was afraid you slipped and split your head open or something."

"What's with everybody wondering about my head?" I joke, grabbing her around her shoulders. "Don't worry, everything's okay."

"We'll see if it really is," she says as she drags me across the road, rushing to the café where we've spent so long since we got to the university. It's the beginning of October yet.

—★—

"So..."

My shoulders go stiff as I'm sipping on my iced coffee. I look up from the straw that I'm holding between my lips.

"What was that drama in the morning? You looked like you killed a dozen puppies or something."

I put the glass down, taking a deep breath before looking her in the face. "I just wanted to say sorry for Matthew. I for some reason absolutely forgot who he is and-" The memories flash in front of my eyes again. "Well... I-"

"Jinnie." She reaches out, her fingers caressing the top of my hand that's folded into a fist from how stressed I am. "Breathe, okay? I'm not mad at you." She leans back in her chair. "I was just surprised he was all over you after what he'd said to me."

"That's why I'm apologising. I just felt like I owe it to you."

She shakes her head. "It's okay, don't worry. As I said - I'm not mad at you or anything. It just took me off guard I guess." She takes a sip of her capuccino before gazing up. "Is that why you were acting so weird? Before the lecture, I mean."

I nod my head. "Yeah... I'm sorry. I don't know, it's just-"

"You don't have to tell me anything-"

"We kissed," I say suddenly, nibbling on my bottom lip so hard that it hurts but I just can't stop. I'm watching her, feeling absolutely terrible and guilty.

She freezes for a second before putting her cup down. "Hm, okay... I didn't see that one coming, not gonna lie," she laughs awkwardly.

"I'm really sorry."

"There's nothing you should be apologising for though. It's not like I'm his girlfriend or ex. I just have a... not so good of a history with him. However, looks like he changed so I guess it's okay with me." Suddenly there's a smirk on her lips as she moves her brows. "And...?"

"And... what?"

"How was it? Did you like the kiss?"

I honestly don't have an idea how to react.

"You look taken aback so I suppose it's the first time something like this happened to you. So I'm asking - how do you feel about it?"

"I'm not sure honestly."

"Well, how was the kiss?"

"Drunk."

"Okay, drunk but...?"

I hum in thought. "Drunk but... I enjoyed it, I guess?"

She smiles. "See? You're finally living life!"

I let go of a huge breath, feeling all the tension leave me with it. "Oof, I was so afraid and you're now interrogating me about it." I put a hand over my chest, feeling my heart beat so fast.

"I feel like there's some other 'but' though..." She leans closer, her eyes narrow. "What is it?"

"I..." I gulp, spinning that one specific ring around my finger. "You see... I don't know his age. I believe he said he was like twenty four but he looked as old as us."

"No, he was saying the truth. He actually is that much older."

My eyes become wide and I slide down in my seat, hands going up to hide my face. "I kissed a four years older guy while drunk... Well fuck me."

Your heart shouldn't be beating so fast! Stop!

"It's not like you can take it back now, is it?" She takes another sip, this one longer as if she wanted me to die in the silence. She licks her lips to get rid of the cream. "Just take it as a fact and move on or whatever. Just please don't get stuck on it or else you'll look the same as today's morning forever and I don't think I'm able to stand looking at you like that."

I laugh at that, rubbing the back of my head. "Yeah, I know it's stupid. I think I'll do better now though. Since I know you're not mad at me and stuff..."

"My gosh just shut the fuck up already, will you now?"

I blink at her, shocked by that fierce reaction. "S-Sure... Sorr-"

"And no 'sorry'. Just..." She takes a deep breath and puts on a smile. "Let's talk about school or something, okay?"

"Okay."

There are dark clouds running on the bright blue sky but my mood is finally getting brighter again.