Thursday is more of the same: wallowing in my failure as the phone call I'm dying for doesn't come, drinking until I forget anything was ever bad and feel on top of the world, then passing out to wake up a few hours later and feel like death. It's only compounded by the knowledge that Jazmin is Xavi's sister, despite the fact that I've known since meeting her that we would never see each other again. All this does is assure that if we somehow do, it will be horribly awkward. There's no way I'll ever be able to hide the night with Xavi from her; I'm a terrible liar. It'll be written all over my face.

Friday is another repeat. Saturday and Sunday, too. I can already feel the God awful hangover that awaits me at the end of this bender, and I keep on drinking to stave it off. It keeps my self-deprecating thoughts from returning too, so it's a win-win solution for now. It probably won't feel very win-win when the hangover and deep depression set in, but I don't have to worry about that until I head back tomorrow. Hopefully, work will be enough to keep my mind occupied when the alcohol is off-limits.

I wish I had Chris's number, I think for the millionth time in the last five days.

It's five in the morning on Monday already. I've been up for an hour and had a few shots to quiet my thoughts, but they're getting louder. The alcohol is just a fact of life in my body now, and the pain can't be numbed so easily anymore. I should have seen that part coming, but it doesn't slow me down either way.

The meeting is planned for just before lunch, so Alex can send out the proposal this afternoon. Everyone will be presenting possible ideas for our story, and Chris's won't be one of those stories. He still hasn't called me with an answer, so I can only assume that the answer is "no." Kyle was right to have doubts. I should have had more doubts myself after seeing Rigo's reaction to me.

I sit up straight on the couch—the same spot I've been in since Kyle and Mariluz left on Wednesday night—and pour myself a full glass of vodka this time. I need more than just a little boost to kick-start my mood, then eventually knock me out cold to sleep off the rest of the day.

This should probably be it, unless I plan on calling in sick tomorrow.

No, that would be stupid. I've had a week to get it together, I can't start feeding Alex more excuses after they've been so lenient with me. I need to be back at one hundred percent, just as they've always known me to be. I can't fuck this up, I just can't.

Returning the cap to the vodka, I jump up quickly and hurry to the fridge to put it back where I'd found it. If it's in my sight, I can't resist the temptation to pour myself more. The last glass I poured will have to do, and it's plenty, so it should.

I start tapping through a delivery app to find the necessary hangover recovery supplies I'll need to be ready for tomorrow as I take my seat back on the little couch. They don't start up for another hour, so I just have to stay awake long enough to collect my order.

God, you're pathetic, Lola. Planning how you're going to sleep away your day...

Better that than staying awake to torment myself any longer than absolutely necessary. The sooner I forget about everything I did last week, the better. The embarrassment about it all weighs me down so low that I need a drink just to come up for air.

Once it's guzzled down, it doesn't take long to hit me hard with my empty stomach. In less than twenty minutes, I'm passed out on the couch, missing my opportunity to order what I'll need to survive before the hangover crashes into me like a high-speed train.

At least I've got water and bananas.

Like just about every other time I've fallen asleep this week, I awaken to the buzzing of my phone again. My vision is still too blurry from the pounding headache to focus on much, but I notice the time as I lift it to my ear; it's eight minutes past noon. It must be Kyle again, calling to update me on the chosen topic for the big project.

"Hey," I yawn sleepily into the receiver.

"Hey, Lola," says a voice I was not at all expecting. "It's Chris. Is now an okay time?"

It feels like an eternity that my brain is completely shut down and blank, unable to process the voice I'm hearing or formulate my next actions. After four days of silence, I assumed this call wasn't coming. I kind of want to throw up.

"Lola?" he says again.

"Y-yeah, I'm here," I stammer quickly. "I'm so sorry, I-I was taking a nap on my lunch break," I lie with a nervous laugh. He doesn't need to know about the suspension or how I'm spending it, that's for damn sure.

"Oh," he laughs, sounding relieved. "Sorry to interrupt you then, I'll try to be quick."

"No, please don't worry about me, I'm fine!" I assure him. "I'm glad you called!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry it took so long. Rigo can be really obstinate sometimes," he explains apologetically. "Regarding telling our story: we're in, so just let me know what you need from us."

"Oh! Okay!" I respond in shock. "Um..."

I trail off as my brain runs wild in search of what I can do with this. Alex's plan was to send the proposal after lunch, so if I move quickly, I could potentially get to the office in time to deliver this pitch myself. I'd go with email, but with my luck, Alex would be locked in their word processor until sending the proposal out, only to find my pitch in their inbox when it's too late to use. I've dropped the ball enough times with this already, and I won't risk an email conundrum screwing it all up now. I just need some kind of proof that Chris and Rigo are on board to deliver to Alex...

"Would you be able to email or text me that?" I ask him suddenly. "I just want to be able to show my boss that you really said yes. They've been adamant that we can't commit to anything without the approval of whoever it's about."

"Sure, I can do that," he agrees easily.

"And can you do it now?" I add urgently. I realize how demanding it sounds and backtrack with a nervous laugh. "N-not to be pushy, I'm sorry that it totally sounded that way. I'm just on an extremely tight timeline to get this to my boss, and I don't want you to have worked on getting that 'yes' for so long just for us to not able to hold up our end."

He snickers lightheartedly. "It's not a problem, Lola, I understand. I will send it over text for you riiiiiight... now."

Just a second after he says it, my phone buzzes with the arrival of a text message. I quickly switch the call to speaker and open it up in awe. Seeing Chris's phone number at the top reminds me that I'll have to add him to my contacts, since we're friends now and all.

(ALT TEXT: Hey Lola! It's Chris Ellington. I just wanted to let you know that Rigo and I would like to work with you guys on sharing our story. Please give me a call so we can make plans.)

"That's perfect! Thank you, Chris!" I chuckle with giddy relief.

"Sure thing," he answers happily. "Let me know if you need anything else, okay?"

"I will, and thank you so much again, honestly. You have no idea how much this means to me," I insist sincerely.

"I know it means a lot, and I'm glad I can help. Good luck with everything."

It brings a smile to my face that can be heard as I speak. "Thanks, you too, Chris."

"Talk to you soon, Lola."

"Talk to you soon."

For a few seconds after the call ends, I'm numb again. My brain snaps out of it quickly, though. There isn't time to stand around dumbfounded; I need to get to the office!

Finally in gear, I quickly throw on some deodorant and body spray, tie my hair back, and slip into my sneakers. I call an Uber with my app on the way down to the ground floor and cross my fingers tight that they respond quickly. Lunch ends at one o'clock and it's already fifteen past twelve. The ride to the office will take at least twenty minutes, more if there's an abnormally large amount of traffic on the way. I'm cutting it close as it is.

Lucky for me, there's a driver nearby when I put my order in and they meet me at the curb. Traffic is smooth, taking only the expected twenty minutes to arrive. The building lobby is clear for a change and there's no wait for the elevators. It feels like everything is finally starting to line up perfectly for me, and I can't help but feel optimistic for Alex's reaction.

Even while suspended, I still managed to land the biggest story our organization will have ever been a part of. They'll appreciate that; anyone would.

The doors opening feels like a grand entrance as I strut out confidently and head to Alex's office. They usually eat in there while watching something on the computer, so I'm sure I can find them the usual spot today. The shades are drawn when I arrive as is customary during lunch, and I can hear the muffled sounds of a Korean drama being streamed through the speakers. It's finally time.

I knock twice hard; boldly announcing my presence. I hear a quick shuffle and then the Korean drama stops.

"Come in!" they holler.

Pushing the door open quickly, I step inside with a big, proud smile. Alex's expression drops when they see me and they watch me in stunned confusion as I prance up to their desk.

"I know I'm not back until tomorrow, but this couldn't wait," I tell them excitedly as I drop my phone on their desk, open to the text message from Chris. "We can do the story about Chris Ellington and Rigo. They said yes."

Alex picks up my phone slowly and reads the text message more carefully, still wearing a mask of shock from my early reappearance in the office. I understand, and maybe I should be more ashamed, but I'm just too damn excited about this! Seriously, not to state the obvious for the millionth time, but it's Chris freaking Ellington!

"You... spoke to Chris?" they ask after a moment, meeting my eyes curiously. "How?"

That sleeping with Rigo's brother story won't go over as well here, will it? Even so, I don't have a clue what else I would say.

"It was completely unintentional, I swear. I—met someone, and then I spent the night at their house. It just so happened that they're Chris Ellington's roommate, so we had a chance to talk," I explain somewhat uncomfortably. I don't like acknowledging that I have a sex life at work any more than Alex likes me acknowledging it.

Their gaze intensifies as they appear to struggle for words for a moment. "You were in his house?" I nod in confirmation and they shake their head in disbelief. "I picked you up from the police department after you were given a restraining order, Lola. The first thing you should have done when you realized it was Chris Ellington's house was leave," they chastise me harshly.

"I know, Alex," I squeak out in protest, "but I—"

"No, Lola, please don't," they cut me off. "It would be one thing if you had only spoken to Chris, but the stench of alcohol that's currently enveloping my office thanks to you tells me that I wasn't quite clear enough about what I expected of you during this suspension. I'd like to fix that for you right now, Lola. During your suspension, which will now extend to the rest of this week with plans for you to return on Monday, I would like you to work on clearing your head. That does not involve alcohol, that involves a sober mind and deep thought about what you need to do to keep yourself from landing in my office like this one more time. Is that understood?"

I stare at them in stunned silence for a moment, trying to find my tongue to respond but coming up short for far too long. I can see it in their eyes that they're losing patience with me, and my heart starts racing as fight or flight kicks in again. I can't run away from this and I don't know how to fight it, but I don't have any other choice if I want to remain employed.

"I understand completely, Alex," I croak out through the lump in my throat.

"Three strikes and you're out, Lola. Keep that in mind this week," they say firmly as they lean back in their chair. They lift up my phone again and quickly scribble down the phone number at the top before holding it out to me. "I'll give Chris a call about moving forward, and you will not be part of this project whatsoever. You don't need any more temptations."

I step forward and take my phone from Alex gently, swallowing hard. "That's fair, I understand. Thank you for giving me another chance," I say in a low, grave voice.

They nod once without looking at me; eyes fixed on the computer screen once again. "I'll see you Monday. Get some rest."

I can't bring myself to say anything else before leaving, so I just nod despite the fact that Alex can't see it. I can feel a breakdown on the horizon but for the moment, I let the numbness take the foreground. Crying in a stranger's car isn't at the top of my bucket list... or anywhere on it, for that matter.

The Uber shows up quickly again thankfully, and traffic is still relatively steady. Twenty minutes later, I'm back at home and pouring myself another full glass of vodka. Maybe the first thing I do when I get home shouldn't be to directly disobey my boss, but they won't find out. The only people who have any chance of knowing are Kyle and Mariluz, and they wouldn't tell on me.

I mean, they wouldn't, right?

Then again, Mariluz is the one who told Alex about my arrest. Kyle, well he always thinks he knows what's best for me. Hell, they both always think they know what's best for me for that matter.

Seriously, what the Hell even was that therapy intervention thing they did? Storming over to my house to chastise me and tell me to go to therapy, just to then enjoy the juicy details of everything they think I did wrong? For fuck's sake, the image of Xavi's dick is ingrained in my brain forever because of them! How am I the one who's wrong here?

I had a bad day and I did something perfectly normal for a person my age to unwind from it: I got drunk and I had sex with a stranger. Kyle and Mariluz do it all the time and nobody bats an eye, but I do it once and absolute hellfire rains down on me. I didn't do anything wrong, no matter what anyone says. I was just trying to be normal.

For once, I want to experience life the way everyone else experiences it. I want to feel real joy in the moment, at any moment, without that nagging ache that always sits in my chest. I want to be a stupid young adult who does stupid things I can look back on with a laugh when I'm older. Why am I not allowed to be that?

I need new friends, obviously.

New friends feels a little extreme though, given that we've such great times together, notwithstanding the last week. Change is hard though, and unsupportive friends have never been much of an addition in my life. It'll be lonelier and quieter for a little while, but I'll get through it like I have every other time I've cut people off. It's just—

The empty glass at my lips freezes my train of thought and I lower it slowly to the counter. I drank it so fast that I didn't even realize I had started. I was so wound up in my emotions... it's like I wasn't even really in control, not even of my thoughts.

Abandon my friends? That's insane! Literally asinine! They are the two closest friends I've ever had in my life and probably ever will have in my life. I can't hold their worries about me against them. Any good friend would be worried. I'm just a God damn idiot, per usual.

With a sigh, I trudge over to the living room where my laptop sits on the coffee table from my previous uses throughout the week. I flip it open and go straight to a browser, typing "therapy LA" into the search bar. A plethora of results pop up just as the alcohol seems to temporarily numb the hangover. Perfect timing.

I lean back on the couch with the computer on my lap and begin sorting through the results one-by-one, while The Simpsons continues playing on the TV for the sixth consecutive day.