I head to my desk slowly and numbly, muttering the mantra "everything is fine" softly under my breath and surely looking like I've actually lost my damn mind. Would it be the wrong assumption, or just acknowledgement of an obvious fact?

Nothing feels fine no matter how many times I tell myself it is, out loud or in my head. My ribcage caves in a little more with every step and anxious pound of my heart, clenching tight around all my vital organs and forcing me to fight for every breath as I struggle futilely to maintain outward composure. I'm barely holding it together, and I'm not even sure exactly why. Maybe it's just the weight of it all: work, Jazmin and Xavi, this baby, and my family back in Minnesota.

Kyle notices immediately. "Girl, are you okay? What did Alex say?" he demands, standing up and looking me over in a panic as if anything might have happened to me physically.

"I'm fine," I tell him as I look past him at my desk, but my grave voice exposes my true feelings.

"You don't look fine at all," he disagrees. "You look like you just got the worst news, so spill."

"It's not the worst news, it's just not great news."

"Quit delaying and tell me the news!" he implores me exasperatedly.

"What's going on?" Mariluz inquires in a harsh whisper as she approaches my desk with some freshly printed documents in-hand.

"It's nothing. I'm just not going back to set," I explain nonchalantly.

"None of us are. It's all on hold," Kyle counters in confusion.

"Even after we find a replacement for Monica."

His eyes widen as his shoulders fall. "Oh."

"Honestly, it's probably better to stay here anyway," Mariluz interjects optimistically. "Film sets are chaotic and your baby doesn't need that kind of stress."

Another flash of guilt for how it all happened washes over me, but for the baby this time. Stressful pregnancy being a bad thing is no secret, but I feel powerless to control my stress levels, which only stresses me out for the baby even more. My hands curl tight around my purse strap as I force a deep breath, willing my heart to relax but feeling it hammer on anxiously in spite of me.

"Let's not worry about that, okay? It really isn't as big a deal as it feels," Kyle assures me comfortingly, gesturing to my desk for us to sit.

I nod wordlessly, moving forward to take my seat in the center as Kyle and Mariluz settle in on either side of me. They're right, and I know they are, but the heaviness in my chest doesn't ease up one bit. I could really use a drink right now.

Is it October yet?

My computer flashes to life as I rummage through my purse for my phone, tossing it on the desk and letting my purse drop to the floor between Mariluz and me. A calendar reminder pops up in the bottom right corner of my monitor immediately as I look at it: OBGYN appt @ lunch. I don't know how I let that sneak up on me... Had filming not fallen apart yesterday, this would've required more maneuvering. I suppose there's a silver lining to the Monica mess after all.

Stop justifying your fuck-ups.

"Maybe one day," I exhale in a whisper.

"One day what?" Kyle asks curiously, watching me with his eyebrows knitted together in concern.

He heard you, psycho.

I look back at my screen nonchalantly and swallow down the nerves. "Sorry, I was reading aloud a bit there."

"Oh."

He drops it easily, and we both dive into our morning tasks with no more chatter. Xavi texts me shortly after, letting me know he'll meet me at the office to drive me to the appointment because even he knew about the appointment today! Allegedly, there's such a thing as "pregnancy brain," but with the turbulent state of my mind every day, I know the answer isn't that simple. Just one more thing for me to stress over.

Lunch comes up fast, and I'm in the elevator heading down before I really know how I got there. The way the morning flew, I can't even be sure that I got any work done. I certainly don't remember getting anything done.

Did I get anything done?

I mentally retrace my morning as well as I can on the ride down. After my meeting with Alex, I got to my desk and saw that reminder. My email had a new article assignment from Alex to work on, so I opened that. Then Xavi texted me, and then... Did I write anything?

A soft ding pulls my attention to the doors as they slide open, and I see Xavi waiting right outside the elevator for me. His lips curve up into a smile that makes those beautiful green eyes of his sparkle, and now my heart is pounding for a completely different reason.

"How was your morning?" he asks, meeting me as I step off the elevator.

My arms instinctively wrap around his waist, and the tension falls away with a sigh as I melt into him. "It flew."

He presses a kiss on the top of my head. "We should get going if you want to make it back in time," he purrs into my hair, not making any effort to loosen his arms around me.

"We could just spend my lunch like this," I suggest, kissing his neck once quickly as my cheeks burn up at my own forwardness.

"Aww!"

My arms drop from Xavi's waist at the sound of Kyle's squeal and I whip around. He and Mariluz stand just a few feet away, watching us with the biggest, most annoying grins they can possibly manage.

"When are you two gonna go Insta official so I can stare at pictures of that all day?" Kyle asks giddily.

My pulse races with white-hot panic. Never.

Xavi peeks at me with an oblivious smirk. "Maybe after today we can announce the baby, name and all."

Mariluz's eyes light up. "Are you finding out the sex today?"

I shake my head. "No—"

"Yes," Xavi confirms with an excited nod.

"What do you mean?" I demand sharply. "Isn't this just a normal check-up?"

He shakes his head once, unwounded by my venom. "I called to double check. They said this is your ultrasound."

"But I'm only sixteen weeks," I protest in disbelief. That's less than halfway!

"And they're not using last century's technology at this place," he snickers. "We're finding out today."

"I can't wait!" Kyle gushes. "Bring those ultrasound pictures back with you!"

I nod, sinking back into the aching anxiety that's become my natural state. "I will."

"Vamos, mi amor," Xavi urges me with a grin, pulling my hand as he steps toward the door.

My fingers squeeze his tighter as I follow him, chewing my bottom lip nervously while Kyle and Mariluz shout quick goodbyes and wish us luck. The Escalade is a short walk down the sidewalk, and we're on the road to the clinic in minutes. I clasp my hands tight in my lap and stare out the window the whole drive to keep my thoughts clear, but my anxiety—which is apparently about nothing at all—doesn't ease.

As that same clinic we visited to confirm my pregnancy just ten weeks ago comes into view, I feel a nervous pang in my gut. So much has changed since I was last here. Ten weeks ago, Xavi and I were strangers stuck together after a night of stupid, drunken decisions. Now we're engaged, and more than that, I love him. In theory, our situation has gotten better, but I feel so much worse.

Why do I feel so awful all the time?

Xavi startles me out of my spiral before it can really begin as he yanks my door open, grinning from ear to ear and buzzing with energy. "Come on, you can keep listening to Chris sing after we see our baby."

My blank expression cracks and I look at him with a pursed-lip smile. He's an expert at breaking through my overly-introspective moods somehow, and it never takes much. "I didn't even notice you put Unsent Souls on."

He smirks as I step out. "Sure you didn't."

When we get to the check-in, Xavi does all the talking. He charms the receptionist and nurse into hurrying my appointment so I'll make it back to work on time, and the nurse brings us back immediately. I tag along while she and Xavi chat about expensive baby clothes, feeling more like an observer than a participant. Even as I get situated onto the exam table and nudge my pants down below my bump, I'm just going through the motions without feeling what I should.

The sonographer—a short brunette with her hair pulled into a messy bun whose nametag reads "Claire"—comes over to tuck a pink drape sheet into the top of my pants. "First baby, huh?" she asks cheerily. "Excited?"

"Uh, y-yeah," I stammer hesitantly. I'm sure that convinced her.

She pulls out a tube of gel and turns back to me with an empathetic smile. "Nerves are normal."

She squeezes a giant glob of gel onto the end of the ultrasound probe, keeping it perfectly upright while she turns the computer screen for Xavi's and my view. I glance over at him quickly for some measure of comfort and our eyes meet, his gleaming with anticipation. Nerves flutter through me again, and before I can overthink it, I reach for him.

Both of his hands clasp around mine as I turn back to see the probe press into my belly. It's not cold and sticky like I'm expecting, but warm and smooth like a massage. If that massage is with a small object being jabbed into your abdomen, that is. I don't even care about the discomfort or the pressure, I'm too busy searching the screen for something comprehensible.

Then I see it.

"There's your baby," she tells us with quiet excitement.

My breath catches as I look at it, a far cry from the faint little blob I saw ten weeks ago. There are legs with feet and toes now, arms with hands and fingers, and a little face. Two eyes, a nose, and lips. My baby's face.

"This little one's active today," Claire giggles. "Do you feel that?"

I watch as a little leg extends forward swiftly, feeling another pang of nervous butterflies right where the probe is. After a second kick, I swear I can actually feel it; a tiny foot tapping me so quick it feels like a single kernel of popcorn popping. Those nervous pangs all morning were the baby!

"I feel it," I breathe in disbelief, a smile growing as I watch my baby move.

"Now, the boring part comes first," Claire advises us. "I have to take some measurements to make sure the baby's growing okay, but after that, we can find out if you're having a boy or a girl."

My eyes don't leave the screen even as she grows quiet to take her measurements. The baby keeps kicking occasionally, forcing her to redo the leg measurements multiple times, but the rest goes smoothly. Xavi's a lot quieter throughout the whole appointment than I expect, but his hands keep holding mine tight and I can feel the excitement in his touch.

"All right, it's time," Claire announces after about twenty minutes, looking at us with a big grin. "Any guesses?"

"Boy," Xavi says confidently. "Definitely a boy."

I can't help snickering at his assuredness. "I don't really have any guesses, but my best friend thinks I'm having a girl."

"I'm almost sad I won't get to see you tell him he's wrong."

My eyes narrow at him, but my smile doesn't falter. "What makes you so sure he's wrong?"

He looks past me at the screen and smirks. "That."

I look back at the screen right as she takes the snapshot; a perfect view between the baby's legs, above which she types I'm a BOY!

"Time to pick a name!" Claire gushes. "Have you started thinking about any yet?"

Xavi nods with a confident grin. "Xavi Junior."

A laugh escapes me. "Not a chance."

Claire takes a few more pictures and then prints them all out for us on a single long sheet before sending us on our way. I'm already due back at the office by the time we get outside, and I'm tempted to make up an excuse for Alex so I can take the rest of the afternoon off. I haven't had an ounce of focus all day as it is, and I know all this excitement won't help.

I can't even take my eyes off the pictures as we walk, and I pause at my door expecting Xavi to open it as he always does. When he doesn't, I begrudgingly peel my eyes away from the pictures and turn to him.

He steps in fast and crushes his lips to mine with a searing intensity, cradling my face in his hands. My arms wrap around his waist and hold him close as I kiss him back with all the unspoken love I feel for him. Willing this moment to last forever, but knowing it can't.

Our lips part slowly, but he rests his forehead on mine. "Take the rest of the day off," he whispers, as if he already knows what I've been thinking.

I nod, reveling in his touch for just a few seconds more. "Okay."

Alex agrees easily to letting me take the afternoon off, and then I shoot a quick text to my revived group chat with Kyle and Mariluz with some pictures from the ultrasound and an apology for bailing. They're over the moon about the pictures, but I keep the big reveal to myself for now. It feels weird to celebrate the sex of my baby; I'd rather tell them his name. That's the first real piece of who he'll be.

"What do you wanna name him?" Xavi asks curiously while he drives.

I purse my lips as I mull it over for a moment. Before now, I haven't given it any thought. It didn't feel real until the moment I saw him, when I felt him kicking me and knew it was him. Being a mom isn't some far-off concept anymore; it's happening already. On October seventh, it'll be my reality. Twenty-four more weeks used to seem entirely too soon, but now it seems too far away.

"I don't really know," I finally sigh. "But not Xavi Junior, I'm certain of that."

"What about Mateo?" he suggests.

I shake my head. "Nah."

"Leo."

"No."

"Julián."

"I don't really like that one."

He peeks at me quickly with narrowed eyelids before looking back at the road. "Is the problem the fact that they're Mexican names?"

"No, the problem is I don't like them," I correct him firmly. "I'm fine with a Mexican name for him."

"Okay," he answers pensively. "How about Carlos?"

"Like the baby from The Hangover?" I challenge him with a giggle.

"Then Vicente, like the Mariachi."

"You mean just like Rigo's dog?"

His tongue clicks in annoyance, and he mutters something quietly in Spanish. "What about Ariel?"

"Isn't that a girl's name?"

"No, it's not a girl's name," he fires back, offended. He turns up the music a little—a song in Spanish with acoustic guitars, trumpets, a tuba, and an accordion—and points at the artist's name. "That's Ariel Camacho, a man."

"Hm," I hum thoughtfully.

I pull out my phone and quickly navigate to my web browser to search for background on the name. Its roots are biblical, and he's right, it was originally for a man. These days, however, it's more evenly divided between the sexes. It sounds so sweet and delicate, especially with Xavi's smooth Spanish. I feel a tiny pop and butterflies in my lower belly again, and I break into a smile as I look back at Xavi.

"I like it. Now we just need a middle name for him."

"Ah, that's easy," he assures me, smiling big as we pull into the Escalade's normal parking space in the carport. "José, after my dad."

"Ariel José?" I ask skeptically, but the name sounds so much better than I expect as I say it.

He faces me fully now, smiling with a hopeful glimmer in his eyes. "Ariel José Reyes."

Another little kick breaks me into giggles, and I nod. "He agrees. Ariel José Reyes it is."

Xavi's smile somehow grows even bigger, and he bolts out of his seat and around to my side. The door rips open and he pulls me to the edge of my seat by my legs, cradling my face as he kisses me again. There's so much love in this kiss that I'm certain we'd have exchanged the words already had we known each other longer. Does the time really matter when we're engaged and having a baby, though?

"Xavi," I whisper when our lips part again.

"Hm?" He kisses my cheek and pulls back just a little to look me in the eye.

My stomach tightens with nerves and my heart races as those glistening sage eyes watch me, but Ariel kicks me into gear again. "Xavi, I lo—"

"XAVI!" a woman's voice yells from the front door.

Both our heads turn to see his older sister Noemi skipping toward us, and we hesitantly separate. She's the sister who looks almost exactly like Jazmin, but with longer hair and a full face of makeup every day. I wrack my brain, trying to remember anyone saying she'd be coming into town again, but I really don't trust my memory anymore.

Xavi opens his mouth to speak but doesn't get a word out before she tackles him, throwing her arms around him tight and gushing excitedly in Spanish while he complains. When she finally frees him, she looks at me with the same excitement.

"Boy or girl?"

"Why don't we tell everyone at the same time?" Xavi suggests, eyeing Noemi hard.

"I wanna know first!" she whines.

Xavi rolls his eyes and snickers. "Niño."

Noemi breaks into squeals and throws her arms around Xavi as he grumbles again. My chest aches as I watch them, thinking of my family back home until my eyes are forced to wander from the painful reminders of what I'll never have.

They wander toward the house, up the steps, and to the clear glass double doors where the last person I ever expected to see here stands waiting with an uncharacteristic smile: my mother.