Clover comes out not long after to speak with Monica. Their conversation is quick and hushed in the corner, and the relief on Monica's face is clear. Before a single take of the series can be shot, Clover announces that production will be postponed until further notice. No more detail is given, and everyone packs up in a confused stupor to go home.

Alex is saving our conversation for first thing tomorrow at the office, so Kyle and I pile into Mariluz's Compass as quick as possible to get away from the scene of my meltdown. I don't bother to warn Chris or Rigo that they won't need to give me a ride home. I'm sure they don't care anyway after what I just did.

Who even are you?

I don't know how to answer that question anymore. I haven't known how to answer it since January, when I fucked up everything.

My lungs haven't been able to get quite enough air since that day, nor my heart able to find the right rhythm. I've taken "living on the edge" to a whole new level, constantly living on the edge of exploding at the wrong people at the worst times for the wrong things. I can't imagine two worse people to have screamed at than Chris and Rigo, nor a worse day to do it than today, honestly.

"Let's go to my place so we don't have to talk over your grandma's telenovelas," Kyle suggests to Mariluz quietly in the front seat, peeking at her with a wry smile.

"Fine by me," she giggles.

Every snicker between them evokes a wince from me in the backseat, feeling the pangs of lost time in our friendship that I'll never recover. Little reminders that they spent time without me, laughing over jokes I'll never be part of. Things have changed in my absence. Whatever we may have begun to recover is surely gone after I snapped at Kyle, too.

The drive seems to fly by lost in my head, and I'm soon walking up to Kyle's apartment sluggishly behind my two best—I hope—friends. His roommate is out of state to visit her boyfriend, so we can be as loud as we want and take up as much space as we want. Not that any of that matters today. This isn't a fun hangout. This is me avoiding facing what I've done for as long as I can.

My phone buzzes the moment we're inside, nonstop until I pull it out of my purse with trembling hands and stare at the name. It's Xavi. I don't even know what I would say to him right now. If he's heard anything, he heard it from Rigo.

"You should probably answer that," Kyle says with pursed lips, standing beside Mariluz on the other side of the counter island. "He's your fiance and all."

"I know," I breathe. There's no malice in my voice this time to match his.

His expression softens. "I'm sure he's not mad at you, Lo."

I nod slowly as he and Mariluz quietly urge me to answer, and finally I do. "Hello?"

"Hey, where are you?" Xavi asks somewhat breathlessly. I can't hear any of the anger or disappointment I expect just yet.

"I'm with Kyle and Mariluz," I answer quietly.

"Where at? I've been looking for you everywhere," he says exasperatedly.

I chew on the inside of my cheek nervously for a moment before accepting that there's no point in beating around the bush. "At Kyle's apartment."

"What? His apartment?" he repeats incredulously. It's seeping into his voice now, that anger. "Why'd you take off?"

My voice gets even quieter as I fight back a breakdown. "I just didn't want to be on set anymore."

"What's his address?"

"I wanna stay here."

"That's not what I asked."

"Xavi!" I shriek in frustration. Tears break through and fall down my cheeks, but I press on. "I don't want to face Chris and Rigo right now, okay? Just leave me alone."

I hang up without giving him a chance to respond, dropping the phone on the counter like it's burning hot and hating myself immediately for it. It's like I've completely lost control of my own reactions, and I'm just a witness to the chaos. Kyle and Mariluz look stunned, although after everything that happened on set, I can't imagine why.

"Girl, what's going on?" Kyle asks gently.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I insist, exhaling heavily and wiping away my tears.

"You're not fine, Lola," Mariluz chimes in softly. "This isn't like you at all."

I jump at the vibration of my phone again, but it's short this time. Just a text message. Mariluz nudges it toward me encouragingly.

"He's probably just worried about you," she soothes me.

I nod and pick it back up hesitantly, feeling my heart pound faster as the screen lights up and my thumb slides across it.

(ALT TEXT: You don't have to face anyone, I just want to see you. Please *pleading face emoji*)

I read the message over and over indecisively, both taking comfort in it and feeling trapped by it. Of course I want to see him. I've wanted to spend every waking moment with him for the last three weeks. After a weekend apart and the hellish morning I've had, his arms are the only respite I want. But how can I face him when he knows what I did?

"He wants to see me," I say aloud, still looking at the message. "What do I say?"

"Tell him to come hang out," Kyle answers nonchalantly. I meet his eyes in surprise, and he smiles earnestly. "If you want, that is."

I'm typing out Kyle's address before I even look at the screen again, feeling a rush of relief and excitement flood my body. Just knowing he'll be here soon is enough to make the whole morning feel like nothing at all, and that acknowledgement doesn't bother me as much as it would have a month ago.

As soon as I send it, I start pacing in front of the door, impatiently awaiting his arrival. Kyle and Mariluz sit at the island and wait with me, browsing their phones quietly to save conversation until my pacing is done.

"You don't seem so... averse to him anymore," Kyle observes after a while, resting his chin on his palm lazily.

"He's nice," I answer evasively with a shrug, continuing to pace.

"Nice enough to fall in love with," Kyle suggests flatly.

I freeze and shoot him a glare, although my smile comes through. "Don't make assumptions."

His eyes widen as he perks up and inhales deeply. "You are in love with Xavi."

I put my hands up quickly and shake my head. "No, Kyle—"

He turns to Mariluz. "You saw that smile, right?" he asks her giddily, and she nods as she sets down her phone to join the teasing. "She's totally in love with Xavi!"

"He has that effect on people," she agrees through giggles.

I attempt again to squash his excitement. "Kyle, you're misundersta—"

"No way, girl! You're in love with Xavi Reyes!" he bellows.

Three knocks on the door shut all three of us up instantly, and I go catatonic as the smiles on Kyle's and Mariluz's faces grow.

"You gonna let him in?" Kyle whispers, smirking.

My eyes narrow at him as I quietly fire back, "I hate you!"

"You love me, girl," he dismisses me smugly. "Now let the other man you love inside."

Tamping down my desire to strangle Kyle, I turn quickly and pull open the door. Xavi's waiting with an amused smirk when he sees me, and my cheeks burn up at the thought that he heard Kyle's outburst. Before I can worry anymore about it, he pulls me in close and kisses me hard enough to clear my head of any thought but him.

His lips break away slowly, turning up into a smile as he looks down at me. "I missed you."

I smile shyly as my cheeks burn up, suddenly feeling the audience behind me. "I missed you, too," I whisper, still gripping him tight from our kiss.

Begrudgingly, my arms fall away from his waist and I turn to face my friends, leading Xavi to the barstool seats across from them. My purse slides off my shoulder as I settle into my chair, and I let it drop to the floor with a sigh. I can pick it up later. When I look back up, I'm paralyzed by everyone watching me again.

Kyle looks about ready to cry, with his hands over his mouth and his eyes as big as the moon. "You guys are so cute!"

"Is there a date for the wedding yet?" Mariluz inquires excitedly, her hands clasped together in front of her to rein in her emotion.

"Sometime after this whole series is done, that's for sure," Xavi answers, a hint of exhaustion in his voice still.

Kyle sighs dramatically. "If it gets done," he mutters, rolling his eyes.

At that reminder, Mariluz lights up with an idea and looks at Xavi. "Do you know Monica Andrews?"

"Nope," he answers, frowning apologetically. "Even Ximena only knows her work. No idea what's up with Rigo and Chris."

Mariluz's shoulders sink. "I just wish they would talk it out."

"I don't think it's something they can talk out. With how pissed they were, she had to have slept with one of them," Xavi muses thoughtfully, then he shrugs. "Maybe even both."

Kyle's eyebrows shoot up interestedly. "Both? Now that's drama I wanna know more about."

"I didn't say I know!" Xavi backtracks with a laugh. "I'm just guessing."

But something else Xavi said has my attention, and I slowly find my tongue to speak again. "They were both mad? It seemed like that was mostly Rigo."

He shrugs. "By the time Ximena and I got there, Chris was pretty pissed off, too."

He was mad after I left.

I keep my voice just low enough to hide my resurfacing emotions. "Did he say why?"

"No, he didn't want to talk about it. He was busy trying to find you anyway," he recounts.

He was looking for me. My gut tightens sickeningly. He's mad because of me.

"That's not your fault, Lola," Mariluz interjects firmly, seeing my thoughts written on my face.

Xavi looks at me with his eyebrows creased in concern. "Lola, they're mad at Monica. No one is mad at you," he assures me.

I want to believe him, but I know better. My mom taught me to be wary of other people's opinions of me, and I could see the ire in Chris's gaze as he locked up in the face of my yelling. His opinion of me changed in that moment, and I watched it happen powerlessly as if I wasn't the one to cause it.

"Xavi, they shut down production before I even left," I counter quietly. "If he was still mad when you got there, it was about me."

"Baby, they're not mad at you," he insists.

Baby. That name again.

I hate to admit that I love the affection he shows me, but my destructive train of thought halts instantly at his words. There's no denying the effect he has on me. My nose crinkles in disapproval as I try anyway, but my cheeks burn up and I find myself fighting a smile.

"Don't call me 'baby,'" I order him, feigning seriousness as well as I can.

His lips turn up into a mischievous crooked grin. "What should I call you, then? Mi amor?"

"Yes!" Kyle and Mariluz shriek in unison, immediately crumbling into giddy laughter as I shoot them a fierce glare.

"Yeah?" Xavi presses, his smile growing.

I look back at him, and my annoyance wavers at the love in his eyes. "Yeah," I squeak out quietly, grinning so big my cheeks begin to ache.

"Okay, mi amor," he snickers. He leans in to sneak a kiss on my forehead, much to the delight of my squealing friends.

Conversation quickly derails back to our wedding, with Kyle and Mariluz pulling out their laptops to search for wedding venues to show Xavi while I quietly mull over the idea of actually marrying him. It was simply a means to ensure that my baby would be cared for at first, but it's so much more than that now. I really love Xavi, and marrying him doesn't feel like it would just be for the baby anymore. We'd really be building something together; a future that makes both of us happy. Seeing him light up as he envisions me in a white gown on our wedding day, walking down the aisle of every venue, fills me with the same inexplicable warmth I feel when he holds me. It solidifies my resolve.

I'm marrying Xavi Reyes.

We head out late, after eleven, just to be sure Chris and Rigo are in bed. The house is quiet when we get back, not even the dog greeting us at the door, and we quickly sneak upstairs to Xavi's room.

Despite the tension of the day, our new ritual of peeling each other's clothes off the moment we're alone stays the same. He kisses away every worry as his hands and body relieve every ounce of pent-up stress, and then I fall asleep with my face cuddled into his neck for another peculiarly restful night of sleep.

Morning hits me like a high-speed train when I open my eyes to the realization that I have to talk to Alex today. Xavi stays in bed after our late night, so I get ready to face the day alone with a nagging unease sitting in my chest.

I finish my morning routine all too quickly, and I suddenly remember all the people I need to avoid: Chris, Rigo, and Jazmin. Jazmin should be asleep for at least a few more hours, but Chris and Rigo should be wide awake. I wait by the bedroom door until just after five past eight—when Rigo leaves to bring Mía to school—and head downstairs.

I tiptoe the whole way with Xavi's keys clutched tight in both trembling hands, listening for signs of where Chris might be. Toddler giggles echo from the living room, followed by Ximena's song-like laugh. Creeping slowly toward the front door with my eyes on the living room doorway, I keep listening for him. I just need some kind of confirmation that I won't run into him.

"Hey Lola," the very man I'm avoiding says softly from behind me.

I whip around with a racing heart to see him holding a steaming mug in his hand, his expression a mixture of his usual warm greeting and defeated exhaustion. Exhaustion because of me.

"Hi Chris," I choke out after a moment, barely audible.

He steps closer, pursing his lips as the look in his eyes intensifies. "Listen, about Monica—"

"You don't have to tell me anything," I interrupt him hurriedly. "It's not my business, and I'm sorry about everything I said yesterday. I don't know what got into me." My throat burns with the desire to sob as I remember it all again. I purse my lips and look down to hold it in.

"If I had known it was her," he continues anyway, "I promise I would have said something before yesterday. I didn't anticipate her name coming up for this at all."

I meet his eyes cautiously, feeling the tightness in my chest ease just a tad. "You're not pulling out of the series over this, are you?"

"No, of course not!" he answers quickly. "Alex said they're looking for a new head of production already. We'll be back at it soon." He smiles again, and there's much more life in it this time.

"So... everything is fine?" I clarify hesitantly. "We'll find a new head of production and everything continues like we planned?"

He nods. "Everything is fine."

Everything is fine. Nothing has felt fine for so long that I've forgotten what exactly "fine" even feels like, but it's a hopeful phrase to latch onto.

Like the other times Chris has comforted me, I log this conversation permanently into my memory as I drive into the office. Every word, the inflection of his voice, each little smile, and those glimmers of sincere joy in his eyes—stored away for the next time I feel like I'm losing control. I hope that won't be soon, but the way things have been going for me, I can't be certain.

Everything is fine, I remind myself on the elevator ride up.

Alex is waiting for me at their office door, waving me over as soon as I step off. They head in before I get there, and I nervously repeat my mantra in my head over and over as I take the all-too-familiar seat across from them at their desk.

"Lola," they begin immediately, "I'm sorry if this seems rushed, but I have an interview with a potential new head of production in five minutes, so it has to be."

The faster, the better.

I swallow nervously and nod. "No problem."

"Obviously, your conduct on set yesterday was unacceptable. You already know that, and I'm not here to insult your intelligence."

I nod in agreement, keeping my lips closed for fear of saying something to make it worse.

"Rigo explained your situation with his brother," they continue, "and I understand that a pregnancy can alter your moods quite severely."

Another silent nod as an anger reminiscent of yesterday's sears through my chest at the thought of Rigo telling Alex my personal business. Everything is fine.

"I don't want to subject you to anything as demanding as being part of the set crew, so you'll be staying at the office from here on out," Alex informs me. Their hand goes up calmingly as my expression reveals my horror. "This is not a punishment, Lola. There's not even any paperwork to sign. You're still on the project, I just want you handling administrative tasks."

That scorching rage already has my cheeks feeling hot, and it's getting hard for my eyes to focus on Alex, so I keep my lips sealed for an extra moment as I breathe. Everything is fine. They don't press me to respond faster, despite our short time-frame. Everything is fine. The pressure with each beat slowly lessens with every mental recitation of my mantra. Everything is fine. And finally, it really is fine, despite the remnant adrenaline trembles.

I meet their eyes again and smile softly. "That sounds great. Thank you, Alex."