It's been a long week.

In all the commotion of my dad's funeral and returning to LA to meet the Reyes family, it completely slipped my mind to update my two closest friends about my engagement. Kyle and Mariluz arrived Monday morning to work as usual and were greeted with the news when their eyes immediately found the giant diamond on my left hand. They put on their fake smiles and congratulated me, but I could feel the disapproval in their gazes.

If I had somehow missed it, they haven't responded to any of my texts since that day, so it couldn't be any clearer now. They hate me, just like I feared. And that's exactly what I deserve.

Their absence from my evenings left me to my thoughts, whirling in endless confusion over two of the Reyes siblings. The guilt for Jazmin's departure has been steadily eating away at my sanity, only aided by the ravenous butterflies I feel whenever Xavi's around now.

He's not the first guy I've kissed; I made multiple attempts during high school to like a boy for the sake of appeasing my mother, and it never worked. I know what I'm feeling for him is just because he's been so helpful and attentive, but I can't squash it. My heart kicks into overdrive whenever he kisses me just the same, and I easily succumb to the rare-these-days endorphin-release it provides.

I've come to depend on it so much that I didn't hesitate to agree when he suggested I tag along with him for the weekend in Tijuana. Even as we pulled in to his apartment's parking garage and I remembered Jazmin would be there, the first thought in my mind was Xavi. Every time I need an anchor, he holds me tight against him until I feel okay again. He's become a personal instant antidepressant, and acknowledging that only makes the guilt gnaw worse.

"So, uh, Jazmin's not mad that I'm coming, right?" I ask nervously as Xavi pulls our bags out of the trunk.

"Why would she be?" he asks curiously as the trunk slams. "Is it about the fight you guys had?"

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I meet his eyes sheepishly. We haven't really talked about the fight since that day, when I lied about what it was that had her angry. "Yeah," I answer quietly with a single nod.

"I'm sure it's fine," he says with a reassuring smile.

He slings his bag over his shoulder and picks up mine with the same hand, using the free one to interlock his fingers with mine and lead me upstairs. I stick close to him the whole way up, using him once again for the relief he provides me while giving him nothing in return. I really am a horrible person.

When we make it to the apartment door, Xavi drops my hand and reaches into his pocket for the keys. Just as he gets them out, the door rips open to Jazmin's beautiful grinning face as she bites into something breaded. Her smile quickly drops as her eyes land on me and she steps back, chewing slowly.

So she wasn't aware that I would be here, and she's definitely not happy about it. That knowledge doesn't stop my heart from fluttering in the presence of her radiance, anyway. How I wish I could take back every word of our argument and start over...

"Did you get me some?" Xavi chirps hopefully as he eyes what Jazmin's eating.

Her gaze flickers back to him, and she exhales. "Yeah, on the table."

She quickly retreats to the open living room as we enter, flicking off the TV and grabbing her food off the coffee table. Xavi pauses on his way to the kitchen, watching Jazmin with confusion.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"My room," she answers disinterestedly, not looking at either of us. "I don't want to get in your way."

"No seas mamona," Xavi snickers, "hang out with us, dude."

Instead of looking at Xavi, she turns an icy glare on me. "I'm all set," she snaps.

I shrink down under her glare, thankful that Xavi doesn't look in my direction and see the guilt all over my face. He sighs and rolls his eyes as she storms off to her bedroom, taking my hand in his once again and leading me to the kitchen for his food.

They're those dinosaur-shaped pockets of meat and cheese he'd sent me a picture of, and my mouth practically waters as he rips one open to reveal its interior. He calls them dino-quesadillas. Jazmin bought a bunch, so he shares with me as we settle in the living room until it's time for his Friday night set.

Jazmin comes out of her room—stunning in skin-tight black jeans and a loose gray crop top with a studded black leather jacket over it—just in time to head to the club with him. I spend the night on the couch with snacks and The Simpsons to keep me company, although I spend little time actually watching it. My mind wanders back to the way Jazmin's bare stomach looked over and over, imagining what it would feel like to cover it in kisses.

I fall asleep thinking of all the things I'd like to do to her, and wake groggily to The Simpsons still streaming and complete darkness outside. My fingers curl around something soft, and I realize there's a blanket thrown over me that I didn't have before.

As I peek around the living room, I notice Xavi asleep on the loveseat to the right of the couch. Seeing him makes my chest tighten in that way that I still need to figure out how to stop. It's the same way I've always felt about Jazmin, only so much less real. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not real, so I don't make anymore mistakes with him. Not that there's much left I can even do.

I try to go back to sleep unsuccessfully, tossing and turning instead for hours as the sun slowly rises and Xavi keeps on sleeping. When he finally stirs awake, it's around eight o'clock in the morning. I can tell from how he looks in my direction immediately that it's me who's got him up so early. Again. I wish I could make him care a little less, so this wouldn't hurt so much.

"Buenos días, Lolita," he yawns as his arms stretch out above his head.

"Good morning," I answer sheepishly. My cheeks feel hot instantly and I have to stifle an irritated groan.

Xavi sits up and starts rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Sorry I forgot to show you which one was my room before I left," he apologizes.

"The dino-quesadillas were way more important," I allow with a giggle.

"They were," he chuckles in agreement.

"You can keep sleeping, you know," I urge him gently. "I know you worked late last night, so I'm sure you're exhausted."

He shakes his head slowly, still not fully awake. "Nah, I'm good."

My lips purse as I watch him fighting the urge to lie back down. "I was actually thinking I could sleep a little more in your bed, 'cause I woke up kind of early," I say, hopeful it will convince him. "If that's okay."

He nods once, smiling softly. "Of course it's okay. Come on," he orders, standing and coming over to help me up.

The colors in his room here are darker than his room in LA, and his windows are fitted with blackout curtains open just a tad to let the smallest amount of light in. It's perfect for sleeping in, and I quickly crawl under the fluffy dark gray duvet as Xavi undresses himself down to his boxers.

My eyes are drawn to him in curious awe, tracing the lines of the muscles in his back and arms with a growing desire I've never felt for him before. My breath catches in my throat as he turns around and notices my gaze, smirking as his eyes darken.

"Are you sure you only want to sleep?" he murmurs suggestively as he crawls under the covers.

The response from my body is immediate: heat pooling between my thighs with such speed that I actually contemplate saying "no." I can't dig this hole any deeper until I figure out how to fix things, though. Not to mention, the usual object of my fantasies is a point of pain and anxiety right now. Sex just isn't an option today.

"I'm sure," I whisper, gripping the covers a little as his arms slide around me. Being pressed up against him like this is not helping at all. "The baby makes me feel a little sick in the mornings."

I don't feel that way every morning, and definitely not today, but I'll use whatever excuse I've got right now.

"That's okay," he croons softly, pressing his lips to my temple.

Goosebumps erupt all over my skin at the feeling, and I suppress a shudder. The throb between my legs drives me so mad that I actually get mad, silently fuming in his arms as his breaths quickly become gentle snores.

Maybe it's because aside from Xavi, it's been a while since I've had sex. A year, just about. On the last rare occasion that a club outing got me a phone number, a whirlwind relationship began that ended just as quickly, leaving me in shambles for months. I'd finally gotten comfortable being alone again, just to screw up everything in my chase for a story. Perhaps total abstinence is the best course going forward, as miserable as that sounds.

At some point, the rage finally lulls me to sleep, too. I wake when I feel Xavi's arms pull away, my heart racing with some nonsensical panic that calms when I hear the buzzing on his bedside table. He sits up with a yawn as he swipes his phone off it, squinting at the screen for a moment as his eyes adjust before sliding his thumb across the bottom and holding it to his ear.

The whole conversation is in Spanish, but whatever it is wakes him right up. He grins and laughs as he talks, his excitement audible with every word. Before the call even ends, he's up and out of bed, grabbing a towel from his closet. His phone lands with a thud on the dresser as he pulls open the door and pauses to look at me.

"I have to do some studio work today. Do you want to come?"

I blink a few times in confusion. "Studio work?"

"I do music production too, and a band I've been wanting to record just called me for a last-minute session," he explains eagerly. "I'm leaving in twenty."

As enticing as it sounds to stay close to him, I need space. I need to think some more about how to get out of this without him right there, confusing the absolute hell out of me. Plus, twenty minutes has never been enough time for anything more than contemplating my life in the bathroom before I start my routine.

I scrunch up my face and shake my head, pulling the duvet up to my chin. "I'll hang back. I think I'd just slow you down."

"You sure?" he clarifies.

He doesn't seem upset that I'm saying no, so I stand my ground. "I'm sure. I'm still not feeling great, anyway."

"Okay, you still have twenty minutes to change your mind," he replies, zipping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

I settle into my pillow for the duration of his shower, trying my hardest to fall back to sleep but unable. He emerges after ten minutes, still dripping as he rushes into the room and slams the door. The sight of him already has my stomach tight, but then he pulls the towel off his waist and I become a desperate puddle of need right there in his bed.

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

I roll over onto my back and stare at the ceiling, working to slow my breathing and rising heart rate as he dries himself off. My ankles cross and my knees close tight as I try to fight the rabid desire I'm feeling. It'll be a lot easier once he leaves, and I'm just hoping it's as soon as he's ready rather than the full twenty minutes.

"If you need me for anything, just call me, okay?" he calls out while dressing. I glance over at him cautiously, and he's pulling his shirt over his head. His bottom half is already covered, thankfully.

"I will, but I'm sure I'll be fine," I assure him.

"I'm sure you will," he snickers, coming over to the bed and leaning in for a kiss. It takes everything in me not to throw my arms around him and hold him close, but he still pulls away entirely too soon for my liking. "You and Jaz try not to kill each other while I'm gone, please," he adds as he straightens his posture.

My heart pounds again at the mention of her name, and I just hope he can't see it on my face. "We'll be civil, I promise."

He grins softly with a nod, appearing like a weight has lifted from his shoulders. "Good. I'll be back later, baby."

Ugh. That stupid name again. Pet names feel like crossing a much bigger line, somehow. They're intimate on a non-sexual level, and that's the most dangerous level to get intimate with Xavi on.

I'm still reeling from the way I felt looking at him when he leaves, and it has me entirely too anxious to stay in bed. I hop out quickly and start pacing, feeling like the Energizer bunny as I zip all over the room with no end to the anxious buzz in sight. My throat stings after a few minutes as I realize that I'm parched, so I skip out to the kitchen with entirely too much energy and start searching the cupboards for a glass.

"In a good mood, are we?" Jazmin's sarcastic tone interrupts, freezing me in place for a beat before I hesitantly face her.

"I just have a lot of energy this morning," I reply sheepishly. Nervous energy. Anxious energy. Anything but good energy.

"Yeah?" She smiles wryly. "Is sleeping with my brother when you don't even like him that refreshing?"

"You don't understand, Jazmin," I say, shaking my head slowly as my breathing picks up and my chest tightens.

"I don't? Well, fill me in then, please," she chuckles, folding her arms across her chest. She looks just like she did almost a week ago in her bedroom doorway, her broken heart protected by the same icy exterior that everyone in her family has perfected.

"I know it seems like I'm doing the wrong thing," I begin.

Her eyes widen, and she nods eagerly. "Big time."

I scowl at her continued sarcasm, because I'm honestly trying to explain myself. "Is it okay if I talk, or are you going to keep interrupting to be a smartass?" I snap. I kind of regret the words after I say them, but only kind of.

"You don't like me being a smartass?" she giggles, taking pleasure in my mounting irritation. "I don't like you using my brother. I guess there's really nothing we can do about that."

"I'm not using him! We're having a baby, Jazmin!" I shriek in frustration. My face feels hot already, and my heart is hitting my ribcage so hard that I know another explosion is on the horizon. I can't stop it.

"And whose fault is that?"

"Mine, okay?!" I scream. "I got depressed, and I fucked Xavi so I would feel better and guess fucking what? I don't feel any better!" The humor drains from her face as I speak, leaving only disgust. My heavy breathing is the loudest sound in the kitchen. "Happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Her fingers dig into her biceps as she seethes to herself. "No."

"Then what else should I tell you? Oh, maybe you'd like to know that I'm only marrying Xavi because my mother hates me for being lesbian. It's not about his money or your family, it's about my fucking mother." I refer to her with pointed venom, and Jazmin's entire demeanor seems to soften at the mention of her.

"Better yet," I continue, laughing under my breath and feeling like I've officially lost control of my God damn mouth, "maybe you'd like to know about my sex life with Xavi."

Her posture tenses immediately, and she holds a hand up. "No, please don't—"

"Every single time we've had sex," I continue anyway, "I imagined you!" I point right at her, as if there might be any confusion about who exactly I mean.

Jazmin is stunned into silence, gaping in shock as her arms slowly fall away from her chest. The pounding energy throughout my body lurches me forward, only quickening my pulse as her honey brown eyes get clearer and more detailed with each step. Those supple pink lips are parted just enough for me to get a taste, and after the morning I've had, there's no hope of fighting my desires anymore.

With one final step to close the distance, I take her face in my hands and roll onto the tips of my toes, crushing our mouths together at last.