Day 9; Sunday:

1 New Message
Josh
Sorry to text you again I feel like I text you way too much but thanks for replying yesterday I know that you're really struggling if I can help in anyway just let me know
8:21 a.m.

I appreciate you trying to check on me josh it's just that I've spent over a week thinking and I'm still right at square one really confused

Do you have any idea at all in your mind that you can throw out there and I can try to help

No. I don't even know what to think about any of this and I'm really confused about it all

Do you know what you feel/think about what's happened so far

No I'm not sure if I'm happy or upset I'm not sure if this is good or bad I'm not sure what I feel

Do you think more time will help or no

No I'm just going to be confused forever more time isn't helping me

So what do we do now
I really don't know what I'm supposed to do

I don't know either
We've always been friends but now we're going over the line
And I'm not sure how to feel about it

Like I said Tyler I don't even know what I mean by this but I'll always be here for you no matter what I want to help you I don't know if I mean as a friend or more I just want to be able to help you

I don't know josh we can't just sit around anymore
I really need to do something and get clarification that we are something friends or whatever I just need clarity and no more confusion

I know what you mean
But I don't know how to get to that point of clarity

I don't know either I don't want to wreck our friendship because I couldn't live without you
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me

And you're the best thing that has ever happened to me Tyler

How I've never done anything comparable to what you do for me

1) that's the point you aren't supposed to compare it
2) you really have just by existing

Ok thanks
But we've been texting forever and we're still at the same place we started

Would it be better if we saw each other in person
Just a suggestion of course you can decline if you want

Idk maybe because clearly texting isn't getting us anywhere

Do you want me to come over

Okay

I'll be there in 10 minutes

Ok

._._.

"Hey, Tyler," I hear Josh say quietly from my bedroom doorway.

"Hi," I whisper back. "You can come in."

I watch as Josh comes over and sits down on my bed. We're silent for a moment before I say anything.

"You see, Josh, this is what I hate. We don't even know where to start a conversation now because of all of the confusion."

"Mhm. It really sucks."

Another moment of silence...

Josh continues, "Well... to start this conversation, we should look at what's happened so far then go off of that.  Right...?"

"Yeah, that would make the most sense..."

"Well... what's happened so far... would be that firstly, you know that I care about you no matter what we are."

"I care about you a lot, too, Josh."

"Secondly would probably be... that we've kissed multiple times."

The awkwardness in the room is thick enough to slice with a knife.  It's kind of suffocating to be in...

"That's true..." is all I manage.

"Does it mean anything to you, Tyler?"

"I don't know.  That's where the problem is.  I'm just unsure of my feelings, and I don't think that continuing to consider them will help at all."

"Well, I mean, the one time... you were the one who cut me off and went for it," Josh laughs.

I smile a little bit, replying, "Yeah.  I guess so."

"...so does it mean anything to you?"

"I guess.  I don't know."

Josh and I just stare at each other for a minute.  Suddenly, it happens again.  Hands cupping my cheeks, Josh's lips are up against mine.  I kiss back without hesitation, both of us moving in sync.  My hands find their way to Josh's sides, and I move one up his back.  After a while, we have to part for air.  Both of us bring our hands back to our own bodies, just staring.

Before I can think of what to say, Josh asks, "Did that mean anything?"

Sorry about not updating, crazy life rn.  Ily thx for reading!!