Joanie

Available During Chapter 1:

Event 1

Joanie: Oh, damn, it's you. What kind of trouble are you getting yourself into now, and will I have to be the one to fix whatever you break?

What should I do? Should I invite Ginny ta hang out?

Aye.

Nah, there're better ways ta waste me time.

Joanie: Ugh, fine. As much as you're a goddamn pain in the ass, I'd rather not leave a ticking time bomb like you unattended.

This snoozefest of a lassie keeps watch o'er me, thwartin' all o' me attempts ta have a wee bit o' fun. This was prolly a bad idea.

Even so, Ginny and I drew a wee bit closer today, as much as I detest the lassie.

Would you like to give Joanie a present?

Aye.

Not really...

#20 Hospital Socks— Perfect for someone practical, these fuzzy socks are both incredibly well-insulated and equipped with grippers to prevent slips.

Joanie: I— Okay, I really freaking love these, but I'm nervous that you chose them just by thinking about the most boring gift you can imagine. If that's the case, fuck you, too.

...

Wakumi: Argh. Ginny, can ye stop breathin' down me goddamn neck? I'll seriously keelhaul ye, ye bilge sucker.

Joanie: Look, there are way too many things to be worried about right now. I figure, by playing damage control around you, I can ease everyone's minds a little bit. Because you are absolute chaos.

Wakumi: Ye think I'm chaotic? Durn, ye ain't seen nothin' yet, lassie. What I'm doin' is just enjoyin' me life like I figure everyone should. Maybe ye didn't learn how ta actually get in a good laugh, and maybe that's why yer movies rely on yer "Aika," but ye don't have ta spoil the fun fer all o' us.

Joanie: My movies are fine, you goddamn...! Wait.

She takes a deep breath, tryin' ta stop her arms from shakin' in anger.

Joanie: Okay. I won't let you provoke me till I break. I don't have the luxury of feeling rage whenever I want.

Wakumi: Eh? Why not? Just scream at me! Kick at me, claw at me, do somethin'. Cause somethin's way more interestin' than dull, idle chatter.

Joanie: People have field days with "interesting." People can flip your whole reputation around in the blink of an eye with "interesting."

Wakumi: Reputation? What does that have ta do with anythin' at all? Speak sense or I'll feed ye ta the fish.

Joanie: Honestly, Wakumi? I'm almost a bit jealous of the fact that you can be as angry as you want whenever you want. Your lack of restraint is extremely frustrating, but it must be liberating.

Wakumi: AGH! Will ye just get ta yer point?!

Joanie: I don't know if people are out there watching. But when you're in the public eye, reporters and such are always trying to catch you fucking up. One misstep, and you're dead meat, and suddenly nobody wants what you work so hard for. People don't wanna buy movies directed by shitty people. And I'm representing a lot of different groups: women, people of color, teenagers... I can't fuck up. So... I'm sorry, but if you want screaming and fighting, I'm probably the wrong person for the job. Sarcastic jabs and vitriol? Now that I can do.

Wakumi: Ugh. I guess snark's better than nil. It'll do. But I'll hate ye till the end o' time, so ye still gotta deal with me. Hope yer precious reputation can withstand me by the end. Or... wait... course I don't hope that. Yer failure will be my greatest pleasure, and I'd be happy as hell ta see ye crack again. Good luck.

Joanie: Jesus Christ, what did I get myself into? I need to go be on my own and think.

She gives a half-wave and dips outta the conversation. Psh. Can't stand 'er.

Joanie's Report Card has been updated based on your experience with her.

Available During Chapter 2:

Event 2

Joanie (Aika?): Oh, it's Wakumi! The daughter born of the seven seas, pillaging and plundering! Though you make my job quite a bit harder, I, Aika, see the goodness in your soul! Tada!!!

What should I do? Should I invite Ginny ta hang out?

No way in hell I'm missin' this.

Nah, there're better ways ta waste me time.

Joanie (Aika?): Well, Aika would never say no to an adventure!

'Er eyes are twitchin'. Ah, this is a riot! We find a dancin' game in the game room and go completely addle. And I possibly get a wee bit too competitive. We only stop when she starts ta practically wheeze.

Ginny... Aika? Umm, I drew a wee bit closer ta the lassie today.

Would you like to give Joanie a present?

Aye.

Not really...

#31 Spiderweb Earrings— a pair of gold earrings in the shape of a spider. With the push of a button on the earrings' backs, they'll weave a web pattern made out of thin chains.

Joanie (Aika): Wow! I may be a spirit intended to grant wishes, but today, you've made my wish come true! I shall repay you tenfold, kind citizen!

...

Wakumi: Aye, Ginny, what is it about this "Aika," character that makes 'er appeal to people so much? Why do landlubbers go all fanatic?

Joanie (Aika): Well, I AM Aika, so I don't want to come across as arrogant by attempting to describe what makes me desirable! But if I must, I suppose I can chalk it down to a few reasons. One: I am blessed with an unnatural sort of beauty— my costume is easily recognizable and fits some sort of cuteness ideal. Two: I work and fight constantly for the betterment of my city, so therefore, I'm quite a feel-good character! I'm what people want to see in the world!

Wakumi: So basically, you're perfect.

Joanie (Aika): Oh, no, no, I wouldn't exactly say that! Everybody has flaws, even a wish-granting spirit! Though I attempt to temper my failings and improve upon myself, I will admit that I am quick to judge based off of appearances!

Wakumi: So, Aika... who d'ye suppose ye first guessed was most likely ta blow a man down?

Joanie (Aika): Admittedly? You, for one, as well as Nari and Ren. Truly, it was all a result of their images. I would have sworn their dark, radiating auras would imply something bitter and cold in their hearts, and you just always appear like some agent of chaos. Nowadays, I have perceived righteousness in the souls of everyone, and I welcome this experience as an opportunity to better myself!

Wakumi: How different are yer opinions and Ginny's?

Joanie (Aika): Why do you keep bringing up this "Ginny" person? I'm all there is. At least I'm all anyone ever wants to see. It would make sense that I would attract a lot of attention. If I were a normal girl, I wouldn't have the same platform to promote virtues and call attention to widespread issues. As I am now, people see me as an icon of sorts to heap dreams onto. And those dreams... I intend to safeguard them and hold them deep in my heart forever. I will carry all of their feelings with me into battle and bring them to glorious fruition.

Wakumi: Agh, but Ginny, can't ye see ye ain't exactly "normal"? Even if ye weren't Aika, you're still some teen prodigy director or some shit like that. People need ta stop treatin' ye like some kind o' object ta project shit onta.

Joanie (Aika): I am telling you, I do not know who you are referring to, Mistress of the Unruly Seas. Now, I must depart from you: the Dark Prince may perhaps be up to something suspicious, and I have taken it upon myself to watch over him, for the sake of Heavenly Victory. Farewell!

As she starts to dash away, I yell that Aika's a better matey than Ginny, just ta piss her off. She flinches a smidge, but doesn't turn back or threaten ta smite me with divine punishment or some bullshit like that. FUCKING BILGE-SUCKER. I just want 'er ta get riled up, damn it!!!

Joanie's Report Card has been updated based on your experience with her.

Available During Chapter 3:

Event 3:

Joanie: God... it's crazy how quickly we can get used to being here. This place is like a weird pseudo-home, but a home you can never feel a hundred percent safe in. I hope everyone's doing okay back in the states.

What should I do? Should I invite Ginny ta hang out?

Aye.

Nah, there're better ways ta waste me time.

Joanie: Aight, works for me. I was kind of bored anyway. Wanna play some Blackjack?

I spend about half an hour o' me time gettin' progressively more and more chapped cause she keeps whoopin' me dungbie. I shouldn't have agreed ta a math-based card game.

Ginny and I drew a wee bit closer today, as much as I detest the lassie.

Would you like to give Joanie a present?

Aye.

Not really...

#6 Popcorn Variety Pack-- An extremely large bag of popcorn that comes with a dozen different seasonings, so that you can share with friends who have any number of popcorn preferences.

Joanie: Woooooah! This is pretty much perfect for me. Wait, I was not prepared to get something this cool. Shit, now I owe you.

...

Joanie: Okay, can I complain about something real quick? And no, before you ask, it's not about you.

Wakumi: It'd better NOT be about me, ye scallywag, or I'll keelhaul ye!

Joanie: Well... um... earlier today, I saw that bastard Monokuma restocking the infirmary... with EpiPens front and center, of course. He even looked right at me as he did it, like he was taunting me for being unable to save Keiji. I wanted to dropkick him out of the goddamn room, but the rules mean I'd get killed if I so much as laid a hand on him.

Wakumi: I gotta ask... what made ye so fond o' the laddie anyhow? Didn't we all pretty much come ta the conclusion that 'e was a lily-livered, mutinous welp?

Joanie: That's kind of a long story. I suppose it started through mere curiosity, because we'd shared a few idle conversations even before the first trial. Something just seemed off. Like, if I didn't behave exactly like he expected, he'd freeze up. And then Ren said something that totally threw me for a loop. He said, "Keiji, you're incredibly intelligent, and with the acting skills to back it up." I actually have a question for you. Do you know what it's called when a scriptwriter specifies how an actor is supposed to deliver a line?

Parenthetical

Shooting Script

Slug Line

Wakumi: Argh... uh, a shootin' script?

Joanie: Not exactly. That's the final draft of a script that we take and turn into a movie. The more you know, right?

Wakumi: ...

Parenthetical

Shooting Script

Slug Line

Wakumi: Ehhhh... a slug line?

Joanie: No, but I'm surprised you've heard that term at all! That's a line at the beginning of every scene that briefly describes the location and time of day.

Wakumi: Argh!

Parenthetical

Shooting Script

Slug Line

Wakumi: A parenthetical?

Joanie: Damn, I'm impressed. I didn't think you had any movie knowledge whatsoever.

Wakumi: ...I don't. Just started throwin' out phrases you're always mutterin' ta yerself so ye get on with yer damn point.

Joanie: Fine. The point is, it got me to thinking. What if Keiji never actually STOPPED acting after the trial? What if he was always acting, the whole time, putting up a mask? I'm pretty sure everyone puts up a mask at least sometimes. And it made sense to me. The reason he seemed so bombastic, and the reason he freaked out when I took him by surprise... it was because he was trying to follow some non-existent script! When I called him out on it, he actually gave me something to work with. Kicking and screaming, to be sure, but it worked nonetheless. He was gonna get better. I was supposed to help him. And now...

Wakumi: Why even put in the effort in the first place? Just some sorta self-satisfaction? Or does a challenge like 'im put a fire in yer belly, lassie?

Joanie: If I don't believe everyone can get better, I don't deserve to believe that I can. I'm sure you could always tell, but I'm a fucked up bitch. I'm self-aware enough to understand that I'm not a particularly pleasant person to be around most of the time. Hell, I was like three-quarters of the way to a cigarette addiction by the time we got here. People have granted me so many mercies that I didn't deserve. I owe it to them to pass on a similar patience.

Wakumi: Sounds masochistic, bein' honest. Lettin' people hurt ye just cause other people didn't hurt ye? Pah. Now me, I'm ne'er gonna stop bein' red in the face. Me enemies'll pay, and that's that.

Joanie: Just sounds like both of us wind up constantly exhausted.

Wakumi: Don't act like ye know me, Ginny, or I'll make ye dance with Jack Ketch.

Joanie: ...I... REALLY need a nap. I didn't get as much sleep the past few nights as I wish I did. Later.

She drags 'er feet behind 'er on the way ta snooze. Pfft. What a loon.

Joanie's Report Card has been updated based on your experience with her.

Event 4:

Joanie: Yo, wassup? I'm feeling like clowning around. You up for it?

What should I do? Should I invite Ginny ta hang out?

Aye.

Nah, there're better ways ta waste me time.

Joanie: Sick! Wanna tell scary stories until one of us gets too uncomfortable to continue?

She gives it 'er best effort, but Wakumi Furutani is a dauntless first mate, and she winds up lookin' like she's seen the ghost o' Davy Jones 'imself.

Ginny and I drew a wee bit closer today, as much as I detest the lassie.

Would you like to give Joanie a present?

Aye.

Not really...

#41 Travel Journal-- A thick journal packed with record of trips. However, it was actually written using vague knowledge and the rich imagination of someone looking at a world map.

Joanie: Woooooah! This is pretty much perfect for me. Wait, I was not prepared to get something this cool. Shit, now I owe you.

...

Wakumi: Aye, Ginny, riddle me this.

Joanie: Sup?

Wakumi: Ye mentioned that people gave ye "mercies' or whatever. Who were these people and what mercies did ye get?

Joanie: ... Mostly my dads.

Wakumi: "Dads"? Ye adopted?

Joanie: In a manner of speaking. More like my dads were willingly given guardianship over me. If we're getting technical, they're my uncle and his husband. But they're my real parents, so I refer to them that way. When they took me in, I was a bratty kid. I know I wasn't easy to deal with, because I remember actively trying to make life harder for them, but they took care of me to the best of their abilities anyway. Which is... unfortunately way more than a lot of kids get.

I take a sec ta stop meself from flinchin.' She looks like she takes account o' that, and stops chattin' fer a moment ta see if I say anything. Nah.

Joanie: I gave them hell, but they love me. Their names are Marcus— my uncle— and Rafael— his husband. Rafael is a director, just like me. One time, when I was like... six?... I remember throwing a fit and refusing to go to school. They punished me, of course, but after another week, during which I did NOT act like demon spawn, Rafael wrote a sick note for me and then took me to see the set of the movie he was working on. It was... utterly incredible! Everywhere you looked, it was so alive with passion and energy! I wanted to be a part of that world so badly. So like... I wrote out movie scripts and directed stuff with my friends for YEARS. The instant I was old enough to get a worker's license, I applied for like... DOZENS of internships, cause I just needed to start as soon as I could. I lucked out, cause people saw promise in my portfolio. I was directing my own movies within a year.

Wakumi: Heh. It ain't like ye ta brag, Ginny.

Joanie: Shut up. The point is, nobody had to do anything for a little dumpster fire like me. But they did anyway. So that's why I try to do my best for the "dumpster fires" of the world. I may be stuck being Aika... it's possible that people never really want to see me as I am, so my fate is sealed whether I die here or not. And it sucks, and it oftentimes feels very hopeless. In that way, I'm one of the most cynical people here. But while I'm alive, I want to believe in redemption.

Wakumi: Tch. Ye say so much only ta say so little. Meaningful shit, ta be sure, but still.

She laughs, and it's a heartier laugh than I thought a bromidic, dull lassie like her could even muster.

Joanie: What the fuck do you expect? I'm a script writer just as much as I'm a director. Saying a little with a ton of words is my way of life!

I give 'er a playful li'l shove, and before I know it, we're jokingly tusslin' almost ta the point o' bloodyin' each other. But before we can actually send each other ta the netherworld, she leaves, breathin' all heavy.

Joanie's Report Card has been updated based on your experience with her.

[A/N] Cherry, this might be a little triggering for you. If you feel uncomfortable, please don't feel torn up about leaving. Stay safe.

Event 5

Joanie (Aika???) : Oooh! Wakumi, Mistress of the most whimsical Seven Seas, returns to seize her destiny!

What should I do? Should I invite Ginny ta hang out?

Aye. Gotta make sense o' this.

Nah, there're better ways ta waste me time.

Joanie: Yeah, sure! Let's make a dumb freaking movie together, right here, right now!

We do, cause it's not like I have anything better ta do.

Ginny and I drew a li'l closer.

Would you like to give Joanie a present?

Aye.

Not really...

#50 Smart Mug-- A mug that automatically regulates its own temperatures, to keep tea or coffee warm for several hours. Perfect for slow risers or workaholics.

Joanie (Aika?): Wow! I may be a spirit intended to grant wishes, but today, you've made my wish come true! I shall repay you tenfold, kind citizen!

...

Joanie: Y'know, all my withdrawal symptoms have been gone for quite a while. It's kind of cool knowing that I won't die an addict... as long as I don't start up again in the unlikely event I make it out of this.

Wakumi: Ginny, there's a question I think we've all had fer like... two months, and obviously, I'm gonna be the one ta finally make it happen.

Joanie: Shoot.

Wakumi: Why were ye smokin' in the first place? Aside from that, ye seem straight-laced, n' I used ta think ye were lame as hell.

Joanie: That's a bit of a long story, so... buckle up.

Wakumi: YE consider it a long story?! Will I die o' old age before ye finish?!

Joanie: Seriously, shut up!

She takes 'er time settlin' 'erself n' gettin' into storyteller mode.

Joanie: Well... okay. I told you about my dads last time, so that should make this a bit easier. I don't know who my bio father is. Pretty sure he left early. Possibly before I was even born, but definitely before I was old enough to remember. Now, my bio mother... didn't take that well. She basically went off the fucking rails, smoking and drinking and shit pretty much since as far back as I can think of. The house was constantly filled with old smoke or... maybe even some drugs other than tobacco. I don't really know. She never acted violent or anything, just kind of neglectful, and I'm so grateful that things weren't any worse.

Wakumi: Christ, Ginny!

Joanie: Uh-huh. She'd kinda cut ties with the family, cause she felt so embarrassed about getting left and the way she dealt with it. But after like... five years of no contact, she hit a breaking point and decided she needed help. So she drove up to my uncle's house explaining the whole situation, and he basically demanded that he and his husband take me while she got rehab and shit... but she never did, so I stayed forever. And even though it was only secondhand smoke, I got withdrawal symptoms, which is part of why I was such a brat. I also have health problems because of it. I got surgery because of how often I had ear infections, and I have a mild case of asthma that should absolutely be way worse than it is.

Fer once in me life, I'm stunned ta silence. But then I figure out what ta ask next.

Wakumi: But... why did ye start smokin' yerself?

Joanie: When I discovered just how toxic tobacco is to your body, I got really... fatalistic. I'm probably gonna die of cancer or a heart disease at some point. I don't know when. But like an idiot, I decided... since I don't know how long I'm gonna live, may as well see what my mother sacrificed me for. Even though what she did will never be okay, I actually kind of understood it, just a little. And that was scary as fuck, but also kind of cathartic. Even so, I'm never gonna do that again.

Wakumi: Did ye bring any with ye? Let's fuckin' scuttle 'em fer good.

Joanie: Okay.

She leaves and then returns a wee bit later with a pack. I obliterate the hell outta 'em in me hands and then we chuck 'em out the garbage chute.

Joanie: Wakumi... I'm probably gonna die here. It'd be kind of a waste for me to survive instead of someone else. That's why I asked to go first, but for some reason, I'm still here.

Wakumi: You're not allowed ta do that, Joanie. I command ye, as me new crewmate. If ye don't live, I'll kill ye, y'hear?!

She laughs a bit at me contradiction.

Joanie: Thanks for everything.

She sticks out 'er hand.

Joanie (Aika): In the days of olde, you and I swore not to end each other's lives. Let us today make a true peace treaty. We are no longer enemies, Mistress of the Seven Seas!

I grab 'er hand and give it a right ol' shake.

She's me matey. No gettin' around that now.