warnings for a few harmful homophobic slurs. this includes internalised homophobia and bullying.

♡

pjypepe (10:14am) -
youngjae are you okay? i just saw you walking to your locker, you never skip class
pjypepe (10:15am) -
was it that snotty bhuwakul kid again?

♡

"youngjae's constant need to dress up as a girl, sir."

the class, rather than laughing out loud, sat in a stoney silence, staring at kunpimook, a smirk still on his face. mr.im's eyes narrowed. not even kunpimook's friends were smiling.

"and what gives you the right to make fun of youngjae for making his own decisions?" mr.im asked, deadly calm. his voice was soft, quiet.

"because it's weird, and gross. why would a boy wear a skirt? it's like he's a walking fetish, sir," kunpimook replied, glaring at mr.im.

mr.im breathed in and smiled. "you're telling me, bhuwakul, that you see him as a fetish? you see his decisions as a sexual desire? do you perhaps have a... thing, for boys in skirts?"

the smirk on kunpimook's face slid right off. the class was silent.

"who is youngjae?" mr.im asked, looking around the class. all eyes shifted to one boy sitting on his own, tears streaming down his face. youngjae slowly raised his hand, cowering under the gaze of everyone in his classroom.

mr.im's expression softened as he walked towards youngjae, kneeling in front of him as to not be so threatening.

"what's your last name, youngjae?" mr.im asked gently, and youngjae took in a shaky breath.

"choi, mr.im."

"well, choi youngjae, don't listen to bhuwakul. he's not worth your time. you have permission to leave the class. if you'd like you may pack your things and leave until recess begins. i'd like to see you after class," mr.im said slowly, and youngjae nodded, wiping his eyes.

mr.im stood up, and moved to the front of the class again where he continued with the introduction of the curriculum. youngjae silently gathered his things in his arms and slipped out the door.

he walked very quietly to his locker, sniffling. it's not like this never happened; quite the contrary, actually. youngjae was bullied for wearing a skirt all the time.

he wasn't transgender, or agender, or non-binary. he still identified as a male. he just felt more comfortable in girls' clothes, like he could breathe. the limited options in mens' clothes with the dark colours and suffocating fits made youngjae anxious, and not like himself. wearing girls' clothes was freeing and liberating, just came naturally to him.

youngjae had thought it was no big deal until he started his first day at high school, the first day he ever wore a skirt in public. he realised then that everyone thought it was a big deal, and relentlessly teased him for it.

"fag," they'd whisper to him in the corridors, "only pussies wear skirts! you should be put down like a dog!"

youngjae was fourteen, and he was naive.

but any attempt to wear the male uniform (carefully folded and tucked away in the dark recesses of his closet) made him uncomfortable, suffocated and like he was giving up.

there was one upperclassman who wore the uniform dress one day, in youngjae's freshman year, who sat with him at lunch, talking to him casually as if neither of them were being stared at and insulted. seokjin was brave, youngjae remembered, but he went back to wearing pants after that day. he waved at youngjae and made sure to start a conversation, but he still went back to wearing the male uniform. youngjae lost contact with seokjin after he graduated.

youngjae found himself in the bathroom, muscle memory seemingly transporting him there. it was blissfully quiet, and the only sounds in the bathroom were his own quiet sniffs. he took his phone out of his pocket.

choongjae (10:21am) - delivered
i'm okay, hyung. yeah, it was kunpimook
choongjae (10:21am) - delivered
i'm seeing my teacher at recess, just go straight to the room

youngjae hid quietly in the bathroom for ten minutes before he decided to get up and go to mr.im's classroom.

he arrived just as the bell rang for recess, the students streaming out of classrooms and making the corridors claustrophobic. many students from his class passed him by and gave him pitying looks.

youngjae didn't want pity though.

kunpimook and his gaggle of friends strolled out, and kunpimook mimed spitting on youngjae once he deemed the area rightfully mr.im-free. youngjae ignored him.

he timidly stepped into the classroom, seeing mr.im at his desk, closing his laptop.

"m-mr.im," youngjae softly called, "you wanted to see me?"

mr.im looked up and smiled. "hello, youngjae. i just wanted to talk about your skirts." upon seeing the look of horror on youngjae's face, he added, "i don't think it's a bad thing. please don't misunderstand, youngjae, you may do as you please. i wanted to ask if this happens often?"

youngjae nodded. "it happens a lot. the students don't think i'm human just because i'm wearing something different."

"and- ah, i'm trying not to phrase this badly. do you, perhaps, identify as another gender?" mr.im asked, and youngjae smiled.

"no, mr.im, i still present as male. i don't like boy cloths because they feel weird."

mr.im nodded. "do you wear pants? i'm terribly sorry if i phrase anything badly, youngjae."

"i do wear pants," youngjae said slowly, "but i prefer skirts. they feel nicer, and aren't as restrictive."

"please, come and sit down, youngjae," mr.im indicated to the chair beside his desk. youngjae complied. "now, to get rather serious, tell me your story. you don't have to but i'd like to understand."

youngjae took a deep breathe in and exhaled slowly. "well, i, uh, always wore my mother's dresses when i was younger. it was fun. one day i asked to go to my afterschool care in a pretty dress, and mom said no, but i didn't know why.

"when i reached middle school, students became mean and started to pick on students that weren't normal. there was one kid, jeongguk, who was found kissing his friend taehyung behind the school building and he was beaten up.

"i started to worry because i had found out i was gay that year and that i wanted to wear skirts. so i tried to supress it and be normal. when boys called each other girls, i tried not to flinch. i hated myself. i was gay and dressed like a girl, and it felt like a burn everytime i thought that.

"but during the break between middle school and high school, i decided to man up, figuratively speaking, and make a statement. so i came to school in the girl's uniform. and people called me names, i was beaten up a few times. but i kept going because i just wanted to be me."

mr.im nodded and smiled. "you're so brave, youngjae. thank you for trusting me. i will see to it that bhuwakul is effectively punished. now, in today's lesson, we just went over the general notes needed for this class, and tomorrow we will start with text analysis. you may go now, youngjae."

youngjae stood and bowed to mr.im, a big smile on his face as he nearly skipped down the halls. mr.im understood, he actually understood and was accepting. youngjae felt so supported and empowered.

♡

communication is key kids

-eomma.