"Any luck on making your illegal immigrant status legal?" Lili asked as she walked up behind Kooky's computer chair. He'd been planted at the computer doing research for quite some time. 

He sighed. "Not really." 

"You're an emperor, aren't you? Here in the Fruit Kingdom, the sovereign doesn't require a passport because all passports are all issued in their name. Doesn't the Meringue Clouds have anything like that?" 

Kooky sucked his teeth. "Not exactly. The Meringue Clouds doesn't issue its citizens passports, much too modern for their tastes. The closest thing they have is a letter I would write for the messengers or if I requested for someone to come to the Palace, they could use the letter to get in. But as for international travel, I don't believe they have anything like that. I'm unsure if I was even considered a citizen there…"

"To be honest, as an emperor I probably don't really need a passport or a visa. I'm probably not even an illegal immigrant either. But I still want a German passport." 

"You're a German? I thought you were born in the Koopa Kingdom?" 

"Well...I wasn't. I may have been adopted there but that's not where I was born. If I was, I wouldn't be having all these issues. Tis the struggle of an orphan."

"How do you know you weren't born there? Nobody remembers where they were born." 

"Because I just know, okay?" He replied. The only reason he knew was because of Lewdwig and Fritz, but he wasn't about to tell Lili about them. She was still practically a stranger and that wasn't her business. 

"So you're telling me you were actually born in Germany? What happened to your accent?" 

"Nothing. I just learned to put a Shroom accent over the German one, because speaking Fruitish with German accent pronunciation isn't proper English." 

"So you can speak German then?" 

"Yes." 

"Say something--In German." 

"Etwas."

"What does that mean?" 

"Something." He chuckled. 

She chuckled in spite of herself. "That was one word! That's too easy! Say something longer!" 

He thought for a moment then said, "Fine, I'll tell you a joke: 

Willst Du Dir den Tag versauen 
musst Du in den Spiegel schauen"

"...What does that mean?" She prompted. He said it in a believable accent with believable pronunciation but that could've just been random words for all she knew. 

"It basically means: If you want to ruin your day, you have to look in the mirror. I like it because it rhymes." He smiled. 

"And it's rude. And lame. How is that even a joke?" 

"It's a category of jokes called Bauernregeln Witze, or farmers' rule jokes. Sort of like 'April showers bring May flowers'. Though not all of them are as...PG."

I have another that just popped to mind:

Wenn der Bauer zum Waldrand hetzt,
war das Plumpsklo schon besetzt

If a farmer rushes to the woods,
the outhouse is occupied. "

"That sounds like you after eating that pizza the other day." Lili joked.

"Har, har, har. Do you want to hear another joke?" 

"No. I'm good. Anyway, that's easy too, you could've just memorized those lame jokes! And how can I even be sure that's real German? You could've just made that up!"

"Exactly. You can never be sure because you don't know German. So your whole attempt in trying to expose me as a fraud is futile." 

"What about you?" He countered, "Where are you from?" 

"Sarasaland, the capital to be exact." She replied a-matter-of-factly.

"Oh, really?" He replied, sarcastically surprised. "How come no Carribean accent?" 

"I spent most of my childhood living with Apricot in the Mushroom Kingdom, so I just naturally developed a Shroom accent. Either way, the monarchy is actually descended from the Fruit Kingdom royal family so, we haven't really...blended in with the locals." She explained. She seemed discomforted and uncomfortable by her last point so Kooky decided not to ask. 

"Alright," She began, "So you say you're a German and you apparently speak German, so what's the problem?"

He sighed, resting his elbows on the computer table and rubbing his temples. "To obtain a German passport, I have to prove German citizenship. I don't have my birth certificate and I don't know my parents or their names and I don't even know if I'd be able to find myself in the census records or something because Bowser might've changed my name when he adopted me. I have no way to prove that I'm a citizen. And on the website, it said applying for a nationality certificate would likely take one to two years to complete! It's just….a lot."

"I see. That's quite a dilemma you got on your hands, but I'm sure it'll work out?" She guessed.

"You need to get from behind this computer screen. Go sit outside, it's a nice day out. Maybe some time in the sunshine will clear your head and make you feel better. Nurse's orders!" 

"Yeah, you're...probably right." 

                                                ******

Kooky sat in front of Lili's house, on the little stone "fence". He watched idly as vehicles and people passed by. It was sunny and warm out that day, and the warm feeling of the summer sun on his skin was refreshing. The pedestrians smelled delicious but he couldn't eat them. He felt a tinge of frustration but it was for the best. He preferred to hunt under the dark cloak of night anyway. Soon he'd gotten bored and decided to go to the backyard instead. It was very large and he wondered if he'd find any corpses buried in the dirt. 

As he stood to make his way to the backyard, a police car pulled up to the curb. He narrowed his eyes at it. He couldn't be sure it was he they'd come for, so he began to walk away, but the cop got out and started walking towards him. Kooky hadn't been in the Modern World for quite some time now, he wondered if sitting outside of houses was illegal now.

"Are you Ludwig von Koopa?" The police woman asked him in her British accent. Kooky thought she was so short. 

"Yes…" He replied cautiously. He wondered why people were always asking him who he was. He thought everyone knew who Ludwig was, at least Ludwig made it sound as if they did. 

"Righto, I'm going to need you to come with me, sir."

"Why?" Kooky asked defensively, prepared to bolt. 

"You'll know when we get there. Please sir, just come with me peacefully and nobody has to get hurt." 

"No way, psycho! I'm not just going to let you abduct me!" He exclaimed before starting to run away but the woman caught up with him easily for he was out of shape. Despite her small stature, she got the best of him and placed metal handcuffs around his wrists. 

Before he knew what was happening, he was hoisted onto the burly shoulder of the woman's goon. Kooky tried to wiggle away and kick and scream but the man held onto his skinny body tightly. 

"What are you doing?" Lili asked when she ran outside after hearing all the commotion.

"Nothing to worry about, ma'am."

"There is much to worry about! You are abducting my patient!" Lili cried.

"This is not an abduction, it's an apprehension. And you'll stay out of our way if you know what's good for you." The policewoman threatened, patting the gun on her waist. 

Lili anxiously watched in confusion as the burly man roughly placed Kooky in the back of the police van before slamming the cage shut. He and the policewoman then returned to the van and pulled away. 

"Roy!" She called.

"What?" He asked, appearing beside her.

"What do you mean what? Your brother was just kidnapped! Hurry up and follow that police van!" She commanded. 

He saluted her and became invisible once more before flying off to follow the vehicle. 

The drive within the vehicle was bumpy. There was no seatbelt in the cage and Kooky couldn't use his hands to hold him steady so he was at the mercy of the van's movement. He felt like a jellyfish, forced to go along with the eb and flow of the van.

"Tonya, could you not drive like a maniac? We've got special, rare cargo onboard. The boss will be very cross if you damage him." Kooky heard a male voice say from the front of the van. The van began to drive smoother, telling Kooky that the driver must've been Tonya. Dumbasses, he thought, giving away the names of their colleagues. 

They drove and drove on and on and on, farther away from Lili's house and his makeshift home. He pondered what would become of him. Would Lili ever find him? Why would she care? Why did he care if she cared? 

He tried to stay awake, but the gentle rock of the van was just begging him to give his eyes a rest. Just a little one, he'd only rest his eyes for a few minutes. 

At least that's what he'd planned to do. But next thing he knew he was in some strange room. He was hardly phased for he was used to awaking in strange places now. He hardly feared them anymore. He groggily looked at the clean, white walls and black carpeting on the floor. He was sitting in a chair at a white table, but other than that, the room was empty. Well other than the mirror on the wall, which was most likely one of those two-way mirrors he'd seen on SVU. As he gazed at his reflection, he decided he really needed a shave. 

He noticed paper and pencils on the table. Someone had doodled on the paper. There was a childish sketch of a female with ponytails, fangs, and a heart on her cheek. Kooky deduced that the sketch was most likely Fritz's doing, which meant he'd been fronting at some point. Kooky hoped nobody had been around when he was out. There was also something else written on the paper:

Kooky van Beethoven 

Bonn 

unsere Eltern: Johann van Beethoven und Maria Magdalena Keverich.

He could tell from the handwriting that Lewdwig had written it for some reason (which meant he'd also been out, which was odd). But if Lewdwig had been out that most likely meant no one was out earlier for he never usually fronted when other people were around. 

Outside the room, the boss had finally arrived. 

"That's the vampire?" He asked Tonya. 

"He ID-ed himself as the vampire." She responded. 

The boss clasped his hands together. "I was...expecting something different." He admitted. He was expecting a white man, not a black one. But he decided this wasn't a major setback. Tonya told him the vampire was probably Shroom, and he'd heard that not a lot of black Shrooms had much in the Mushroom Kingdom. Finding a way to manipulate him shouldn't be a hard task. 

As the boss entered the room, Kooky quickly flipped the piece of paper over so the stranger wouldn't see the information written on it. 

The man sat down in the chair across from Kooky. He studied him quietly, his head resting on his hands. 

He whispered something. 

"What?" Kooky asked, "I'm very deaf, so you're going to have to speak louder than that so my hearing aids can pick up your voice." 

"So you're the vampire." He repeated, louder this time. "It's an honour to meet you, sir." The man reached down and brought a bottle of wine and two glasses onto the table.

"Wine?"

"No. I don't drink."

"Why?"

"Why do you feel entitled to an explanation?"

"So hostile, I see. I get it. Maybe you'd prefer some blood instead. We have some in bottles or perhaps,~" The man paused, loosening his tie and beginning to unbutton his shirt. 

"Woah, what the heck are you doing?" Kooky asked, leaning away from him.

The man exposed his neck and shoulders. The level of uncomfy-ness in that room was starting to rise. 

"...You'd like it straight from the source~." 

"Uh…."

"It's fine, I don't mind. Does this make you feel hungry?" The man asked, as if this was some sort of attempt at seduction. He massaged his exposed neck and shoulder. The uncomfy-ness levels had risen hundreds of notches by this time. 

"Can you, like, not do that? Who the hell are you?" Kooky growled, voice dripping with agitation. 

"Straight to the point, are we? I respect that. I was simply trying to offer you a snack before we got down to business." The man explained as he put on his clothes. 

"My name is Graeme Leonardson. I'm the current director here at Strangeways Research Laboratory, the School's Currant (Cambridge) headquarters."

"The School?" 

"Yes, the School. We are an organization dedicated to researching different types of creatures all over the world. There are many valuable applications for our research: super soldiers, human-animal hybrids, the satiation of furry sexual fantasy, and all that good stuff. However, my work is more tailored toward vampires. There are so many different kinds! Lestat de Lioncourt and Louis de Pointe du Lac, Edward Cullen, Laurent, Dracula, Draculaura, Lady Alcina Dimitrescu, heck, even Count von Count! They all hold a special place in my heart!" 

Kooky cringed subtly at the mention of some of those individuals, especially Lady D. It brought back all the memories of the memes and thirst tweets. Kooky was fairly sure that all those individuals that Graeme had listed weren't….real (Well, to be honest he wasn't too sure about Dracula). 

"Ever since I was young I'd wanted to find some. I knew in my heart that they had to be out there. Everyone said I was crazy, that they weren't real and that I should get a real job but...here you are! After all this time, I've finally found you!" He exclaimed emotionally, removing his glasses so he could dab at his newly formed tears. Kooky was mildly uncomfortable, wondering where this conversation was going.

"I'm deeply sorry," He replied, putting his glasses back on, "I'm just so giddy with joy and relief! You do understand, don't you? The feeling of searching your whole life for something and finally finding it? Real, true vampires are so...so...rare and so precious. It is truly an honor that I, as a vampirologist, have the opportunity to be in your presence. This facility isn't very well-funded because of the scarcity of your species, but once the higher-ups hear that I've found one, the dough will surely come rolling in to fund our research!" 

"How...did you even find out about me?" Kooky asked slowly.

"We accessed your medical records, of course!" 

"I'm fairly sure that's a violation of some sort of right I must have to medical privacy." 

"Maybe, but it helps to have friends in higher places~" 

"May I?" Graeme asked, not even letting Kooky respond before reaching over the table and putting his hands all over him. Graeme held Kooky's jaw in his hand and turned his head from side to side as examined it. 

"Such a nice, strong jaw," He whispered in awe. "Nice high cheek bones..." He forced Kooky's mouth open and poked around in there. "Such interesting teeth, I've never seen a mouth like yours." "Ouch!" He exclaimed when he accidentally pricked his finger on Kooky's fang. 

"You want some?" He asked, offering his bloody finger to Kooky. Annoyed, he snapped at it, just barely missing it on purpose. 

"Stop that! Just stop this, okay!? You're all a bunch of creeps! I don't know what you're trying to do but I'm not going to be your science experiment that you're just going to fawn over! You say it's adoration, but it's just fetishization! You don't even see me as another individual….I'm just...an animal to you! And I refuse to be treated this way. Can I go home now? This 'conversation' is done." Kooky exclaimed. 

"Wait! Don't leave! We need you!...You're right. I'm so sorry for my rude behavior. In my excitement, I'd forgotten my manners. I have been treating you as a specimen, but I hope we can work together."

"You should’ve thought about that before you sent your goons to abduct me!" 

"I'm sorry for that too. They weren't supposed to be so rough. They told me you tried to run, so they had to use force to follow the order I gave them. The truth is, there is much to be done. Do you remember that COVID-19 pandemic from 15 years ago?"

"I think so." 

"Well, some speculate it came from a bat, and that the virus was transmitted to a man after he'd eaten it. Vampire bats naturally produce draculin in their saliva, an anticoagulant. Scientists believe this protein could be a useful treatment for strokes and heart attacks. It showed promise when treating ischemic strokes, which account for the majority of strokes. The enzyme was still being tested and studied back then. But now, because of COVID-19, people are wary of anything that comes from a bat. Without demand, scientists have lost their funding and the research has stopped. But now that you're here, they can use your saliva for testing! No more innocent bats would be forced into experiments and I'm sure you make much more saliva than the average little bat anyway. It's much more economical." 

"Ok, but what makes you think that some people would trust the saliva that came from a random man?" 

"We don't have to tell them where it came from." Graeme replied. 

"But if you don't have to tell them where it came from, why don't you just keep using the bats without anyone knowing?" 

"Because, like I said, using one man is much more economical. We wouldn't have to buy cages, food, or anything like that for you like we'd have to to keep the bats alive." 

"Yeah....I don’t know if I'm buying this. You all sound so sus to me." 

Graeme began to panic internally. In all his years of searching, now that he's finally found a vampire he turns out to be uncooperative! He couldn't just let him walk away! He didn't know if he'd ever get an opportunity like this again. 

Graeme sat in his chair and looked at Kooky seriously. "Tell you what, old chap. I scratch your back and you scratch mine. I've heard you've been trying to establish German citizenship and obtain a German passport."

"How did you--"

"It must be pretty tough. You must be pretty old too, and with old age comes a loss of memory. Perhaps you can't even remember where you were born or who your parents are. You probably don't even know where to start!" 

Kooky nodded. Graeme had only guessed all of that, but his intel seemed to be right on the money. 

"We can help. If you cooperate, we can get you the information you seek. We get you your papers and then you agree to participate in our research project." 

Kooky crossed his arms. "We'll see. How do you even plan to get them?" 

"Do you remember your birth date?" 

"No." 

"Okay, then we'll do what we planned to do in the first place. The first objective of our project: finding out how old you are. There's not really any exact, right on the money test to find out how old an organism is. One of the most exact methods is referred to as the "epigenetic clock". It examines saliva samples to predict someone's age and was 5.2 years off someone's actual age, on average. There's also another test that uses blood to guess someone's age plus or minus about 2 or 3 years, and It only takes 2 hours! I'm not exactly sure if it would work for an organism like you, but it's certainly worth a try." 

"Fine, I suppose I can go along with this." 

"Great! Let's get started!" Graeme exclaimed joyfully. 

They ended up running both tests, so they're results could potentially be more accurate. Kooky asked if they had any dinosaur bandages, but unfortunately they only had regular boring ones. While he waited for the results, he agreed to be seen by the institute's dentist. He hadn't been to the dentist in quite some time anyway and Graeme requested alginate impressions of his teeth, so they were killing 2 birds with one stone. While all the excitement was happening, Kooky hung out, watching a nature documentary online to keep him occupied." 

"The results are in, my friend!" Graeme announced enthusiastically as he burst into the waiting room. 

"Well?" He asked, making sure to hide his own enthusiasm.

"After much counting, the epigenetic clock places your age at somewhere between 269.2-258.8 years and the blood test says you're about 267-261 years old. So, the range of all our values is 261-269.2 years. Once we obtain your birth certificate, we'll be able to pinpoint the exact year. How do you feel about all of this?" 

Kooky shrugged. "I don’t feel that old." 

"Mmm. How did you become a vampire?"

"I don't know. This whole vampire thing is news to me too. I can hardly believe it." 

"You sure you don't remember? Nothing? No details at all?" 

Kooky paused for a moment before shaking his head. 

"Do you happen to know any other vampires?" Graeme quizzed. Well, he knew Kookie, but she hardly counted as another vampire since they were practically one in the same. Besides, she was probably getting grilled by her own creepy, female version of Graeme Leonardson in her dimension. 

"By the way, I request you keep all of this on the down low. I don't want any other wackos showing up at my house trying to abduct me." 

"Of course I'm going to keep this a secret! All those other vampirologists can get their own vampire to study!" Graeme exclaimed good-naturedly.

"Good. If you prove to be consistent and competent, this may be the beginning of a partnership." Kooky replied. 

"Alright. I'll have my researchers search through all birth certificates between the years 1764 and 1773. By the way, I'm going to need a little more info to narrow our search. Do you remember where you were born and/or what your parent's names were?" 

Remembering the paper from earlier, he said, "Not for sure but, I think I may have been born in Bonn. As for my parents, I believe searching for the names Johann van Beethoven and Maria Magdalena Keverich will produce favorable results. The name on the certificate might be Kooky van Beethoven."

"Though you seem uncertain, that's...very specific." 

Kooky shrugged."It's just a hunch." 

"Alright well we just need to take some pictures and fingerprints for the potential passport and you'll be free to go." 

                                             *******

When Kooky exited the research lab, Lili was in her car at the gate and she seemed distressed. 

"Look, my patient is in there and I need to--Ludwig! You're okay!" She exclaimed, genuinely happy to see him. 

"Yeah, they said I was free to go." He replied, climbing into the back seat of the vehicle. 

"Well...are you alright? Did they hurt you?" She asked as she began to drive towards home. 

"They asked me a few questions and had me see their dentist and he gave me a bag with a toothbrush and other stuff in it. A man, Graeme Leonardson, also gave me his contact information so we can stay in touch. We're working on something together."

"Okay….if you say so. Were you in trouble?" 

"No, it was just about me being a vampire." 

"Oh. How did they find out about that?" Lili asked, surprised.

"Apparently, they hacked into my medical record. He said something about having friends in high places. You need to get better security on that." 

"Right….well at least you're still alive or, undead I guess." 

"...How did you even find me, Lilium?" 

"I had Roy follow the police van and then he told me where you were being held, then I got instructions to drive here via my GPS." She explained. 

"Oh. Cool. Very resourceful. " He replied before finishing the rest of the cheap tootsie pop the dentist gave him for being such a good lad in the chair. 

The rest of the ride was quiet except for the music Lili played in the car as she drove. Kooky didn't like her music, for most of it was very inappropriate and sexual, or boring and slow. It was one of those rare moments where he appreciated that all he had to do was remove his hearing aids to avoid hearing things that he didn't want to hear. 

                                              ********

Over the next few days, Kooky and Graeme corresponded back and forth. He sent Kooky forms to fill out and asked him questions to get all the information they needed. 

About 5 weeks later, a thick envelope was forced through the mail slot in the front door. 

"LUDWIG, IT'S FOR YOU!" Lili called to him when she noticed the package. He came running down the stairs and snatched the envelope from her. On top of it, there was a sticky note that read, "You know I'll always come through for you, it helps to have friends in higher places! Contact me when you get this, we need to talk about your birth certificate" 

"What is it?" Lili asked as she followed him into the kitchen. He opened the envelope with his teeth and prepared to unpack its contents at the dinner table. 

"Not too sure yet but it's Mr. Leonardson's half of the bargain." 

"You made a bargain with that guy?! You can't seriously be thinking about going back there and participating in his experiment!" 

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't. It depends on how well he's done what he promised to do." Kooky replied, digging into the envelope. The first thing his fingers noticed was leather. He pulled out the little burgundy red book. It's textured cover read in gold, capital letters: "Europäische Union: Bundesrepublik Deutschland Reisepass" 

"It's your new passport." Lili said, a hint of excitement in her voice as she voiced his thoughts. He opened the passport and looked at his photo. Lili started giggling.

"What?" He asked.

"You're looking a little rough there." She laughed. "But don't worry," She added quickly, "everyone looks rough in their passport photos. It just makes the whole thing...more authentic."        

"More authentic…"Kooky repeated under his breath. He felt odd. He couldn't understand why this little book meant so much to him. But he loved it. Perhaps it was the feeling of having something of his own. Or maybe it was the feeling of finally having a set identity after he had practically gone without one for so long. He never truly knew who he was. And honestly, he still didn't. But this little passport was one step closer to that.

He took out another piece of paper from the envelope. Other than the date 1770 written on the top, he couldn't understand what the heck the chicken scratch written on it said. 

He abruptly got up and went to the computer to email Graeme, his envelope in hand. 

Hey, what about my birth certificate?, Kooky wrote. 

Oh so you got the envelope! I told you I'd come through!, Graeme quickly replied. 

Right, right, just get on with it

After a while, Graeme replied, OK, so here's the deal. It turns out you're so old that you don't even have a birth certificate! One of the agents managed to find your official baptism record from the parish of St. Remigius. Fun fact, your parents actually got married there too! It's been debated when your birthday (heck you don't even know!) actually is, but considering all the evidence it's highly probable your birthday is on December 16, 1770 so that's what I had them put on your passport. Your birth name is Kooky van Beethoven, but the name you gave me was Ludwig von Koopa, so I had them put that on the passport as well. Let me know if you want that changed. We told the embassy and other necessary people about your vampire status and the proof so they pretty much understood. This means you're actually 264 years old, which was within the range of what our tests claimed! Pretty accurate, eh? You don't look a day over 26, which according to our research is pretty much how old you would be in human years. You're fairly young, which I find pretty fascinating. You're over a century year old yet you're barely an adult. 

Anyways, if you don't have any other questions I'll leave you to your newfound information. I know I can't really force you to participate in our research and it wouldn't be ethically right, but I do hope you'll hold up your end of the bargain and join us!

You'd be compensated accordingly for your contributions to our research, of course. There's £500 in it for you in advance, old chap! You could go get yourself something nice, like new hearing aids! 

 I request that you message me back with your decision sooner rather than later. 

Sincerely,

Graeme Leonardson 

"You're so old…." Lili whispered over his shoulder. 

"Hey! This is private and none of your business!" He exclaimed, covering the computer screen even though she'd already practically read all of it. 

"Kooky van Beethoven, huh? That's an odd name." She replied as she typed on the computer next to his. 

"Your parent's names are Johann and Maria, right? Those are the names of Ludwig van Beethoven's parents too. That means you're probably related! It was never said he had a relative named Kooky, but honestly, this Wikipedia page doesn't have much information on it anyhow. He was one mysterious, talented guy…."

"If you're related, composing must run in the family then." Roy guessed, appearing beside Lili and Kooky, startling both of them. 

"It's kind of weird that Bowser would name you after your own brother, but I guess he didn't know. I feel happy for you, Ludwig. None of our siblings can say that they know the names of their parents or anything about where they came from."

"Do you want to know?" Kooky questioned. 

"Maybe, maybe not. It'd be nice to know, but it also might be a little awkward. If they wanna, you know, meet up and stuff. I'm not much of a meeting-new-people type of person." Roy shrugged. 

"So….are you going to join them?" Lili asked. 

"Probably not, " He admitted, "I looked online and couldn't really find anything about the School. That's what they call themselves. It's probably some sort of fraud at best and a trafficking scam at worst. You saw that police van take me away! They have the feds working with them! Besides, the man said he's a vampirologist, but if people don't believe vampires are real, then who the heck is giving out degrees in vampirology? I doubt it's even a real science." 

"Really? After all he's done for you? He's proven that his institution is competent and capable by getting you all this information! I'm sure it wasn't easy, seeing how old you are! They held up their end of the bargain, the least you could do is hold up yours. If you say you're going to do something, you should do it! You're going to get paid and it's about time you got a job around here. And you'd be saving lives with the anticoagulant drug!" Lili exclaimed.

"Lilium, you didn't see nor hear what I saw and heard back there. That man is super sus! He was all fetishizing me and being weird. There was something very off about him." 

Lili sighed quietly. "Alright. You're the vampire, it's ultimately your decision. If you don't feel safe there, I'm not going to force you to go back." 

"I'll...be in the shower if you need me." She told him before walking upstairs. Kooky sighed deeply.

I've decided to participate in your little research project but if I ever want to stop and leave at any moment, I will and you will not stop me if you know what's good for you. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, so so so much! We can begin tomorrow, I'll send a car to pick you up! You won't regret this, I promise! 

Sincerely,

Graeme Leonardson 

I better not, Mr. Leonardson, Kooky wrote back. 

He leaned back in his chair and picked up the passport once more. He felt it's leather and ran his finger over the gold German Eagle emblazoned in the center of the front cover. He opened it and read the name:

Ludwig von Koopa 

He guessed that was who he was now. Ludwig was a nice, cool name, a name that meant "famous warrior". Kooky wasn't even a German name, he'd always liked Ludwig much better anyway. Perhaps that was because of his alleged brother.  

                                            **********

As he'd promised, Ludwig used his first check to pay Lili back for all Beethoven's expenses. She'd used the first portion of it to pay for bills and groceries and whatnot and saved the rest. 

Eventually, Ludwig's ankle monitor was removed. Now that he was an established German citizen with a German passport, that consequently made him a citizen of the European Union and therefore he did not need a visa to travel to the Fruit Kingdom. He was, without a doubt, within the country legally. 

The School had him take many tests and complete various exercises. In the hunting simulations, they promised him that whatever he caught, he could consume. Because he was now exercising regularly, he began to eat more to fuel him. Additionally, he now had a steady source of fresh blood to drink. Because of all of this, he began to slowly gain more muscle mass and his BMI rose to normal, healthy levels. At the same time, his clothes began to fit tighter so Lili took him to the mall to shop for new ones. And now that he had money, he could actually buy them himself. 

As time went on, Ludwig was "discharged" from the hospital's care and because he was no longer a patient, Lili eventually went back to working in-person with her real patients in the NICU. 

However, Ludwig continued to stay at Lili's house. She never asked him to leave and he never tried to. They seemed to be in quiet, mutual agreement that this was his place for now. It wasn't a huge inconvenience. He wasn't technically freeloading anymore since he was generating income and contributing to paying the bills. And Roy technically didn't need to contribute any income for he wasn't using the house's utilities or eating the food. And Ludwig proved that he could be left at home alone for long periods of time. Lili ended up giving him one of her old smartphones so they could keep in touch, though it took him a little while to get used to the new thing. And Lili came to enjoy Beethoven's presence and she didn't want him to leave.

After a while, Ludwig saved up enough money to visit the audiologist and get himself some new hearing aids: the latest models. But by that time he didn't really need them, for his powers had pretty much returned. Even though he could cast the hearing perma-spell, he might need the aids one day anyway. 

Everything that was happening still felt unreal to Ludwig. People kept telling him that he was all these things: a vampire, 264 years old, Beethoven's lesser-known brother. But he didn't feel like he was any of those things. He kind of felt like he was living a lie or perhaps living someone else's life. Even though there was all this "proof" he still couldn't believe it.

They would have to make it feel real for him. 

And soon, it would.