On the day of departure, Lili wore a soft pink hoodie set. Putting on normal clothes hurt a little more than she anticipated and she wondered why she'd ever decided to get pregnant again after having Adzuki. She guessed her body just brainwashed her into forgetting all the pain that came along with bringing a new life into the world so she'd keep doing it to continue the species or whatever. Just as she was pondering what to eat for breakfast, Ludwig entered the room and handed her a plastic container. She opened it and saw it contained 12 oatmeal bars. 

"That's breakfast." He told her. 

"Um, thanks! Did you make them yourself? I knew you cooked and all but I didn't know you baked." 

"Well, technically these are 'no bake' oatmeal bars, but yes. I mean, all you have to do is follow the recipe. It's no big deal."

Hungry, she took a bite out of one of the squares. They were nicely chewy with a salty-sweet flavor made by the rich, salty peanut butter and fruity raisins. 

"Mmmm, these are really good!'" Lili complimented him, finishing the peanut butter square and licking the sticky residue off her fingers. 

He crossed his arms proudly. His act of provision could be compared to an alpha male wolf bringing food to his mate's den after she'd given birth to a litter of pups. Lili was too feeble and sore to gather victuals for herself, so he'd have to bring them to her. Doing so gave him a foreign sense of purpose and accomplishment.

After the twins had their breakfast, their diapers changed, and their final check up by the medical staff, the group was officially discharged. Ludwig and Roy took their stuff and other unneeded things to the car for departure. Ludwig sat back while they did all the work with the babies, and deep down, Lili was perfectly okay with that arrangement. She didn't really want anyone touching her delicate, precious angels and giving them who-knew-what kind of germs. Roy wasn't really living, so he was the only one she knew that had no germs to transmit to her babies. Lili was supposed to be sitting still and resting, but she insisted on getting around and making herself useful. 

Out of the babies' hospital bag, she removed 2 knitted coming home outfits--one yellow, one purple--complete with a matching knitted hat and knitted booties. Seeing the cute outfits took Roy back to the time when Rose was fresh out of the womb and they'd picked up all these cute little clothes for her.

"Won't those be a little too warm for them? We don't want them to overheat." He questioned.

"No way! We're in the Fruit Kingdom (England) at the beginning of December! I wouldn't take them out in anything less. Now: the purple is for Jacob and the yellow is for Joseph. Tag team, go!" 

As soon as they got to undressing the boys, they went back to that annoying crying and screaming again. Well, it was more like they were just whining since they didn't have any tears yet. They whined all the time and for the littlest things. They did it every time they were being handled, leading Ludwig to wonder if, like him, they had an aversion to being touched by others. 

"I wonder...can the boys see you?" She asked Roy. 

"Mm, I dunno know. People say babies see ghosts and stuff like that, because they don't have biases and haven't been told stuff like 'ghosts aren't real'. They probably can, I'm not trying to purposely hide myself from 'em. And Joseph cries when I handle him just like he would with anyone else!" Roy laughed. 

The twins finally stopped bawling after they were dressed and given their little pacifiers back. Before leaving, Lili hugged the staff that had taken such good care of them.

Now, they were on their own.

Ludwig pushed her out into the cold world in a wheelchair, infants in her arms.

"And here it comes again…." Ludwig sighed as the twins started crying once more. 

"They're just a little cold, they'll be nice and warm when they get in their car seats with their little blankies!" Lili promised. 

Roy brought the car around to the front of the building. Usually, parents left the hospital with their babies already in their car seats, but not Lili. The convertible car seats she'd chosen were too heavy and bulky to take out of the car every time. Even with Roy's strong arms to carry them, it was still a hassle. They were made out of metal, and she'd chosen them to make sure they would be extra safe and so they could grow with the boys. 

Lili placed Jacob in his purple plum rear-facing car seat while Roy fastened Joseph into his yellow one. They put they're blankets in the seats, making sure they were nice and cozy for the ride. Lili climbed into the back seat between the two seats and Roy and Ludwig sat in the front. For the duration of the car ride home, she couldn't keep her eyes off of her sleeping angels. Unfortunately, sitting in the car between them reminded her of how much her lady parts hurt and she reminded Roy to avoid bumps. At. All. Costs. 

She couldn't communicate how excited she was to bring them home and show them the nursery she decorated for them. She had Ludwig move himself and the little things he had into one of the rooms on the 3rd floor so that she could use the room next to hers for the nursery. 

Finally, Roy pulled into the driveway of the terrace home. A squeal of uncontainable excitement erupted from Lili. "Are you ready to see your new home, guys?" She asked them. Of course, they didn't answer because they were asleep. 

After Roy turned the car off, she slid out and grabbed Joseph out of his seat since she'd grabbed Jacob the first time. Roy grabbed Jacob and Ludwig grabbed the luggage. When they entered their home sweet home, Beethoven was already at the door, intrigued by the foreign objects they were carrying. 

They quickly fastened the babies into their bouncy seats in the living room. "Welcome home, boys! Well, whaddya think?" She asked them, looking around. They stretched and wiggled around in their seats, as if relieved to be able to stretch after the long car ride. She quickly demanded that Ludwig take a picture of them in their little outfits, 2 for each baby book. Beethoven sniffed at the little things. He looked from one brown face to the other. Then he looked at Lili. "You should’ve dressed them up in those cute little onesies that say 'Copy' and 'Paste'. That would've been funny." 

"Well, actually Jacob has a little mole and Joseph doesn't, so his should say 'Paste as Plain Text'" Ludwig laughed.

Then they all chuckled delusionally as the reality of the next days were setting in. The babies were really here and this was really happening. It was a--hopefully--18 year commitment. Lili hoped Ludwig would become more fond of the children. She didn't want to have to look over her shoulder all the time when he was around. She wanted to be able to trust him with her most prized possessions. 

Suddenly, one of the twins farted loudly and ruined the moment. 

                                                   ***

The following days and nights were filled with doting on the new babies. They slept well the first few days but as their nervous systems developed, they began to sleep less and wake up practically every 5 seconds. Ludwig let Roy and Lili deal with all the baby stuff since they were so enthusiastic about them. To sleep through the night, Ludwig usually disabled the perma-hearing spell so he wouldn't be disturbed. Sure, his cPTSD made doing something like that very nerve-wracking, but he figured that since Roy and Lilium were up all the time they could watch for danger. 

When Lilium came to his room to wake him one night, he smelled her before she even touched him. His dark eyes fluttered open and studied Lili's tired face, bags under her eyes. 

He discreetly enabled the hearing spell. He could now hear one of the babies whining from downstairs. 

"Hmm?" He prompted drowsily.

"It's time for the 3 am feeding and changing." She informed him. 

"Great! Go find Roy and get to it, I guess." He replied curtly, laying his head back down on the pillow. 

"Sure...I could but...I want you to help this time. Please? It's the last one for tonight. I want you to practice helping out so you'll know what to do if push comes to shove. I know you said you didn't wanna deal with any waste, but I still prefer it if you at least learn how to change their diapers just in case. I know you had a daughter but I don't think you have any experience changing baby boy diapers. It's better to do it now when the waste is small and manageable and not as smelly than to start when they begin eating grown up foods and making grown up poops." She suggested. 

His first thought was: How dare she disturb my slumber to force me to help feed her mistakes and clean their disgusting shit?! 

"Hmph. I told you you should’ve had those doctors put those things back in when you had the chance!" He exclaimed insensitively. 

She heaved an exhausted sigh. "Come on Ludwig, now's not the time for jokes. I need your help." 

"...Okay. I'm up." He sighed dramatically, sliding out of bed and following Lili downstairs. Secretly, he wanted to help. Not to actually get his hands dirty and do something helpful out of the good of his heart, but to--and he hated to admit it--spend more time with Lilium. After she had these babies (and honestly, before they even arrived), they'd been the only thing on her mind. They were stealing her attention away from him and subconsciously, perhaps this was what he'd feared all along. Of course he understood that they obviously needed their mother more than he did, but that didn't stop him from feeling the way he did. 

On the way to Lili's bedroom, he took a peek in the boys' unused room. For the first few weeks, Lili wanted to have the twins sleep in her bedroom.

"Dinosaurs were a good theme choice for the nursery." He smiled. 

Lili gave a tired smirk. "Of course you'd say that; It was your idea!" 

"And it was a good idea. Dinosaurs are amazing!" 

"And adorable." She agreed, thinking of the chibi dinosaur wall decals. 

"Hi, sweetie! I know you're upset but Mommy's here now." She told Jacob as she lifted him out of his bassinet and gently laid him on the changing table. She waved Ludwig over. The changing station was surprisingly organized, with a box with compartments for diapers, wipes and other things one may need. 

"You see, this is the good thing about having two: you can watch me demonstrate on the first one and then try it out for yourself on the second!" She exclaimed optimistically as she removed Jacob's little black and white mustache onesie pajamas. She then unlatched the two straps on the side of the diaper before holding his feet up as she began to uncurl the big crotch flap. 

"Chill buddy, I'm just changing you as I've done multiple times the past few days." Lili said when Jacob began to scream. She pinched the flap and dragged it down his butt crack and folded it under his body. 

"Why the fuck are his nuts so huge in proportion to his penis?!" Ludwig exclaimed, slightly disturbed. 

"First of all: Watch your profanity in front of my child. And second: hormones, I guess. Stop body shaming him, you can already see he's in distress!" She exclaimed, half joking and half non. She used the baby wipes to wipe around his scrotum and in his butt crevice. She then lifted him up a little higher and placed the new diaper under his butt before attempting to fasten it.

"What are you so mad for?" Lili asked him when he started kicking and screaming in protest. 

She made sure to tuck the diaper under his navel so to leave his umbilical stub exposed. She then used a Q-tip with a point to rub some rubbing alcohol around the neck and in the crevice between the stub and the navel. She then dressed him back up and kissed him on the forehead. 

"And that's how you change a baby! You think you can do it?" She challenged playfully. 

"Pfft! Of course I can! How hard can it be?" He replied boldly. 

"Okay….if you're sure you're sure…" She trailed off. She walked into her bathroom to quickly wash her hands. Afterwards, she pulled up a chair to the changing station and got comfortable, situating Jacob on her breast. She stayed close, ready for when things inevitably went wrong. And because she knew they would, she took her phone out to start recording. 

"Now go get Joseph, put him on the changing table and Change. His. Diaper! Poor thing's been waiting forever! Now move, move, move!"

"Okay, I'm moving, I'm moving, I'm moving!" He exclaimed as he hustled to pick up Joseph and bring him over to the changing table. He set him down and prepared to work….

And then realized he pretty much completely forgot how to do it. How could that be? She literally just showed him! He should've taken notes! Maybe it was some sort of amnesia caused by the alters. It hardly mattered now. As he'd said before, how hard could it be? 

"You know you can use gloves if you want." She informed him, pointing at the box of gloves. After he'd slipped them on, it felt as if the diaper changing was an experiment for him to tackle. And that, he could do. 

Obviously, he couldn't change the baby without removing its clothes, so he did that first. As he began to unbutton his mustache onesie, Joseph started wiggling and wailing. And he just wouldn't stop. 

He stopped. "I...uh...I think I did something wrong…" 

"No. Babies are just whiners, they don't know what's good for them. Give him his dummy to calm him down." She suggested, and so he did. And voila, as he began to suck on the translucent yellow pacifier he stopped kicking so hard. 

He undid the diaper side latches. Then he undid the crotch flap, dragging it down the butt crack as Lili had done. Suddenly, a stream of urine shot out of him and splattered on Ludwig's T-shirt.

"UGH!" He screamed in digust. 

"Calm down, Ludwig. It's just a little bit of urine, it just comes with the territory."

"No! Jacob didn't do that when you changed him! Joseph had plenty of time to pee while we were changing his brother! No, Lilium. Don't you see? He was saving that one just for me!" He exclaimed, pointing at Joseph who was just chilling, oblivious to why Ludwig was so mad. "That was an act of blatant disrespect! Ha! I see how it is! You wanna pee on me, I'll pee on you--"

"Okay, okay, okay, calm down. It seems like someone needs a bit of a time out. Just take a moment to take a deep breath and think. Why do you think Joseph would do something like that on purpose? As far as I know, you haven't done anything to him. His body is still getting used to life outside the womb, and that means urinating when his genitals hit the air. He can't aim so it goes where it goes. It's kind of like when people pee in the shower. Since you're all naked and stuff you experience a temperature change and an urge to pee. Same thing happens in the swimming pool." She explained to him gently. 

"Now, if you wanna call it quits I guess I wouldn't blame you. You haven't changed hundreds of thousands of diapers like I have. This is your first time. So you can go to your room and get a new--"

"No! I'm doing this! You think you can challenge me, huh? Well, challenge accepted!" Ludwig exclaimed triumphantly.

He continued from where he left off, folding the crotch flap under Joseph's butt. He took a deep breath and tried not to gag as he held the baby's legs and took the baby wipe, wiping around the boy's scrotum and other folds. He wiped his little butt too, trying to do it from as far away as possible. Then he took the clean diaper, placing it underneath and fastening all the little straps. He took the rubbing alcohol and Q-tip and swabbed (gently!) around the navel and in the crevice. He then dressed him back up.

He scowled at the child. "I'm not kissing you." 

"Great! You did it! Whoo!" She celebrated quietly. "How do you feel after this momentous event?" Lili inquired, holding her hand out to Ludwig as if she was holding a microphone.

He chuckled. "Like I need to change my shirt and wash my hands even though I wore gloves." 

"Oh. Right! Well then get changed and then meet back here, ASAP!" She exclaimed, officially ending the video. 

                                               *******

When Ludwig returned with a clean shirt and hands freshly washed, Lilium was sitting in the bed as she quietly nursed both boys at the same time. 

"I see you've got this breastfeeding thing all figured out, don't you?" He teased although genuinely impressed at her maneuver. 

"When it comes to being a mother, especially to twins, I find it hard to say I've got something 'all figured out'. I'm just learning as I go, seeing what works best for the 3 of us." She responded. 

As he watched her breastfeed, he felt like he was witnessing something he shouldn't be witnessing. It seemed sacred and intimate, but Lili didn't seem to mind his presence as she scrolled and typed on her phone. At one point, she unlatched them one at a time so she could burp them before putting them back on. 

Inevitably, Jacob finished feeding before his brother so she offered him to Ludwig to hold. He tensed up, but took the child in a cradle hold anyway. 

"Don't be too nervous. Just remember to support his head." She assured him. 

The baby was so...small. He expected it to cry when he held it, but it didn't. The baby didn't care who held it, as long as they held it right. The baby didn't know Ludwig was a vampire that could suck his life force, nor could he fathom what any of that meant. Ludwig sniffed the baby. It smelled of breastmilk and the clean scent of the baby wipes Lili had just used on his bottom. 

"And that's a keeper!" Lili exclaimed. When he looked up, she was pointing her phone camera at him. He simply scoffed and rolled his eyes. 

"Everyone wants to come see the twins," She relayed wearily, "They've all been asking for pictures! To be honest, I don't really want anyone else to come visit and hold the babies just yet 'cause of germs and stuff."

"I get it. I've seen a few news stories about family friends and the like giving herpes to babies after kissing them. And people like to touch baby hands and feet, but they like to put those appendages in their mouths." Ludwig agreed. 

"Exactly! I just feel kinda bad telling people no, though. Maybe the boys'll be ready for visitors around Christmas time. Speaking of which, Adzuki's gonna be coming home for winter holiday later this month so she'll be able to see her new baby brothers for the first time! I'm really excited for the holidays to roll around, but I'm thankful for this time too. I'm really 'effing tired, my vagina hurts, and the children have revoked my sleeping privileges, but I'm happy. You know what they say about motherhood: it's the hardest job you'll ever love."

"Well I suppose if you're happy, that's all that matters." He managed to say.

She took a long swig from her water bottle. "By the by….have you ever eaten a child before?" 

"Um, what?" 

"Like, sucked their blood and killed them? Have you ever done that to a kid?" She elaborated. 

"Not that I remember, but it depends on what you consider a 'kid'." 

"Well, I guess I'm more interested in if you've killed any babies specifically." 

"Why? Do you perceive me as a threat to your offspring?" He chuckled. 

"Maybe. It all depends on how you answer and considering the fact that you're avoiding the question, I'm leaning toward yes." She admitted. 

"Like I said, not that I remember but no matter what my answer is, you could never confirm if I was telling the truth or not. Either way, babies wouldn't possess much nutritional value considering the vampirologists say I need to drink, like, 0.75 liters of blood a day. But babies also present an easy meal. I guess it's one of those things where you get what you pay for: you pay a cheap price, you get a cheap meal." 

"I guess that makes sense." She nodded. 

"On the other hand, from a moral standpoint: No, I do not kill and eat children." He admitted truthfully, "but that's also circumstantial. But that's not really relevant to your case. Babies are innocent and non-nutritous so I do not eat them." 

"Well that's...reassuring, I guess." 

Ludwig looked around and realized he'd never actually been in Lili's room like this before, and certainly not in her bed. But she didn't seem to mind his presence so he tried not to worry about it. 

Eventually, Joseph finished and was returned to his bassinet after being burped. Ludwig laid Jacob in his bassinet as well. 

"Thanks for helping me out tonight," She yawned, "I really appreciate it." 

"Um...no problem..." He replied, rubbing his neck sheepishly. 

"Alright, you're...free to go back to your room now." She told him a tad bit awkwardly, grabbing her empty water bottle in order to refill it. 

"Good night...well, more like good morning!" She told him before heading downstairs as she laughed deliriously. 

"Good night." He responded quietly despite the fact she was no longer there to hear it.