The following day, Ludwig refused to go out and do more mundane, mindless partying. He stayed in bed, his mind plagued by the assault.

He'd explicitly refused to participate in Graeme's stupid breeding program, and then he sends his little leopard operative to steal his ejaculate anyway.

He was so sick and tired of these School people and their vampire bullshit. If some fucker fucking asked him to save a species or turn them into a vampire one more fucking time he was going to explode.

They had no idea what they were doing. They didn't understand, they couldn't possibly understand. They didn't understand what it was like to have their child span for almost 230 years--almost 13 times longer than the average 18 years. A lonely, unstable 230 years. They didn't understand what it was like to have to move from place to place, town to town, home to home, for anyone finding out about your immortality meant certain doom. And part of concealing your identity was repressing your insatiable hunger for blood. If you happened to slip up just once and give into your desire, you would be cast away from the group, hunted down, and/or killed.

They didn't understand what it was like to teeter on the edge of society, to never have a true place in any community. And because you always remained on the edge in isolation, your social skills suffered as well. You remained strange and awkward, never truly able to relate or form meaningful relationships with the others. You remained adrift, lost at sea, untethered to....anything. You never truly fit in anywhere.

His vampirism was the cause of every. Single. One of his problems. If he'd just drowned in the Rhine like a normal human being, he wouldn't be plagued with enough trauma for 10 lifetimes. When those "scientists" thought of vampires, they were only thinking of the pretty, privileged kind that glow in the sun and seduce unsuspecting humans. It never occurred to them that maybe not all vampires were the crinoline clad aristocrats. Or perhaps Ludwig was never truly a vampire at all. He was just some lesser known, less important freak of nature that just happened to have similar mannerisms.

Ludwig tossed and turned. He gripped the bed sheets tightly. He thought about how Lili will never love him, how he'd never be as good as Matthias....

Ludwig wondered when he'd started caring about such things.

Some time ago, while Matthias had been visiting (he'd spent quite a bit of time at the mansion lately, unfortunately), he had requested that Ludwig keep touching to a minimum when it came to Lili. He'd said that in Islam, it was generally unacceptable for men and women to touch in any way if they weren't related or married. At least, Ludwig was pretty sure that was what Matthias had said. He wasn't too keen on repeating himself over and over, even though he was the one with the unintelligible slur of an accent.

Ludwig had wanted to say that if Matthias was so worried about it, he should've decided to date a Muslim woman who would abide by the laws of Islam. Lili was not a Muslim (nor did she make any changes in clothing or diet to at least reflect some of the principles), so it wasn't likely she would adhere to the rules of a religion she wasn't even a part of. It was fairly obvious to anyone and everyone that Lili did what she wanted to do.

Either way, Matthias had not even considered Ludwig's needs for physical affection. Was it fair to deny him the sweet smell of her hair, the velvetiness of her skin, the softness of her chest.....

Sometimes he wondered why he even gave a fuck.

Just the other day, he'd looked at his face in the mirror and wondered if he should stop shaving for a while and grow a beard. He wondered if Lili would love him more if he had a beard like Matthias.

But then he'd realized that Matthias had a beard. Long, thick hair, too. It didn't take a genius to deduce that his body was probably covered in hair. Which was not necessarily a problem in itself (Ludwig didn't have much room to talk) except for the fact that Ludwig had heard Lili say on multiple occasions that she found body hair very unappealing. And that was when he'd known such a stupid idea would never work. The beard was hot....as long as it was on Matthias' face. The body hair was fine--perhaps even hot--if it was on Matthias' body.

He really wondered why he even gave a fuck.

Lili was annoying anyway, with her selfishness, insularity, and alcoholism, all of which a testament to her tendency to shamelessly value her own desires and happiness above that of her twin sons. Ludwig had had a Mutter like that--a Vater, too!-- and it did not end well for either of them.

He sighed deeply. Everything had been so much simpler when he didn't feel anything. It was less painful then, when his heart had been locked up and fortified, where nothing could get to it or harm it. Then, he was not fatigued by all the feelings and emotions he neither understood nor could name. Everyone was always going on about how being in love (if that's what this hurricane could even be called) was the best thing ever, but Ludwig just found it very cold, painful, and lonely.

Um, hey, I hate to interrupt your pity party, but we can't just stay in bed all day, Fritz piped up. We have to get up, eat, go to the toilet, feed Beethoven, etcetera, etcetera.

Kooky simply groaned in response and rolled over, covering his ears with the pillow, as if that would stop a voice in his head.

Alright, buddy, you seem like you need some rest, so I'll take it from here.

Kooky felt floaty for a few moments, as if Fritz had lifted him onto his back, supporting him from beneath as though he were a soldier carrying his fallen brother. Kooky slipped into the subconscious, handing over the baton so the system caretaker could do his job.

When Kooky left the front, he took his magic with him, leaving the body in its natural, deaf state. Fritz didn't mind though. Unlike Kooky, he'd come to terms with their hearing loss. Not even the perma-spell would change that permanently, not to mention it was quite tiring to maintain. Who knows what they'd be capable of if they stopped wasting magic powering that stupid spell. Fritz had even tried to become more involved with the Deaf community. Well, at least as much as he could from behind a computer screen.

He threw off the covers and walked into the bathroom. He flipped the light on, catching a glimpse of the body in the mirror.

He found it hard to look at it. It didn't look or feel like his own. The heat of shame washed over him. Silently, he wished they were cuter.

Fritz's gaze fell upon their long, skinny feet. He recalled the time long ago when he'd wanted to get into skating because it looked so much fun when Lili and Matthias did it. He looked up skates online, despite knowing Kooky would never agree to the idea. He'd stumbled upon the cutest pair of skates he'd ever seen: the Moxi Beach Bunnies. They had so many absolutely adorable color combinations, Fritz knew he would never be able to choose just one.

But the decision had been made for him. He checked to see if they had any in their size (just in case of the off chance Kooky would go with it) and found out that the Moxie sizes did not go up to Kooky's shoe size, and they never would.

Dejected, he added them to a board on Pinterest, along with all the other cute clothes he'd never get to wear. He didn't know why, but he cried that day. Ever since then, he tried to avoid fronting when he wasn't needed. That way, he wouldn't have to be in the body he hated so much.

Fritz took a deep breath, trying not to get too stressed. He didn't spend a lot of time in the outer world. He was worried he wouldn't be able to function as Kooky, an adult in the real world. He felt alone, he wasn't used to being apart from Lodewijk.

I sensed your distress, so I thought I'd come up front, Lodewijk spoke up, I can...help you out....if you want. We can...work together! I can take the body to the toilet and give it a shower, if that'll make you feel better. A-and you can even choose what we'll wear today.

Fritz smiled and nodded.

They used the toilet, showered, and went to get dressed.

Fritz pulled a plain, dark gray T-shirt out of their suitcase. I wish we had cute clothes to wear, he said internally, but even if we did, they probably wouldn't look as good on Kooky's body.

You'll be fine, Lodewijk assured him, you look cute in everything.

Fritz grinned, his freckled cheeks burning up. He waved those thoughts away, for he needed to concentrate now.

He took a few deep breaths, channeling his power into his hands. Not too little, not too much, make it just right, he chanted to himself rapidly. His eyes darted around underneath his eyelids as he ascended into a higher state of being. His essence was transported back to Kooky's room. He rummaged around his drawers until he found what he was searching for.

Ha! I did it! I got it!, He exclaimed when he felt the glasses case in his left hand and the hearing aid case in his right, Didja see that, Lodewijk? I actually casted a spell that wasn't destructive and out of control!

Lodewijk chuckled. Yes, I saw.

Ludwig laughed as well, but mostly because such an accomplishment was usually cherished by young children who were just figuring out their magic, not experienced magic users. Especially if all you actually did was a simple variation of the common teleportation spell.

It was only one, easy spell. Ludwig said. Don't get too cocky.

He popped open the case and slipped on the spectacles. Kooky had finally allowed Fritz to visit the optometrist and get some prescription glasses so he would be able to better function in the outer world. Kooky had told the others that they were simply fashion glasses that he wore sometimes as an accessory so as not to arouse suspicion of his multiplicity. Kooky had even allowed Fritz to pick out the frames himself, though Kooky made sure he chose some that weren't too cutesy and over the top, something that didn't stand out too much or seem out of character for him. Fritz had been a little disappointed (all the frames he wanted were designed for women, and he was fairly sure that counted as something out of character) but he did not dare complain. He was just grateful that he was allowed to finally get some glasses. They had so many cute styles to choose from, but he eventually chose an understated pair with round, thin black frames and clear nose pads. They were simple yet stylish, and their black color would go with any outfit.

He then put Kooky's hearing aids in. Fritz wished he could wear his own. His ear molds were cute and pink--and he even had little dangly charms for them (or "hearrings", as he affectionately referred to them)--unlike the boring clear Kooky had. He guessed the hearrings filling his Pinterest boards would have to remain a fantasy in the outerworld. But he realized it could always be worse: they could have the gross, "skin-colored" hearing aids.

Getting out of bed and getting ready for the day actually did make them feel better. They chilled in the room for a while, cuddling with Beethoven in bed.

So....what now? Fritz asked the others inside as the body's stomach growled.

....How about we get a bite to eat? Lodewijk suggested.

They left the hotel and headed towards a nearby cafe. That was Fritz's idea; he'd said that all the trendy people went to cafes. Lodewijk honestly didn't care, as long as the body was eating something.

It felt odd to actually be going somewhere of Fritz's own volition. Usually he just went where Kooky and the others had wanted to go. He was fine with that, most of the time. The places he wanted to go weren't all that required or as important as going to the grocery store or heading to Strangeways to complete a few tests.

And it was strange to be back in Germany.

You should come out, Lodewijk, Fritz suggested, we haven't visited Germany in ages. Everything's in German, so you would be able to function out here! We could spend the day together!

I don't know if that's such a good idea Fritzchen, Lodewijk replied, Kooky wouldn't like that, and besides, I feel much safer inside. Even if I cannot be with you physically, I am still always with you, co-conciously.

The cafe was warm and cozy, with a queue leading up to the counter. The delicious aroma of coffee and freshly baked pastries filled the small room. The menu options were written in colorful chalk on various blackboards, and some were decorated with little drawings of teacups and croissants.

So...what do we want? Fritz asked, dreading the question as soon as he'd asked it. They all had different tastes: Kooky liked bitter things like dark chocolate and coffee but Fritz despised them, preferring sweet treats and juices instead. Ludwig's taste for bitter treats was more in line with Kooky's, while Lodewijk usually just ate whatever was put in front of him.

I don't know. Going to a cafe was your idea, Lodewijk reminded him.

Well, true, but....I didn't really think about what we'd eat when we got here, Fritz admitted.

Everything had all these fancy names that didn't give any real indication of how they tasted. At least, if they did, Fritz didn't know it. They agreed on a cappuccino and a croissant, because they'd actually heard of those before.

After they received their order, they sat down at one of the wire tables outside. Fritz had read online once that the sun's rays could lift your mood, and the fresh air and warm sunshine were definitely pluses.

He brought the coffee mug to their mouth, the froth tickling their lips. It was creamy and smooth, sweet yet somewhat bitter. The sharp taste triggered Kooky-- an avid coffee lover--to the front. He remained quiet and co-conscious, not yet ready to return to the front just yet. He retreated when they finished their drink, leaving Fritz to finish their croissant (and the extra cookie they ordered afterward).

So....what now? Fritz asked.

I don't know, Lodewijk said.

I didn't know this would be so hard. Fritz confessed, I've never been on a vacation before. I-I'm kind of at a loss for what to do.

Well, maybe you should think of all the things you can't do because you're in the inner world all the time, Lodewijk suggested.

...How about we go to the zoo?

The zoo? Lodewijk questioned.

Yeah, the zoo!

How about no? Ludwig chimed in, Zoos reek of animal stench!

You reek of human stench! Kooky retorted playfully. But seriously, I kind of agree with Ludwig, for once. I don't believe in keeping wild animals in captivity--that don't need to be there--for human pleasure and enjoyment.

Awww, I was looking forward to seeing the piggies...Fritz whimpered, but I guess you have a point.

So...what now? Lodewijk asks, beating Fritz to the punch.

I've been doing some thinking, and I'm done moping around, Kooky said, I need to give Graeme a piece of my mind.

***

Graeme was talking to a pale-skinned, red-haired woman when Ludwig found him. The woman seemed to notice him coming and bolted away quickly, leaving Graeme standing there, confused.

As Graeme turned to call after her, Ludwig grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall of the laboratory, his glasses flying to the floor. Graeme was waiting for his brain to stop rattling around his skull when Ludwig lifted him back up and forced his back onto the wall.

"NO MEANS NO, GRAEME! SENDING YOUR LITTLE OPERATIVES AFTER ME ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND!" He barked, small droplets of spittle landing on Graeme's face.

He lowered his voice to a whisper. "If you continue to bother me, I will kill your sorry-ass. I don't want any further part of The School--I. Quit!"

"I-It's not that easy, " Graeme replied, his voice shaky, "Th-the School is everywhere. Watching...listening...taking...it's too late for you Ludwig, you can't escape now."

"SHUT UP!" Ludwig shouted, forcing Graeme's face into the wall.

"What are you going to do about it? There are too many witnesses around..." Graeme whispered tauntingly through his cheeks.

"Leave. Me. Alone." Ludwig demanded, hitting Graeme's head against the wall with each sentence. "If I ever see your stupid face again, I will personally hunt you down, break into your house, and, well...."

"Well...what?" Graeme prompted.

Ludwig smirked. "I guess we'll see what I'm in the mood for when I get there, now won't we?"

Ludwig let Graeme fall back to the floor. He noticed that a lot of the other employees were staring, but this wasn't about them. Ludwig turned to leave, but not before stomping on Graeme's glasses and breaking them for good measure.

***

Back at the hotel, Ludwig laid in the bed, pondering about the "dream/flashback" thing he'd had back at Nach Der Schule.

He didn't believe it was a flashback. It didn't feel like one. The other flashbacks he'd had made him feel something, but he hadn't felt anything when he had that one. It was as if he was watching the sexual assault of that child in third person or something. That child looked like him, but did not feel like him. A shiver traveled down his spine, not because the vision was particularly frightening, but because it was quite disturbing. He kind of wanted to ask his therapist about it....but what if it was some sort of message or desire from his subconscious? Had he been watching too much SVU lately? What if the therapist said it meant something he really didn't want to hear?

No, there wasn't anything to be concerned about. The weed must've just been very strong, which caused him to hallucinate. But he'd smoked weed countless times before and nothing like that had ever happened to him. Perhaps it was from one of the alters? An intrusive thought? Whatever it was, it wasn't real.

YES. IT. IS! Kooky heard Lodewijk shout from the inside. I mean...yes it is. I think...our encounter yesterday triggered me to come forward, while also triggering a flashback at the same time. What you saw really did happen to us. I guess now you know a part of what I have to deal with everyday....I didn't mean for it to happen, I thought Pfarrer Wilhelm was our friend...I thought he really loved us--

SHUT UP THE FUCK UP! STOP LYING! Kooky interrupted explosively, I would never let something like that happen to me. And even if it did happen, it happened to you, Karl, not me. Kooky said, calling Lodewijk by the name he had already told him multiple times not to use.

It's your own fault, you know, Kooky plowed on, You should've known better than to go around trusting people just because they're nice to us, or because they're with the Church. Our own Mutter was a so-called "devout Catholic", and she drowned us in the river! You need to get yourself under control and do a better job of keeping all the memories and shit to yourself, because I don't want to see or hear about them! Do I make myself clear?

...Yes. Lodewijk responded distantly into the silence. I'll try my best.