Valentine's Day was quickly approaching and for the first time (as far as he knew), Ludwig was considering actually participating in the festivities. He wanted to give Lili the perfect gift, but he just didn't know what to get her. He knew she liked chocolates, but that was cliche. The same went for flowers, which served no practical purpose other than looking pretty before quickly perishing. Cliche gifts could tell the receiver that the gifter didn't put much thought--if any--into their gift, and Ludwig certainly didn't want that. He guessed the best option would be to give her something only he could give. 

He could compose a song for her, but he really didn't feel like playing the piano. He could cook her a meal, but then she would eat it and the gift would be gone. Just like candy, it wouldn't last. 

He could take her on a date, but where would they go? He'd never been on a date before anyway, so he would probably ruin it with his inexperience. He didn't want to go to a restaurant, because he didn't really like eating in front of other people. And there weren't any movies playing that he wanted to see. Maybe they could watch a Jurrasic Park movie, but was that really "romantic"? Perhaps they could watch Little Shop of Horrors instead, there was a bit of romance in that...he guessed. He just couldn't decide, every idea sounded like a bad idea. 

"Hey buddy, whatcha doin' in here?" Roy asked, barging into his room by floating up through the floor. 

He sighed deeply. "Nothing." 

"That sigh sure sounds like a whole lotta somethin'. Come on bro, tell me what's up. I'm all ears." 

"Well...if I tell you...you have to promise to keep it a secret and don't tell anyone. Ever." 

"As long as the secret isn't about harming you or someone else, I sincerely promise." Roy replied, offering his solidified pinky. 

Ludwig sat up and reluctantly took his pinky into his own and shook it firmly. 

"So? What's the big news?" Roy prompted. 

"Well…..I….I kinda, sorta like Lili…" 

"Like, like-like?" 

"Yeah, I think so….do you think it's too soon to know for sure?" 

"Hmmmmm, I dunno. I mean, every pair's circumstances are unique. Like, you and Lili have lived together for, like, 9 months so I don't think it's too soon. Most of the time, people get to know each other before they've moved in together so they don't get to see what that person is like behind closed doors, when they're not all dolled up, etcetera, etcetera. But you and Lili have got to see those sides of each other since the beginning."  

"However, to know for sure, why do you think you like-like her?" 

"I mean, why not? She has good vibes, and I think she's a kind person. She's also one of the few people that I believe really care about me. You know, after I completed my treatment from the hospital she could've kicked me out of her house since she was no longer obligated to keep me there. But she let me stay. And when Beethoven arrived, she let him stay and paid for him to visit the vet, groomers, and for his supplies despite the fact that he wasn't her cat and not her problem. And after I started showing signs of mental health issues, she stuck by me and supported me. She held me when I was crying and afraid. She insisted I talk to someone and she wouldn't stop insisting until I did because she knew it was going to be better for me in the long run. She didn't have to do that, she could've just said 'well, your life, your choice' and not cared whether I got better or not….I know I would've done that if roles were reversed. I'm aware I'm not the easiest of people to get along with, but she's still here. I don't really know but...she...makes me want to be a better version of myself." Ludwig explained. 

Roy slow-clapped and pretended to wipe away a stray tear. "That was beautiful," He shook his head slowly, "Just beautiful….why don't you give her that?"

"Give her what?"

"Your confession...of love! You could confess your love for her for Valentine's Day. Pair it with a passionate kiss to really seal the deal, and you've the perfect gift!" 

"A kiss?" Ludwig repeated, his face contorting with borderline disgust.

"Yeah! It should be slow and sensual but not too slow, you know, gotta get some hand action going on too. It's gotta be on the lips, with tongue but not too much tongue, you know 'cause you don't want too much slobbering going on. And you gotta pull her too close, but not too close because you don't want to smash your bodies together, unless she's pressing against you then by all means press back, 'cuz that means she's into it. But if she's pushing you away, back off!"

".  .  . That sounds extremely complicated." Ludwig admitted.

"Not so much in practice, it's sort of just about doing what feels right." Roy responded. He sat on the bed and turned his body towards Ludwig.

"Come on, kiss me." 

"WHAT?!" 

"So I can get a feel for what I'm working with here. I've kissed a few people before, so I can tell you if you're really good or not." 

"I don't know about this…." 

"Fine, you don't have to do it. I get it, it's weird. I'm your brother and I'm a man. I was only trying to help, and the best way to get better is to practice with someone who can give you feedback." 

Ludwig sighed deeply. He dragged his feet to the door to close it and lock it, so Lili couldn't barge in and see anything he didn't want her to see. 

He slumped back onto the bed. "Okay, I'm ready." 

"What do you mean 'ready'? You have to kiss me! As the man in the relationship, this is what's gonna be expected of you in the real world."

"Can't she just do it? I'm sure she has way more experience than I do." 

"If you're lucky, Lils could be one of those girls who believes in equally contributing to the relationship. However, society says that as the man, you have to do everything and she may believe this as well. What I mean is, it's best to be prepared for whatever happens." 

"But like--"

Unexpectedly, Roy put his hands around Ludwig's back and pulled him towards him into a kiss. He mostly focused on kissing the lower lip and because Ludwig was so shocked, he froze. He was paralyzed. He couldn't express the strong discomfort he was experiencing. It sort of felt as if his mind wasn't within his body. His instincts kicked in and  Ludwig screamed. Immediately, Roy pulled away. 

"Woah! Sorry, I didn't mean to scare ya like that. I thought you were just stallin' and you already said you were ready so I sorta just...did it. You know, like a pop quiz." Roy apologized. 

But Ludwig said nothing. He only sat there, not looking at Roy as he quietly trembled. 

"Look, bro, we need to have some real talk. I'm hoping that you're only reacting this way because either: a) I'm another man, b) I'm a gay man, c) Though not biologically, I'm still your brother d) I kissed you before you were actually ready. Now, I'm not offended but Ludwig: you can-NOT do…." Roy gestured to Ludwig's shaking body," ...this if Lili tries to kiss you. It will offend and really hurt her feelings. Sure, you may be upset because you weren't in control in that situation, but in a real relationship you're not always going to be in control of things and you have to learn to go with the flow. 

With that said, I don't want you to think I'm trying to tell you to just 'get over it'." He paused as he began to get choked up, trying to avoid crying as to not fuck up his eyeliner. "I'm sorry, just uttering those dumbass words is triggering me. The two of you can make this work if you work hard for it. The effort needs to come from both ways. We've already seen that Lili is supportive of you in your mental health endeavors, so I believe you guys have a chance. But, you have to get your triggers 'under control' and by that I mean you need to work with your therapist concerning them if you aren't already. Also, you need to talk about your triggers together so Lili doesn't end up accidentally triggering you. I'm sorry to say this but as the man in the relationship, Lili will expect you to physically come on to her to, like, validate that she's pretty or whatever. So you need to get accustomed to physical touch." 

"Do I have to come on to her? That sounds like it would lead to sexual intercourse, which is not something I want." 

"In most relationships, sex and physical intimacy are often expected so chances are she's expecting you to come on to her sooner or later. You guys are gonna have to mold your relationship into something not heteronormative, which is why I'm hoping Lili isn't one of those girls who strictly believes in relationship gender roles with the man pursuing the woman and doing everything and the woman giving nothing back. Shiiiiiiiit, that's kinda how my relationship was with Apple. She made me feel kind of pursued at first, but then that hypersexuality turned into rape, and then it became objectification. Anyway….you say you don't want to have sex, why?" 

Ludwig shrugged. "It's just not something I'm into. I don't like it when people touch me and I don't enjoy sticking my appendages inside of holes that I can't see inside of. Also, I think it's kinda fucking gross. There's like gross juices and stuff and, like, I can't believe anybody would ever put their mouth on something that poop or pee comes out of." 

"So....you've never thought about having sex with Lili?" 

"No...not really. I think that would be kinda weird." 

"Hmmm...are you asexual?" 

"I-what? I don't know anything about these new-fangled sexualites." 

Roy chuckled as he pulled out his phone. "Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It seems to describe you after what you've just told me. Asexuality is an umbrella term though, like a spectrum. There are so many ways to be asexual, so you'll have to do your own research to decide which labels fit you best. And sometimes those labels may change as you grow and explore yourself. Or, like me, you decide to not go by any labels at all, you just like what you like. Or you don't like what you don't like, in your case." 

If Ludwig choose to identify as asexual, that would make him Roy's only queer friend. Sure, he knew other people like Dreyfus and Iggy who were queer, but he didn't feel close enough to them to call them friends at that point. He could've sworn Ludwig was heterosexual when he was in his relationship with Rosie, but he himself was in a relationship with Apple and that didn't make him any less gay. Honestly, he found it easier to forget everything he knew about Ludwig before he'd died and brought Ludwig's unconscious body to the hospital. After he awoke from his coma, it was like he was a whole different person. Perhaps it was the brain damage and memory loss from the coma. 

"Anyway, sorry for going off topic like that. Your lack of desire for sex may prove to be an issue later, but you'll cross that bridge with Lili when you get there. As of now, if you can't even kiss, you're in dire need of help if you're gonna get your girl. Seduction is an art that must be perfected. Of course, some guys are just naturally good at it, I suppose some just have it and some don't. And...no offense, after what just happened you seem like one of those guys that don't. But all is not lost, bro! I believe I can mold you into a heartthrob via training and a 'makeover'. I don't really wanna call it a makeover, think of it as more of an….accentuation." 

Ludwig didn't know how he felt about going through with such a thing, but he didn't really have any other choices. Roy was really the only experienced man he could turn to, so he'd go along with this training...for now.

"...Ok. Where do we start?" 

"Think of yourself as a blank canvas, Lud. Before we start, we have to decide what to paint. Now in reality, the goal is to make you the ultimate hunk-sicle. From here, a novice would start searching bullshit like 'what do ladies like' or they'll just begin to mold themselves into the media's view of what's hot. And they might just find themselves getting nowhere with the woman of their dreams. See, ladies aren't a monolith. They all like--sometimes drastically--different things so asking such a broad statement is useless. Sure they may give similar answers but I still don't believe in that. You're not trying to romance 'ladies' or the media, you're trying to attract Lilium, so ultimately what she as an individual likes is the most useful information we've got to work with. 

So, with all that in mind, first what we need is, a little something I'm going to call 'Notes'." 

"Notes on what?" 

"'Notes' on every single thing Lili has ever said over time in regards to you. This includes every compliment, every critique, likes, dislikes, and so on. It also includes things about the men she's been with before. If we find out what she likes about them, then we can sort of get a feel for her type, body wise at least. You can take your 'notes' mentally or you can put them on paper or in your phone so you don't forget them." Roy explained. 

"So...can I give you my 'notes' now?" 

Roy smiled. "Sure, why not?" 

Ludwig cleared his throat extravagantly."The other day, I was in the bathroom shaving my face. I use a straight razor to get the job done, in fact it's a very accurate replica of Sweeney Todd's razors, " He said proudly, "Anyway, I had nothing but a towel around my waist. So she came in there for some reason. I dunno, Lili just does weird shit sometimes for no reason, not like I have much room to say anything though. And she was teasing me about how I thought I was soooo bad-ass because I use a straight razor instead of a safety one. Then she noticed I wasn't wearing a shirt, took one look at my abdomen, said ew, and left. So, although her behavior was strange and vague, I believe she was expressing disdain for my body hair." 

"Wow, man. That sounded like it was brutal." 

"I wasn't offended, because I don't care what she thinks. It's my body, not hers. She's not gonna be the one who has to manscape it only for the hair to appear back 5 minutes later. I said she was kind, but she isn't always nice. She was straightforwardly expressing her opinion, and now that I'm saying this out loud, I actually kind of appreciate that. Either way, the hair is here to stay. 

Anyways, moving on. At Christmas a few weeks ago, she was talking to Emmy as she often does. And she told her that I have a small penis and….small balls."

"Woah, woah, really? She said that!?" 

"Yep. She's pretty chatty." 

"Well," Roy looked around as if making sure they were alone before whispering, "Is it true?" 

"How am I supposed to know?! Adjectives are subjective. I suppose I'll take her word for it, she's seen way more penises than I have. And you said before that what she thinks is really the only thing that matters, so if she says my junk is small, I guess it is. Either way, there's no use getting offended because I can literally do nothing about it. I mean, I suppose there is but that's some weird territory I'm not going to go into. But….I kinda feel somewhat violated that she's telling other people that because the only reason she knows is because she was my nurse. And isn't there, like, some law against sharing personal patient info with people who shouldn't have it?

And lastly, she's called me scrawny, skinny, chicken legs, and everything else in between. So, that leads me to believe that she has an issue with my lankiness. On the other hand, she could just be teasing, as she often does. She also said my hair is weird and makes me look like a clown. 

Hmmm...I think that's all I got for now." Ludwig concluded.

"Really, that's it?"

"Well, actually I just remembered that on Halloween, I decided to hide in the shadows while Lili was handing out candy to the kiddies. And then I ran at them on all fours and scared the living daylights out of them! Lili told me not to do it, but then I ran at her!" He had to pause to wheeze because he was laughing so hard, "You should’ve seen the look on her face!" 

"I did, I was there. She was really startled. You know, she could've tripped while trying to run away and accidentally fallen on her baby bump? It wouldn't have been so funny then."

"Well that didn't happen! She got pretty mad though….and she told me never to run on all fours in her presence ever again." 

"Okay….Nothing more to add? Not even compliments?" 

After pausing to think for a few seconds, he replied, "Nope. None I can remember. My memory isn't all that good, but I think I'd remember something so….uncommon." 

"Okay, just remember to take 'note' on any more complaints and compliments that may pop up," Roy reminded him as he magicked up a large whiteboard and dry erase marker. He wrote Complaints at the top of the board and underlined it. Underneath, he listed the words Hairy body, Small genitals, Skinny, Weird Hair. 

"Alright bro, lucky for you, everything on the list can be fixed one way or another. Of course, it's ultimately up to you what we change and what we don't change, and you might even want to change something not listed here. Now we have a good idea where to start." 

"Wait, how can the small genitals thing be fixed?" 

"By wearing different underwear. It won't make your junk bigger but it'll make it look bigger. And some women--well I suppose you could include myself--checkout male bulges. It's a thing, look it up." 

"I won't, thank you." 

"Whatever. Anyways, your underwear of choice is boxers. They lack support and they're loose fitting. And that's another thing: you don't know how to dress, Ludwig. You tend to go for oversized T-shirts, shorts, sandals, and Converses it makes you look...frumpy, childish and like you don't care about what you wear." 

"But I don’t care about what I wear, I'm just lounging around the house." 

"Well the house is where Lili is! This is basically the only place you guys interact with each other daily. Your wardrobe needs a slight adjustment, I just feel like it's a little immature. You gotta dress nice for your woman! The best way to naturally accentuate your bulge is pouch underwear. They separate the balls and penis and lift the package and hold it out front away from the legs. I myself wear them because I'm well endowed so keeping everything separate is more comfortable. I mean, as a ghost I'm weightless but you know what I mean!" 

"Would she even notice such a change?" 

"That depends on how they end up fitting on you. Even if she doesn't, the underwear is comfortable and supportive so it's a win-win." 

"Well it's just….I don't really like wearing underwear period but Lili says I'm not allowed to go commando in her house so boxers are the closest thing to feeling like I'm not wearing anything. I don't want them to be all tight on me, and I heard the legs roll up on boxer briefs and that sounds annoying."

"Ludwig, what did I say about making an effort? When you're in a relationship, you're going to have to make sacrifices. It's better to start learning this early, as part of your training~" 

"We'll hit the shops later, but aside from accentuating your package you're probably gonna need to buff up a little to really seal the deal." Roy predicted, flexing his biceps. 

"When you started working with The School, your arms started getting a little buff but then you lost it. What happened with that?" 

"They said they'd gotten all the data they needed on my hunting techniques. Those hunting exercises were, like, the only exercise I got all day so now I have nothing else to do." Ludwig replied. 

"Okay, well you need to replace it with something. Running, time in the gym, rock climbing, spin class, bike riding. Maybe even dancing. Heck, maybe you could get Matthias to teach you how to rollerblade! I heard he fences too, so that's also an option. Another thing: if you wanna get buff, you HAVE TO EAT." 

"Why do you say it like that? I eat." 

"You'll only eat if Lili reminds you. We've already established that, in your case, drinking blood is not enough nutrients. You have to supplement it with real food. If you keep forgetting to eat, you won't be able to keep the muscle. I know it's gonna feel like you're shoving food down your throat, but it'll get easier."

"I don't want to be fat! Lili never said she liked fat guys!" 

"But she likes thicc guys. And eating food and building muscle is going to give you the booty she craves." 

"I wish you didn't just say that." Ludwig giggled in spite of himself. 

"Well, it's true. Just look at John. She's attracted to him and you know what? He's thicc, has a big package, knows how to dress, and smells nice and masculine." 

"What's wrong with the way I smell?" Ludwig asked, sniffing his armpit. All he was picking up was 100% Grade A Kooky smell. Well, there was a hint of laundry detergent but overall he smelled like himself, not like "Light Blue", whatever the hell that smelled like. 

"I suggest, when we go to the store, you pick up a deodorant and a cologne." 

"But I hate those things!" Ludwig whined, "Cologne is disgusting and deodorant hides my natural pheromones! It's counterproductive! My natural male scent is the most masculine thing there is!"

Never in his existence did Roy think he'd hear his brother say that cologne was disgusting. Yeah, this new version was definitely an entirely different person. 

"You may feel that way, but Lili won't. I know you're like a vampire and all and your nose is sensitive but remember, Lili's a human. She'd much rather smell the nice scent of a deodorant and cologne than your 'natural pheromones'. But don't put on too much cologne because yes, that would stink. 

Anyways, I've been up here way too long. I need to go check on the kiddos. In the meantime, decide which fitness regimen you're going to take up and perhaps even which fragrances you're going to buy. I'm going downstairs so holla if you need me." Roy replied before sinking back down through the floor. 

There were so many fitness hobbies to choose from, he didn't really know where to start. And to be honest, Ludwig didn't really enjoy physical activity that wasn't hunting, because there was no immediate pay-off. You're just getting all sweaty and gross for no reason. Running also kinda hurt his balls, but that might've been because, as Roy said, his underwear didn't give him enough "support". 

He thought it best to turn to the internal world for a second opinion….or third, fourth, or fifth. 

*****

When Kooky emerged from the fronting room in the inner world, the rest of the alters were in the living room. Ludwig and Lewdwig were playing a game of chess, while Fritz was running around completing his daily chores on Animal Crossing: New Horizons. 

"Look who decided to drop by~" Ludwig teased without looking up from the board. 

"I'm not here to stay, I just need some...advice." Kooky admitted reluctantly.

"What kind of advice?" Ludwig asked. 

"Advice about...a girl." Kooky answered, his brown cheeks flushing. 

"A GIRL?!" The others exclaimed in disbelief.

"Like, relationship advice?" Lewdwig asked. 

"You, in love? Don't make me laugh! I doubt your sour, shriveled heart is even capable of such a feeling!" Ludwig said.

Fritz paused and looked up from his game, "What's she like?" He questioned excitedly. 

"Well she's got eyes...and...hair...and a...a...nose…"

"Eyes, hair and a nose? Is that all she has? That sounds like a very interesting girl." Lewdwig teased. 

"Does she have a big butt and a smile? 'Cause Bell Biv Devoe says you can never trust that." Fritz informed him. 

"I mean, her butt is a little big--wait, what? Who?" 

"Bell Biv Devoe." 

"Who is that?" 

"Ricky Bell, Michael Bivins, and Ronnie Devoe. They're, like, ¾ of New Edition. NE is a Shroom (American) hip hop group, by the way. Their debut single, 'Poison', says you can never trust a big butt and a smile. They say girls like those are poison." He explained.

"I….anyways, Lili may have a big butt and a nice smile but I trust her. She's kind, reasonably smart most of the time, and she seems to be a good mother, dedicated to her family and her career. She's caring, fun, silly at times but she can also be serious, and she's really the only person I know who genuinely cares about me and my well being and mental health. All that really concerns you is that I enjoy being around her, so I'd like to make her mine." Kooky explained seriously. 

"Wow. You sound really serious about this." Lewdwig commented, astonished that anyone on God's green earth was able to make Kooky feel anything like that. Or perhaps, considering his history, Lewdwig shouldn't have been so surprised. But that was, like, 96 years ago. Kooky was a different, grown man now. His amnesia had stolen the memories of her. It was only a matter of time before a new romance blossomed. 

"I am. Which is why I am willing to alter myself so that I am better in her eyes. Roy is willing to train me to be the man of Lilium's dreams. However, for now, I need to know how to get more muscle. Lili seems to favor men with more muscles, so I am trying to get 'buff'." 

"Buff? She's better off looking for somebody else." Lewdwig said. 

"Hey!" 

"I mean, ever since you became outwardly human you've been a stick. Some people just happen to be naturally skinny and not good at putting on weight." Lewdwig told him. 

"Well that doesn't matter! I'm trying to fix it!" Kooky exclaimed, slamming his fists down on the table where they were playing chess. 

"I am a former Olympic table tennis player," Ludwig spoke up, "as well as an Olympic fencer. Both sports built up my legs, my arms and fencing worked my gluteus muscles. However, because I used my right arm for both sports, there was a bit of….an imbalance. My right arm muscles were more strengthened than my left!" He laughed. 

Kooky knew Matthias fenced, perhaps that's how he got so thicc and swole. He was normally all for stabbing people but he didn't really like the idea of wearing a weird uniform and shuffling around on a mat. Additionally, he saw anything that Ludwig did as kinda lame. 

"As for exercise, I don't really think I do much…." Fritz thought aloud, "But I do hike around the mountain with Lowie when we want to go places. It can be kinda tiring sometimes, so I guess it could count as exercise. But I don’t think that really makes any of my muscles bigger." 

"Trust me, it does." Lewdwig butt in, glancing at Fritz's bum and outstretched legs on the couch. "Pretty sure it works your thigh, calves and butt muscles, makes them bigger." 

Kooky couldn't deny that Fritz probably had the biggest butt out of everyone else, but his features also happened to appear more feminine, which wasn't what Kooky was going for. He knew Lili would prefer a masculine butt over a feminine one. He was mostly anticipating Lewdwig's answer, for at that moment, he appeared to be the most fit out of everyone else in the system.

"Well...my muscles didn't just appear out of nowhere," Lewdwig said, subtly flexing his biceps, "A while ago, I decided I wanted to be stronger. I realized I couldn't even protect myself from outside threats. If I can't even protect myself, how would I protect Fritzchen--"

"What about me?" Ludwig retorted.

"You can take care of yourself, prude." 

"He--"

"Anyways, I got to work. But I had no gym. The nearest one is probably in The Village, but I would rather not go down there. Listen, you don't need a gym to get swole when you've got a perfectly good Friedke lying around! I carry him up the mountain, then I carry him back down. Then I carry him back up the mountain, then I carry him back down. Then I carry him back up the mountain, then I carry him back down. Then I carry him back up--"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Kooky interrupted. 

"And I've done that hundreds of times. I also swim in one of the mountain's springs every morning. Swimming works practically all the muscles but….swimming is probably not an option for you."

"You swim every morning? Don't you ever get tired of all this physical activity?" Kooky asked. 

"No, not really. It helps me cope, keeps me busy….Honestly, I think the best activity for you might be parkour." 

"Parkour?" 

"Yeah, it's a training discipline where practitioners aim to get from one point to another in a complex environment, without assisting equipment and in the fastest and most efficient way possible. You know that weird 'running on all fours' thing you do? Well that's formally called quadrobics--or quadrupedal movement--and that's one of many parts of parkour, so I think you might like it. Fritz and I just kinda do it naturally when we travel in the forest: running, jumping, climbing trees, swinging on branches, all that good stuff." 

"I don't believe there are any forests near the house. Lili has chosen a living space in the middle of a bustling city." 

"In theory, you don't really need a forest, specifically. You could use an unoccupied children's playground to get started. It works all the muscles and you don't need to pay for any sort of equipment or anything if you don't want to. I think you should try it out." Lewdwig suggested, moving his rook. 

"I'll...look into it." 

Fritz smiled. "This all sounds so exciting! When will we get to meet her--" 

"NO! No one is going to meet her or talk to her or touch her or anything. She's mine, okay? Stay away from her! I'm serious, do I make myself clear?" Kooky barked.  

"Yes." Fritz whimpered. 

"Sure, whatever. Nobody cares about your stupid little crush anyway." Lewdwig said. Ludwig said nothing as he turned back to their game. 

"Checkmate." Ludwig announced his win for the umpteenth time. 

"Shit!"

"Language! Don't worry, perhaps one day you will be victorious. Would you like a rematch?"  

"Why not? Not like I got anything better to do." Lewdwig agreed. 

"Alright, you set up the pieces while I go get something to drink." Ludwig ordered before getting up and heading to the kitchen. Fritz, deciding he wanted some more juice, followed close behind. 

Lewdwig turned to Kooky. "As long as that woman never finds out how you truly are, you just might have a fair chance with her. You said she was a good mom, dedicated to her family and stuff. I've seen on TV that good moms actually care about the wellbeing of their children, so if she finds out you're a killer you'll be out on the curb faster than you can blink, she might even turn you in to the police." 

"She won't find out. I'll make sure of it." Kooky replied in a threatening growl.  

"Oh really~? Well it sure would be an unhappy accident if someone were to...oh I dunno….expose you to her. Tell her all your dirty little secrets. Perhaps an estimate of your body count, and not the kind she was hoping for--" 

"You wouldn't dare!" Kooky hissed.

"But maybe I would." 

"Not if you wanted to live another day. Even if you did do something so foolish, it would only take a simple spell to erase her memory."

"Deciding what she can and can't remember? Sounds a bit controlling and possessive to me."

"What do you know? You've never been in a relationship! You're just jealous because I found someone who cares about me while you're stuck in here living your meaningless, pathetic little life where nobody cares about you!" 

Lewdwig kept his dark, tired eyes locked on the chessboard on the coffee table. "Yeah, you're right. Sorry, I guess I overstepped." 

They were both quiet then. Kooky hated to admit it, but the encounter shook him just a tad. It intimidated him, made him nervous. Lewdwig was the trauma holder in the system. As he recovered more memories by working with the therapist, Kooky was becoming a trauma holder as well. But Lewdwig was the keeper of memories. 
He could tell Lili and make it so Kooky never remembered it or he could possibly make him forget her all together. He would have to keep an eye on him. 

"Yes, you have." Kooky finally replied, "And I accept your apology. I'm bored here, so I will be taking my leave now. Toodles!" Kooky exclaimed before heading back towards the fronting room. 

Lewdwig sighed. He was worried for Lili. If Kooky didn't get his shit together, the whole thing could end badly for her, or maybe even Kooky. But probably her given his track record. At that point, there was nothing he could really do but see how this would all play out.