Chapter 7

Pretend. Did you ever wish to be someone or something else? I always wished to be anything, everything. Just not me. I wished and wished. Wished on every shooting star. Tried every alley available. The only way to escape was to pretend. Pretend that I was something else. Pretend that I wasn't alone. Pretend that I was needed. Pretend that I was special. Pretend that there was a someone special out there looking for me. But, none of it was ever real. Now, I'm all alone. Not needed. Not special. No someone special. Not anything but me. Just a play. Just a show. Just a game. Now its done. There's no need for an encore. Game over. Goodbye.

I was floating. Suspended in a black hollow. I don't know what exactly it is, but it is comforting and lulling. Suddenly, I was pulled. A sucking motion. My eyes shut. The darkness had disappeared, instead in front of me was my house in perfect, tip top shape. My family lazing in the garden, laughing. Happy. Unworried. Is this real? I pinched myself. It hurt, but then pinches didn't bring me out of my previous dreams. Then I realized, their laughter had no music, no joy. Every laugh was musical in real life. This wasn't real. Beside me, I felt a presence. I turned to find that it was Xavier. What was he doing here? He grabbed my hand and gave me a breathtaking smile. Then pulled me towards my family.

I knew this wasn't real. I chanted over and over in my mind. It's not real. Not real. Not real. Fake. A game. But who says that it matters? Who cares if this is fake? Isn't this what I've always wanted? Happiness? Let me pretend that this is real. Let me believe that this truly exists. If I believe hard enough, it would really become true. I don't want to go back. I don't want the reality. The reality of my life. The loneliness, the unwantedness. I don't want any of it. I just want to play. Play this game of pretend. Can't I keep playing forever?

All of a sudden, I hear a deep chorus of laughter. Not the nice, warm kind but the hollow, empty and lifeless type. The perfect picture starts to crumble. My family before me starts to rot and fray turning to ash and dust. Leaving only their skeleton behind. Xavier next to me, pulls away. Walking further and further. I couldn't call out. I couldn't scream. I couldn't reach. I couldn't do anything. I could only do nothing. The darkness started to envelop me, spinning round and round in a vortex. I just wanted to break down, to collapse, to cry, to die.

Then it stopped. A light streamed through. A distant humming seemed to shake the darkness off, as if cobwebs were being brushed away. Holes of light started to break the darkness. Little, then little, and finally falling away in chunks. I hear a final cry of desperation before the darkness finally disappeared. By this time the humming had grown louder and louder, seeming to lead me from this suspension. I followed it, right into the light.