The month immediately following the rainy day that ended with Kenta learning about his parents' past, life in the Kinoya residence seemed to have grown quieter and more somber. Akira still maintained her cold shoulder treatment toward her cousin. At the same time, Lee spent less and less time with the rest of his family so that he could focus all of his energy (or what was left of it after hours of assessing his graduate students' dissertation drafts) nursing Chiharu. He was adamant that he was more than capable of balancing his professorial duties with the around-the-clock care his wife required.

"Lee, how come you never seem to run out of energy even after a long day at the office?" the sickly woman asked weakly as her husband fastened the blood pressure checker around her upper arm. "How come you insist on caring for me yourself instead of hiring a nurse?"

"Because you're worth it," the man replied as he noted Chiharu's abnormally low blood pressure and opened a bottle of fludrocortisone gels before helping her keep the prescribed medication down with a glass of non-caffeinated oolong tea. "And because I know you would do the same if I were the one being bedridden. Please don't feel bad about it. In sickness and in health, remember? Besides, it's not like I'm doing this alone. Shiori and Aikawa take turns looking after you too, right? You know we have something like a schedule going. It is my shift now."

"I wonder," Chiharu rubbed her tea mug pensively, "whether your brother and Shiori only do that to be respectful of you. Given that I was unfriendly toward them back when I was still healthier, I understand if they're resentful of me but are too polite to let their resentment show. I also wonder if I am taking their attention away from their son."

"Aikawa probably is being polite, yes," Lee admitted. "But Shiori? She's a saint and I'm sure you're aware of how patient she has always been. You owe her an apology too, just like you said you owe Ezekiel one. As for our nephew, I think he inherited his mother's saintly nature. Have you ever seen a teenager more mature than Kenta? The boy would be okay. He knows Aikawa and Shiori would prioritize him no matter how busy they are."

"I wish..." Chiharu gestured at the family portrait by her bedside, "I wish I had been kinder to Shiori and realized sooner that she's a lot smarter than I gave her credit for. She definitely is smarter than I am when it comes to parenting. Say, Lee, if Akira were her daughter and not ours... If I weren't the one who gave birth to her... If I hadn't valued a degree above all else..."

"Chiharu, stop. I get it. You think you've failed at parenting," Lee put a hand under his wife's chin and forced her to face him. Tears glistened in his eyes as he kept speaking. "But your failure is not solely yours. I'm Akira's parent too. We're a team. I won't let you take all the blame. I fail too, my flower. I fail at being the father she needs. For that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry we ruined our daughter. I'm sorry that I haven't been attentive to her. I should have listened to Aikawa when he told me that he didn't exactly see me as a dad material."

"I want you to answer my question with brutal honesty, okay?" Chiharu gave Lee's hand a weak squeeze. "Do you ever regret having a child with me? If you could go back to when we were bleeding-heart, sparkly-eyed, twenty-three-year-old newlyweds, would you have told me not to keep her because we admittedly were clueless about how to raise a child the right way? You know how to raise a winged elephant and I know how to raise a dolphin-seahorse hybrid, but raising a human is a different matter entirely."

"Our decision not to terminate your pregnancy despite your health issues wasn't a mistake!" Lee argued. "Our mistake was assuming that the way we were raised by our parents, which is to say being raised with little knowledge of how to express affection unashamedly, would work just fine with Akira. We were mistaken in our assumption that she wouldn't expect us to prove our love unabashedly, the way Shiori and Aikawa are always affectionate with Kenta."

"Is it too late to undo everything?" Chiharu cried softly into her blanket. "Is it too late to repair what has been damaged? She feels unloved, doesn't she? So how can I show her that she's loved when she's gone without sufficient proof of our love for so long?"

"Actions speak louder than words, or so the adage goes," Lee handed her a handkerchief. "And I think what we can do now is to support her no matter what the outcomes of the Mathlympic might be. Win or lose, we have to appreciate her effort in studying so hard for such a competitive event. We have to reassure her that she is already a winner in our hearts and the same principle goes when it comes to her choice of partner. We must welcome Ezekiel the way Shiori and Aikawa always welcomed Johan to hang out here as a guest back when he was a tourist."

"Do you think I will be able to hold off the progression of my disease and stay alive just long enough to see the result of the Mathlympic being announced?" Chiharu said as her breathing became more labored. "L-Lee, I... I-I am running out of time and we can't deny it."

"Yeah. So what do you want to do, my flower? Akira said not to expect Ezekiel to come to you and instead we should be the ones who approach him, but perhaps it doesn't have to mean physically coming to his place?" Lee got up from the bed and reached for his laptop, which he had left charging by the nightstand. "Maybe we can record a video of you apologizing. That way, even if Death claims you before the day of the Mathlympic results announcement, we would still have the video to show Ezekiel and Akira that you regret not being supportive sooner."

"That works," Chiharu smiled. "And you should record me before I become unable to speak at all. But there's always a possibility that Ezekiel would refuse to watch our recording, so is there a point in making this video?"

"Maybe it's pointless, but at least by doing this, you would be able to honestly tell Kami-sama in the afterlife that you've tried. In the afterlife, when Kami-sama is making the judgment of whether you can go on to have a peaceful existence in the spirit realm or be an eternally wandering spirit in the human realm, you can convincingly say that you would look after your daughter as a spirit no matter what."

****

Two hundred and forty-five million miles away on Black Elm, Johan was sitting down with his new Mathlympic teammate Sherlyn Zulfikar to review the details of their departure to Silver Pine. They had chosen to meet at Yellow Rhododendron Cafe, an establishment just across the road from Bataplai High School. Sherlyn was a fan of the cafe's lavender honey latte and could not stop raving about the beverage during the past few days, thus Johan agreed to give the menu a try although he was not much of a coffee drinker.

"I can't believe you're more of a tea person than a coffee person, Johannes!" Sherlyn laughed as they found a table for themselves and waited for the barista to whip up their orders. "But you won't regret trying the latte, trust me. You're missing out. If I were you and I lived closer to this cafe, I would've bought the latte every day. My sister probably wouldn't be too happy about me wasting money on expensive lattes, though. Today's an exception as she said I've earned this rare treat--she was over the moon that you and I made it to the interplanetary round of Mathlympic."

"You have a sister?" Johan looked up from the Mathlympic handbook he was reading. "And not that it bothers me, but why are you always calling me by my full name?"

"Yes, an older sister. Her name is Linda and she's 27. Huge age gap, I know. Sometimes people thought Linda was my aunt and not my sibling!" Sherlyn chuckled. "As for why I like calling you by your full name, it's because it sounds nicer to my ears and I've noticed I'm the only one calling you that way. It makes me feel closer to you as a teammate. But how come you have a German first name when your siblings have Indonesian-sounding names?"

"My dad chose my siblings' names but my mom chose mine. She named me after her favorite classical piano composer from Earth, Johannes Sebastian Bach. I'm not a very good pianist, though, but I can play harmonica. Anyway, I have a question about your name too. Well, your surname. What ethnic origin is Zulfikar supposed to be from?"

"It is an Arabic name popular in what used to be the Indian subcontinent," Sherlyn explained. "My ancestors were Pakistani Muslim soldiers. In the Qur'an, Zulfikar is the name given to Prophet Muhammad's cousin's sword. Now, I am not a Muslim and neither is Linda, but we do like being associated with something legendary."

"That's cool. My mom knows a lot about Earth's ancient artifacts, but I'm not sure if she has heard of the sword you mentioned," Johan nodded. "Perhaps because the Arabian Peninsula and Asia weren't her chosen Earth archeology specialty. She specializes in the Oceania."

"Your mom sounds wonderful," Sherlyn said with a hint of longing in her voice. "And now you've made me miss mine. Maybe one day I'll tell you more about her and also about my dad. But long story short, they passed away in a house fire when I was nine going on ten."

"I'm sorry," Johan put his hands together and bowed his head slightly. "I didn't mean to upset you. That must have been difficult for you. So I take it that Linda is your legal guardian?"

"It's okay, Johannes, you couldn't have known. And yes, Linda legally obtained guardianship over me. I admire her so much because I can't imagine having to essentially become a mother figure starting from when she was barely nineteen. This is why the Mathlympic is a huge deal to me just like it is to you," Sherlyn said as she anxiously folded the paper napkin her latte came with. "I can't let her take care of me forever. She deserves to chase after her own dreams, you see, instead of working so hard to make sure I achieve my ambitions. I know that her annual income from working as a pharmacology technician intern isn't enough to pay for Blue Orchid, so I want to cover the rest myself."

"Then we better win," Johan replied empathetically. "And hopefully if we win Akira doesn't take it as a personal affront or anything. As I've told you before, I have mixed feelings about going up against her. I will try my best, however, not to let my emotions get in the way of us winning."

"What is your relationship with the Kinoya family again? You said you know the professor personally, but I'm still unclear of what exactly you are to him."

"So, Lee-sensei's nephew, Akira's cousin, is my best friend."

My boyfriend, Johan corrected himself in his mind, but she can't know that yet. She seems to be a decent person so far, but if she or her sister is like an average queerphobic Elmian I can't let my guard down. I let my guard down around poor Bethany and it caused her to clash with Mrs. Mhoirbheinn, so I can't afford to create even more problems. If I lose a teammate again, it's game over. I can't let the game end before it begins. I need this so that I can be free.

"Johannes, you okay?" Sherlyn asked worriedly. "Black Elm to Johannes!"

"Yeah, I'm okay. Sorry, I was spacing out a bit. Nervous habit."

"Aww, I can relate. I get nervous often too and I must confess I am nervous thinking about flying to a different planet because I've never flown that far before. But we should be okay on Silver Pine, we will have our chaperones with us. Linda has taken several days off work and agreed to chaperone me," Sherlyn said excitedly, "and I assume that your mom would chaperone you?"

"This is going to sound very weird, but no. My dad insists that my homeroom teacher, Ms. Judith Richards, chaperones me. Apparently, he and Mrs. Richards used to attend the same church before my family moved to a different borough of Bataplai City. Dad said he would feel better about me going to Silver Pine if Mrs. Richards came with me and yeah, I don't understand his reasoning myself because wouldn't my mom keep me safe too? But that's my dad for you. Once he's made his mind up, my mom and I can't get a say in the matter because--" Johan put a hand to his mouth when he realized he was giving away too much information. "Sorry, I'm rambling!"

My parents constantly fighting is none of this girl's business.

"Nah, I like hearing you ramble!" Sherlyn giggled. "I can listen to you all day, really! Has anyone told you yet that you have a beautiful voice? I know that people describe a voice as beautiful when someone is singing, but yours sounds beautiful even when you're just talking."

If this compliment had come from Kenta, I would've melted right now. Dear Lord, why does it have to be from her?

"Um, thanks? You're the first one to say so about my voice."

"Honored to be the first. Actually, Johannes? I have a request if you don't mind kindly granting it," Sherlyn smiled shyly and looked away from him before speaking again. "If we win the final round of the Mathlympic, would you want to have me as your girlfriend?"

Kenta, I hope you can forgive me. You know I only have eyes for you but my dad would beat me up black and blue if the cat ever comes out of the bag. We need to keep the cat hidden for now.

"You said if we win, right? So I take it to mean if we lose we would remain just friends?"

"Yes," Sherlyn replied while fidgeting with her thumbs, "I am giving you an easy reason to reject me but that's because I don't want you to feel forced to enter into a relationship. I've liked you ever since we first met, Johannes, but I wasn't sure you liked me back. Now that we're getting to know each other a little better, though, I think you like me too. Am I wrong? But of course just because two people like each other doesn't mean they automatically would start a relationship."

"That's a good way to sum up the complexity of human social codes," Johan laughed. "But I must say I've never heard this custom of giving someone an easy way to say no to being asked out. Is that a Pakistani thing or just a Sherlyn thing?"

"It's a me thing, I guess? Not to info dump on you or anything, but I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria. What it means is that rejection hurts me a lot more than it would hurt an average person. I didn't even know RSD was a real psychological term until a childhood friend of mine, Kaoru Hitomi, mentioned that some horses bred for horse races suffer from it, especially if their trainers abandon them after they fail to perform well in a race, and so he theorized that humans can have a more severe form of the dysphoria and--"

"Wait, you know Kaoru?" Johan interrupted. "Wow, perhaps Indigo Inferno isn't as big of a solar system as I have thought. But just to confirm, your Kaoru is a deaf person with a ponytail?"

"Yes, that's correct! Small solar system indeed. Kaoru and I haven't seen each other ever since the house fire accident that killed my parents, but that's a story for another day. I hope the fact that he is our mutual friend means you'd be able to get us to reconnect, though. By the way, where was I? Oh yeah, RSD. So, Kaoru gave me a suggestion to overcome the dysphoria. What they suggested was that maybe I should learn to anticipate rejection so that it wouldn't sting too much when it comes. Knowing a rejection's coming is different from being blindsided by it."

I probably am going to blindside her if we do end up going steady and then I have to break up with her, though. I should ask Kenta if he can brainstorm with me ways to let a girl down nicely.

"Interesting. Alright, so if I understand correctly you're saying I can reject you if we lose the competition because you anticipate that we would lose? Or is it because you anticipate that I wouldn't want you to be my girlfriend?"

"Both. But here's one more thing to add to the deal, Johannes. If we do win and then you become my boyfriend, don't you dare change your mind about it! That would fall under the blindsiding type of rejection. I won't survive that. I would die inside and maybe even literally."

Dear Lord, I am the bad person here because I would "change my mind" months later, but please don't count this as a sin. Let my gayness be the only big sin I ever committed. I already am in hell for being gay, so don't turn this hell I'm living even hellish just because I'm lying to a girl. I know I'd be putting myself into a lion's mouth if I dated someone with RSD, but have mercy on me.

"Deal. You don't have to worry that I would reject you as long as we win the Mathlympic."

Even if I'm winning, I'm losing. Do you hate me this much, God? Or is this a test? I know that you give the most difficult test to your strongest warriors, but I'm not a warrior and I'm not that strong, so why me? I know that in my prayers I always say your will shall be done in Indigo Inferno as it is in Heaven, but is it your will that happiness with Kenta remains out of my reach? And I know that in my prayers I also say I want your kingdom to come, but if your kingdom is one in which Kenta and I can never be truly happy, then maybe I don't want your kingdom to come.