"And that concludes today's lesson about DNA sequencing in mammals and its usage in understanding mammalian diseases," a teacher said to a room full of pale-skinned teenagers, save for one dark-skinned boy. "Next Monday we will move on to the debates over the role of sex in animal kingdom," the teacher continued speaking to her class, "and I want you to pick an animal to research about. Any animal, I don't care what. Penguins, chameleons, whatever, as long as—"she frowned when the dark-skinned boy raised his hand. "What is it, Johan?"

"You said any animal. Humans are technically animals, so can I pick humans for my project?"

"Why?" a girl who sat behind Johan sniggered. "So that you have an excuse to be a pervert?"

The classroom erupted into laughter, which persisted until the teacher gave everyone an annoyed look. That didn't deter the girl, who went on calling Johan unflattering names.

"You have nothing to say to me?" she raised an eyebrow. "Then it's true, you're a sex addict."

"That's enough from you, Bethany!" the teacher raised her voice. "To go back to your question, Johan, yes you can but what for? What is it about human sex that you want to explore?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Bethany butted in. "I told you he has no self-control and is addicted to sex."

Johan ignored her, although tears threatened to escape his eyes, and got up from his seat to hand a piece of paper to his teacher. When he returned to his seat, he busied himself with his laptop.

"What was that paper for?" Bethany asked. When Johan didn't answer, she kicked his leg under the chair. "Hey, did you hear me? I was asking what the hell that pa—"

"That's not for you to know, young lady!" the teacher interrupted. "Anyway, shouldn't you leave class already?" she gestured toward the hallway, now noisy with students running to their lockers to grab their stuff before going home. "Go to your extracurricular activity. Aren't you in the modeling and photography club? Don't they have a meeting today?"

"Oh shit!" Bethany gathered her belongings. "Thanks, Mrs. Richard, I almost forgot!"

With Bethany out of the classroom, Mrs. Richard took a seat next to Johan and began reading what he had written. Meanwhile, the boy stayed quiet with his gaze fixed to a website.

"Hmm, I didn't expect a thorough proposal, at least not until I announce the deadline for the assignment," she said when she finished reading. "But in hindsight, I should've known. You've always given this class your best. But are you sure about the topic you want to present next week? I don't have a problem with it, but Bethany and others might laugh at you even more."

"I'm used to it," Johan replied. "You know me, ma'am, I turn the other cheek and pray that one day God will show them that I'm no different from them—just a guy with a lot of curiosity."

"That you are," Mrs. Richard smiled. "Hey, what's that website?" she pointed to his laptop.

"This is the website for Blue Orchid University of Xenobiology. I'm thinking of applying to their Earth Biology department. It's a prestigious department, though, so I'll have to do something impressive to get in," Johan explained, his lips curling into the beginning of a grin.

"Oh, so that's why you proposed a research on the biological roots of same-sex attraction in humans and its possible connection to a mutation happening to the fetus in the womb!" exclaimed Mrs. Richard, whose grin rivaled that of her student. "That could definitely impress your future professors. But out of all the possible majors to choose for, why Earth Biology?"

"My mom is an anthropologist and historian studying the 21st century," Johan said with a hint of pride in his voice, "so naturally she instills in my siblings and me a deep sense of respect for where we came from. You should've heard her going on and on about cultural diversities."

"I see," Mrs. Richards noted. "That sounds interesting, what your mom does. But Johan, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. This will stay between us," she winked.

"So you suspected," the boy sighed. "The answer is yes. Go on, tell me I'm going to hell."

"Going to hell?" Mrs. Richard repeated after him. "For not listening to your dad? No, Johan, you shouldn't live your life meeting other people's expectations of you, not even your own parents' expectations. It's okay if you don't want to go to a seminary. You're more than just a Catholic."

"Oh, so that's what you wanted to ask!" Johan let out a breath he was holding.

"What were you thinking I was going to ask you about?" Mrs. Richards tilted her head in confusion. "Of course I want to bring up the discrepancy between what you wrote in your essay about future plans and what you just revealed to be your intended major. I'm here for you."

"Do you mean it?" Johan asked with his arms crossed. "The part about being here for me."

"I mean it," Mrs. Richard held a pinky finger, "because I know you are friendless."

"I have a friend! I'm not that much of a loner, thanks for assuming," Johan scoffed. "I appreciate you looking out for me, ma'am, but your assumption isn't a very nice one."

"Is your friend really a friend if you keep that from him?" Mrs. Richard pointed to Johan's left arm. "Yes, I have a feeling your friend is a him. Yes, I know what you often do with your arm."

"How?!"

"Oh, it's not that difficult to put two and two together," Mrs. Richard shrugged. "You're the only student in this school who wears long-sleeved shirts no matter the weather. Even during sports you choose not to change out of your shirts. I know it's not for modesty like you claim."

"What are you going to do with that information? Call my parents?" Johan said with the subtlest tone of indifference. "They wouldn't care. They're too busy working to ever come to school. I thought you know that too?" he threw his hands up. "That's why no one does anything about Bethany harassing me. My parents never responded to the counselors asking them to meet with Bethany's parents. I'm left to my own devices. But everything else's okay, ma'am, I'm fine."

"Johan, cutting your arm because of parental negligence is NOT okay!"

"It's not their fault I'm neglected," Johan refuted. "How else are they gonna support three children if both of them stay at home? Our ancestors were billionaires, but we certainly are not."

"But still, you're only a ki—"

"I'm not a kid, I'm fifteen!" Johan retorted. "Speaking of kids, my little siblings are waiting for me. Good day, Mrs. Richards!" the teenager slung his bag and rushed out of the room.

***

Contrary to what Johan had expected, he found neither Nardhia nor Nardho when he stepped onto his family's living room. Instead, his dad was there holding a thick book Johan recognized.

Why is Dad reading the same book I was reading? Wait, that's my book indeed! Stay calm, stay calm, I can make a reason up. I'll tell him it is part of the biology syllabus for the semester.

"What takes you so long?" Mr. Sitohang rose up from the couch and greeted his oldest son in Indonesian. "The twins got tired waiting for you, so they're upstairs watching a re-run of Angelic Sienna. I hope this would be the first and only time you came home late, young man."

Crap. Indonesian. He only uses that language whenever he's in a bad mood. Calm down, calm down, maybe it's different this time. Maybe he's testing if I'm still practicing our ancestral language. Good thing I've been practicing in my free time. Let's see if I can reply in his tongue.

"Maaf, Amang, tadi aku bicara sebentar dengan Bu Guru," Johan replied in the politest form of Indonesian he knew, telling his dad that his teacher had wanted to see him afterschool.

"Maaf? Yeah, you should be sorry for failing to be a good brother!" Mr. Sitohang sneered. "Don't you know what Nardho found in your bedroom?" he held up Johan's book high in the air.

"What's wrong with him finding my book?" Johan played dumb. "It's not like he could read already, Amang. But even if he could, what harm would it do him? Sex is a natural part of life. I mean, even the Bible encourages it. Be fruitful and multiply."

"He's five! Five!" Mr. Sitohang roared. "And this!" he flipped open a page in which there was a picture of two guys kissing. "No son of mine is going to follow worldly desires. I thought I made it clear. I thought you understand that you need to stay pure to enter the Kingdom."

"Kissing is a worldly desire now?" Johan kept playing dumb. "But I've seen you and mom kissed. More than once, in fact. Why is it an exception when it comes to you two?"

"Your mom and I are married in a real marriage. These sinners," Mr. Sitohang jeered at the picture, "are not a married couple. Society has legalized sin, but the Bible is clear about the rules. You should know better. This Sunday, go to church confessional. But tonight, burn this book."

"Do I have to, Amang?" Johan pleaded. "But books are precious. Didn't you say so yourself? Didn't our ancestors have a saying about that? Buku adalah jendela dunia," he quoted an old Indonesian proverb, "books are windows to the outside world. Now you want me to close my windows to the outside world? What would our ancestors say?"

"This book is not a window or a door or a portal!" Mr. Sitohang barked. "Burn it."

"Tidak mau!" Johan objected. "I won't do it," he repeated in English. "You've crossed a line."

"What does the Bible say about listening to your parents, son?" Mr. Sitohang brushed him off.

"Honor thy father and thy mother. Yes, I know that verse, but honoring you doesn't mean I can't think for myself. Honoring you means being respectful to you, but right now I don't think you've earned my respect because you've disrespected me by wanting me to destroy my book."

"Isn't it the other way around?" the dad laughed derisively. "Defying your own dad isn't respectful. You know I love you, Johan, and because I love you I try to guide you."

"This isn't love!" the teenager shouted, his fists clenching. "Love is kind and you are not."

"How am I not kind? Trying to lead you away from hell is kindness."

"I already AM in hell living with a dad like you!" Johan blurted out. Silence ensued.

"I dare you to say that again but louder," Mr. Sitohang finally said. "Say it in the loudest voice you can muster. So loud that Nardhia and Nardho can hear you. Let's see how they feel about it."

"Don't bring the twins into this," Johan gritted his teeth, "This has nothing to do with them. I take my words back, Amang. I will burn the book, whatever you want, just leave them alone. Please? They don't need to know that we're fighting. Let them have a peaceful day for once."

"Say it. Let this be a lesson to your siblings too," Mr. Sitohang paused for a second, "of what could happen if a child ever disobeys his parent," he reached into his pants' pocket and took out a cigarette lighter, holding it dangerously close to the book that had caused the whole debacle.

"Amang, what are you doing?!" Johan leapt forward, trying to snatch the lighter away. "Don't burn the book indoor! Gimme that, I'll burn my book, I promise, but outdoor!"

"What difference does it make? Outdoor, indoor, I couldn't care less."

"I'm calling the cops!" Johan started to dial the police office number, but his dad was quicker.

One hard hit to the back of his neck later, the teenager was down on the floor.

***

"For the love of everything holy!" a woman's frantic scream brought Johan back to consciousness. "You could've killed him, Petrus! Kill him, you hear? Our son!"

Mom?

"But I didn't. He's okay, he was just knocked out."

"JUST knocked out? You hit him with such a force! I swear to Mother Mary, if he doesn't w—"

Why can't I see anything?

"Mama, Papa, don't fight!" a little girl cried. "I'm scared."

Oh great, now my sister's day is ruined. Hang on, why is she here? Where is here?

"Yes, stop fighting! Papa, why is the nurse not here yet? When will Johan wake up?"

What day is it?

"What do you mean? The guy who was just here is a nurse, Nardho."

"Can we call the nurse back, Papa?" the five-year-old pleaded.

"What for? He already told us your brother just need to rest. Don't you trust the nurse?"

Rest? What drugs am I on? Am I even drugged? That'd explain my sight being gone.

"The nurse also said a big word I don't understand. Concu—what was it again, Dhia?"

"Concussion. B-Brain injury," the girl replied through a series of sniffles. "Johan's hurt, Dho."

"And it's y'all dad's fault! This is why we fight, because I don't like what your dad's done. Hitting Johan like that over a petty argument... What kind of demon possessed you, Petrus?"

It wasn't demonic possession. Dad has turned into something scarier than a demon. Ugh. I'm so sick of everything. So sick of living under the same roof as him. Dear Lord, I'm so sick.

"He deserved a good ol' smacking, Clara. You should've heard how he talked back to me. What have you been teaching him? You taught him it's okay to be disobedient?"

"I taught him to think for himself. You should be happy that he has a mind of his own. Or do you think being a parent means you can control him forever? You thought wrong. What a moron."

I... I feel like vomiting.

"H-help me," a weak whimper was all Johan could manage. "H-help," he whimpered a second time as the need to throw up grew stronger. He forced his eyes open. Bright light flooded his vision. Before he could lift a hand to shield his eyes, he felt a pair of arms pulling him close.

"Don't fret, sweetheart," Clara said softly. "Tell me what you need. Water? More blanket?"

"M-ma? I'm very s—"

"Don't be. You weren't in the in the wrong. Not in the slightest," the mom pulled the son into a protective hug. "Let me get a doctor. Nardhia, Nardho, watch him and don't let Dad be mean."

"Don't be mean!" the twins said in unison.

If Johan wasn't suppressing an urge to puke, he would've lightly chuckled and ruffled the little ones' hair. Instead, he made a grunting sound to acknowledge that he heard everything.

"Can you see us? Or is everything blurry?" Nardhia asked. From the way the hospital bed shook, Johan could tell the girl was climbing up to cuddle with him. He tried shaking his head.

"Is that a no? Aww. Bummer. But I'm here. Can Nardho snuggle up with you too?"

"Y-Yeah."

"That bed is meant for three people," Mr. Sitohang chimed in. "Climb down, Nardhia."

"But I'm small!" the girl protested. "I'm not heavy at all. And Nardho's skinny."

"I bet if Kenta's here he'd like to jump onto the bed too!" the little boy said.

Oh right, I haven't talked to hikari since last weekend. I should update him on how I'm doing. Perhaps Mrs. Richard is right. Am I really friends with hikari if I keep secrets from him?

"Let's give Kenta a call after the doctor check on you!" as if reading Johan's mind, Nardhia shoved him his phone. "I miss him. I hope he's been missing us too."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Mr. Sitohang objected. "Kenta could be busy this evening."

"But Johan needs Kenta!" Nardhia pouted. "Kenta is nice and will make him feel better."

"And you promised mom not to be mean, remember?" Nardho backed his sister up.

Mr. Sitohang glared at the twins but the twins glared back as if it was a game of staring contest.

"You blinked, so we won!" Nardhia giggled. "No worries, Johan, we'll call Kenta for you."

"You two are a menace," Mr. Sitohang sighed. "Have your way, then. I'm going for a smoke."

***

It took quite a while for Clara to flag down a doctor. When she eventually caught the attention of one, Johan's nausea was mostly gone and his sight returned to normal. Just to be on the safe side, however, the mother still fiercely insisted on her son receiving a thorough check-up.

"The audacity of this hospital and its entire staff to leave a concussed patient unattended!" she complained once the medical examination was completed and the doctor left to report to the laboratory technician. "Next time any of my children has an emergency, which I hope is never, I'd know which hospital to avoid. This one treats us like dirt just because we're not white."

"Ma, I'm alright. My stomach was upset but that was it, nothing serious!" Johan berated her.

"Nothing serious? Son, you hit the floor head first and bled so much."

"Oh well, at least my skull is intact."

"Not my point!" the woman pinched the bridge of her nose, "and quit trying to make light of it."

"Mama, are you mad at Johan?" Nardho tugged at Clara's dress. "Then be mad at me too."

"And also me!" Nardhia quickly added.

"Why would I be mad at y'all? Your dad being violent has nothing to do with y'all."

"Be mad at us because we were busy watching cartoons when Johan came home from school."

"What?" Clara broke into a laughter. "Nardho, watching cartoons doesn't make you a bad kid."

"Nardhia and I were bad for getting bored waiting for Johan, Mama."

"Look, kids, even if you were there in the living room when your dad turned into a monster it's not like you can stop him," Clara beckoned for the twins to come for a group hug. "Don't blame yourself. I should be the one apologizing for marrying a person with anger issues."

"To be fair, his anger issues didn't start until I turned thirteen," Johan interrupted. "Perhaps if I were in his shoes I'd have problem controlling my anger too. Dealing with me isn't easy."

"Dealing with you? Pfft, what's there to deal with? You saying your dad can't handle the mildest puberty hormones?" Clara snorted. "Compared to most teens, you're a breath of fresh air."

"If you said so," Johan shrugged. "Ma, when I go to college, are you gonna work from home so that you can watch the twins and make sure dad won't beat them like he beat me?"

"I will bring them to work with me. I believe my co-workers wouldn't mind. They bring their kids too sometimes. If they don't want me to bring mine, I'll point their hypocrisy out to them."

"Mhm," Johan nodded. "Ma, you do notice that I said college and not seminary, right?"

"I noticed. Johan, don't let your dad dictate your future. If you wanna go to college, then go."

"What if I wanna go to a college in Red Sycamore? Sycamorean colleges are expensive. I do have a plan to apply to a scholarship, but in case I don't make the cut then perha—"

"You'll make the cut, sweetheart."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you're smart and also because my gut tells me someone special will help you get in."

"I wish I have a special someone."

"I thought you already did? Don't lie, I know that look of a teenager in love."

"I'm not lying, Ma, I'm still single."

"You won't be for long, trust me. Your crush probably is wondering when you'll confess."

"Johan's gonna call his crush tonight!" Nardhia blurted out. "Nardho and I begged him to."

"Aww, we got matchmakers in training!" Clara grinned. "In that case, we'll be off."

"Bye, Johan! Enjoy talking with you-know-who!" Nardho gave the older boy a wink.

It's not gonna be enjoyable, bro. If only you know what I'm gonna tell him. It's gonna be a confession, alright, just not the rainbow-and-roses type. I hope he'd still call me his friend.

Despite wanting to cry, Johan flashed his brother a smile. "Yup. Later, alligator."