"I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I wait here forever just to, to see you smile.
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you."
-Sum 41, With Me.
________________________
Asher was sprawled out on his stomach on his bed when I got out of the shower. My hair was soaked, brushed, and resting against my back. Asher's clothes on me were warm and roomy, giving me chills at the sudden comfort I felt in them.

Without his shirt on, I could see the tattoos on his arms and even one on his shoulder blade. They covered his left arm like a sleeve and a few were randomly placed on his right arm. I wasn't close enough to see the small details in them, though. I just admired the way they looked against his skin.

I jumped when he suddenly stood up, turning to face me. "Oh, I didn't know you were done." He rubbed the back of his head awkwardly.

"It's okay," I mustered as I tried not to look at his shirtless upper body. He looked around his room messy room to find a white muscle shirt to pull on.

"Oh, Grayson is staying with Ellie tonight because of the snow. Just thought you'd like to know," he explained. I smirked and jumped onto the soft and bouncy bed.

"I won't even have to threaten him to be good to Ellie," I laughed. Grayson was the kind of person to not stop after he's threatened countless times. But, after being kneed in the nuts just once, I think he got the point: don't mess with Ellie. She came from Georgia, the southwestern part, and she knows how handle herself.

"Why's that?" Asher asked, amused.

I chuckled to myself. "Ellie sort of kneed him in the balls the other night after he lost her at Washington State Park..." I trailed off.

Asher's eyes widened before he burst into guffaws. "Seriously?" I nodded my head, not able to answer because of the giggles erupting from me. My phone started going off where it was still in my pants in the bathroom. I jumped off the bed and ran to grab it.

"Speak of the devil," I said, showing Asher the caller I.D of Ellie's name on my screen.

He laughed and shook his head at me. "I'm going to take a shower." He took a set of clothes and disappeared down the hall and into the bathroom.

"Hello?" I answered as I flopped back onto the bed.

"Bea? Hey," Grayson's mischievous voice rang through. I pulled back my phone to make sure it was Ellie's name written across the screen. I wasn't insane, I was sure.

"Why are you calling me on Ellie's phone?" I asked in monotone. Probably just Grayson and his shenanigans.

"Because I figured you would've blocked me by now. You know, best friends with your ex? Anyway, that's not my point." He sounded thoughtful as he spoke which scared me, not in a seriously scared way, though.

"Okay, what's your point?" I inquired, almost eager to hear what he had to say.

"Are you... fixing him? Like right now?" He hesitated on the words he was trying to spit out.

"You act like 'fixing' him is like sex." I deadpanned, not amused anymore.

"Ha-ha, good one, and maybe I was, but if it's not that, what are you doing?"

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. If there was ever a guy with a dirtier mind than the average male, it was Grayson. I wondered where Ellie was and secretly wished she would take the phone away from Grayson to save me the embarrassment.

"Grayson," I stressed. "Helping someone takes a little less of that and a lot more of talking and listening."

"You mean it does take a little bit of it?" He asked suggestively. I could imagine him wiggling his eyebrows at me.

It was weird talking to him so much in the last few days. In high school, we were never that close. Ben and Quentin were the closest to me, besides Asher. Grayson was always more interested in going out to hang out with girls or his other friends, if you could call them that. We never had the chance to have a close friendship, yet we were still close enough to act like this.

"You are a child," I sighed into the phone.

"Spoken like a true therapist!" He exclaimed.

"I diagnose you with immaturity and a slight chance of stupidity," I argued back. There was a shuffling in the background like he was fighting with someone. He chuckled loudly and sounded far away for a moment.

"Bea? Hey, Bea!" Ellie's hollered into the phone. I held my phone away from my ear for a second so that her voice wouldn't deafen me.

"I'm right here, Ellie," I announced.

"What were you thinking letting this idiot into the apartment? Now he won't leave!" She scolded me. I couldn't help but laugh at that. There was more shuffling in the background before a loud thump and Ellie yelling, "Grayson, I'm capable of kneeing you again!"

"Ellie, I'm going now," I told her, hoping to get off the phone and relax a little bit more before Asher finished his shower.

"Wait!" She shouted a little too loud. "Grayson said you were with Asher. Why? I thought you hated him?" Ellie asked, a slam echoing behind her. She must have escaped to her room to get away from Grayson.

"I don't hate him," I whispered to Ellie. I could never hate Asher. Above anything, I loved him, no matter how far apart we grew. "I'm going to be there for him like he was for me."

"Typical Bea," Ellie sighed happily. "Always doing the right thing." I smiled to myself at that, thankful that she thought of me that way.

"Thank you and, I don't know when I'll be home – depends on the weather," I told her. My fingers played with the ends of my hair as I stretched them above my head. "Bye, Ellie."

"Okay, I'll see you later!" She sang before hanging up. I knew she'd be worried if I never told her where I was or when I'd be home.

I tossed my phone off to the side, hearing it fall softly onto the rug beside the bed. I was never one to panic when I dropped my phone because it always had a case on it, so it was a usual thing for me to just toss it to the side. One day I'm sure it'll catch up to me. I sat up when Asher walked into the room, rubbing a towel over his wet hair, a pair of sweatpants slung low on his hips and a loose shirt on him.

"Glad to see you didn't drown," I joked with him, leaning back onto my elbows. Asher chuckled, tossing his towel onto the floor as he opened the door to his closet. He shuffled through a few things, throwing some blankets over his shoulders as he dug deeper into the closet. I stood up and walked over behind him, crossing my arms over my chest. He threw another blanket behind him and it landed on my head.

I turned around to see the blankets and pillows he had just thrown behind him. He was going to sleep on the couch – or somewhere that didn't involve sharing it with me.

"Asher, you can sleep in your own bed," I told him flatly. He stopped searching for more blankets and pillows, which by the way, I couldn't figure out how got in there.

"I figured it would make you uncomfortable," he said as he turned to look at me. My eyes searched his and found genuine concern. I shook my head and went to the left side of the bed, pushing the blankets back enough for me to climb under.

"We're adults now," I insisted. "I think we can handle it." I patted the spot beside me and smiled to myself when he sat down, climbing under the blankets beside me. The bed was big enough to fit two more people and still have plenty of room.

I settled down into the blankets and pulled them up to beneath my chin, facing toward Asher. He sat leaning back against the headboard, staring off into space. Either there was an unusual look on his face or the sleepiness I felt was getting to me. With the dark room looming over us, I pushed myself up so I was propped on my elbow.

"Why aren't you going to sleep?" I asked tentatively. He smiled and shook his head, finally sinking into the blankets. I couldn't but think how cute it was to see a grown, muscle-y, tattooed, guy nestle down under a bunch of sheets.

"I don't know," he mumbled, looking up at me. I sank down so we were at the same eye level. The look on his face told me he was hiding something, especially since he was trying to hide his face.

"Why are you lying to me?" I whispered. Something about the dark and quiet room made me want to lower my voice. The only light came from the cracked curtains behind me by the window.

Asher stared at me for a minute. "I don't know," he answered defeated.

"I'm a pretty good secret keeper, you know," I told him quietly. There was a slim chance of him telling me what's really wrong if I forced it out of him, so my tactics were to poke and prod. He turned onto his side and rested his head on top of his folded hands. I mimicked his position.

"I probably shouldn't tell you." He yawned sleepily. I held my breath to keep from yawning as well.

"Why not?" I asked honestly. He was never good at telling me things that bothered him.

"Because then you'll be worried. You always worry way too much." His excuse couldn't get any worse. Of course I worried, but that was a good thing, right?

"Why's that so bad?" I asked him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"No one is supposed to care about me like that, Bea. That's how they get hurt," he replied.

"That's not true," I automatically said.

"Look what happened to you," he murmured softly. I turned to lie on my back and stare up at the ceiling.

"That's ridiculous. I care about you so much, Asher. Even if you decide not to tell me, I'll still care and I'll still worry," I argued with him. My stubborn side was making an appearance.

"Come on," he groaned. I didn't answer him. "Bea..." I turned over on my side so I wasn't facing and couldn't see him. "Okay, okay. I have insomnia. I can't sleep at night unless I'm drugged up. Happy?"

I flipped myself over so I could look at him. "There's so much stress on me, Bea. I can't sleep at night. If I don't do one thing, I'm a disgrace to the label. If I do something else, I let down my fans or I'm a bad role model. How am I supposed to win?" He was getting frustrated over this, the vein in his neck popped out.

My heart hurt for him, mostly because I knew how he felt. The pressure the world puts on us to be perfect is like murder to our emotions. They tell you to give your opinion, then judge it. They tell you to be yourself, then judge you. They tell you do what you love, the judge that. Society was and is one giant mess of judgmental people. And they wonder why there are so many troubled kids in the world. It would be like seeing a puppy do something wrong, scolding them, and then allowing them to do it again. Our heart strings can only be plucked so many times.

"Nobody's perfect, Asher," I whispered, feeling my heart weigh down. I wanted to cry thinking about how I used to feel. The deadly feelings in my heart, seeing those same deadly feelings swim around in my best friend's eyes, and now seeing those exact same feelings in Asher's beautiful eyes that could once make my problems disappear.

I turned on my side and wrapped my arms around Asher, allowing him to rest his head in the crook of my neck. "Just let your brain rest for a little bit, okay? Just stop thinking."

I felt somewhat relieved that he was in my arms at that moment and not thinking about all that stuff alone. Loneliness is like gasoline to those deadly feelings. Together they make a fire, and that fire is depression.

"Think of something peaceful," I added quietly as I absently ran my hand along his back. He chuckled and I could feel his hot breath against the skin of my neck.

"I thought I wasn't supposed to think," he mumbled. I flicked his back, but smiled to myself.

"Don't be difficult." I flicked the back of his head, earning a chuckle from him.

Silence floated between us and I thought for a second that he had actually fallen asleep. I heard his irregular breathing and looked down to see hi eyelashes fluttering open and close.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

"Today and how perfect it was. I missed days like it, and I missed you. I always do." He pulled his arms out from being stuck in between us and threw them around me. We were now completely engulfed in one another. I knew this was bad. It was a good feeling, but I knew it would lead to worse ones.

So, against my better judgement, I whispered back, "I missed you too."

*****

It was around six in the morning that I woke up, still tangled in Asher's arms. Only now our faces were inches apart, our breath colliding in the middle. My eyes were blurry with sleep as I took in the close up of Asher's face. I wondered how we never suffocated each other while sleeping that way, but I didn't care. I was ecstatic to see him sleeping peacefully. His eyelashes were long and think, the light sprinkle of freckles on his nose and cheeks seemed microscopic. His breath fanned my neck, sending goosebumps down my arms.

There would be no easy way to get out of the position we were currently in. The warmth from his body next to mine was addicting; it was the biggest factor in my procrastination of getting out of bed. I needed to get home. I had class tomorrow, a few tests that I needed to study for, plus I needed to think about what I was going to paint for Mr. Roswell's project. It pained me to think about all of the things I needed to get done.

Taking a deep breath a silently praying to the good Lord above that I didn't wake Asher up, I slipped through his arms and clumsily – yet quietly – landed on the floor. My hair was matted to my head and the clothes that were too baggy on me were twisted in so many different directions that I wasn't sure if they were on the correct way.

Asher moved his arms so they were resting where I was as he clutched the pillow. He was completely out of it, which means he really needed the sleep he was getting. I tiptoed over to his side of the bed where my phone was lying on the floor. I ignored the few calls and texts that were listed and looked at Asher. Carefully climbing onto the bed, I leaned over him and kissed his cheek softly before retrieving my clothes and changing into them in the fancy bathroom.

They were a little stiff from being wet, but would do for the ride back home. I quietly left the room, folded the clothes I had been wearing and left them in his room, and left the building. The air bit at my spoiled warm skin, waking me all the way up. Getting a cab was fairly easy due to the lack of people outside. Once I was in the cab and gave the driver instructions, I pulled out my phone and looked over my missed calls. Two from my mother. One form my dad. I decided to call them back later when I would be in a place where no one could hear my cursing them silently.

A text from an unknown number caught my attention.

Unknown number: Can we talk?

Beatrice: Who's this?

I closed my phone as I waited for the buzz that came a few minutes later.

Unknown number: It's Luke. Ur roommate gave me ur number.

Beatrice: Ok... What do you want to talk about?

Luke: Everything. Sorry I was a jerk... can you come over before I leave for work?

I sighed and patiently sat my phone on my thighs as I pulled my hair up on the top of my head.

Beatrice: Sure. Where do u live?

It took him a few seconds to reply this time as he typed out his address. Once I received it, I shyly told the cab driver to head in the opposite direction. I felt bad for doing that, but then I remembered that I was paying for this ride, so he shouldn't care.

Beatrice: I'm on my way.

It took a while to finally reach the apartment complex that my brother lived in. It was weird thinking of this complete stranger as my brother. Today could change the way I thought of him. So many things were hopefully about to be answered.

I climbed the stairs to reach the second floor where I found the number five written on his door. I knocked two times before the door swung open. A disgruntled-looking Luke stood in front of me.

"Come in," he ushered me into his small yet home-y apartment. For only living here a short while, he had plenty of pictures to tell me his life story. Pictures of him with friends, maybe family, and him on the job as a detective.

"These are nice," I said, smiling at a picture of him goofing off with some friends. He walked up beside me and chuckled.

"Yeah, that was in high school when all my problems revolved around girls. It's not so easy now," he sighed. I nodded my head but didn't really know the feeling. I had a lot more troubles.

"So, why exactly did you want me here?" I blurted out before I could stop myself. We both sat down across from each other in his living room.

"For starters, I'm sorry for acting like I was the only one who was affected by this. I know you're curious, and I don't blame you, it's just... hard for me. There's a lot of bad blood between me and our dad," Luke explained. My mind started racing with all the questions I had for him. But none of them seemed to make sense when I started to ask them.

"What was it like?"

For some reason, that was the question I decided to ask. Out of all the important ones, that was the question I chose to ask him.

Luke raised an eyebrow. "What was what like?"

"Growing up with Dad. Not knowing about me, or just not really knowing your dad?" I asked honestly. They were very blunt, but I didn't want to beat around the bush.

"Dad's kind of a jerk, but I wish I could've had a real taste at having a dad. Mom always had boyfriends, but none of them were serious. And I... I knew about you." He sat up straighter, more into the story now. "Mom and I lived in a few towns over from yours in Pennsylvania. I knew Dad was remarried and had a daughter, my little sister. As a kid, that was exciting to me, but as I grew older, I got kind of jealous.

"I wanted a relationship with my dad. When he would barely have anything to do with me, I went on a wild streak. Mom didn't really help, either. She was going through her own stuff, I guess. Anyway, I got into some real trouble when I was, I don't know, eighteen? Jamie – I mean our dad – sent us away. He didn't want to be bothered with a delinquent son."

I wanted to scream in that moment. Why would my dad hide something like that from me? All my life, I felt as if I was living on another planet. I was nothing like my parents, nor did I want to be after getting to know them. I thought I was the only one on my planet, but I wasn't. Luke was the other form of life. He was always there – I just didn't know it.

"I never knew about you," I said sadly. "Dad never told me about you or your mom. I grew up practically alone, and they never had the decency to tell me about my big brother. I'm sorry, Luke. I wish I knew."

"No, no." He shook his head. "It's not your fault. Jamie's a hard-headed man."

"The funny thing is, you wanted a relationship with him while I wanted out of it," I replied.

"Why did you want out? I mean, I know he can be an asshole," Luke said. I almost expected him to smile, but his lips didn't even twitch.

"Growing, he wasn't very supportive. He was always working and that lead to not having a relationship at all. And as I got older, he found ways to scold me, like not having a clean room or getting a bad grade on a test. He wanted me to be just like him, which clearly, I'm not." I rubbed my sweaty palms together and rested them on my lap.

"What about your mom?" He asked, genuinely curious in my past.

"She wasn't much better. After my parents got a divorce, she started to become more supportive, I guess. She's also a lawyer, so she wasn't home often, either. Which meant I was handed off to a babysitter every day."

"So you were pretty much alone?" He deadpanned. I could hear he annoyance rise up in his voice.

"Pretty much," I nervously murmured. "I just depended mostly on music and a few close friends."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, Bea." This shocked me. I never thought about him apologizing for not knowing me would have such an impact.

"Like you said before, it's not our fault. Dad liked having his way, and it just so happened to have us separated," I told him. I stood when neither of us had anything to say. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a goofy-looking picture of two guys smiling widely into the face of a camera. I narrowed my eyes to look at it, realizing who it was.

The boy who drove recklessly, drank recklessly, and a consequence of his mistakes, killed an innocent person.

That innocent person also happened to be Quentin's brother.

____________

The song is With Me by Sum 41!

I picked the gif at the beginning because it fits Grayson's sort of goofy personality well.

Thank you so much fro reading, please give me your opinion of this chapter or story in the comments, or vote! Also, I'll follow any one of you back because I love you!

Teaser: Bea and Asher make a deal, Luke and Bea's conversation takes an unexpected turn, and Bea gets a phone call that could change things for her family. 

Also thinking about adding a quote or some lyrics to the beginning of each chapter, what do you think??