The sun wasn't out the next morning.

It was floating above the clouds, making them a lighter gray than they really were. There wasn't any snow falling from the sky, either; it was like everything was standing still.

January was the beginning of a new year – a new chapter, as some would say – thought it doesn't change anything. It's still your life, and everything is the same except for the year.

As I walked through the busy streets of people, I noticed that it seemed like a gloomy day. Everything was dark and sad. They expected it to rain soon which would bring ice if it got any colder. I grabbed a seat in the Merci café and ordered a coffee. I also ordered a hot chocolate to take to Asher when he arrived.

Over the last two weeks, I spent most of my time going to the art building and painting with Mark – when he decided to show up, that is. The rest of my time was spent graciously stuffing my face as I watched old movies that reminded me of the Christmas' I barely had. If I'm being honest, it did make me sad to know that Asher had his family to spend the holidays with. I had to spend mine alone – besides the brief visit from Ben and Mia and the check-in from Grayson before he left for his family as well. My parents were both off doing their own thing; Dad had business meetings and cases back home and Mom was busy doing... whatever it is she does.

I had very little contact with either of them. Mom called and wished me a Merry Christmas and told me she had a gift for me when she came back from Paris – I had no idea why she would be there – and Dad sent me an email. I was having a hard time deciding which one deserved the Best Parents of the Year Award.

My coffee arrived with Asher's hot chocolate a few moments later. I stirred the straw around in my coffee to help cool it down before I could take a sip of it. I flinched and pulled it away from my face when the blistering steam hit my face.

On the table in front of me, my phone buzzed and Asher's picture popped up on the screen. My nerves suddenly pulsed and my head went dizzy – the most common feelings of being in love.

"Hello?" I answered after the second ring.

"Hey, um..." Asher mumbled breathlessly as the phone was shuffled around. "I can't come see you because I just got here and I'm just walking in the door but what about later? And we can talk then, too."

"What if I just came over? I could help you unpack. I know how messy you are..." I realized how pushy I must have sounded. The boy just came back from visiting his very big and busy family, of course he was tired. "I mean, unless you're tired. Later would be okay."

"No, no! Come over. Just knocked and I'll come get the door. See you soon," he rushed. I got a goodbye out before we both hung up and I was on my feet practically rushing to his apartment. The two warm cups in my hands kept them from freezing as I stepped out into the rush of cold air. The sun hadn't come out yet but it still wasn't raining or snowing, thankfully.

When I reached Asher's building, I hurried into the elevator to get to his floor. Both of my hands were full with my wallet around my wrist and hot cups in each when I reached his door. I kicked it with my foot and waited for him to open it. A few seconds later, I heard him fumbling with the lock before it flew open.

His five o'clock shadow made him look older, and made me feel like he had been away long. It only made the hug I gave him a lot stronger. Yes, I still had the two hot cups in my hand when I hugged him. They didn't spill or anything, but they were beginning to make my hands feel numb from the heat.

"You have no idea how happy I am to see you!" I exclaimed, but it was muffled by his sweatshirt.

There was only silence between us though. It was the last thing I expected. His hands were tight around me, holding me like I was going to slip away at any second. I felt his chest heave up and down against mine like he was holding back a cry. I wanted to back away from him and look at him to see what could be wrong, but he wouldn't budge.

"Asher?" I asked quietly. "What's wrong?" There was another moment of silence before he sucked in a deep breath and allowed me to step back, his hands still lingered on my hips. I sat the cups that now made my hands blood red on the stand beside me and looked into his tear filled eyes. All I had to do was look in his eyes for him to lose it. He bit down on his bottom lip and backed away from me, lifting his arms behind his head as he walked away.

"Asher?" I asked again in panic. He stopped walking and let his arms drop to his sides. Beside him there was a small glass vase sitting with a bunch of fake flowers sitting in it. I didn't see it happening until it clashed against the ground; glass scattered across the hardwood floor and slid under furniture and all over the place. I jumped back when it happened and I felt my heart hammer against my chest.

I raced over to grab Asher around the shoulders as we both slid to the floor. His shoulders shook uncontrollably and I knew I wasn't going to be able to hold back my own tears – I just didn't know why this was all happening.

"Can you please tell me what's happening?" I begged to him in his ear as I rested my head on his shaking shoulder. I kept grabbing him and trying to hold on, but he didn't want to be held.

"She died, Bea," he gasped through his tears. His words were quiet but at the same time they spoke volumes.

Death. It snuck up on us when we least expected it. We never know when it's coming, but when it does, and we look back, we notice that we knew all along. There were clues – signs – that lead right back to death. Yet we still never know why or how. It was the most mysterious thing in the world.

"Who died, Asher?" I grabbed his face between my hands and looked at his tear-streaked face, bloodshot eyes, and flaring nostrils.

"My mom committed suicide this morning."

I didn't know what to think or say. I couldn't even remember to tell myself to breathe. Asher bowed his head and my hands slipped away from him as I fell back onto my butt. The broken glass under my butt crunched but I didn't care. My bottom lip began to quiver and I bit down hard on it to make it stop.

The last thing I needed was to start crying my eyes out – which was the only thing I wanted to do at the moment – but I didn't want Asher to see me crying. Someone had to be strong for him. He just lost his mother for real this time. She had been gone mentally for almost his whole life, but she was really gone.

I jumped up and wrapped my arms around him, holding him close to my heart.

"I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." I trailed off, running my hands over his messy hair. He grabbed my arms and held on tight to me, not letting go.

I was never going to let go of him. I made a promise to myself to make sure he got the love and support that I had from him at one time, the love and support that he deserved.

I would not let him fall.

*****

As I laid on Asher's bed with his head laying in the crook of my neck, I couldn't help but think of the last moments I spent with Lia. She had been wanting to go on an adventure as soon as possible. Although I wasn't sure if she got the chance to go on one, I knew she was on one now.

I closed my eyes and talked to God for a few moments. It was something that I didn't do often enough, but I felt the need to do it in that moment. I asked him to make things easier for Asher and the rest of his family; I asked him to let them find peace and know that he has a plan; I asked him to make sure Lia got her adventure.

The rain hammered down on the roof outside, making my nerves settle down. Asher's eyes never closed, but they hung open like loose curtains. After he calmed down, we somehow ended up sprawled out on his bed. He never said a word the entire time we rested there as I ran my hand through his hair.

"I need to get back home," he whispered, his voice raspy. I sat up to look at him but he never lifted his gaze from across the room.

"We'll get you there, I promise. Do you want me to go?" I didn't want to make him talk any more than he wanted to, but I had to know if I would be forcing myself on him or not.

He finally opened his eyes wide enough to look at me before he nodded his head. "Yeah, I need you there."

I nodded my head and hugged him tightly. In the pocket of my jeans my phone started buzzing uncontrollably.

"It's Ellie," I told Asher as I scooted off the bed. He rested his hands behind his head and watched me walk out into the hallway.

"Hey," I answered weakly. I was worried about having to tell her about Lia – how would she react?

I heard her sniffling. "Bea... I'm so sorry..." she trailed off. I let out a long sigh and ran my hands through my tangled hair.

"You heard," I whispered into the phone. I took a look behind me to see Asher staring up at the ceiling. He mind must have been swimming into uncharted territory at that moment.

"I called you as soon as Grayson told me. He sounds tore up about it, I can't imagine how Asher is. How is he?" She was blubbering everything into the phone and making it hard for me to hear, but I slowly made out her words.

"He didn't take it too well," I told her. "He's laying on the bed right now just staring off into space."

"What about you, Bea? How are you?" Her question caught me off guard. I felt the dams behind my eyes burst open and the tears started the drip down my face. I bit my lip and sucked in a deep breath.

"I'm okay," I lied. "I loved Lia, you know? She was like my mom and I just... I knew something was wrong with her but there was nothing I could do. I hate this, Ellie..." I sobbed into the phone. I walked further away from the bedroom door so Asher wouldn't hear me and slid down the wall until I landed on my butt.

"I wish I could hug you so bad, Bea..." Ellie cried. I didn't want her to feel sorry for me, so I quickly sobered myself up and told her I would talk to her later.

I tossed my phone onto the soft rug that laid at the end of the hallway before hugging my knees to my chest. I bowed my head so my hair covered the sides of my face and I could shut the world out. It wasn't even a minute later when I heard a set of footsteps coming toward me. I knew it was Asher, so I kept my head down so he wouldn't see me crying myself dry.

His arm snaked around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. "Thank you, Bea, but," he whispered against my hair, his voice still full of sadness, "you don't have to hide your tears from me."

"Asher..." I whined, not wanting him to comfort me. It was supposed to be the other way around.

"It's okay..." he cooed. "It'll be okay."

He added, "I hope," quietly and I knew I wasn't supposed to hear it, but I did. I lifted my warm face up to look at him before I grabbed his face and pulled it to mine until our lips connected. Our kiss heated up with desperation for anything real and want.

"I love you, okay?" I said breathlessly. "I'm not leaving your side. Ever."

Asher nodded his head before pressing his forehead against mine. "I don't deserve you."

"No," I agreed. "You deserve more."

I needed this boy more than I needed oxygen. It was weird that once upon a time I thought I would be fine alone. I faced Jessie's death all by myself; I practically raised myself; but it took me until now to realize I wasn't doing so well by myself. I needed someone to love, someone to care for, and someone to be there for just like they were there for me.

I needed Asher Hawkins.

_______________

I decided to post this early because I have been late on updating recently and I felt bad, and because I'm going to be busy this weekend!

The picture was found on Tumblr! I used Ed Sheeran's Supermarket Flowers because it is perfect for this chapter. This was a really short chapter compared to the rest of them, but I felt like it needed to be this way!

The next few chapters are going to be chalk full of stuff!