The snow had stopped sprinkling down at around seven later that night. We were all sitting around the living room while Grayson and Asher battled each other on a video game I didn't know the name of. It had been going on this way for a while.

We all split off into separate parts of the barn to get it cleaner faster. With both boys upstairs and Ellie and me downstairs, we were able to make the place spotless. Well, almost, anyway.

I felt a yawn escaping my mouth before I could stop it, hurrying to put a hand over my mouth. I didn't want them to think I was about to fall asleep, though it would be reasonable since I've been riding on about five hours of sleep every night.

"I'm going to go make sure everything's done," I mumbled as I pushed myself up off the chair I was sitting in. My real goal was to go find some place to lay down.

"You're such a party pooper," Grayson called after me for the second time that day. I ignored him as I walked up the stairs. I passed all the rooms that once had teenage boys sleeping in them. I realized I spent a lot of time in this place, a lot of memories were made, and a lot of things happened that I would never forget.

I walked to the end of the hallway where Asher's room was. I pushed the door open to find several boxes filled up with records and random things that he must have left behind. On the large shelf that used to be filled with records from top to bottom was one single record. Sitting beside it was a small, thin, guitar pick.

I picked it up and held it flat in the palm of my hand. On the back were three words: I love you.

I remembered Asher giving it to me the day after his 19th birthday party that I had put together. Holding the pick tightly in my hand, I carefully took the record out of its case and placed on the record player in the corner that wasn't packed yet.

The Beatles' record Abbey Road began to play quietly as I sat down on Asher's bed and looked down at the pick in my hand. It reminded me of what I went through just end up right back where I started – where my life really started.

"I found that laying on my record player the day after you left," Asher said as he entered the room, closing the door softly behind him. The lights in the hallway had been turned off so I assumed Ellie and Grayson had gone to bed.

"I didn't mean to forget it," I assured him as he sat down beside me. "I also didn't realize that was going to be one of the last times I'd be in this place."

Asher chuckled. "You're forgiven."

I carefully set the pick on the record player again, willing myself not to forget it again, since I didn't have pockets in my cotton shorts. "I won't forget it this time, I promise."

I stood by the record player as it spun in circles and shoved my hands into the pocket of my sweatshirt. Asher slowly stood up and walked over to me, not taking his eyes off mine the entire time. He held his hand out in front of him as if to ask me to dance, and I took it.

We swayed for a few moments, hand in hand, body against body.

"This is where I brought you the first time you went to one of our shows," Asher whispered. We didn't need to whisper, but the moment was tender and required quiet speaking. "And where you finally showed me your sketches that I'd been dying to see."

"And where I slept when I couldn't go home," I added, smiling to myself. I rested my face in the crook of his neck and took in his smell.

"A lot of things happened in this place," he continued. I took a deep breath and held him tighter.

"Yeah..." I trailed off. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for, Bea," he scolded, pushing a piece of stray hair behind my ear.

"There is, though." I broke apart from him and sat down on the bed. "I should've just went with you, Asher. I could have dropped the things I was doing. I could have went with you and we would still be us."

"You mean you'd drop college?" He inquired. "I wouldn't have let you do that even if you would've begged me. You did your thing and I did mine. That was what was best for you, and that's all I ever wanted."

I wanted to hug him and hit him at the same time. I didn't look at our time apart that easily. I looked at it as losing someone that made me want to live, made me want to enjoy the life I had. I stood up and pushed him away from me.

"I don't know how you take it so lightly," I stated, crossing my arms over my chest and keeping my back to him.

"Our relationship? Bea, I never took it lightly. You were the first girl that I ever loved. I never took anything we had for granted. I loved you." He grabbed my shoulders gently and turned me around to look at him. No matter how hard I tried not to get lost in him, I failed. "I love you."

"But... what if the us we knew is lost ? Just completely out there where no one ever goes or could ever find us," I questioned him, feeling my emotions get the best of me. It sounded like something you would read in a very deep and emotional novel. I hated it yet I loved it.

"We found each other this time, didn't we?" He asked. He gently loosened my arms and I dropped them to my sides as he moved closer to me, holding on to my arms like he was about to lose me.

"We're so much different now." I didn't want to fight it. The urge to just let my heart beat for him was overwhelming. I had to fight it. I couldn't let the walls I spent so long building up fall.

"You're still Beatrice, and I'm still Asher, last time I checked." He pointed out, a glint of humor in his eyes and voice, yet they remained serious at the same time. The walls were beginning to crumble.

"I don't want to get hurt again..." I trailed off, still fighting those urges.

The look on his face turned to something I wasn't used to after being away from him for so long: desperation, hurt, love. "I promise I won't let that happen again."

"Asher," I tried again. Failed.

"Why can't you just kiss me?" He took one large step toward me, leaving only an inch between our faces. The walls were crumbling now.

With a shaky voice, I replied: "Because I don't know if I'll be able to stop."

He rested his forehead against mine, our breath colliding together in the middle. "That's okay."

The walls were turning to dust; little particles that couldn't be picked back up.

And then he crushed his lips against mine. I kissed him back, and before I knew it, we were falling onto the bed behind us, tangled together. Our minds were tangled, and so were our hearts. Yet through the mess, we could see each other clearly.

The Beatles record played softly in the background as the memorial songs to the walls that no longer existed.

*****

My mind was a cyclone; a million different things went in a million different directions. But one thing stood out to me. One single thing, or, well, person, stood out to me. And he was constant. The only thing in my life that had the potential of remaining constant was with me again.

Ellie would move away to become the doctor she was destined to be; Mom would eventually find her new lover and leave me to relive her younger days; Dad had himself to think about; Lucas was going to hate me forever.

But Asher. Asher would always remain in my life, that was proven the day our paths crossed again. Yet still, I didn't fully allow my heart to be in it. I didn't yet trust the fact that someone could stay with me forever. It's also been proven that no one could possibly love me.

They may love me, but could they love me enough?

These thoughts clouded my vision as I tossed my bags into the back of the car, readying to leave. We spent the morning hours cleaning up and reminiscing. Asher stayed close to me as we loaded what we could fit into the car.

"I have to come down here for Christmas," Asher explained. "I'll get the rest then."

I stared up at him with my eyebrows furrowed. "What about the people coming to look at it?"

A smile creeped across his face and his arm tightened around my waist. "Let's just say I made a phone call earlier."

"You're not selling it?" There wasn't really any way to explain the way I felt about it.

"How could I?" He asked, a small smile on his face. "We'll just clean it out instead. Make it look more presentable."

With all the things that had happened in that barn, he couldn't let himself do it. I threw my arms around him and let him hug me as tight as he could. I kissed his cheek and backed away, smiling like an idiot.

Within the next few hours, we were able to pass through Griffin and look at all the places I grew up around. Asher and Grayson knew them well, though they didn't grow up in the town. We explained things to Ellie when she asked questions about old buildings and such.

It was around ten in the morning when we reached Lia and Scott's home. Asher's parents kept their home very neat outside. Asher explained that his dad had picked up the outside work by weeding and gardening – things to keep him busy. Lia would help, Asher explained, but she still wasn't all the way there.

I followed Asher into his parents' small home where we smelled food lingering through the air. None of us had a heavy breakfast, so it wasn't hard to deny Scott's invitation to join him. He explained that Lia was asleep at the moment, but she'd be up any moment. 

"How've you been, Bea?" Scott asked when the two of us were cleaning up the kitchen. He tried to decline my offer to help, but I forced my offer while everyone else crept into Lia's room to see her. I could hear Ellie's loud, friendly and southern voice as she talked to Lia.

"I've been good. New York is a lot different from Griffin. How about you and Lia?" He handed me a plastic bowl so I could put its lid on, then set it in the fridge.

"Yeah, I'd say that was a big adjustment. And, we're fine. I keep myself busy with work outside – whatever I can get my hands on. Lia..." He trailed off, avoiding looking at me as he placed a pan in the sink to be washed.

"There's something up with Lia, isn't there?" I asked like Scott and I were the closest of friends. We actually had the chance to get closer when Asher and I were dating those couple years. "Asher mentioned that you said she hadn't been doing too well the past couple days."

Scott's shoulders fell, like he was tired of trying. He dropped the dish rag in his hands onto the sink and turned to look at me. "She hasn't been doing well for more than a few days. It's just that, for the past couple days, she was asking about you."

"Me? Why?" I asked before I could stop myself. Of all people that she knew, all those kids in her family, or even her own sons and husband, she wanted to talk to me?

"She trusts you, I think. I don't blame her, Bea. Lia has always been one of those people to latch onto people that listen to her. I know I'm her husband, but there are some things she just won't tell me." He sounded defeated as he told me this. I felt my palms grow sweaty from the pressure I suddenly found myself under.

"I'll go talk to her," I told him. "I'll fix what's wrong, I promise."

Little did I know, that promise was going to stick with me for the rest of my life.

Grayson and Ellie were sitting in the living room, talking amongst themselves when I came in. They gave me small smiles, which meant something must have happened. After knocking softly on Lia's bedroom door, I pushed it open to find Asher kneeled down beside his mother's rocking chair that was pointed toward the window.

Asher stood up and smiled at me. "Mom, someone's here to see you." He walked over to me, placing his hands on either arm and pulling me into him, kissing my forehead. I longed for those kisses just the other week, and now they were right there.

"Who is it, Asher?" She asked in a soft voice. She had a knitted blanket sitting over her legs as she rocked back and forth easily in the dark room. The sun was shining through window and landing on her small and pale arms and face.

I glanced up at Asher. "Is she okay?"

He gave me a hopeful smile. "I think so. Or, I hope so."

I wanted to believe him, I really did. Asher always wanted avoid the bad things that had to do with his mother. When things were rough, he would say they were okay. He loved his mom and refused to believe that she – her mind – was almost gone.

I nodded at him and pursed my lips. He left us alone in the room and I stood by Lia's chair, the sun rays hitting me as well. Lia looked up at me with her tired eyes and a smile spread across her face. The bags under her eyes reminded me of Asher, how he had sleepless nights and received the same look.

"Bea! I'm so happy to see you!" She exclaimed, except her words slurred the slightest bit. She looked and sounded sleepless.

"Hey, Lia. How are you doing?" I took a seat on the window seal and leaned forward so my elbows were on my knees.

Lia pursed her lips and sighed. "I've been tired. Just exhausted." She ticked her tongue.

"Why are you so tired?" I asked.

"Oh, you know." She pursed her lips before continuing. "Just tired of gardening and reading. I want to go on an adventure."

I watched her for a minute as her face lit up with the idea. The excited look in her eyes made them sparkle. I wasn't sure what so say, so I just went with the easiest one, "Why don't we talk to Scott about that?"

She nodded her vigorously and wringed her hands together. "Okay, but it has to be soon."

"Why's that, Lia?" I kneeled down beside her. I had never seen that sort of behavior out of anyone before, and to be honest, it kind of scared me.

"Because what if I die tomorrow? Or what if Scott dies? We have to go on another adventure before our time is up, Beatrice," she stressed to me. I felt my stomach churn with an uneasy feeling. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Asher appear in the doorway peeking in at us. I pushed that uneasy feeling back and stood up, giving Lia a warm smile that she returned.

"I think that we can talk him into it for you," I told her. My worry was slowly receding, but it was still there. It reminded me not to fully give up, to continue being concerned. But for Asher's sake, I'd push it back for now.

As I walked away, Lia grabbed my wrist with her hand and pulled me back to her gently. "Thank you for taking care of my Asher, Beatrice. He needs you to keep him straight."

I knelt down once again to wrap my arms around the sweet woman, kissed her cheek, and left her to her own devices in that dark bedroom.

*****

It was quiet in the car on our way home. Ellie and I sat in the back once again, willing ourselves not to fall asleep. It wasn't hard for me considering all the things I had running through my head. Before long, Asher, who was driving, pulled into a gas station.

"Okay, you guys are on drink and snack duty and I'll get some gas. Gray, you're driving next," Asher announced. Grayson gave out a long sigh like a kid would do to his mother.

"Yes ma'am." Grayson saluted him before marching off into the store, Ellie right behind him. I hung back for a second.

"Do you want anything?" I asked, hanging off the tall pole that led up to the roof of the gas station.

Asher looked at me and the smirk that drove me crazy every time made an appearance. I stepped closer to him where he was leaning against the car and pumping gas.

"I want you," he said casually. "All day, every day."

I gave him a fast and short kiss before running off into the store. I knew it would drive him insane, and I'd hear about it later, I was sure.

I found Ellie and Grayson standing in front of the counter where you could order food, bickering over what to get. I walked in the opposite direction to grab myself a bottle of water as well as some Mountain Dew for Asher. It had always been his favorite drink.

"Wel, well. Long time no see, Beatrice." The voice from behind me startled me, causing me to turn around abruptly. I had the two cold drinks in my arms, ready to use as weapons. The girl's hair was fiery red. She wasn't looking well – like she was sick, or maybe just smoked too much.

Still, the fiery-red hair and pierced lip didn't remind of anyone. "Do I know you?"

The girl rolled her eyes like she was annoyed with me.

"Yeah," she deadpanned. "I'm Tori, Asher's ex. Remember now?"

I remembered. I remembered how Asher didn't want me to know a lot about her because of who she was. I remembered her coming to his family's house when I first met them all, and her trying to stir up trouble. I remembered her now, though I'd never met her before. I gave her a short nod.

"Well, how was it?" She sighed, crossing her arms over her chest and readying herself for what she thought would be a casual conversation between two old friends.

"How was what?" I was genuinely confused. What could this girl, who came literally out of nowhere, possibly be talking about?

"The life," she explained. "Being 'in love'" - She used her fingers as quotation marks – "with Asher Hawkins, living that crazy rock star life."

I felt my face heat up. Not from embarrassment, but from anger. "Is there something you wanted?" I didn't want to start anything, and I didn't, but I was willing to finish it.

Tori smirked. "Just wanted to let you know that you're a slut, that's all." She paused and took a look at me. "You brought him down, Beatrice, it's obvious to the world. There's not a single person that doesn't think you were just using him for his fame. I'm just not afraid to tell it to your face."

"Did you come find me here just to tell me that?" I asked, trying to hide the hurt in my voice. I was stronger than what I used to be. I could handle all the opinions of the world.

"Maybe," she chuckled. "It's not hard to find you considering I used to be a part of that family, too."

"I don't have time for your immaturity," I said, annoyed with her presence by this point. I turned around to go pay for my drinks, but she just kept on.

"I kissed him that day that you two were at his aunt's house." I heard her say. She walked close enough to me so I could clearly hear her. "I bet he never told you that. And guess what?" She lowered her voice. "I don't regret it, and honestly, I don't think he does either."

She threw those words at me before she turned to walk away, thinking that she had just won this battle.

"Hey, Tori," I calmly called after her, taking deep breaths to ready myself for what I was about to do. She turned towards me and I reached for arm, dragging her closer to me so I could make sure she would hear me thoroughly. "You are nothing to us. Stay away."

"Are you scared I'll whisk him away?" She laughed cynically. That's when I lost my mind. My hand collided with her cheek and a loud smack rang in my ears. I didn't have time to think about what I just done before I ran up to the register to pay for my things.

Tori didn't make an appearance while I was on my out to the car. I was happy about that, so I didn't have to see the mistake I had just made. Or maybe it wasn't a mistake.

My head was spinning when I reached the car. Everyone was in their spot, the radio loud with a song I hadn't heard yet. Asher smiled at me but it quickly disappeared when he took in my face. I wasn't sure if I was angry or just plain our annoyed.

Nevertheless, I handed Asher his Mountain Dew and cuddled down into his side. I buckled myself into the middle seat just as Grayson gunned it out of the parking lot. The sun was beginning to set not to my surprise. We had spent what felt like forever at the Hawkins' house. A few of Asher's younger cousins, including Daniel and his older sider Macy, joined us for some snowball fights in the backyard. Now we were calming down, the day catching up to us.

After a while, Asher dropped his head into my lap and stared up at me with his deep set eyes.

"Wanna tell me what happened in that store?" The way he said it made me think he knew exactly who had been in that store.

"Did Tori kiss you that day we babysat Daniel for your aunt?" I blurted out. I really needed to stop doing that. I didn't regret it, though.

Asher stared at me for a moment, searching my eyes before he closed his. "Yeah." He breathed out. "But I made her leave as soon as it happened, and I didn't tell you because it didn't mean anything. She doesn't mean anything to me."

Despite the horrible feeling I had in my stomach, I gave him a kind smile and pushed his hair back.

"It's okay, Asher. That was a long time ago," I told him. I knew I couldn't be mad at him for it now, and I also felt awful about what I did to Tori earlier. "I met her in the store."

"What?" He pushed himself up off of my lap.

"Yeah..." I trailed off in a whisper, searching for the words. "She told me I drug you down. And you know what? I don't blame her for thinking that. You were so good until I came along and tore you apart."

He held my face in his hand, caressing my cheek with his thumb. "You were the one that kept me up, Bea. You're the one that kept me sane. Why would you listen to anyone else? Their opinions don't matter."

"But I –" He cut me off. If I had finished, I would've apologized for not trying harder to be with him, even when we both lost it.

"You nothing," he scolded. "Stop apologizing. You would apologize for breathing if I let you."

I let him rest his head on my lap again as we both slowly drifted off into sleep.

__________________

If I were you, I'd be mad at me too. I'm so sorry this was, what, two weeks late? I've been super busy with school, and a little binge watching of The Vampire Diaries.

Anyway, I thought this was a pretty good chapter. I'm dying to know what you all think because this was a big chapter! Basher!!

The song is Dangerously by Charlie Puth. This song reminds of Bea and Asher a lot! Listen to it!

Thanks so much for reading!!