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Copyright: 'Dreams Everlasting.' Including all chapter, prologues, epilogues, and associated content is COPYRIGHTED. All rights reserved by the owner and creator of this work, Punkxst and any unauthorized copying, broadcasting, manipulation, distribution, or selling of this work constitutes as an infringement of copyright. Any infringement of copyright is punishable by law. This work is registered and protected on www.copyrighted.com

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"Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." -Fred Rogers

Even though we had jobs that always kept us busy, Rico planned a surprising date and throughout the night we enjoyed ourselves. I thought it would be like any other date where we would have a normal conservation, leaving behind the stress and problems that comes with our jobs and family, but I was wrong. That night he got down on one his knees and proposed to me. I knew then like always that this was the man that was destined for me. The one I wanted to spend my life with and like Cinderella, I thought I'll finally get my happily ever after. But as the saying goes "Nothing Lasts Forever."

"Julia, would you ever elope?" He kept his eyes on the road since he was driving.

"Why would you want to elope? I wouldn't mind us having a traditional wedding." I said, honestly while I trailed my finger over the embodiment of the engagement ring. What made it appealing wasn't it's size, but rather the meaning of it which was one of the things that signified our level of commitment and love for one another.

"Just asking, but will you do it?" He looked at me for a second before he looked back on the road, soon he stop the car at a red light.

"Yes...yes I would do it. It doesn't matter how many people are there because what matters is that we know what we have is real." I replied. When the light turned green, he continued to drive as another car was running a red light on the west pole.

Before he could say anything else, I look over his shoulder through the driver window, and saw a driver of another car was driving towards us. I gasped while my eyes popped open and Rico turned his attention towards what was frightening me. I didn't know what he was thinking at the moment, but I was sure his expression was the same as mine. My heart was beating at an alarming rate, and my life was flashing before my eyes. His hand twitched while his shoulders became tense. Within seconds, they crashed their car into ours, and we crashed into another car causing us to skid off the road hitting a tree.

The sound of the impact caused me to lose a lot of my hearing and soon I heard a distant ringing. My vision blurred and I was slipping in and out of consciousness. I smelt the raw stench of blood felt some blood leaking from some parts of my body and I couldn't move an inch. Even though my eyes remained open, I couldn't focus on anything that was a part of my surroundings since the pain I felt was unbearable and soon I started to feel numbness. I slowly looked over at Rico and saw that he wasn't moving, while his head rested within the airbag.

I tried to call out to him, but I couldn't find the strength to speak and ask him if he was okay. Fear had strike within me. It was either we were alive, or one of us was dead, or we both will die. Even time I tried swallowing the saliva in my throat, I winced in pain. At this point, I thought death was better than now being consciously aware of what was going on and not being able to move or speak a word.

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It's been a over a year since the accident and relearning how to walk again. I was finally discharged from the hospital after months of staying there to my parents' home within the Big Apple, but nothing was the same. I was like a shattered glass welcoming the pain and feeling of emptiness. Some nights I woke up panting and screaming, reliving the nightmare of that night. The nightmares I had seized to stop when I took the sleeping pills that my doctor, Dr. Johnson prescribed me. Soon after taking the pills, I fell in a deep slumber and started to dream about him. It was only in my dreams that we met again, but when I woke up I realized it was all just a dream and that was something I didn't want to let go.

I didn't know which was worse. Having countless of nightmares about the accident if I didn't take the sleeping pills, or dreaming of my beloved and realizing that when I wake up, the cruelness of reality will hit me like a ton of bricks. For months I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. I allowed for my fear, regrets and pain to falter my actions as well as allow my demons to win a never ending battle. Slowly I was dying inside, and everyone around me saw how broken I was. I was stuck between the living and dead because a part of me wanted to die, but the other part of me knew he wanted for me to live if I could. And I decided to live.

While walking down the stairs, I knew coffee was being brewed since the smell of it as well as breakfast being made was emanating outside the kitchen. As soon as I entered, I saw my mom was setting up the table, and my dad was cooking breakfast. Noticing that I was in the room, my mom who looked at me with her blue eyes greeted me and I greeted her. My dad then turned his attention towards me and we greeted each other.

Even though both my parents were middle aged, neither of them looked their age but rather younger. Mom wore a red turtle neck sweater and white pants, while my dad wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans. Like their fashion style, my style was simple also. They've been my rock through my darkest times, and despite being their only child, I had a large family filled with relatives. Even so the only people I knew I could really rely on were my parents and some of my closest friends.

"When are you moving out?" Mom set down the last plate, and utensils while fixing the table cloth a little.

"The day after tomorrow." I said.

"Will you need more sessions with Dr. Reynolds since today is your last session, right?" Dad looked at me.

"Yes today is my last session, and I don't think I need any more of her sessions. I feel better now than before." I said, honestly.

"Do you need help packing up your things?" Mom set down the last plate, and utensils while fixing the table cloth a little. I knew I could stay with my parents for however long I would like, but I personally knew it was time for me to move on.

"No I'm fine since there isn't much to pack." I remarked.

"You know you can stay here however long you would like and take all the time you need." Dad looked at me and gave me a small smile.

"Yeah I know." I returned the smile and soon we sat down at the table and started eating our breakfast. The thought of moving on was something that I always thought about, but I never found the courage to do so. I still had dreams I wanted to chase after, and all the plans I made that pertained to my future were placed on hold.

...

After I ate breakfast with my parents, I placed on my jacket since today was a little windy outside.

"I'll see you guys later." I said towards my parents.

"Bye." Dad nodded his head and continued to read his newspaper.

"Bye." Mom lightly touched my arm, reassuring me that everything would be alright. I then stepped outside the house and walked towards my car. I got inside, and placed the key inside the ignition starting up the car. Soon I drove towards Dr. Reynolds' office. I remember the first time I drove after the accident, I had a panic attack since I feared being in another accident. I never thought this day would come where I envisioned myself driving a car, but here I am actually driving.

Comparing myself from then to now, I know I've improved immensely but there were still some things that I needed to work on. One of those things, was being able to drive pass the accident scene without having an anxiety attack. Ever since I started driving, I avoided that place all together but I personally wanted to face my fears and drive pass there. Maybe after this last session I can finally do it. It was only until I came to realize that no matter what we do in life or how we try to prolong our lives we'd still die someday. That was the truth that I accepted.

Until then, I use a different route to get to Dr. Reynolds office. As soon as I arrived there, I walked inside the building and headed towards the front desk. Besides the jazz music being played in the background, the place was always quiet. I saw that Ms. Ramirez wore a grey suit and she died her hair jet black from the strawberry blonde she used to be. She looking over some files and when she looked up, her Liberian glasses fell on the bridge of her nose. With her being tied up into a high ponytail she looked to be a woman who was in her early thirties even though she wasn't.

"Good morning." I smiled and she did the same.

"Good morning, how may I help you?" She replied.

"Uh yeah, I made an appointment today to see Dr. Reynolds today at 11:30a.m." Since visited here frequently, she already knew my name. She looked through her appointment book, and saw what time my appointment was and checked me in. She then signed a slip and handed it to me.

"You can sit. She'll be with you in a soon." She said.

"Okay." I nodded my head. While walking towards the sitting area, I decided to sit near the window. Since my appointment was fifteen minutes from now, I leaned forward and picked up a people magazine seeing that some of my favorite celebrities were on the cover. I sat down comfortably in my seat, and started flipping through the page. Not knowing how time flies quickly, Dr. Reynolds came out of her office. She wore a black business suit fitting her small frame and her hair was pinned back into a bun. Her heels clicked against the floor as she walked toward me.

She greeted me like always she was friendly with an overall pleasant . "Good morning. How are you Julia?" She smiled.

"Good morning and I'm doing well Dr. Reynolds." I replied and she led me to her office. Dr. Reynolds then opened her office door, and we walked inside. After walking further inside, she closed the door behind us. I flopped down on the leather couch and waited for her to ask away.

"How is your day going so far?" She asked.

"So far it's going good." I nodded my head and rubbed my hands across my pants.

"That's good. How do you feel about it being our last session? Do you see yourself moving forward after this, and taking the tools you learned here and being able to apply them to other situations?" She took out her notepad preparing herself to jot some things down. I didn't mind her taking notes since it was her job, and talking about the problems that bothered made me feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

"Yes. I honestly can't believe it's our last session and I feel like I've come a long way in terms of my mental and emotional state becoming better. Although there are sometimes where I do break down and cry because I am still grieving over losing Rico. I know that in order to move forward I have to face my problems despite how long it will take to do so." Before I could stop them from falling tears tracked down my burning cheeks in heat waves as I mourned. For a moment there was silence while I heard the clock tick away.

"Do you still blame yourself for your lover's death?" She asked.

"N-no not anymore I do. I used to blame myself because I always thought of what ifs and realize that dwelling on the past will never help me move forward. Rico was everything to me. He was my best friend, my lover, and I could see being together forever. I understand that having a soul mate is something that I only a few people had, but I knew he was my soulmate and God created the perfect man for me. Despite the flaws he had...he was perfect for me." I closed my eyes and placed my face within my hands running my fingers through my hair. This is the first time that I ever opened up to anyone this much and I didn't know how to feel. I was saddened by the situation, but also felt like I was releasing some built up tensions I had.

"What are the what ifs you thought of about that night and how do you feel about them?" She replied.

"What if we stayed at the restaurant longer or left earlier than we did? What if he planned our date night a month earlier or later? What if he proposed to me in a different place or even at home? I've always been into simple things and thought that a drunk driver would hit us that night then things would've ended differently." Even though I thought of so many what ifs, I realized that thinking about them will never allow me to go back in time and change things. If I would've known that I would someone I loved deeply, then I would've changed some things about that night, but I can't.

"Unfortunately we can't go back in time since time doesn't stop or change for anyone. Whether we like it or not time only move forward. The way we can capture the memories we have is by our brain processing them or using technology to record them. And I personally understand how it feels to think of so many what ifs, but yet you can't do anything about it. I see that were getting somewhere because you're opening up more and the only way you can move on is by talking about it." She moved her hands while she talked and I nodded my head.

"I realize that now." I laughed a humorless laugh. I then looked to the side and saw that she had a picture of her being with an older guy and they both were smiling. I got up from my seat and she gave me a swift glace, her eyes watching my ever move.

"Who is this if you don't mind me asking?" I picked up the picture frame and stared at it.

"He was my husband. He passed away from pancreatic cancer a few years ago." She took the picture frame away from me and stared at it as she was remembering something.

"How do you do it?" I asked.

"Do what?" She replied.

"How do you carry on after the death of a loved one?" I looked at her.

"At first I was a complete mess. I couldn't do anything or even talk to anyone. All I wanted was to be left alone until I came around realizing that I needed a support system. I need my friends and family to rely because I couldn't handle all of it by myself. There were some days where I was overcame with sadness and grief, but other days I thought I was fine, but then I'll burst into tears even in the grocery store." She spoke back.

"When did things get better for you?" I questioned.

"It took me months to have feelings that were intense and it gradually diminished in intensity. I slowly came to reality of the loss of Edward, while I was reestablishing my mental and physical balance. I knew I was coping well when I started to remember the memories we shared without being overwhelmed with grief. I'm no longer evoked with waves of sadness because I moved on and confronted my fears." She said, honestly and I nodded my head. "After everything you've been through will you still continue to follow your dreams?" She inquired.

"Yes and I know that's something he would want for me to do." I spoke.

"But is that something you want for yourself?" She remarked.

"Following my dreams is something that I want and need to do for myself. I also know that he would want for me to overcome my fears and live life to the fullest." I answered.

"Did you finally face your fears yet?" After she asked that question, I walked around the room noticing the littlest of details before I spoke.

"I wanted to, but I couldn't bring myself to drive pass there." I fidgeted a little, while she wrote something down in her notepad.

"It's okay if you haven't yet. Sometimes it takes people months, or years to overcome their fears. I understand that the difficult part is confronting something that can easily be avoided. But the only way we can fully move forward is if we acknowledge and face our fears on our time." She said.

"I always have to remind myself that instead of thinking that I'm a failure." I said, quietly.

"And why do think of you'd be a failure if you don't face your fears?" She folded her hands together.

"It's something that I couldn't do-" I shook my head, feeling the tears beginning to form in my eyes. "Thank you." I said when she nodded her head and handed me the box of tissue. I took some wiping away the tears that fallen down my cheeks. I felt a lot of emotions at this moment and I never cried this much at a session before. I then blew out a deep breath and spoke again. "It's something I couldn't do because I fear that I would relive the nightmare and feel both the pain and grief that's eating me up inside. I couldn't believe that one night changed everything." I said, brokenly.

"I know you haven't talked about this before since you were never ready to, but do you want to talk about what happened that night? You don't have to if you don't want to." She asked. I've been seeing Dr. Reynold for few months now,

"N-no I want to," I closed my eyes for second and blew out a breath, "Everything happened so fast. I remember being in the car with him and while he was driving he asked me if I would ever elope. I honestly thought that was a random question he asked, but I didn't mind answering it even though I asked him why he would ask that. Him being him just said he was asking and I answered truthfully. I smiled trailing my finger over the embodiment of the engagement thinking that there was no other man that I would want to spend my life. No matter which way we got married, I would be happy. And I looked at him lovingly and told him that I would do it. And it didn't matter how many people were there because what matters was that we had was real. And before he could reply, the light turned green and started moving the car forward. Suddenly, a car running a red light from the west pole had collided with our car and we skidded off the road hitting a tree." I trailed my finger over the engagement ring he gave me a year ago. Still till to this today I couldn't take off because I was holding on to our love and the memories we shared. Holding on to what we could've had.

"After the impact of the incident caused me to lose some of my hearing and was vision was blurry. I remember not being able to move and the pain I felt was so unbearable that I welcomed numbness. But no amount of inflicted pain I could feel when I saw him. He wasn't moving a-and the last thing I wanted to think about was him being dead. I couldn't imagine myself being able to deal with it and the scary part was not being able to even utter a word to him." I broke down and cried not caring how loud I was, or how I looked. Seeing that I wasn't going to stop crying anytime soon, Dr. Reynolds hugged me and I cried even more hugging her back. She then rubbed my back in circles.

The words she said next really hit me home.

It's not your fault.

But even though it wasn't my fault that night I lost my soulmate.

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While I was packing away my things inside my car, I came across the chest box where I kept Rico's things. I bent down and opened it. Already I was reminiscing about the good times of my past that he and I shared. I picked up a picture of him smiling that I saw his charming smile and his hair being out of place because it was windy that day. Even though I took the picture without him looking, he still looked charming.

I remembered the first time we met was in Europe since I travelled to see my grandparents. I met my Italian deceased-finance in Paris, France. He was there on a business meeting and had been traveling with some of his co-workers. We met in the hotel lobby; they were speaking Italian, then English, so I stop to ask them, 'What on earth?'

That night we all went out to dinner, but I had to leave the next day to go back to New York. But faith had a funny way of playing out since I ended being stuck in Paris because my flight had gotten delayed due to the bad weather. Three days later, I'm walking through the airport in Paris and I stopped when I heard someone had called out my name. I turned around was surprised to see the handsome guy I met a few nights ago, will take the same flight as me. Considering it took a little over seven hours, we had a lot of time to get to know each other. Turns out we had a lot of things in common in the next year, we in a relationship together. Afterwards we moved in together, and everything was moving in the right direction.

Before closing the chest box, I placed down his picture and took off the engagement that he gave me. Just because I took off the ring it didn't mean that I would soon forget, but rather he would always be cherished by every fiber of my being. And be remembered as the loving and most caring man that I've ever met.

He was a man of honor.

He was a man of respect.

He was a man that was loved by everyone.

With this day moving forth, I felt like I was starting a new chapter in my life. No longer will I allow myself to dwell on the past because it's honestly too exhausting to do so. To wake in the morning and sleep at night, regretting each and every waking moment is too much for anyone to bare. To no longer overthink things and to just live in the moment is what life is all about.

To do things that we enjoy and to not hold back because of that little voice inside your head telling you not to do it. I've come to learn that the little voice that goes against your decisions delaying our actions is our doubts. Doubts that we made up because were afraid of the outcome. Afraid that what we planned for didn't turn out the way we wanted. It's normal to be let down because it's an experience that we learn from. Whether we noticed it or not, our experiences as well as our environment affect us through different aspects of our health.

We never how long we have with someone until they're gone. To find someone that's willing to accept our flaws and know us more than we know ourselves is something that anyone should be grateful for. As a couple, you two are supposed to grow together and whatever one doesn't know then the other should educate them on that matter; even broadening their horizons by experiencing new things. In life, sometimes we need to step outside the box in order to experience life to fullest to the fullest. We never know when will be the times you take your last breath. With any chance we get is always best to tell our love ones that we love them.

"Is that everything?" Mom asked.

"Yeah I told you it wasn't a lot." I responded looking at the small boxes that were placed inside my car.

"When you're finally settled in, make sure that you call us." Dad spoke.

"I will." I gave both of my parents a hug and they hugged me back. I then got inside the car, and started up the car. Seeing that they were waiting for me to drive off, I honked my horn, and waved goodbye to them giving them a small smile. Looking through the passenger seat window, I saw that they gave me a small smile back to me and waved goodbye. My dad then placed his arms around my mom's shoulders and together they watched me drive over towards the place I never imagined myself driving by. While driving there I turned on the radio and soon jazz music had filled the car while I tapped lightly to the beat of the song on the steering wheel.

After navigating through the streets, I finally arrived there stopping at the red light. I was now in the same place where the accident happened and everything looked the same. Memories of that night filled my mind and I was feeling all sorts of emotions. I knew now that to live life without knowing what was going to happen next was a scary thing, but it was okay if I was scared. Having a sense of emotions was what made me human. It was as if the accident never happened a year ago, but those who watched the news, those who witnessed the accident knew singlehandedly what happened. My heart start beating faster and the palms of my hands started getting sweeting while my eyes dashed across the dashboard. I looked around being aware of my surroundings, spotting anything or anyone that would be a risk to my health. As the seconds passed by, I came to realize that nothing bad would happen. When the light finally turned green, it took a while for me to move forward since I was still in a daze. When a couple of cars behind me honked their horns, I came back to reality and drove forward.

It may seem like driving pass there was unimportant to someone else, but to me it was a big deal. I had finally faced my fears and the negatives things that I imagined that would occur was just a part of my wild imaginations. The greatest feeling in the world was that I was overcame so many obstacles that was thrown my way. After the incident, I wanted to give up on life and join Rico wherever he was because I just couldn't imagine myself living a life without him. But I'm so glad that I continued to be a fighter and to not give up even on the littlest things. The journey that it took for me to drive past where the accident was involved me taking baby steps to get to where I am now. In the past year I had to relearn how to walk and each step I took, or at least tried to task was a difficult task but I felt like I was strongly guided by the love I have for my family, friends and Rico to not give up. And to never allow myself fall into the same dark place that I was before.

I was now driving towards my dreams and no longer allowing my fears to be my obstacles. I realized that for months, I lied to others and myself saying that I was fine when I really wasn't. I needed to stop holding onto to all the guilt and remorse I felt in the beginning of mourning my beloved. Even though I would feel sadness from time to time, the sadness will be replaced by joy when I think about the good times we shared. Happiness was what I wanted to feel most of the time and what I believed I deserved.

I could never move forward if I held onto to something that was nonexistent. No matter what happened in my life, I would never forget my love for him and dreams were everlasting.

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