⚠️ MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER ⚠️

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Aidan sighs out heavily as he looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom, unable to sleep, unable to stay still, unable to keep his whirring mind quiet and under control. He was losing his mind, being so close to her yet so far. He ran his hands down his face, ruffling his hair in frustration as he turns to look at his phone wondering if he should try texting to her, to try and talk to her.

He tossed and turned in his bed, the night simply moving on without him as he only thought about her. He stared at his bedroom door and wondered if she was awake too like him and maybe... maybe he could try to see her in person instead to talk...?

No, the brunette didn't want to disturb her, she was exhausted already. But he couldn't shake off the sinking feeling in his stomach like there was something wrong.

But she seemed alright at dinner...

She talked about all her adventures during her internship, all the magical moments she had with her friends and coworkers there and the amazing experiences she had. She showed the entire family pictures and videos of her adventures, even telling them about her trip with her married friend to the other US states they visited after her program finished.

Aidan was so proud of her but he felt regret remembering that memory of his love finding him and Hannah, that horrible moment he wished he could go back in time and stop before it could even happen. But he couldn't.

He closed his eyes and sighs heavily, trying to catch some sleep when she plagued his mind.

And he plagued (y/n)'s.

She couldn't sleep, wedged between the space of her bedside table and her bed with her hands gripping her hair as she cried. She didn't know why she was crying, all she knew was that she wanted it to stop.

She was ok during dinner... so why now? Why in the middle of the night did it feel like she was dying in the inside. She couldn't stay in the room, couldn't find comfort in the bedroom that was inherently hers. She didn't feel like she belonged and silenced herself as she screamed at herself internally for how pathetic she was.

She needed to stop crying. She wanted to stop crying. She needed that internal pain to go away. She wanted everything to go away. She wanted everything to just stop. 

She didn't want to feel anymore!

Make it go away!

She needed to feel the relief on her skin, getting up silently to make sure she woke no one up and grabbed a pen before going into the bathroom to lock the door. She hated the silence, drowning out everything as music blasted in her ears as if she wanted her ears to bleed. She dropped the pen and stomped on it, the tip shattering to leave jagged ends. She picked it up and sat down in the bathtub, staring at the long-lost plastic friend in her hands.

She needed the relief, to let that pain escape through her skin and feel that euphoric nothingness. The relief of not being able to feel anymore except physical pain. There was no one to stop her... not like anyone knew to stop her...

Aidan sat up abruptly in his bed, a terrible feeling settling on his chest and he scrambles up from bed before dashing for his door. He opens it quickly but quietly, rushing for (y/n)'s bedroom door and opening it to see her room empty. His heart hammered with worry for her and he didn't know why but he knew he hated it. He saw the lights in the bathroom were on and walked towards it, knocking on the door and calling out her name but she doesn't answer.

And that's when he starts to panic.

"(y/n), love please open the door. Please! (y/n) I'm begging you!" his pleas fall into the silence and he looks for something to unlock the door, finding a metal ruler and grabbing it to slot it into the keyhole. Now, the doors of the bathroom aren't so secure that you don't need a key to unlock it, and this was something the brunette was thankful for since his dad hasn't fixed the lock on this bathroom yet. He quickly opens the door and rushes forward to his love as she laid in the bathtub with her eyes closed. 

She could finally sleep, feeling tired enough to just let her body rest.

"(y/n)!" Aidan gasps as he drops to his knees and takes her headphones off, choking on his breath in relief when she opened her eyes to look at him. "What are you doing!?" he snatches the broken pen and throws it away behind him, noting how his love's eyes were filled with fear now that he found her.

"Leave-!"

"-what's wrong!? Why-?" he didn't have the words, his tongue heavy in his mouth as he teared up, seeing the scores on her left arm and her left thigh. "You..." he holds her arm gently but she rips it out of his grasp, scrambling to cover herself. "(y/n)-"

"-I fucking said to leave!" she hissed at him with so much hostility that he had never witnessed before but he purses his lips and doesn't listen to her. "Just go back to bed Aidan!" he ignores her heated tone, climbing into the bathtub in front of her and holds her elbows to not let her go. "Aidan-!"

"-how long...?" he begs softly. "How long (y/n)!?" he exclaims, tearing up when he saw his love start to cry and shake in front of him. He didn't like how she hesitated, didn't like how she struggled to answer him and he pales realising why.

"For so long..." she sobs.

He hated how she held back her cries, her screams of pain. She was silencing herself, she was killing herself on the inside as she curled up in a ball and gripped her air. Her head was pounding and her chest contracted like she was suffocating. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. She wanted to scream, to wail, to make as much noise as she wanted but she was stopping herself and it was killing him to see that she was hurting this much. Hurting for god knows how long.

"(y/n)..." Aidan bows his head against her arms, still holding her elbows and breaks down into tears. He cried with her, he cried for her. He just wanted to take her pain away, screaming at himself for not realising it.

He raises his head as he stared at the new scores on her left arm, already bruising darker than the ones on her thigh and he knew they must've been older.

Not old enough to be faded but not recent either-

"-before we met...?" he whispers, his heart feeling heavy when she nods.

How could he not notice them? 

How could he be so blind and not notice anything!?

He wasn't the only one that never noticed...

"I should've never come here." (y/n) hissed as she ripped her arms away from him, angry and furious but she didn't know why. "Get out!" she yelled at the brunette who looked at her with heartbroken eyes but she didn't care. She just hated him seeing her like this and wanted to disappear. "Don't you fucking dare say anything to anyone about this-"

"-what are you talking about-!"

"-me being a fucking burden Aidan! Do you not see that the fucking problem is me!?"

"(y/n)-"

"-I'm fucking useless! Good for nothing! Hell, what the fuck am I even doing with my life! I have no purpose, no fucking future! You can't love me! You don't love me! You don't love someone as pathetic as me! No one can love me! Why the fuck would I deserve it!? I'm a burden!"

"You're not-"

"-you don't love me." she hissed, shoving him back by his chest as she cried. "You think you do but you don't because no one can! I'm a problem! People leave once that glimpse into the cracks!"

"You are not a burden (y/n)!" Aidan wails back, sobbing this time. "You have never been a burden! Not once! You are everything to me!"

"Stop saying that!"

"You make me happy-"

"-well I'm not!" she cries out, shaking this time and his heart breaks. "I don't... I don't know if I ever was... it's so hard... it's so hard to figure out if I'm actually happy. I just feel so empty... for so long... I can't-I don't know how-it's all fleeting and I don't even know if what I felt was real in my memories...." 

(y/n) just wanted to rip her skin away, to feel something, to feel pain but Aidan quickly grabbed her hands in a tight grip to stop her. "You are not a burden, you are not a problem. You will never be. And I'm not leaving you. I won't leave you behind..." he whispers, moving his hands from her wrists to hold her hands instead. "I really am in love with you (y/n)."

"Stop, just stop..." she cries out, begging him as she shook her head. She struggled so hard to believe him...

"I am in love with you (y/n), you have my heart completely and I promise you I will prove it to you every damn day." Aidan swears, wiping his tears away with a solemn look in his eyes.

"How can you just say that...? I don't even love myself..." his chest pained seeing his love break down in tears and he leans up to wipe them away from her cheeks.

"I have enough love for you from the both of us. I will never stop proving to you that I love you (y/n). So please, please don't push me away... don't pull away from me... don't distance yourself anymore. I'm here. I'm right here!"

She looks up at him as he wiped her tears away that seemed to flow continuously down her cheeks. She struggled to understand what he sees in her, she just couldn't understand why he would stay for someone like her.

"You're not alone anymore. I'm right here. I won't leave you behind. I'm not going anywhere." Aidan sighs in relief as (y/n) slowly lets herself go with him, not trying to push him away. 

He could see how tired she was, her body slowly shutting down from emotional exhaustion. He slowly pulls away from her and jumps out of the bathtub to go to her bedroom, grabbing a large pillow and a blanket to bring back to her. She cried softly in her hands and he settles back with her, telling her to just let it out and not hold anything back anymore. He gently moves her to lay down on the pillow, draping the blanket over her as he wiped her tears away. She held onto his shirt and he knew she didn't want him to leave, slowly settling in behind her and holding her hands to wrap them around her.

The brunette curled around his love to protect her, to ease her shaking until she was ok again. "If there is anything wrong, you come to me. If you're feeling down or there is a problem, come to me, please (y/n)..." he begs her against her shoulder, holding her tight.

"There are worse problems in the world. Mine aren't important-"

"-they're important to me! You are important to me! Don't you dare say that!"

She didn't know what else to say, coudln't understand why someone like him would care so much about her.

"I will never hurt you again, I never want to hurt you again (y/n). You are my everything and I will prove it to you every damn day."

 Aidan gently and carefully pulled (y/n) further into his arms, holding her tight as she fell asleep. He leaned his head ontop of hers, staying with her and being with her. He waited until she fast asleep, carefully getting out of the bathtub and picking her up to take her back to bed. He sets her down gently, pulling the blankets over her but hesitates to stay next to her. He didn't want to push his boundaries but he was worried about her waking up in distress again so he stayed, settling in bed next to her as he sat up against the headboard. He wouldn't sleep, wouldn't close his eyes for second during that night in fear something wrong will happen. He would stay awake and look after her, holding her hand to let her know someone was there for her now.

I will love you forever till the very end (y/n). I will show you how much I love you every day just to see you smile again.

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