Title: We Are Soulmates

Author: Merrin / siriusshinesregulus ( siriusshinesregulus )

Genre: Romance / Fanfiction / LGBTQ+ (does have a maturity warning)

Chapters Reviewed: Chapter 1 - Chapter 3

Blurb Below:

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I. Title: We Are Soulmates

Simple, straight to the point... thank you hehehe. I love these types of titles and especially since your book alludes to the romance element you are bringing, it is workable.

II. Cover

Let me explain myself lol. With this cover, I do have some comments about it that I hope you can understand as I am reacting to this without having seen anything else and solely this cover. So, I do have my own little role and I will say that the Dream Graphic Designers in the Dreamland Graphics page follow this too, 2 to 3 fonts maximum on a cover. Now I know yours is 3 fonts which is alright, but something is... off. I do believe it is due to the placement of it and how it is a bit blurry at the very top. I will say, the "We Are Soulmates" title is super clear and solid color which I like and your name at the bottom is clear as well. Regarding the background, I am not sure if I am a huge fan of it. I will say this, the top half of the background, I love. The bottom half is where it is lacking. For the figure's silhouette, there is too much black at the bottom which is causing it to blend it and not very visible. Additionally, the wolf is throwing me off. I usually critique separately with cover and blurb but I had to check to see if the wolf is mentioned and it is not mentioned in the blurb, I can only see it in the last tag being #wolfstar.

III. Blurb

Amazing! Amazing! Amazing! I love this blurb a lot, like a lot. It is effective, understanding, teasing the story a bit, providing some insight on our character / narrator, giving a super powerful message. Check, check, check. All the boxes are checked off. Nothing much I can say except for this (this is a personal preference), but when you did the questioning thing, "Will Sirius live, to see his future? Will he ever love Remus again, or anyone for that matter?" In this part, I feel like the "to see his future" is bit off, like it does not play into the theme and I am not getting that suspenseful aspect for this to be properly put in. Perhaps if you mentioned something evil or a big disaster coming up, then it would make sense and also with "will he ever love Remus again," it has the same values that I just mentioned.

Edit: This is me coming back after reading the required number of chapters. I see what the wolf comes from now, but I still stand by what I said. You need to let it be known that the wolf is in the story since you are putting it in the cover and not the blurb is a huge confusion. Covers are what the readers see first, blurbs expand the covers. Just a little tip for me.

IV. First Sentences

Introduction to chapter one with the first lines are well-said, very cohesive, and I love it! It gives a little hook to get people in the story, then we get the character's name and what they are viewing versus what they are. I will say this quickly, there is supposed to be a period at the end of that first line in chapter one.

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Shall we begin? SO. I will just quickly say this, thank you for those trigger warnings before the chapter starts. It is one of those things that people really should be doing since if someone wants to enjoy the story but not specifically those scenes, they can feel if they should continue reading or move along. Another thing, this is a first for me but the chapters are really short. Like REALLY short so going with the trigger warning, it is perfect since people will not feel like they are missing out a lot. Now into my actual review hehehe. So, this is random but I love that cast lineup, it is a good selection and I really like it! Now back to what I wanted to say lol. So, let's go a bit chronologically since the chapters are quick short and enough for me to work with.

Chapter One: some overall points that I want to cover is that it is well put together. We don't get a lot of setting but that is okay, since we do get a lot of character. I think you can have one or the other, specifically for a fanfiction and romance story, it is crucial for the audience to fall in love with a character right away or they will turn away from the story. My only comment about this is that there are grammar errors. Overall, it is the need for commas, some wording that doesn't seem right, and some proper ideas flowing. One of my pet peeves is having a flashback right in the first chapter. It is good for a prologue, but not the first chapter. So, I suggest that you actually make your first chapter into being titled as a prologue as we get more insight on the character but at a more past tense version of the character (prologues do this all the time and it is better suited for stories). The emotional aspect that you asked me about it quite good and it feel has that emotional element there. Due to the trigger warning, I don't think it is too emotional at all and if anything, it is perfect for people to really want to explore the story further.

Chapter Two and Three: now the real critiquing comes into play. So, I will say that I am a bit disappointed in these chapters. I love that you brought in a stronger element to your story with the emotional aspect coming in. But I will say this, WE NEED THE SETTING! It is so crucial for readers to see that setting and location right away as they can visualize themselves or visualize the characters playing into the setting. I am a sucker for a beautiful setting and it is one element in my stories that I focus on A LOT, like a bit too much. You can always talk about the characters but if we don't get a lot from the setting, it becomes boring and drives us away from reading. I do feel like this is when chapters should be lengthened. One big issue that comes with when people add setting after is the information dump. NEVER DO THIS! This will bore the audience instantly and make them feel uninterested. Perhaps if you want to add the setting, try to sprinkle it in properly, and fill in any gaps the story may have. If the character is on the ground, describe that surface they are laying on. If they are looking out into the view, talk about that view. The readers want to know what they see and fall in love with the story even more. An example from my edited version of my story The Priority of the Maiden is like this: "Dead flowers blooming at the root of his legs. The wooden picket fence circling his fidgeting body, holding only the shattered glass driven within the fur of an innocent rabbit. A white rabbit. Bleeding black. Dead." Within this, I describe the state of the body (the main character) but also a bit of the scenery around them. I make sure that the audience knows the image of the body, as well as the scenery moving around them as we need to remember, the scenery and character both move cohesively. Make sure to let this be known. Within the 3rd chapter, it is only then that I realized it is a Harry Potter fanfiction (I saw another comment about this lol). It could be due to a lack of understanding the storyline since the setting is not providing that image in my head. Also, I am not sure if you are noticing this, but your story is losing that touch with the character. I feel like I am losing touch with the character and can only know about them from what you tell me about them. I want to be able to know a bit about them, their reactions, how they adapt, how they move around the world, and still have room to make my own imagination of the characters. It feels like things are rushing a bit which I do not really like and I also see more grammatical errors which I feel need a lookback and retouching of.

I really want that setting element and I feel the characters are round in their characteristics, but then flat right after. I want to be able to guess the character's next choice of actions from solely be figuring out their patterns. A way you can make sure this happens is but giving them a tone, or specific way of function. Are they always angry? Are they always sad? Are they always cheerful? Let this all play out and work well. I know I was a bit brutal with the diagnostic, but I want to make sure you truly understand what I saw as a writer, a reader, and a critique. Don't let the numbers get to you as it is only a number and a way for me to reflect how much something needed work in. Please leave a comment here or below (make sure to tag me) about some pointers you were trying to go for as writing and reading are SUPER subjective and up for different interpretations. One person might see one side of the story while another sees a whole different side of the story.

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Now for my takeaway. I like to keep these short and sweet for you to be able to come back to and just quickly see what you might want to take from this review.

1. Improvements to help:

a. Wording

b. Overall grammar with commas and placement of subjects and verbs

c. Building that setting (it is so important readers can see themselves in that world and follow along while knowing their surroundings. An exercise I like to think about is putting yourself in the world... what would you see, hear, smell, and touch?)

2. My personal opinions of the work:

a. I like your take with doing the story and feel that the bigger message you have at the beginning is so beautiful and compelling. I do wish I could enjoy the work more if I had that setting and round characters but overall, I liked what I read and don't regret it. 😊

And that is all I have to say. I really did enjoy my read. If anything, you can message me through PM or through here (you will have to tag me for me to get the notification) for any additional coverage that you would like me to discuss. Hope you like the review!

Have a great day and continue to write as much as your happiness pleases!