Book: The Seasons of Sissera

Author: Laentheon

Genre: High Fantasy

Blurb: Step into Sissera, a world where hate is only one step away from love. Common sense says to stick with those who look like you. When tensions turn towards violence, a patchwork alliance is made consisting of:

A vagabond destined to be a dead king

A wayward elf with a knack for being in the wrong place at the wrong time

A hot-tempered cupbearer who avoids mirrors at all cost

A bewildered lover attempting to play a game of chess with lives

A librarian turned detective

 A mother who will unknowingly pass the fate of the world unto her daughter's shoulders

A pickpocket who accidentally pockets something much more valuable than a wallet

Together, they present the last barrier between Sissera and complete bloodstained chaos... 

 A very shaky barrier which might collapse from within at any moment.

COVER

Wattpad is a cold, cruel, and savage world for covers. There are many parts of this cover that I think are effective, but unfortunately, some are not. We're going to deep-dive into these elements...

Does this cover communicate its content?

Success! This is a high-fantasy cover if I've ever saw one. We have an hourglass and what appears to be a world inside of it. That's great. We've told the potential reader that yes, this is a fantasy novel, and you will get everything associated with that: magic, swords, kingdoms at war, ruffians, and the like. That's an instant click for many people, so we're off to a good start...wait...what is that? Isaac! Hand me the microscope! Zoom! Enhance!

What is that? Is that some sort of element in the bottom half of the hourglass? We'll never truly know, because Wattpad doesn't deal in high-resolution images. It only deals in potato-resolution images. And this, I dare say, is a potato. It might be a woman of some sort. Or it might be a coffee stain. Regardless, it'll appear like a blemish to the reader's eye. And what you can't see, you don't need. Yes, I understand that in the original image, it's probably amazing, but because this shows up as no more than a color distortion, I'd suggest getting rid of it.

Is it eye-catching compared to other titles?

You wake up one day, and gasp! Your dreams have come true! You've been selected for an Editor's Pick! Incredible! Only now, the question remains: how many readers will click on your story over any other?

Well, the good news is that your cover pops. What exactly does that mean, anyway? See, humans are these fickle creatures that are naturally attracted to high contrast. That means that the range between the darkest areas and the lights areas is at its greatest! Notice how the pink covers almost seem to fade away into the background? That's because it's a light cover on a light background. Comparatively, your dark blues contrast well against the light background, making your vivid blues the most eye-catching around! Good job!

How curious does the cover make you?

Curiosity is a tricky thing to measure, but here is a test to make it easier: What kind of questions does it make the reader ask? The more questions we ask ourselves, the better. The more intense the question, the better. Upon examination, the cover does a good job of making us ask ourselves, why is there a world trapped inside an hour glass? Is it because the world is running out of time? Is it a world lost in time? Let me read it! I need to find out!

Does it pass the thumbnail test?

If you thought Wattpad desktop was cruel, let me introduce you to the world of Wattpad mobile. This is a land of itsy bitsy covers and tiny whiny titles, where if your cover isn't at its best, it's going to get demolished. And as we can see, The Seasons of Sissera...does not do well.

Remember how I mentioned how high contrast against Wattpad's background makes the colors pop! Well, these rules also apply within the cover as well, and it's here that Seasons of Sissera falls short, big time. The author's name is not legible at all. The title is no longer The Seasons of Sissera, but Seasons Sissera. The hourglass is hardly recognizable as such.

The culprit: Blue-on-blue.

Since both font, image, and background are blue, they blend into each other. The different shades aren't enough to make the title legible. Instead, I would look into changing the cover so that the words are light (think closer to white) against the dark background.

TITLE:

The Seasons of Sissera

I'm a big fan of alliteration. I love the way it rolls off the tongue. But readers don't pick titles based on whether it's pretty to say, but whether it's what they want to read. So let's dive into whether The Seasons of Sissera is as effective as it is clever...

Does the title match the content?

We can tell that Sissera isn't a real place; it's got that fantasy vibe to it. So it does indicate that it's a fantasy book. But we don't want to indicate that it's fantasy, we want the reader to know that it's fantasy. We want them to read the title and think: If I pick this up off the bookshelf, I know I'm going to experience swords and sorcery.

To get a better taste for titles (did I mention I love alliteration?) let's play around and get some real eye-rollingly cliché words going: Swords of Sissera. Now that's a high fantasy if I've ever heard one. Staff of Sissera. Yup. Songs of Sissera. Keep going. Shadows of Sissera. That works, too.

You'll notice that we're replacing Seasons in every instance. Well, it's pretty easy to replace, for reasons that we'll get into...

Is there an element of mystery to it?

The same rules apply to titles that apply to covers: Does it make the reader ask a question? The issue with The Seasons of Sissera is that it's self-contained. All the information is already there, right in the title; it's the seasons of a fantasy world. There are no further questions, your honor.

To see how we can generate some questions, let's go back to our assortment of fantasy title clichés and see what we can cook up. The Doom of Sissera. How does this fantasy world die? The End of Sissera. How does it end? The Protector of Sissera. What is it protecting against? The Savior of Sissera. What is the savior saving Sissera from?

The secret to curiosity is the absence of information that the reader knows is there, but that they are deprived of. Think of all those bestsellers that you hate, but which sell really, really well: The Da Vinci Code. What does Da Vinci have to do with a code? What does the message behind the code say? The President Is Missing by James Patterson. Who kidnapped him? Where did he go? The Prisoner of Azkaban. Who is the prisoner? What is Azkaban? What does that have to do with Harry?

And on, and on, and on...

Does it use a strong keyword in the title?

Here's a fun game: Type "Seasons" in the search bar, no hashtag, just as is. Keep scrolling until you find Seasons of Sissera. Now, of all the titles you just passed, how many were high fantasy titles?

Right? We have a problem with Seasons, and that issue is that it's not a very high fantasy word, and if people are searching seasons, you can be sure that they're not looking for high fantasy. That's a missed opportunity right there.

Try another game: Type "Sword" in the search bar. Scroll down. See those other titles? Those are your brethren. They are very, very high fantasy. But there's a cost: if you want to join them, you'll have to find a keyword that is associated with high fantasy, and use that in your title.

BLURB:

Back in 2014, mobile reading made up 85% of Wattpad traffic. That was in 2014. You can be sure that's grown since then, too. Notice how for all those readers, you only get a few words to use when it's displayed on a screen?

For those millions of readers, this is the sentence that will determine whether to click on your story and read more: Step into Sissera, a world where hate is only one step away from love.

The opening sentence of your blurb must draw your reader into reading the second sentence. The second sentence must draw the reader into reading the third, which leads to the fourth, and fifth, and so on. Step into Sissera, a world where hate is only one step away from love is a bit too vague to be your opening line. Just like the title and cover, we want it to generate questions. We need curiosity. Remember, the secret to curiosity is the absence of information that the reader knows is there, but that they are deprived of.

Thankfully, The Seasons of Sissera's blurb is full of good stuff like that. It's just that, like many blurbs, all that good stuff is in the wrong place. Let's try this again:

A vagabond destined to be a dead king.

Great! You've created questions for the readers: why he is destined to be king, and dead? That ought to draw them into the second sentence. Let's go looking for another sentence that creates strong questions:

A bewildered lover attempting to play a game of chess with lives.

Be wary: the more information we have in a sentence, the longer it takes to process that sentence. We want to keep our lines short and snappy, especially in a blurb. Let's trim it down and add it in, see what we get:

A vagabond destined to be a dead king. A lover playing a game of chess with lives.

Okay! We're getting somewhere! Let's add a third sentence in, something different to show the sprawling variations of Sissera.

A mother who passes the fate of the world unto her daughter's shoulders.

Great! Let's stop there. Yes, I know there are other characters with their own sentences, but we don't want to repeat ourselves to the point where it drones on: A cupbearer who...A pickpocket who...A librarian...and so on. Let's answer the question that the reader has been asking since we introduced the first three sentences. How are they related?

A vagabond destined to be a dead king. A lover playing a game of chess with lives. A mother who passes the fate of the world unto her daughter's shoulders.

Together, their patchwork alliance presents the last barrier between Sissera and complete chaos. A barrier which might collapse from within at any moment.

Yes! Stop again. You can see I've trimmed the barrier statement to make it a faster and cleaner read (tip: You can always cut the word very). Now, since we are veering towards the side of being too vague again, it's important to give the reader a bit more information about what is at stake here. The fate of the world isn't going to cut it. As the old saying goes, one death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic. We care more about what an individual character stands to lose than we care about the fate of the world itself. 

This second paragraph should be beefed up with two things:

1. What is at stake?

2. What is their objective?

It doesn't have to include spoilers, but we do have to include enough information to make the reader want to know more. Give 'em an inch and they'll ask for a mile. But keep it short. Keely Kundall, Data Insight Specialist at Wattpad HQ, recommends a blurb of between 400 to 600 characters. That's right. Not words, characters. Because readers only need to know enough from the blurb to get them to read the book.

TAGS:

The selection of tags for The Seasons of Sissera is actually quite good. They are specific to the genre, and a combination of both content and marketing tags. Marketing tags are used to draw the reader into your story: #enemiestolovers, #aliens, #virtualreality. Content tags are used to describe the content that's in the story. #historicalfiction, #lgbtq, #christianfantasy. 

Overall, I think the story's in a really solid place to rank up in tags. The two tags I'd suggest replacing is #unique and #choices. If you look at your competitors under that tag, you'll find such a broad array of book genres, and that's basically because, ironically, calling your book #unique is not very unique. That applies similarly to #choices. Ideally, in all books the characters make choices. It's not a search term that readers are going to often use to find high fantasy titles.

FIRST CHAPTER:

I think the first chapter of the story is really well done. That said, much like with the blurb, it has all the elements of success in it, they're just not arranged in the right order. As I will no doubt go to my grave repeating, it's all about curiosity.

The opening lines of the story (A loud thumping came from the bearskin-covered door) do generate a mild question: Who's at the door? But we don't want to just stir the reader's curiosity, we want to grab them by collar, scream in their faces WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS? An opening sentence has to do that. So, let's reach into the heart of the story, and grab the most exciting and mysterious element.

The sound rent the night air. It chilled the hut and its inhabitants more than the storm. The sound of bells.

Bells, as it is, are very mysterious and ominous. For centuries they've been used as a harbinger of a coming threat. We react very specifically to bells: with fear and attention and awe. This is how we want the reader to react. A storm is coming, and it's called this book.

Starting here, in the middle of things, you may wonder if it's a good idea. But this tactic is so commonplace in literature it has its own name: In media res. We start at the middle of things, with the ringing of bells. We can build the details of the characters and what they were doing up until then from that point onwards. Non-chronologically, if you want. Readers will accept it.

The rest is very well written and doesn't need to be adjusted. After the ringing of bells, and the explanation of who the father and the two brothers are, and what they were doing, it moves very nicely through an explanation of what the bells are warning of: an ice dragon. The mutual destruction of both villagers and the dragon they slayed is a very compelling end to this chapter, and makes me wonder what will become of Nokkland and his family.