Title: The Forgotten Dream

Author: CrystalFerrer6

Chapters: 1-7

Cover: I like the design with the heart, but I do feel like a better font could be used for it. The letters on the current one bend with certain letters in odd places and it just doesn't go well with the image you've chosen for your cover. It's also a tad bit difficult to read upon first glance.

Title: It's simple enough and fairly common. I like "The Birth of a Wishing Heart" a lot better than "The Forgotten Dream" and wonder if it might be better to label that as your "main" title here on Wattpad.

Blurb: In your summary you shared in your form, I really liked the information you provided and felt like it gave a concrete idea of the story and had me hooked! However, the blurb on your actual story isn't as interesting to me and leaves things rather vague. I'm not sure if that's the intention you're going for with it, but I personally like the summary you shared in your form on here best! I feel like it does more justice to telling the gist of your story without giving too much away.

First Impression: I was intrigued by the idea of the curse when I first read about it in the blurb and then in the first chapter. I almost felt like her parents were being too superstitious of it and wondered what could really happen. If you love your children, wouldn't you risk anything, even a curse, to keep them safe and healthy? I always wondered why they never hunted themselves and made sure their girls didn't, just so they were fed. But perhaps they worried that would fall on their whole family, even if their girls only ate what they provided and never hunted the animals themselves.

Chapter 1 (The Promise) : You've really set your world up in this first chapter and introduced us to an interesting family. They're quite poor and struggling to get by, barely finding food for themselves to eat. With a dangerous storm brewing, I can only imagine how rough it'll get for the family. It's an unfortunate situation many people find themselves in, and I can pity them for their circumstances and wonder if a majority of the town is also similarly in poverty. I'm assuming that the wealthier folks aren't ones to really help out, as I can't imagine seeing a poor family have to starve to death like that and not trying to offer any assistance. Yet, I also do get how greedy people can be with their own food and supplies and would rather keep it to themselves rather than help out.

When the mom stopped Adiscordia from catching that squirrel, I was confused at first. That would've been good meat for them and it would keep her kids from starving. I assumed maybe they had a more vegetarian type of diet, but then it was revealed about their family being hexed, cursed. They can't commit any sins, and with some animals, they've become guardian angels of sorts and that would certainly be a sin to kill one. They can't commit any sins, which sounds like quite the impossible task, especially with their condition. Taking the chance seems too risky, even when they're desperate for food. I have to admit, I can't imagine many people would be able to follow in those footsteps and not sin, so I do respect them for holding out for so long. Hunger can make people do irrational things, and I'm sure that the meat on the squirrel would've been far better and fulfilling than tree bark.

Adiscordia is given such a difficult task, to remain pure and protect her sister, and I can understand her questioning the Gods over this. I do wonder if she'll be able to stay pure, or if she'll succumb to temptation, especially when it comes to food. Little critters like squirrels will fill their stomachs more than tree bark, but hopefully, she'll be able to resist that and not commit any sins. It's a sad life they're living, and I wonder how they'll stay safe during this treacherous storm coming in.

Chapter 2 (Pressure and Hope): This chapter really showed the struggles the family face with finding food and slowly withering away from starvation. While the mother is fearful of this curse, I have to admit, I sympathize more with their father when he lashed out. He's right. They're watching their dear kids waste away, and considering "lesser evils" to keep them fed and safe doesn't sound like something selfish to me at all. Quite the contrary, I believe the mother is the most selfish of them all for letting a curse keep such a hold over her. (Do keep in mind this is my personal opinion on the matter as I read and not me just blatantly hating on characters.) Rather than commit a sin herself to feed her kids, she'll let them starve and just keep sewing clothes as if nothing was wrong. Why isn't she out trying to find food as well? Why doesn't she give more of her portions to her kids instead? While I don't doubt that she loves her kids, sometimes I wonder if she'd rather them all just die instead of living normal lives, where they could be carefree kids and not worry about starving to death.

I do understand how the mom thinks she's keeping them safe, but she reminds me more of those types of mothers who "care too much" and actually end up harming their children. She's going to end up letting them all die, and she herself seems to be aware of that. She can see it herself how her daughters are on death's doorstep and didn't even mind when Addy stormed away from her, even when she could barely walk on her own. She only came out when Gri went for help, but fortunately, some passersby happened to see her and offered what they could. Considering their curse, why would they even have kids in the first place, knowing something like this would happen? Perhaps it would've been best to let the family tree die off, thus ending the curse. Kind of feels like the parents let their own selfishness shine through every now and then, even when they did have good intentions at heart.

Chapter 3(The Lesser Evil): Things got emotional in this chapter with Adiscordia left to take care of her sister and keep them "pure" from that curse. Meanwhile, her parents have both set out into the forest with empty promises of returning. That little nursery rhyme seemed to foreshadow their deaths, as I have an inkling they might not ever return. But maybe that won't be such a bad thing now. Adiscordia will be able to ensure her sister is fed properly, even if she needs to steal to do so. I am curious how the curse will impact her by this theft, especially if she uses it not only to help herself and feed herself, but her sister as well. That couldn't be considered selfish, could it? Honestly, I'd feel like the parents were more selfish for being so frightened of a curse that they'd let their own kids starve! I'm honestly for Adiscordia stealing from a wealthier baker's house as long as it keeps them fed. While I don't support theft, I can understand the need to do what's necessary sometimes to keep yourself alive.

One little suggestion here I'd recommend is using more body language to convey emotions rather than outright stating them. This happened frequently throughout this chapter, especially in the beginning. Rather than tell us how she's alarmed, confused, and worried, show us her fear through how she acts and desperately tries to get one of her parents to stay. I was always taught to describe the emotion without actually stating it. I feel like it's okay to do this every now and then, but trimming a few of those instances down to rely more on body language and maybe even more dialogue would be beneficial.

Chapter 4 (Sinner or Saint): This was such a heartbreaking chapter. Adiscordia went through the troubles of stealing all that food for them, yet her sister refused to eat a single bite because of fear of that curse. While I can understand her fears, I also understood Adiscordia's frustration in the end when she wouldn't eat anything. Lack of food after so long can really mess with a person's mind, which is probably what happened here when she lashed out toward her sister. After being starved for so long, and now, finally receiving some food only for her sister to reject it must've been painful for her. Especially when she realizes that they're going to die if they keep up trying to remain so "pure" and not let some curse get to them.

So far, I'm trying to figure out what exactly the curse will do to them and why their folks have been so demanding for them to remain pure. I'm guessing that their mom and dad ended up breaking the curse, which led them to leave their kids behind. Poor Grizelda has nobody left now that her family's all abandoned her, but I wonder if these two folks who found her will be able to take care of her and ensure she has proper meals and won't starve.

Chapter 5 (Sacrifice or Stupidity) : Things certainly got more interesting with the curse now and how you've shown what it really does to a person. Although, I must admit, it was really nice seeing how Addy was able to be running so carefree through the forest without the pangs of hunger getting to her. I really like how you've portrayed it here, with this individual - a cloud-like humanoid that offers Addy what she desires, with the cost of her eyesight. I do wonder if Coraline will uphold her end of the bargain and ensure Grizelda's safety. Those folks who found her must be wealthy, but I wonder if things will work out the way Coraline tells Addy they should. Sometimes, the future can be tricky to predict, after all. If Addy broke the curse so easily, much like their parents, who's to say Grizelda won't eventually do the same?

Overall, this has me curious in seeing how things play out for the family from here. The tie-in with their folks becoming animals is also so fascinating as well, and considering how Grizelda has no idea about her mother being sent to watch over her, I can't help but wonder if she'll end up accidentally killing her mom somehow later in the future. Or, maybe even Addy might. Remaining "pure" has been shown to be difficult, if not impossible to do, if they want to stay alive. Even the most wealthy can't always uphold things like that, and I can't wait to see how Grizelda does with this new family. I'm sure she must be heartbroken, considering she'll never see her family again. Even if Addy did all this for her sake and to keep her safe.

Chapter 6 (Leaving the Past) : Well, it seems like Coraline held up her end of the bargain here. Grizelda's being well-cared for and given proper meals to help her flourish by Milia and Gotto. It's great how she was able to learn so much, like baking, cleaning, and building. I do admit, it would've been cool getting to see a little scene of this, but I also get not wanting to dwell on little things that aren't necessary to the plot. Sometimes getting to the point is the best. But I do wonder if she'll be able to remain "pure" like they want her to and not commit any sins. Especially with how the people are talking so badly against Rhioninions.

While Grizelda had to mature quickly due to everything that happened, I am glad that she got to live a normal-ish life, even if for just a while. Milia and Gotto seem to be good people, especially with how they've cared for her and given her a place to call home, but I wonder how much she misses her own family sometimes. Especially her sister. I do wonder if she'll ever see Addy again and what might happen between the two of them after that altercation they had previously, where Addy stole food in hopes of keeping them from starving.

Chapter 7 (Saving the Princess) : This chapter brought us into a whole new perspective with the Rhioninions and just how brutal they've become over their war. The poor princess barely managed to escape, and probably wouldn't have had it not been for little Hansel intervening and warning those soldiers about it being a place for work. While it was a brave thing to do, that easily could've backfired on him had they chosen to disregard him and simply kill him to get through. I can't even imagine how terrified his own father must've been when he noticed him!

However, I feel like it was his guilt that also led him to save her. Considering they helped bring war against these people when the fire started and they cast all their blame on them. It's sad and tragic how the princess lost everyone in that war, but she's lucky to be alive. I only hope she'll be able to keep herself safe and not get caught by them, as I'm sure they'll be searching all over for her. I am curious to see how these new characters tie together with our current cast of characters, considering the different storylines they've got. Perhaps there will be more mentions of sins and curses between them all?

Characters:

Adiscordia (Addy) Hex: As the eldest sister, her parents shoulder a huge responsibility on her at such a tender, young age. I can't blame her for her actions and honestly could see myself doing the same in her predicament. Starvation can lead people to do crazy things, as it doesn't only take a toll on the body but the brain as well. While I don't agree with stealing, I do understand why she'd turn to such a drastic measure to feed them. I understand how selfish of her, but I wouldn't consider that making her purely selfish when she also brought some food back to her sister and needed some herself to keep herself alive to care for them both.

Addy's not someone I'd consider a terrible person or a sinner, even though she's done some sinful things like stealing. The curse is quite a horrible thing, and only makes it worse for the poor folks, who can't survive off much of what they're given. If she'd been born to a family of wealth, I feel like she'd never have stooped to stealing and only do her best to keep her family safe.

Grizelda Hex: She's a sweet girl who's just trying her best to follow the rules her parents gave her and not sin. Even starving, she resisted eating some of the food her older sister brought her, and I can't imagine how difficult that had to be to turn her head to. Not to mention, it was also her abandoning her sister in a way too. It was heartbreaking seeing how her sister snapped at her, trying to force her to eat some of the sweet foods she brought them to share, yet she still remained headstrong and determined not to commit any sins.

I really like her personality and hope she'll be able to live a happy, healthy life with the folks she's been placed with. But I feel like fate's got other plans in store for the poor girl. I'm glad she was able to have a warm bed and good food to eat, even at the cost of losing her parents and her sister to that awful curse.

Katherine Hex (Mom): Sometimes, I couldn't help but feel like she was selfish. While I know that's not how she's portrayed and with the curse, it's hard to know what would be best for the family, I couldn't help at times but wonder if her fears of the curse outweighed her love for her daughters. I always wondered why they never broke the curse for their sake or gave them up to other families when they knew they couldn't support them. In the end, when they leave their girls alone, it only furthered my thoughts on them being selfish and just abandoning them. Had they known about this curse all along, why bring two innocent kids into it? I do believe she cares for her daughters, don't get me wrong, but I feel like her ways of keeping them safe weren't the greatest. But maybe, that's all she felt she could do for them.

Nicholas Hex (Dad): I understand his frustration with the curse when he's watching his daughters starve to death in front of him. I can't even imagine how painful that must've been for him, and I understand why he'd lashed out at their mom that one time. They needed a better solution to the curse to keep them safe or they'd end up dying. Honestly, I felt he cared more for them over the curse, and I feel like he would've broken the curse had Addy not gone and done it herself.

Maud: A very kind stranger who helps Addy later, and I really like her. It showed us how not everyone in the story is selfish and would refuse to help a starving family, or at least, starving kids. If only she could've brought Addy in to help her bake and maybe clean, so in return she could've brought food back to her family.

Coraline Hex: I think her appearance surprised me the most because for a while, I wondered if the curse their parents mentioned hadn't been genuine at all, but instead, fear-mongering to keep thieves away. However, her existence is very proof of the curse being real and her presence came across as very intimidating. Her intentions seem genuine so far, but I can't help wondering if her promise to keep Grizelda safe will be upheld. Even if she takes Addy's eyesight in return for it.

Gotto and wife, Milia: They've both been kind and caring people to take Grizelda into their home. With Milia unable to bear kids, and them wanting their own, they choose to raise her in a life without sin. They seem to be good parents to them and I really like how they've given her the life she deserves. It's a shame they couldn't have found Grizelda and Addy before she broke down and stole that food for them. I feel like they both could've been really happy with these two.

Hansel: He's such a sweet little boy and I found myself so interested in his story. It's sad how the fire came and his father made him agree to lie about it being caused by the Rhioninions. In return, he later helps keep the princess safe, even if it could've cost him his life. The bravery he showed while confronting those soldiers was admirable, even if a bit idiotic on his end because they easily could've killed the poor boy! I do wonder how his story will tie together with the Hex family's and hope that he'll be able to forgive himself for the lie that helped cause the war unleashed on the poor royal family.

Guinniverre: She's an innocent girl impacted by the horrors of war, and I found myself really interested in her character as a princess of this world. Hoping to keep herself safe, she hides away in the dark as their soldiers are slaughtered outside, trying to protect their family. This poor girl can only hide in the dark and wait, hoping that they'll leave so she can escape. And it's only by a miracle and with Hansel's help that she's able to get away when they come searching for her. I feel like it's going to be a rough road for her, after witnessing such cruelty and now having to hide from those soldiers out to kill her, but maybe with Hansel's help, she'll be able to elude them for good.

Overall thoughts: I'll be honest, I found myself really enjoying your story and easily got immersed into this dark, twisted sort of fairytale. It's tragic for these characters who are just trying to live their lives the best that they can. While I only got to read one chapter of Hansel and Guinniverre's, I already found myself fascinated by their stories and wondering just how everything will tie together between them.

The idea of the curse on the Hex family is such a neat concept that I really liked. As I read on, I realized just how genuine it was and wondered how it'll impact Adiscordia later throughout the chapters. She's already started stealing from the rich, and I sense that'll continue, but it's prone to only get worse as it continues. Perhaps the stealing will continue to escalate, as a part of the curse. It was shown how easily she gained strength when eating, and likely sinning, so I wonder if she'll become more addicted to that power and keep wanting more of it. Which, I'd understand, considering how weak she'd been when starved, it must be an amazing feeling to have such strength to run around through the forest like she did.

Overall, my main criticism would be to work more on showing your characters emotions rather than state them outright. I mentioned this above as well in chapter 3's review because it happened there most often, but I'd notice it occasionally sprinkled throughout the rest of the story as well. While it's okay to tell their emotions sometimes, it can make the scenes more impactful to show how they're feeling through body language, dialogue, and other actions. Another thing I noticed sprinkled in through the narration is a bit of a lack of sentence variation. For instance (shared from chapter 7) below,

"He felt himself being tightly carried away by his mother. His face pressed up against her chest so tightly that he couldn't breathe. He was soon thrown onto the safer ground where his father was waiting. He looked around the scene."

You see how there's not much variation with how you start your sentences here? This happens a few more times throughout the story, and while it doesn't deter the reading experience at all, it can make the writing style seem less dull in moments where the emotions and impact really need to hit the reader hard. Rather than start out with "he/his" so much here, try playing around with the phrasing a bit and varying your sentence structure.