Title: Silent Exiles

Author: Ken Canor ( UenoyamaRitsuka )

Genre: Fantasy, Adventure, Young Adult

Chapters Reviewed: Preface - Chapter 2

𝖗 𝖊 𝖛 𝖎 𝖊 𝖜 𝖊 𝖗 : thecloudedpages

Blurb Below:

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I. Title: Silent Exiles

I am absolutely in LOVE with this title! I feel that for a fantasy concept that, to me, is coming off on the darker side, I really feel that this title fits that perfectly. The feeling I get from this title is sort of like a form of Coming-Of-Age where the MC is trying to fight against a bigger force. Overall, I love the title!

II. Cover

Simple but a lovely aesthetic. I feel that the lighting, the background, and the foreground look nicely put together. The title is very visible and your name is able to show easily, which is a very good thing as covers can face an issue of not properly showing the name or the title because of the busy background. I sort of wish there was a little bit more of "accessories" or "symbolism" within the title, like tattoos, objects, or whatever it may be to make the cover show hints to the story.

III. Blurb

The blurb actually is really good. I feel content and the themes of the story are able to come through. Though, a quick spelling error; instead of "never knows returns" it should be "never knew returns." Other than that, I like the blurb though I do have a pointer. I feel that the blurb lacks some overall coverage of the concepts / genre to come through. I want that feeling of the high stakes for Serenity, I want to see what the dangerous campaign (hinting to the Adventure genre you put) she will embark on, and raise some questions. What is so special about this person? Will there be a growing evil or growing light in this story? I want to see these be hinted at in a blurb to effectively draw in your readers.

IV. First Sentences

I can't tell you enough how good that first sentence is in Chapter 1. You seriously brought upon a theme of self-reflection but as well as played into the concept of your genre which was Fantasy & Adventure. What I also like about this first sentence is that you capture a piece of the character without giving too much away which is the perfect method for readers to feel satisfied, but also questioning to read more.

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Shall we begin? SO. You just requested for pretty much a general look at your story so here you go! I am going to go for a bit more like a notes style since it has been working best for me.

Firstly, the grammatical aspect of your story is very properly done and edited correctly! I feel that your grammatical aspect is nothing to be worried about and I can see the time you put in to make sure it comes out properly readable.

A minor concern I have plot-wise / structure with your first chapter. I noticed that it is beautifully written, but the context of the plot-wise aspects is throwing me off. What am I referring to? I noticed that you sort of dropped all the information of the kingdom and then the continent and then the Academy was a little bit sudden. Perhaps you could ease the information into the chapter or over several chapters so readers don't feel like you are "info-dumping" (which is something to strongly avoid as it can cause readers to be bored, confused, etc.). Allow yourself to bring all this information into the story slowly so that it allows the reader to feel like they are following along on the journey and witnessing these events with the MC.

This could be a writing style difference we have, but I am not completely a fan of the formatting of your sentences. Though, like I just mentioned, it could just be that we write differently, I still want to address this. I feel that you put too many actions and direct sentences into your storytelling (if this is making any sense). Instead of letting the atmosphere affect Serenity's actions, you seem to just have sentences be like: "She jolted her head," "she inhaled," "she glanced." Basically, it gets too repetitive and you want to try and change up your sentence structure a little bit just so it doesn't get too repetitive. Again, could just be a writing style difference, but I still wanted to mention this.

What I like in this story is that it has that sense of suspense and overall eeriness to it.

I will quickly mention this, you want to be very careful with where you put your "information context" in. When you are in the middle of descriptive in the plot and sort of at a climax with the plotline, you don't want to have a halt in a paragraph about explaining the setting or conflict. You should make sure to have this known either before the plotline reaches that specific area, or leave it as suspenseful as you want to then explain a bit of it after the conflict occurs.

This is just a pet peeve of mine, but I know a good amount of people are okay with this, but I recommend being careful with the amount of dialogue tags you have. I know it can be hard to know if you are adding too many or not enough, but if you look back and almost all of your dialogue has a dialogue tag, it can be a bit overwhelming to see repetitive words when the dialogue could just sit by itself.

Other than all this, I love my reading! I enjoy reading this story and I love how unique your structure of the chapters is (with the timestamp, date, place, and larger place). Though you should be able to explain where they are located in the paragraphs, and the time could be reflected through sunrise, high noon, or sunset, or someone looking at a clock, I still think it makes it feel unique and intriguing to help readers know where they are.

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Now for my takeaway. I like to keep these short and sweet for you to be able to come back to and just quickly see what you might want to take from this review.

1. Improvements to help:

a. Optional: Add some accessories, objects, or symbolism in the cover to make it feel more genuine to the story

b. Add more character, concepts, etc. into your blurb so that it raises the stakes for the reader to want to read and lets the reader know what they are in for.

c. Try to avoid info-dumping your context on setting & atmosphere. Allow yourself to bring the atmosphere and setting to life slowly and effectively.

d. Watch the amount of dialogue tags you input into your chapters.

e. Be cautious with dumping information into the peak of a conflict just to explain as it can cause readers to fall out of the scene that could have just intensified.

2. My personal opinions of the work:

I love my reading! I enjoy reading this story and I love how unique the structure of the chapters, the overall plot, and the aesthetic this story gives off.

And that is all I have to say. If anything, you can message me through PM or through here (you will have to tag me for me to get the notification) for any additional coverage that you would like me to discuss. That is all from me for now!

Have a great day and hope you enjoy this little review of mine!