Title: Part of Me (Strange Creatures)

Author: Zali ( hecateincarnate )

Genre: Paranormal (MATURE WARNING)

Chapters Reviewed: Chapter 0 - Chapter 2

Blurb Below:

*   *   *   *   *

I. Title: Part of Me (Strange Creatures)

I LOVE THIS! What I feel from this title is elements that are limitless and allows you to do whatever you want with it. The parentheses' part... not sure how to feel about it since for me the first part of the title doesn't match that in my head. Mind you, I have only seen the title so far and not the blurb or cover or first sentences so yeah. Probably it's just me and I am overreacting. Nonetheless, it is a good title! It feels like (since I do know the genre) it is a more psychological story or focusing on the inner aspects with paranormal elements.

II. Cover

Clear and neat! I love it! It holds the eeriness and mystery element perfectly; the font and title are so easy to look at and it fits the vibe perfectly. Though I will say, the text (I am guessing is the subtitle) that is above the title is hard to look at and for me, it is in a weird place. Your name is perfectly placed, I like the font, but the issue I have is that it seems to blend too much with the background so I can't see it as well as I wish I could. I think just making it brighter will help it.

III. Blurb

The blurb is seriously enticing as I notice how you continue to carry out those elements that I hope you are continuing throughout the story (I was getting a sort of eerie or thriller type of vibe). Though I will say, the blurb does mention a lot which I am not sure if I feel it is saying too much or it is saying just the right amount. I feel that you could switch it up a bit and work more with the eeriness and questioning aspect since all this should be coming all of a sudden to the MC. Like instead of "listing" out in the blurb, you could hint slowly and get the audience to want to seriously look into the story to figure the mysteries out. The first paragraph is perfect, even though I did notice some grammatical errors but very minimal. The last paragraph is good as well and the content warning is very much appreciated. I think what I mentioned 2 sentences ago is supposed to relate to the second paragraph. Other than that, it's very intriguing.

IV. First Sentences

A strong beginning. I am using Chapter 0 as my starting point for first sentences since that makes the most sense. It is really good; the choice of diction works very well. Nothing bad to say about it! It builds its tone almost instantly and allows your wordplay to carry out the emotional attachment in the chapter.

* * * * *

Shall we begin? SO. You just requested for pretty much a general look at the story with some specific focuses on the plot, information dumping aspect, and overall feeling & pacing!

To start us off, I want to quickly note this for you. There is a sentence that goes "my visits became more and more frequent over the years as I dreamt more and more frequently every night." In this line, the part underlined doesn't need to be that much parallel as it gets too wordy, also I think the second part of the sentence doesn't need the underline part since it would just make sense logically. Moving on, the way you are describing "him" is just... SO GOOD! Like I can't even put it into words, I felt so many layers of description and you made sure not to make the main character lay naive to the monster's characteristics. Random note, but the line "... as if my body did not house my soul at the moment, as if I wasn't truly there at the moment" is just so good. I love your wordplay and you seriously take the time to make sure you can convey those emotions and tones you want the audience to reflect on. Absolutely beautiful! We get to see the title come through with "A part of me knew something horrible was about to happen, even the people the club's..." which is actually what my hypothesis of the title would be (the psychological aspect). Overall, with the prologue, I really like it. It sets the tone for your story, and I like it. Especially for this being a prologue which can face major information dumping, you actually didn't do it at all so pat yourself on the back for that one! You fed little by little of this "monster" and gave the slight psychological aspect of our MC without boring me out. Feeling and pacing felt good as I was in the moment at all times and moving and I didn't feel like I was being rushed or pulled back. Plot had a good focus. Great work here!

I love how you keep playing around with the "in my head" parts. I like being able to truly see psychological elements come through; especially since this is a first-person point of view, it is key if not close to mandatory to play into internal emotions and thoughts, so I am happy you allowed these to come through. Regarding the info-dumping, I still don't see it within at least the first half of the chapter. I like how you allow us to know a bit about the chapter and then play back into the present to get more information about them. I find it to be a perfect method to work well with. I will say, I am seeing a big of grammatical errors (not crazy big) like: some quotation marks have a space in-between them and the text when there is not supposed to be a space, some words in the present tense are not correct since you are writing the story in the past tense (only main one I can find is "a lie just beginning to form on the tip of my tongue" where I think it could be "to form at the tip of my tongue"... actually do whatever you want, not even sure what I am on about now hahaha). The nightmare is just literally gold! I love the way you allow your tone and set the mood for the audience to take in and digest. It works with the eeriness and darker psychological atmosphere you have created, almost making it feel like a whole new world in her nightmares. Also, this is so random but that little "line breaker" (I think that is what it is called) looks so cool, very aesthetic! Overall, it is a really good read!

I will just say this, I am not really a superfan of just school scenes (not that yours is a problem and most likely I will write a school story anyways, just I haven't been in that type of mood of reading those in recent months) so the first part of chapter two kind of bored me. Just remember, that is just me and my taste in reading; the beginning was good so no worries. I will say this though, I am someone that likes an artistic approach to writing which is basically setting and the atmosphere with minimal to less than medium amount of dialogue coming through. The whole chapter felt quick dialogue heavy, if not conversation and expression heavy, which is not a big problem since this is a normal person's life that they are experiencing. But I will say, if you do it a lot, it can be quite slow in the overall progress of your atmospheric element as it can cause that haunting factor with the nightmares to be driven away. I know this is a different audience that likes the book industry and such, but this is just a good thing to point out.

Sorry if there are not a lot of "negative" things I am pointing out. Personally, I am not actually seeing what you wanted me to look out for, so I think you are doing fantastic. Especially since these are the beginning chapters, it is essential to make sure your beginnings are powerful and compelling, and I really feel that with this story's kickstart!

* * * * *

Now for my takeaway. I like to keep these short and sweet for you to be able to come back to and just quickly see what you might want to take from this review.

1. Improvements to help:

a. Minimal grammar errors (very minimal and I tried to point it out, but not sure if that helped)

b. Sticking to your overall haunting elements and nightmarish vibes (like you could try to show the MC seeing things quickly on the streets, in her glances, different faces on people, anything to make it eerie for her psychological standpoint at the beginning).

2. My personal opinions of the work:

a. Loved it! I will say the second chapter was not my 100% cup of tea but the rest, I was so here for it! I liked what you went with and the take on the nightmares. I would really like you to expand on the nightmares with some quick and "small but mighty" things to add more eeriness to the story, especially if the title is "Part Of Me."

And that is all I have to say. I really enjoyed my reading. If anything, you can message me through PM or through here (you will have to tag me for me to get the notification) for any additional coverage that you would like me to discuss. That is all from me for now!

Have a great day and hope you enjoy this little review of mine!