Title: More To Family

Author: DrizzleTheWolf

Chapters Reviewed: 1-4

Cover: Your cover is very nice and fitting for the story! The only issue I have with it is the rough edges on the top grayish wolf. The white, glowing outline is a little choppy going around the wolf, particularly on the back. While it's not bad, it does reduce the quality of the cover just a smidge. This is a personal preference, but I feel like removing the white outline entirely from that wolf would make it look a lot better. The fonts that were used here fit well with the cover and the lovely background with the moon.

Title: I really like it, but I keep wanting to write "More To The Family '' instead. xD This isn't a common title either, which is even better for your story! With it surrounding werewolves and how they tend to have a more familial tie with their pack, it fits well.

Blurb: You keep it relatively short and to the point, which is good! You've provided enough details to get the gist of the story. The only thing that has me a little confused is the line, "He has a sister and loyal friends to stand by his side" because you then mention how his friends' loyalty is nowhere to be found in the next sentence. It feels rather contradictory. A way to make it more interesting and make us wonder if they're really loyal could be using quotations on the "loyal friends" part like I just did to indicate how those friends might not be so loyal after all.

This is also just a personal pet peeve of mine, but don't give away who dies in the blurb! It takes away a lot of the emotional impact a reader can have, in my experience. We already know the sister will die, so there's nothing to be shocked or upset about. Even if she is only mentioned briefly or doesn't live long at all, I'd suggest not giving that bit away yet. Save her mention of death for the story. Let us experience her death while reading. Not being spoiled in the blurb.

First Impression:

This story reminded me so much of the series by a few authors under the pseudonym Erin Hunter. Survivors and Warriors, which were my absolute favorites as a kid! I have to admit, going into this I expected more of the common tropes I see within the wolf and werewolf genre here on Wattpad. Thankfully, this story didn't fall down that pattern and it had me hooked within the first chapter!

I really like the concept of this story, as it reminded me of the aforementioned childhood favorites. Drizzle seems like such a sweet protagonist, just trying to survive and get justice for his sister. I hadn't expected such a horrific villain in the first chapter, but it was such a pleasant surprise and had me on the edge of my seat while reading. I do wonder more about that Alpha and what got him to that position. Even villains have their own backstories on what made them the way they are, regardless of whether it was tragic or traumatizing. Perhaps he learned the best way to be a fearless leader was to bully his wolves and strike fear into them so they never betrayed them. Drizzle just happened to be someone who might overpower him, so he took what meant the most to him. Maybe he realized the two of them together would've been enough to take him down? That's why he needed to get rid of them for good.

Overall, I found myself thoroughly enjoying this story and intrigued to see what happens for Drizzle. I do wonder more about his sister's death and how they discovered her body. With Alpha attempting to lie in the beginning, I sense it was something entirely different from what's going on with Drizzle. He brought her out to that river and murdered her in cold blood. I'm assuming her body washed up later and Drizzle likely found her. If not and I'm way off track then I'm curious to learn what really happened there. I'm sure it will be revealed later in the story.

(Bit of a side note here, but I rarely ever review Prologues, regardless of their size, but I do admit I did like yours! It tied things nicely together without giving too much away and gave us a nice little intro into Drizzle's character. But I prefer just jumping right into the main story. Personally, I believe most stories don't need them but I understand their appeal and why some creators include them in their stories.)

Chapter 1:

After experiencing what happened to Rain in the first chapter, I highly suggest you remove it from the blurb just so it makes it more impactful here. Even with the spoiler, I felt sympathetic toward Drizzle. The dynamics you set up between him and their leader had so much tension and anticipation. Alpha is an excellent villain. I absolutely adore evil characters and the way you portrayed him here had me hating him with a passion right from the start. It was all the more emotional when none of his packmates would come to his defense. You showed just how deeply rooted their fear was of this wolf.

While Drizzle let his feelings get the best of him in the end, I do really like how he'd had a chance at defeating Alpha. Unlike Alpha, he strategizes more but his heart couldn't be as cruel as their leader's. Ultimately, that was his downfall but at least he got that one great kick in. Serves Alpha right! He deserved to be knocked down from his power, even if just for a moment.

During their fight, you mention how a majority only looked away with uneasy glances or couldn't even watch. Something I'm curious about are the loyal followers of Alpha's who might approve of his tactics. Evil leaders like him tend to have loyal followers who share similar beliefs, so I wondered if anyone among the crowd might've been encouraging Alpha to rip Drizzle's throat out. It would be quite interesting to see someone encouraging the fight, but if that's not within their characters, then I understand. Just felt like it would've been a moment to create even more tension and doubt in Drizzle's mind about the fight. As it is, you've still really portrayed their emotions excellently. Especially with poor Sand, who's only mentioned briefly but clearly upset with Drizzle.

However, one wolf I'm more curious about is Alpha's son. You mention what he looks like and how he's kind, a disappointment to his tyrant father, but you don't mention how he's reacting to the fight. Perhaps you could show a mention of him seeming like he wants to help but cowers back with everyone else instead? A small little body language here from him would be great, even if he's not an important character, because he's certainly got my attention. I love family dynamics like that and would love seeing how the kind son chooses to chicken out and be "weak" as I'm sure his father probably views him as.

You balanced out the emotions, dialogues and actions well within this chapter. Even when Drizzle would get swept up in his thoughts every now and then, it never broke the flow and only heightened the tension between these two. The only thing I felt could've been trimmed down at times were how you included a dialogue tag within your action sometimes. I felt like it tightened up the sentence more. No need for dialogue tags if you can use an action beat instead.

For me, your emotions shined the strongest throughout this chapter. Within both Drizzle and even Alpha. For Drizzle, you showed us just how determined he was to get justice for his sister, even if it meant death for himself. That's true loyalty right there. And toward the end, when Alpha admitted killing her, it just drained everything right out of him. That loss of faith was what made the emotional impact so much stronger and had me wishing there was a way he could gain the strength to fight back. Or if only someone else would've stepped in to help.

The worst and most heartbreaking part about this scene is how Alpha takes him to the place he killed his sister. That had to be like a slap in the face for him. It only honed in on just how cruel and evil Alpha really is. With Drizzle reminiscing all the things he'll never get to do again, it really hit hard with how he'd lost all hope. He was prepared to die there.

This chapter was gripping and everything I'd wanted in the first chapter of a story. All I could was point out some small little nitpicks here and there. Just this first chapter alone has me excited to see what happens to Drizzle.

Chapter 2:

I'm usually not a fan of starting a chapter with a backstory so soon, but it worked fairly well here. Personally, I would've held off on telling his mother's tragic backstory and let the memories slowly come back to him after a few more chapters, but there's nothing technically wrong with it here either. Poor Drizzle has really had to endure a lot in his life, but maybe things will begin to look up for him now?

The "losing your memories" trope has never been a personal favorite of mine, so I'm curious to see how this story goes with it. Perhaps it's for the best that Drizzle doesn't remember the pain he endured, as it made him lose all hope in the end and prepare himself for his death. With a new pack and a new life, maybe he can make something better for himself.

But I feel like Drizzle will slowly begin to remember details about his life, as he's already somewhat remembered his name unconsciously. Since he lost his memories, I'm assuming he had a severe head injury after Alpha pushed him into the current, likely with one of the many rocks there. I wonder if there might even be a bruise of some kind left behind to show what caused the trauma? I'm assuming that's what made him lose his memories, but if not, feel free to correct me.

You did excellent here with showing Drizzle wounded, especially with his limping and struggling to walk. I know a lot of stories tend to gloss over injuries, so I'm glad you didn't just have him miraculously be alright without any repercussions for what he endured.

And I'm glad to see he's reluctant to trust a stranger, even when he's in such a pitiful state. While Cloud seemed kind enough, I understand why he'd be wary of trusting her. He's weakened and could easily be beaten if someone tried to fight him in his critical condition. After witnessing the cruelties of Alpha from his former pack and their members, I'm already a little suspicious of this new pack. It makes me wonder how differently they operate from his old one and how far apart these wolves really are, territory-wise.

I do wonder how Cloud's leader will react to her bringing a complete stranger back to their place. While their Alpha might be more kind and considerate, I doubt she'll be pleased at having another mouth to feed who can barely stand on his own paws. But hopefully, they'll take in him. Drizzle needs something good to happen in his life for once. No more murderous traumas and injuries, I hope.

The main issue I had with this chapter was your transition in the middle. Even with a scene break, it still felt like we skipped over something. We went from him considering how broken Drizzle is, that a pack would never let him join, to suddenly Cloud asking him to wake up. Perhaps a little mention beforehand of him laying down, still feeling tired and drained, would help smoothen out the transition here.

Chapter 3:

What an exhausting journey this was for Drizzle. I do wonder how he'll cope with doing patrols in his condition. Surely it will drain his energy, but I suppose getting back on his paws will be the quickest way for him to heal.

The pups you introduced were adorable! I really liked the sibling dynamics you showed between them, with the sister trying to get her brother to mind his manners. Their teasing was also very sweet! Their Alpha, Mist, was also a fascinating wolf. At first, I thought her teasing had been serious and she wanted him out of there! I wouldn't have been surprised, considering it takes someone with a good heart to let strangers into their home. It does make me wonder more about Cloud's story now, considering she was also taken. The setup of this pack is really neat and I love how it strays from the original power dynamics, like where Drizzle came from. I feel like this new start will be great for him.

I do wonder if this pack has faced any dangerous foes yet. Considering their small numbers, it would be difficult for them to fend off enemies. Mist's sweet and amicable personality makes me think they haven't dealt with many enemies yet, and I only hope they never have any run-ins with the Alpha of Drizzle's old pack. I don't feel like they'd stand a chance against them right now!

For little issues, the main things that stuck out to me were mentioning how many members were in the pack at the beginning before showing it. Rather than "tell" us this information, I feel like you could easily omit it and just have us follow Drizzle to meet them. However, if you think it's necessary to know this beforehand, perhaps you could have this shown in a little bit of dialogue between the two of them as they're making their way to Mist and her pack's territory. It just felt like an unnecessary mini info-dump there.

Another minor thing was how Cloud tells Drizzle that she always chooses to believe the best about "people" and it felt weird to me. I feel like she should've used "wolves" instead. Unless you're also referring to regular people here too? But I don't believe that's the case. Nothing has indicated anything like that so far. This instance was near the ending of the chapter, just before Cloud goes off to hunt.

Chapter 4:

This was a great chapter that really honed in on both Drizzle and Cloud's newfound friendship. I really like seeing the two of them bond together like this, even if it seems like the sparks are barely there. Even if they don't end up as mates, I feel like they'd still be great friends in the end. While it had some fun, lighthearted moments between these two, darkness still lingers in both their lives.

Drizzle is struggling to remember his past, slowly gaining pieces of his memories in his dreams. Meanwhile, Cloud has a dark past of her own that she doesn't like to talk about. Mist's warning to Drizzle has me curious about it and what might've happened to their pack. I wonder if maybe they once had more members and something killed them. Perhaps another pack or another horrible enemy out there?

I really liked how you showed Drizzle conflicted by what Mist told him, how Cloud likes him and has never been happier until he came around. They just met, so it's understandable to not feel a deep connection, and perhaps Mist is completely wrong about the two of them. Somehow, I don't think so. One thing I did notice was how at the end, with the first scene break, Drizzle's thoughts have this line included, "And Mist hadn't been kidding, Cloud did snore" but it was never shown in their dialogues that this was mentioned? I double checked just to be sure. Adding that little playful banter into their serious conversation would be great and also show how Mist likes having a playful attitude but can also remain serious when needed.

So, I understand how you're weaving the backstory into the story here. While it works well, I will admit, it's not a personal favorite of mine to show them through dreams. I've seen this done plenty of times before on here, usually not very well, which could be why I'm not a fan of it. Not to say it's wrong, but I feel like these could've been spaced out more. Again, not something you need to correct but I'd never recommend having so much backstory shown within the first four chapters either. Personally, I would've added these memories gradually throughout the story when something triggered them. Like a certain smell or just a talk he'd had with Cloud or Mist that reminded him of his sister. Or maybe even the pups reminded him of when he and his sister were that age. Just some ideas if you'd want to play around more with the backstories.

Characters:

Drizzle has been a fun protagonist to follow in this story. In the beginning, there's a sense of hopelessness and vengeance to him. But when he loses his memories, things change. There's an aura of slight hope and confusion now, but I'm relieved that he's no longer at the stage of just waiting to die. Poor guy endured so much to just let everything end for him.

I do worry how he'll cope when all his memories come washing back. With how well the new pack has been treating him, I'm worried that his past might break him again. It's hard to grieve over ones you lost if you can't remember them. Even in his dreams, he was uncertain at first but it seems like he's realizing those dreams are his past memories. It sucks how he's receiving all the tragic ones first. But maybe the happier ones will be the ones that really hurt him most. Sometimes it's hard to reminisce about the good times with those who are no longer with us.

Cloud is an interesting addition to the story and I'm curious to see the role she'll play in Drizzle's new life now throughout the rest of the story. Remembering how he mentioned he'd never find his mate in the first chapter after losing hope, I can't help but wonder if it could possibly be Cloud later on. But I won't jump ahead of myself with that.

Cloud's got a dark past of her own, but it's not something she likes to talk about. Before Drizzle arrived, it seems like she'd been less buoyant than we've gotten to see her. I guess something about Drizzle brightens her day? Which is really sweet and I'm glad that these two found each other. Cloud's got a kind heart and a fun personality, which made her all the more enjoyable to read about. I do wonder what happened to her before and how she ended up in Mist's pack. Perhaps something similar happened to her as it did to Drizzle?

Mist wasn't what I expected at all as an Alpha. She follows her own set of rules, not some old hierarchy like most seem to do. Which I really like and found intriguing about her. It makes me wonder if she'd witnessed that kind of power get to some wolves before and that's why she created her own pack, letting them address her by name and make sure everyone gets their share of food.

I also really love the joking personality she has. When she first told Drizzle to leave, even mispronouncing his name as Dribble, I'd fallen for it too! I was so concerned and worried that Drizzle would be out on his own again. Thank goodness that wasn't the case! But while Mist has this side of her, there's also one that's more serious and that's what I feel makes her a good leader for them. Now, I do worry with their size in members being so low that another enemy might emerge from the shadows and try to take them down. If not, control them. Hopefully, it won't come to that, but I'd love seeing Mist in action against someone who tried to harm them.

The Pups were so adorable! Both Spruce and Pine were portrayed perfectly as siblings! Pine's trying her best to get her brother to stay on his best behavior and to not be rude to their new guest. Poor Spruce sure got an earful from her! I really hope they're shown more in the story as well because I enjoyed reading about both of them so far and it would be interesting to see how they grow up and get more involved within their pack as adults.

While we never actually meet Drizzle's sister, Rain, she leaves quite an impression on us within the first few chapters. You did well by capturing her personality and how she cared deeply for her brother in the flashback/memories. It's tragic how she was killed off right away, leaving Drizzle all alone to face Alpha.

Alpha is horrible. Hate him. He needs to be thrown off the cliff/ water next. Joking, not really, aside here, you portrayed him as an excellent villian who only cares for himself and loves having his wolves fear him. It was eerie how willing he was to kill them, just to show his wolves what happens when they try to go against him. I'm sure that made them reconsider ever standing up for themselves, which is sad. They'll be stuck with him forever, almost starving at times because he couldn't care less what happened to them.

I do wonder more about his backstory and if it'll ever come to light. It would be interesting to see how he gained this position and got the wolves to fear and obey him. Drizzle mentioned how their former Alpha died, so this new guy's only been around a few years I assume. It makes me wonder how he ranked up and if he'd always acted this way. Perhaps he charmed them before or maybe he'd always been a bully that they feared? Either way, I'm curious if he'll make a return. I really hope he doesn't, but then, part of me would love seeing how Drizzle would confront him now. Would it bring back old memories? Would Alpha try to strike him down again, along with his new pack? So many possibilities with that cruel wolf. That's what I liked and hated most about him.

Overall thoughts:

As I reached the fourth chapter, my thoughts immediately went back to the Warriors series I used to read as a kid and I think this is why I enjoyed your story so much. I know I mentioned this before, but it really just stuck with me as I kept reading and learned more about how Mist's pack operates.

While most stories of wolves on here follow a certain pattern, you diverted from that and created something more kid-friendly and quite enjoyable. Even with an evil character like Alpha, it still held that charm of engaging children's fiction. Reminds me of why I got so fascinated by reading and writing in the first place. xD

Even regardless of the little issues I had with showing backstories so soon. Stories like these aren't found on Wattpad too much, and I really wish they were! They bring back old times of being a kid and losing myself in the story with the journey the characters go on. Mist's pack reminded me so much of SkyClan in the Warriors series when they were rebuilding their Clan, as they started out with barely anyone too, but slowly got more members and made a place for themself. The stories are both entirely different and have their own unique charms, but it's the way the storytelling is being brought to life here that reminds me of these authors of that series.