Book: Magic's Minister
Author: Ellowyne
Chapters Read: 1-3
Genre: High Fantasy Romance
Blurb:

Feared by his enemies and tolerated by his allies, Sedgewick Alverdyne, the cynical Minister of Magic, was content with living an attachment-free life whilst striking fear into the hearts of witches, sorceresses, and wizards everywhere. And after several hundred years of faithfully serving the royal family, he's become very comfortable in his position-including his indispensability.

But when a mysterious curse starts wreaking havoc on his powers, his stable existence is pulled out from under him.

Facing old and new enemies on one side and his own department on the other, Sedgewick finds himself stranded with little magic and less help. With time of the essence, his reputation on the line, and no one but Feyla, his meddling-yet surprisingly devoted-assistant for help, he's forced to confront one of the few challenges he hasn't prepared for.

Because a mage without magic isn't a mage at all...

Cover

I'm personally not the biggest fan of it (please don't murder me, Hannah).  It's neater than the last one, yes, but the last one made me at least feel like I was getting more of a feel of the story at a quick glance.  When I just glance at your cover, I just see... brown and fire?  I can see the vines if I give it a more focused look, but then I feel like it takes me too long to notice the details like the hat and the city.  It's a nicely done, neat cover.  It just doesn't really leave any impression on me.  

Oh hey, there's a cat.

Anyways! Yeah, I'm just not a big fan.  I don't feel like I get a sense of the story at all from the cover, nicely done or not.

.... And now you've gotten a new cover... Right after I finish this section...

*flips table*

Anyways... I like your new cover much better.  Thanks for making me waste my time by getting inspired, Hannah xD

Title

I like it.  It's a very simple title.  Though it does read like a Harry Potter fanfic... *shot*

Joking.  Absolutely joking.  It uses magic, a keyword that can draw readers as, well... People like magic.  And the combination of that and Minister for Magic's Minister makes me curious who this person is and what his importance to the story will be.  So yes, all in all, I like it.  *thumbs up*

Blurb

First off, I think it should be "is content" rather than "was content."  Summaries are weird, but I think except in really rare circumstances, all verbs are present tense.  Even if we are thinking it as a state that was in the past because, again, summaries are weird.

Next, I know this is a Fantasy-Romance, but "living an attachment-free life" just kind of rubs me the wrong way?  It feels pushed in there to hint there's some romance angle going on.  However, it's possible you mean that he's not tied down by anyone since, like, he doesn't really listen to anyone.  I'm not sure, especially since "serving the royal family" makes it seem like he has some attachment to something, making me lean more toward the romance angle.  

Basically, if it's for a hint at the relationship/trust issues, it feels a bit forced in there and like it could be reworked.  If I'm reading too much into it, that's a me problem xD

Next problem is this line:

"...and no one but Feyla, his meddling-yet surprisingly devoted-assistant for help, he's forced.."

This could be preference, but I think you either need to add in spaces between your dashes or make them the best version of em-dashes you can get (-- rather than -).  When I first read this, because I saw a dash, my mind instantly read it as "his meddling-yet-surprisingly-devoted-assistance."  Again, might just be a me thing, but because it looked like you were connecting two words rather than using an em-dash, that's how my mind read the rest of it.

Next issue with this passage: you have a non-essential clause started with a comma, but you forget to put the end comma, so it looks like the non-essential clause continued until after "for help."  That means you need a comma after assistant.  

And next we have the word choice.  Without all the stuff in the middle, it reads as "...and no one but Feyla for help, he's forced..."  This very well could just be me, but the word "for" just kind of... Feels wrong?  You may disagree.  

Now, let's look at the "corrected" form of this sentence:

"With time of the essence, his reputation on the line, and no one but Feyla, his meddling--yet surprisingly devoted--assistant, for help, he's forced to confront one of the few challenges he hasn't prepared for."

So... Can we agree that middle section looks funky?  Like, so many commas so close, the em-dash clause within the non-essential clause, and it just all feels very... Packed.  So, we have two options.  You go ahead and do it this fixed way, or we try some rearranging.  Perhaps:

"With time of the essence, his reputation on the line, and no one willing to help but Feyla, his meddling--yet surprisingly devoted--assistant, he's forced to confront one of the few challenges he hasn't prepared for."

Still a little bit packed, but in a way that feels more manageable with just one slight change.  You probably noticed the packed feeling with the clause-ending comma, and that's why it didn't get used.

Other than these nitpicks (and some of these are nitpicks, so I understand if they're ignored), I like the summary.  It introduces us to your character, holds some of his stick-up-his-butt voice without over doing it, introduces lots of juicy conflict -- and some romance ;) -- before giving us that last line.

And I can understand why you're so in love with that line because it's just.  So.  Great.  Probably my favorite part of the blurb.  It just has such this feeling of foreboding and despair, yet promises growth and strength, and it just sounds awesome.  

Plot/World Building

The plot is awesome.  Stuck up, self-reliant prick losing what gave him his big head and having to grow as a person and rely on others to get it back?  I love it.  The concept of the story has always intrigued me, and it was fun when I finally got to explore it some.

The world building is also done nicely.  I don't feel like I know too much of the world yet, and I like that.  It's a gradual painting of the world, not a lot of information shoved at me right at once.  And the way you showcased the magic's usage early, but didn't overly explain it just felt... I dunno.  Nice?  Like a little look into the magical world we are finding ourselves in, and I don't believe it was there last draft.  It was a cute, fun little addition.

So, overall, like what you've got going on plot wise so far. 

Writing Techniques

I have a bit of difficulty when addressing the technical aspects of your writing because it's not edited, and most of the mistakes I see are ones that you didn't make in your first, newer chapter, or are just small editing bumps.  Because of that... I'm just going to say it needs some smoothing out, but for the most part, it is very clean.  It reads easily, it's not littered with mistakes even when not edited, and the flow works rather well.  Just grammar wise, you're good.  You're making my job easy.

Mostly because I'm 90% sure most of the things I saw and would normally point out you will fix next draft...

However, that doesn't mean there's not other problems elsewhere... 

So... You remember how you said your family mentioned it felt like an anime and had too fast pacing?

There was a reason I vanished when that was mentioned on discord... I kind of agree?  But, unlike them, I can explain why it gives that feel.

Ever read or watch shoujo anime like Blue Spring Ride, Akatsuki no Yona, Kamisama Kiss, Kaichou Wa Maid-Sama, things like that?  Even if you haven't, there's this certain way of pacing that typically shows up at the start of anime, especially shoujo.  Why?  Because shoujo aren't slow burn.  Right from the beginning chapter, they're trying to show you the start of the romance by somehow throwing the MC and the love interest together and depict their interactions all within one chapter, because that interaction is what's supposed to make all us pathetic fangirls squeal and read on just for cuteness.

And I would say your first three -- probably four, from the small bit of it I read -- chapters read like the beginning of a shoujo manga.

Why?  Very quick pacing of character introduction and romance set up.

Your old version of chapter one failed in one of my contests because of it's absurdly fast pacing.  You have done better since rewriting it.  It would have passed.  I really liked the first 3/4 of the chapter.  Still could get a bit of that fast pacing feel, but less anime/manga like.

That feeling came back, though, once Feyla was introduced.  It feels like the spark between them is unnaturally pushed in, and we are maybe 2k words in.  "These two like each other, but oh, Sedge is shoving it down in denial."

This is actually very hard to explain because it is a Romance Fantasy, something you have admitted.  But you don't have to make that overly apparent.  I think that's it -- trying to make it so overly apparent so quickly is making it feel unnatural and less shown.  I don't feel like we are getting to know them as characters when we see them interact.  I feel like we are only getting to know them as a couple, if that makes sense.  Anime and manga can get away with that because people don't expect anything but the cute romance from them, but when you're in a novel and that happens... It just doesn't feel real?  Even when they're alone, when their thoughts go to the other person, it just feels like a way to remind readers "Hey, these two like each other."

Sadly, this anime-like feeling to characterization doesn't stop at just the pairing.  I also had that impression with the king.  Like, I could legit visualize a manga panel where the king is going from doting husband to enraged king as he turned between his wife and Sedgewick, and it just didn't hit home.  I think that's because it's exaggerated in a sense that, like the pairing scenes, just makes it not feel real.  

Also, continuing the anime feel was the scene with the kids.  It felt only put there to show that Sedgewick can be cute while with kids.  Another shoujo thing within the first chapter -- showing the "bad boy" has a sweet side, proving the girl has a point in seeing something past his cold exterior.  And the scene didn't feel like it did more than that, especially with how short it was.

I want scenes to matter more than just feeling like they're developing the characters for the romance somehow.  It's a cute scene, sure, and I like showcasing that Sedgewick has another side to him, but when it's combined with issues from all the other scenes... I just need more from it.

So to sum up: It feels like a shoujo manga/anime beginning because you have the basic, quick set up of "here is the "bad boy," here is the good girl who brings the gentle side of him out and they're so cute together, but look at this drama that keeps them apart, now here's the "bad boy" showing another, cuter/softer side of himself while interacting with other characters, and finally the duo making up and setting plans before something occurs that throws their romance into its awesome, adorable, challenging swirl."  It's a little different from normal since the main protagonist (at the moment) is just Sedge, but the basic components are all still right there, done in a way as quick as a shoujo that only has 60-ish pages to set everything up.

Breaking away from the "anime feel" problems to just another unnatural execution thing.  I feel like you try to develop appearances too fast.  You tried to break Feyla's appearance description up so that it wasn't all at once, but when you break it up so it's within two or three paragraphs of each other... Then it just feels like forcefully trying to avoid doing exactly what you're doing.  

So yeah, writing wise and everything, you're pretty good.  Easy to follow flow, good writing, just... I can see the same issues with the execution I think your family noticed.

Characters

Despite the issues with how these characters are presented to me, I do like them.  Closed off buttholes are always fun, especially when they're meant to grow and learn.  Feyla makes for a fun bounce off for Sedge, and I like how she does give him crap for being a major butt, even if she sees past it.   

Other characters are enjoyable as well, even if they are only briefly there while I wait to get more of a look at them.

Overall

I liked it.  I know that Writing section was pretty long, but even with my gripes about the almost anime-esque execution of the first few chapters, I still found that I enjoyed myself.  Hence why I kept reading on even when I was already pretty certain of my opinion of the story.  Characters are fun, the writing is strong, and the plot just really sounds like an awesome time.  I can understand why people enjoy this story even while I'm seeing the flaws.

That said, I want you to know I'm not telling you to ditch the Fantasy Romance aspect and go purely for the fun fantasy plot.  Most of my issues fall along the line of a natural execution.  I get it.  Sedgewick and Feyla are cute.  Their romance is cute.  But don't let it overtake the story.  Even with a Romance book, a good one doesn't only indulge readers with fluff and focus on the characters as a pairing.  I want to know these characters naturally before I'm bombarded with the "ship them" vibe.  And I'm not sure what advice to give exactly for that because it is very hard to do when you're going in to a story with the feelings already there, just blocked by personality barriers.  Maybe let us experience them as characters a bit before you throw in some romantical drama/tension?  Sorry I'm not of more help here.  Trying to figure out how to best describe this feeling from your characterization and a way to fix it have been the cause of the massive delay for this review.

As always with a review, unless it's a technical aspect, this is just my opinion.  You are free to take bits and pieces of it, all of it, or none of it at all.  Nothing was meant to discourage you but more point out places I believed needed growth.  If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask, and I'll do my best to answer.