Title: Godspeed, Dianxian.

Author: 滨 Bin ( CocurricularActs )

Genre: Romance, a bit of Thriller (later on in the story)

Chapters Reviewed: Chapter 1 - Chapter 3

𝖗 𝖊 𝖛 𝖎 𝖊 𝖜 𝖊 𝖗  :  thecloudedpages

Blurb Below:

* * *

I. Title: Godspeed, Dianxian.

Love the title! This is a super unique title and I think it really gets me intrigued to see the story behind it. I wonder if this specific title means something grander in the story. That is what my head says while reading this.

II. Cover

Very calm, but at the same time, it is chilling. What I like is that it is simple and such an aesthetic.

But I will give my points. Firstly, I think you need to change the title's color. It blends in too much with the background that it almost makes it so hard to see. The font is cute, but I want it to be fierce. Like, allowing it to come off strong and bold will really set your story up! I also think that the name at the bottom is barely visible. I think you can make it larger, bold it or something, and then it will really come through. Other than that, my only other note is the cover as a whole. If you want it to come off eerie or bolder, I think you need to relook at your cover. If I didn't know the genre, I personally would have just thought it as a contemporary story. If you want to evoke that romance, I think you need to try different elements that you feel will allow that genre to come through.

III. Blurb

The blurb, to be honest, is quite short. I see that it is still ongoing, so I will not be too harsh, but you need to have a bit more in the blurb in order for readers to want to go to the story to tag along for it to unfold. My only issue I will have with this story is the romanization of illegal topics. Again, I am not the most knowledgeable in this specific field at the moment so I will not put my opinion in here, but I will just keep this in mind.

IV. First Sentences

Okay! These first sentences are doable. I would say that the first sentences really evoke the element of putting the audience in the scene right away. But I will say, I do hope for a stronger punch with it. Just a little bit more to really kickstart the story, you know?

* * *

Shall we begin? SO. You just requested for pretty much a general look at your story so here you go! I am going to go for a bit more like a notes style since it has been working best for me.

Firstly, I want to say thank you for the short chapters. I prefer those over the long ones as I feel I can read them faster and feel more satisfied with my reviews.

I will make this criticism, I think you need to do some revision to your chapters. A specific element you should be looking for is your tenses. There are times that it stays in past tense but then it randomly switches to present tense for a bit. You need to make sure you decide which tense works best for you and what will develop the story. Once you decide, you stick to it. Of course there are times you switch, but for the majority of the writing, you should stick to one tense.

Another criticism, I made this comment in another one of my reviews but you need to make sure that you understand that dialogue tags are not a MUST. I feel that they should only be utilized when you introduce a new character speaking, or if a big action is present. Like if a character gets shocked by another character's dialogue, then it is good to add. But other than that, you want to try and minimize the usage of it as it can cause readers to slowly get detached from the dialogue from all the "breaks."

But on a good note, I love that when you write the words in Chinese, you add the English translation right next to it. I have been wanting to use that in my stories more often, so I will take this as a note of how to effectively do it!

What I like is that you have these small moments where you get super descriptive and I love that! One of my biggest tips is that when an author wants to get descriptive, try to keep it minimal but super effective as it can really enchant the atmosphere and story. Personally, I feel that you are doing this very effectively!

Okay I just a little part in chapter 2 and can I just say... that was so cute! The romance you have feels subtle but lovely!

One "criticism" I will mention is that I feel that you might be doing too much of telling and not much of showing. I am someone where I love to allow, or at least try to, the atmosphere to affect the characters as that is a way for the "showing" element to come through. If you notice that you are beginning to list the actions, then you are in the "telling" portion and should try to move it over to a "showing" motion.

* * *

Now for my takeaway. I like to keep these short and sweet for you to be able to come back to and just quickly see what you might want to take from this review.

1. Improvements to help:

a. Revising the cover (look at my Cover section to see some suggestions).

b. Packing a bigger punch with the first sentences.

c. Take notice of your tenses and try to keep note of which one you feel will enhance the story.

d. Try to minimize the dialogue tags.

e. Find the effective way to differentiate "telling" from "showing" as always listing the actions falls under "telling" and you want to try and show these actions and their results.

2. My personal opinions of the work:

a. I liked it! The descriptions were beautiful in their moments and I feel this story is quite underrated! Lovely, cute moments, I loved it!

And that is all I have to say. I really enjoyed my reading. If anything, you can message me through PM or through here (you will have to tag me for me to get the notification) for any additional coverage that you would like me to discuss. That is all from me for now!

Have a great day and hope you enjoy this little review of mine!