Book: Eskakie: An Introduction to Calix
Author: TheConfusedTurtle
Chapters Read: 3
Genre: High Fantasy
Blurb:

~Eskàkie (es-kah-key)|Draconic| meaning: to escape, escaping, has escaped~

"Those declared imperfect do not deserve the beautiful gift of life..."

The hybrids of Khalíahstikae were not meant to be, yet they see themselves as perfect creatures - - the only beings fit to serve their god, Bahamut, and his mate, Tiamat. Those born with impurities must be given to Tiamat to be cleansed, as there can be no blemish in the tribe.

Caeruleus is one of these unlucky ones. Born with imperfect scales and emotions the rest cannot comprehend, he is to be given away to the goddess for cleansing.

And there is only one way to cleanse a dragon hybrid of imperfections. 

Death.

Cover

I'm not the biggest fan of it. Cool image? Sure. When is a dragon not a cool image (please nobody find me evidence of a not cool dragon because I know it's possible, the internet is messed up)?

But other than that... Nothing about your cover really makes me feel sold.  The image is a bit blurry or grainy or something, it's clearly a text slap on, the text isn't even all that easy to read, it's just overall really dark...  It's just not an appealing cover.  And sadly, people judge by covers even when they shouldn't (though some books definitely make it seem otherwise... *looks at some of the hotlists*).  Dragons will be enough to appeal to some people.

But others will just skip right on past because there's nothing appealing about your cover. 

Don't really know any shops to suggest at the moment, but would suggest looking through some if you're wanting to improve the cover.  If you're satisfied with it, though, that's all good.  Some people don't care about those who do judge by covers xD 

Title

I'm a mixed bag when it comes to the title.

I don't mind titles that use not-English words.  I mean... *gestures to Brisingr* I can see how some would have a problem with it because, like, "I can't say this word, how is it a good title?" So you may have that complaint from some people.  I can see the reasoning, but I still appreciate it and the way it reflects on your original world *shrugs* 

However, what I do have a problem with is the second half.  It just feels... So tacked on?  An Introduction to Calix?  That feels like a sort of non-fiction story.  Which maybe you're going for, but it just doesn't really hit right with the type of story you have.  Also, it almost reads like Eskakie is the series, then An Introduction to Calix is the title.. And yeah.  That wouldn't be a good title xD

I feel like you would be fine without the secondary part.  I'm guessing you have it there so readers will know, but the summary should show it to them.  Maybe mention that it's a prequel to so-and-so series.

I will say... If I did complain about Eskakie as the title, it would only be because it's so far off from the format of the other titles in the series xD 

*comes back to the review after almost a week, stares at this section* I... Think I said everything I wanted to? Let's move on >.>

Blurb

So, first thought looking at the blurb?  The beginning (like, very very beginning) seems a bit overloaded.  You have a definition and a quote (which I don't understand why has ellipses).  Some may say both are extraneous and not needed.  I'm not one of the people who falls in that category, though, even if I think you should limit it to one.  Personally would say go with the definition.  The quote to a point encompasses Calix's past, but with the book title being a Dragonic word, I think it's better to give readers what it means so they can have a better idea its tie in.

As for the rest... It doesn't feel like a blurb to this story.  It feels like a blurb to a story that starts out with a much longer focus of Calix and his life in the village.  We are out of the village from the very first chapter, but that is all the blurb talks about.  Maybe dedicate the start to how Calix isn't accepted in his village, but then we need more of a graph of the story that happens all the chapters after the first.  

No, the blurb shouldn't spill too much.  But the blurb also shouldn't be so detached from the bulk of the story.  I think you had something good giving a hint of what makes Calix different (specifically the emotion part) because it gives us right there a feel of who Calix is and who the other hybrids are. So kudos there.

The overall summary is clean. It has some good shreds in it.  Even if it was a story about Calix in the village, it would need more, but for now, it just needs to be a blurb for this story, not for chapter one.

Plot/Worldbuilding

First off, I must say: YAY! You gave the Dragonic words meaning.  That made me so happy to see because I remember being so disappointed by the "nonsense dragon words" in the previous version.  And I must say, I really like the way you tie color into the meanings with these words.  

I also enjoy the idea of the plot.  Dragons will always attract me, even if only hybrid dragons.  The irony of a race that shouldn't even exist being obsessed with their views of perfection is also great.  You seem to have a very interesting lore for your world overall, and especially for the hybrids and their gods.  Way the hybrid bodies work is cool.  So overall, it sounds like an appealing read.

The plot kinda didn't grab me though.  Jumping into action is great, don't get me wrong.  But... This action-y start just had too many small issues going on.

For one... And I'm eventually going to do a chapter about this in the help book... But fantasy books starting with chase scenes is just so. Done. To. Death.  And I'm not sure if that's why or if the cliche is inherently flawed... Yeah, I checked out multiple times during the read before remembering I had to pay close attention for review purposes.  

Another reason I checked out is that the scene feels so darn repetitive.  "Running, hurting, cold, running, hurting, cold" with "my life sucked" interspersed in there.  Then we have lines like this: 

"I cracked an eye open to see who found me. Who had snuck up on me?"

You just said the same thing twice in a row.  You say what they're doing, then repeat it by having Calix directly ask the question.  We don't need both.  

Now, I am so happy that the abusive parents were replaced by a freaking awesome hybrid guardian dude.  He is awesome.  I liked him.  He exulted power.  Yes please.

Then came the thing that truly made me disappointed in the first chapter: I loved the beginning of chapter two.  Like... We are thrown right into Calix about to be sacrificed and so much of the lore is expertly mixed in and even if having issues I will mention in Writing Techniques, I was invested and having fun and--

It was a dream...  

I legit pouted so hard when he woke up because I was gonna suggest you make that the start.  Honestly, I still think it would work better, just have something go wrong that allows Calix to escape somehow. 

Maybe even show Calix escaping the village however you originally had planned and cut down the escape a crap ton, because it would have been a more effective chase scene if you weren't trying to make it last an entire chapter.  I dunno, but something needs to happen to make me feel even a smidge more invested in Calix and the scene so I don't instantly check out.

Other than thinking the beginning could be more grabbing, I wasn't sure how a lone human would chase away a Dragonborn?  I mean, apparently Calix is this huge target/necessity for the village.  Why would the warrior just dart?  Maybe there is more to the story, but at the moment, I was just confused.

Otherwise, really like the plot.  Hybrid running off to meet a dragon rider?  Coolio.

Writing Techniques

You have pretty good writing grammar wise.  You just had a few small blips that I pointed out, and they were nothing major.  Good grasp of grammar, good grasp of paragraph breaks, good grasp of the technical stuff.

However, there is an issue I noticed both this time and last time reading it.  Granted, you've toned it down since last time, so woot!  Before, you had this sort of narrative where it felt like Calix was retelling his history to someone, which you would show with the occasional narrative break (if I'm remembering correctly).  

You did take those out, which I appreciate.  However... The distant narrative that came with it still remained.  And with any writing -- especially first person -- it can be a huge turn off.  One of the appeals of limited third and first person is that it allows us to experience the story with the character, but when we are more told the events that happened to them, it just... Well, it's not an experience.

For example, I loved the dream sequence to the point I would rather that actual event be our beginning.  However, the biggest flaw of the scene was the fact we were just being told it was all happening, not actually in Calix's mind as he went through the events. 

Calix is cold? We get told he is cold.

Calix is confused by his experiences with the human? We get told this.

Like, yes, telling is necessary at times.  But showing tends to be the better method, with telling more for the simpler things.  And considering the emotions we are needing to feel for Calix at such an early point of the story -- again, trying to get us emotionally invested in a beginning that has been used a lot -- showing is a great way to invest us.  Put us in his head, don't have the events told to us.

A key example I have for this is when he accepts his new name. It could have been such a powerful moment but the distance and being told what Calix is thinking/feeling just killed all the emotional weight of the scene.

Okay, now to stop beating that dead horse.  But it was the biggest issue with your writing, and that made me sad because overall it really was pretty clean writing.  I just couldn't get myself to care because of the distance.  It also leads to a lot of "I did this" sentences, which along with being distant, just isn't very engaging story telling and once more gives the sensation of not experiencing the story with the character.

Another issue this leads to (wow, distant story telling sure can create a lot of issues...) is the overuse of inert/passive "to be" verbs.  Examples of this include "am, is, were, are, was" -- verbs whose usage purely shows that the noun of the sentence exists.  These have their essential places, but when they can be all over the place... It becomes noticeable and sentences more dull.

Characters

I don't have any real problems with any of your characters.  Calix is a cute kid who has been through way too much and needs some happiness in his life.  Glad Kase can be there and be his friend.  

However, few issues.  First off, Calix doesn't sound like a nine year old.  Like I said, you use this type of reminiscent tone sometimes, which may make you think you can use the excuse "an older character is telling from the younger perspective."  I like to use this excuse, as I tell myself: it's first person.  Calix should feel like the child you're trying to portray.  Even if you use the reasoning he's part dragon and abused, I feel like he could be made sound younger to a point without overdoing it.  Now, he completely lacks any childish hint to his voice.

The other thing is it feels like his voice is being used to try to pull out pity too much.  Again, I get it.  I've written a first person pov story about an abused girl.  But he doesn't have to keep repeating how much his life sucks, especially when his focus would be on surviving, not wallowing in self pity.  Honestly, less is more in this case.  You hit us too hard with the hardships, we get drowned and tune out.  Have it just integrated into his life without overwhelming us (hard to do, I won't lie)?  We are invested and he feels like a legit character trying to make it through life.

That said... I did like the scene where he reacts badly to Kase touching him.  It's a good way of showing how affected he is.  But his reactions felt... Inconsistent?  Kase cleaned his scales and Calix didn't even react.  So I loved the showing of the affect of his past here, and I would love more of it, but you've gotta watch for consistency.

Otherwise, not much to talk about.  They're not bad characters, with the main one I feel like I know being Calix and the others -- Kase and his dragon -- needing to just become more developed as the time goes.

Overall

I know it feels like this review was a lot of negative, and for that, I'm sorry.  Just... I don't know how to explain this.  Your writing feels so close to being pretty darn good, but there are so many small elements that hinder it from reaching its potential.  I genuinely enjoy the idea of the story and your writing isn't overly bad.  It has good grammar, decent control of sentences, etc., but the impact behind the sentences is missing because of the distance.  I feel like you can just get that balanced, it would be a much better read.

So yeah.  All the negative is just because you're, like, on the crest of really turning this into a better story and I wanna shove you over that edge into a vat of potential :D