Shinji laid in his futon and stared up at the ceiling, hands behind his head. After two hundred years, she just walked right into his quarters. It wasn't like he'd thought about her every day, but he did wonder how she was from time to time.

She was right. He should've gone to see her. He should've told her the second he applied to be a Shinigami. But he didn't. He wasn't without reason, however. It was simple. He wanted to protect her.

If she'd have known, she would've tried to come with him. She probably would've made an incredible Shinigami, her powers far surpassed his own when they were young, but Shinji couldn't bear the thought of her at the front lines, risking her life. She'd done that their entire youth, protecting him from all of the town folk that tried to beat him to a pulp. Becoming a Shinigami was how he wanted to repay his debt, but he'd forgotten about her along the way.

He sighed and sat up. He knew deep down that these were all just excuses. If he truly wanted to protect her, he should've gone back to see her. Maybe even brought her back with him. But now it was too late. She was here, at the side of the one man Shinji trusted least in all of Soul Society.

"I gotta clear my head," he said to himself, grabbing his kosode and tying it around him loosely. He slipped on his sandals and stepped outside.

The night air was cool. The moon shone down and illuminated the path Shinji walked along. He wandered aimlessly throughout the many squad courtyards until he sensed a familiar reitsu.

"Ah, Shinji! That you?" called the dusty blond captain of the Twelfth squad.

"Good evening, Urahara-kun. You're up late," Shinji replied, stepping toward his friend, who was seated on the deck of his squad's living area, feet dangling down through the railing.

"You know I don't have the healthiest sleeping habits," he laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "But you usually do, what's on your mind?"

Shinji leaned his back against the deck, staring into the garden of assorted flowers before him. "Past regret, it's eatin' me alive."

"Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do that will change the past, but we can let it change our future," Urahara offered.

"I'm not sure there's much I can do about the future either," Shinji replied, chewing on his lip.

"Well in that case, here." Urahara pulled a bottle of sake and two cups from the pockets of his shitagi. He poured the sake and handed Shinji a glass.

"This is why they promoted ya to Captain, yer always prepared," Shinji said, sipping from his cup.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Shinji sighed and fixed his eyes on his glass of sake. "I saw my first love again today."

"You call everyone your first love."

Shinji grinned. "That's true. But this time I'm serious."

"Why is that a bad thing?"

"She's here in Seireitei. With Aizen."

"Ah." Urahara poured more sake in Shinji's cup. "That is a predicament."

"I think it'd sting a bit less if it'd been anyone else. But Aizen? Seriously? I get that he's an attractive man, I thought so too when I met 'im, but how's she stayed with him long enough to move here? He's so cold, and has such a darkness to him."

"Love does funny things to people, Hirako. You know that. They go blind and ignore better judgement."

Shinji's heart panged at the word love. "God, I missed her. I wouldn't have become a Shinigami if it wasn't for her. I wanted to repay my debts, for all the times she saved me as a kid."

"Your debt to her is still unpaid, but the universe won't leave it that way. Surely you'll have the opportunity to repay her tenfold. For everything."

"I sure hope so. Thanks for the advice, pal," Shinji said, ruffling his friend's floppy blond locks.

"You should try to get some sleep. It's the beginning of the New Year festivities tomorrow, so we'll all be roped into deep cleaning."

"Ah, shit," Shinji frowned and rolled his eyes. "My least favorite day of the year. No wonder I forgot."

Urahara laughed. "Once the cleaning is done, we get to celebrate though!"

"I think my plan is to be so drunk on sake that yer gonna have to feed me, Kisuke," Shinji teased. "Maybe I'll even brew some blue lotus tea for us."

"Let's hope Aizen is willing to fly the squad kite, then. No flying under the influence."

"Geez, I guess yer right." Shinji scratched the bank of his head. "I better go knock out. Thanks for yer help."

"Of course," Urahara said. "You know I'm always here to talk."

"I appreciate ya greatly. Glad ya got promoted," Shinji said as he started to walk back.

"Oh, and Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"Relationships don't always have to play by the same rules most people use. Yoruichi and I said 'fuck the rules' about a year ago and we're much happier without labels and being locked down. Maybe you can work out something similar. Maybe she'll think two is better than one."

Shinji grinned, "Oh-ho, is that why ya both've been trying harder than ever to get in my pants this year?"

"Hey, could be fun," Urahara teased back. "But it's just something to think about."

"I'm not sharing, especially with that asshole Aizen. I'll probably just try to keep my head down and avoid her. Good night, Kisuke. You and Yoruichi should call me sometime." He stuck out his tongue at his friend before heading back to his quarters for sleep.

---

Shinji groaned as sunlight filled his room. Cleaning day had finally arrived, and his first order of business was cleaning himself. He slipped his kosode over his slender frame and tied it loosely around his waist, too sleepy to secure it correctly. He grabbed his toiletry bag and stumbled down the hall to the squad's joint shower.

"Good morning, taicho! Happy cleaning day!" a squad member said in passing.

Shinji grumbled a response with a slight nod before using his back to push the bathroom door open.

"Almost noon and you look like you've just rolled out of bed. Haven't changed at all, have you, Hirako?"

Shinji's eyes widened and he scrambled to tighten his kosode. "Mornin', Ayame! What, uh, what're ya doin' in here?" he asked, looking down at the girl, who was on her knees in front of him, scrub brush in hand.

"Since the festival starts today, everyone is cleaning, and I felt awkward just sitting around, so I asked if I could help, and Aizen told me to clean the bathroom," she explained.

Shinji scratched the back of his head. "Well, uh, thanks."

"Don't let me stop you from your shower," Ayame said, returned to her scrubbing.

Shinji walked to the first stall and pulled the curtain closed. He untied his kosode, hanging it on the hook outside, and turned on the shower. He let the hot water flow down his body as he ran his fingers through his long hair.

Avoiding her was going to be more difficult than he thought. He heard the sounds of her scrubbing the floor tile. Why'd she have to be here? Both in Seireitei, and more specifically, in the bathroom as he was taking a shower. He sighed, and began shampooing his hair.

The scrubbing stopped, and Shinji heard footsteps near his stall. He bent down and peeked under the curtain, seeing Ayame's knees on the floor in front of the stall to his right. He groaned quietly and stood back up. Forget difficult, avoiding her was going to be impossible. He rinsed his hair and scrubbed his body then turned off the water.

He reached his hand out to grab his towel, but felt nothing. Shit, Shinji thought to himself. So drowsy I forgot a towel. He stood there for a moment, considering what his next move would be.

"Missing something?" Ayane slipped an orange towel past the curtain into his stall.

Shinji rolled his eyes. "Thank ya," he replied, patting his hair and body dry before wrapping the towel around his waist.

He slid the shower curtain open and walked to the mirrors, where he sprayed some oil I  his hair. He grabbed a brush from his bag.

"You've certainly become quite the princess, now haven't you?" Ayame commented, leaning against a stall, locking eyes with Shinji in the mirror.

"Oh, shut up, would ya? I like to look presentable, an' Lord knows my hair tangles like a bitch if it's not treated."

Shinji's stomach knotted slightly as he saw the girl surveying his unclothed, towel-wrapped frame. She really was not making this easy on him.

"Well, at least being a Shinigami helped you add a few pounds, ey Hirako?" she smirked.

"Don't start. I already get enough harassment from Hiyori, don't need it from ya," Shinji groaned.

"What, can't handle a little teasing? Lighten up. The Hirako I knew had thicker skin than this." Ayame's smile dropped as she took a step towards him.

"Most people change after two hundred years, at least a little. I mean, look at ya, yer hair's the color of a blueberry," he retorted, capping the hair oil and returning it to the bag of toiletries. "Don't ya have a floor to scrub?"

Ayame sighed and looked down at the ground. "Ugh, unfortunately you're right."

"Better get to it," Shinji replied, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door. "Wouldn't wanna upset that boyfriend of yers, now would we?"

"Definitely not."

The bathroom door creaked open.

"Ah, speak of the devil," Shinji said, pushing past his fukutaicho. "Aizen."

"Taicho," Aizen said with a bow. "Didn't expect to find you in here at this hour."

"Just leaving!" Shinji called as he left the room.

---

It was just before sun down. The sky faded from periwinkle to coral and the clouds looked like a cotton candy swirl of pinks and purples.

Shinji sat on his usual perch, the roof of the Fifth Squad barracks. The air felt different on the roof. It was clearer, easier to breathe, easier to think. He laid back on the sun-warmed tiles and stared up at the sky.

As much as he wanted to ignore the deep throbbing in his chest, he couldn't. So he needed to think of a distraction. He could always take a mission in the Living World, but they probably wouldn't be starting those again until after the festival. He could always take Urahara and Yoruichi up on their offer, but he didn't want to use his friends like that.

Faint voices came from the garden below, ripping him away from his thoughts. He sat up and peered over. He saw Aizen leading Ayame to a bench.

"I told you the sky was beautiful out here," he heard Aizen say.

"It is a lovely evening," Ayame responded.

Aizen sat on the bench. "Not as lovely as you."

Ayame laughed softly and stepped towards her boyfriend, kissing him deeply. Aizen wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her down onto his lap.

Shinji groaned and laid back down. Apparently he'd have to find a new thinking spot too. Nowhere was safe.