Things were actually getting better.

While I thought that Phil would only cut down his bar visits to four times a week at the very least, he surprised me by not visiting the bar ever since he got out of the hospital. Even though that doing that came with a price (that price being heavy withdrawal symptoms in the form of throwing up and throbbing headaches), he's been powering through, and I can't properly express into words how nice it's been having him home for an extended amount of time.

Thinking about Phil made me instinctively roll over and reach my arm out so that I could have the reassurance that he was actually right next to me. This was something that I did every single night since I had gotten so used to sleeping alone every single night and having Phil next to me was absolutely amazing.
When I reached over, however, my heart skipped a beat when, instead of feeling Phil's back, I felt the bed sheet instead.

Upon realizing that Phil wasn't there, I quickly sat up, threw the covers off of myself, and began running all over the house while screaming his name at the top of my lungs. While it may have seemed like I was overreacting, the fact that Phil was still struggling with alcohol abuse made my fears and worries about him increase. Ever since his addiction started, my worst fear has been that I would one day find him dead because his body couldn't take it anymore and had just given up on him.
"Phil, this isn't funny!" I called out, running down the stairs so fast that I almost tripped and fell down them. Thankfully, I managed to save myself at the last possible second and managed to make it completely down the stairs without falling on my face. "Tell me where you are! You're scaring the shit out of me!"

*****

After searching the house completely at least three times over, I picked up my phone from the bedside table and shakily tapped on Phil's name in my call history list. I started shaking even more as I sat down on the bed and held my phone up to my ear.
"Come on, pick up the fucking phone!" I whispered to myself as the ringing went on for seemingly forever.

It genuinely felt like a million years had gone by before he finally answered my call.
"Dan!" He cried out as he let out a nervous laugh. "Is everything okay? It's a little bit late to be calling, don't you think?"
I ignored his question and instead asked, "Phil, where the hell are you? I've been looking all around the house for you."
"Well, you see..." He stammered and trailed off.
"No..." My face and tone quickly turned angry as he realized where he was. "Don't you dare tell me that you're out at the bar."
"Okay, I'm not at the bar." His lighthearted tone only made my anger grow.
"You are at the bar!" I snapped as I started clenching my fist. "What the hell, Phil? You told me that you weren't going to go to the bar anymore! You told me that you were going to cut your alcohol consumption in half! You told me that getting cirrhosis has pushed you to stop drinking! I can't believe you fucking lied to me!"
"I-"
"No, I don't want to hear it!" I yelled into the phone, not allowing him to finish what he was going to say. "I don't want to hear any more of your stupid lies out of your stupid mouth, and I definitely don't want to see your stupid face for quite a while, so don't even think about coming home."
Before even giving him a chance to say a single word, I ended the call and angrily threw my phone down on the floor. I then laid back down in bed and stared up at the ceiling with my fists clenched and my entire body trembling. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but I held them back despite the fact that I was completely and utterly alone, just like I always was these days.
There comes a point where you're accustomed to the feeling of loneliness.

Almost as soon as that thought popped into my mind, the tears that had formed in my eyes spilled out. Then, in a matter of a couple of minutes, I was a sobbing mess, a hugging-your-pillow-to-your-chest-while-pretending-it-was-the-person-you-loved-oh-so-dearly-and-craved-next-to-you-more-than-anything kind of sobbing mess. At that moment, I felt so pathetic and so disgusted with myself. How could I just allow myself to let Phil sneak away and risk drinking himself to death yet again, especially since his liver had almost given up on him and was now at a much higher risk of dying from alcoholism because of it? I should've been able to sense when he was getting out of bed and sneaking off, and I should've stopped him from going.
That's what one part of me was saying, at least.

The other part of me was saying that I shouldn't blame myself for Phil succeeding in his attempt of sneaking away and going to the bar. It was saying that he should've just kept his promise and stayed home like he said he was going to. It was also saying that there was no way that I could've predicted that he would've broken his promise and went to the bar since his behavior had become extremely unpredictable ever since he started drinking.

As my mind fought with itself, I kept just wanting a sinkhole to form beneath me and just swallow me up and put me out of my misery. But, at the same time, I knew that that if something happened to me and I ended up dying, Phil would drink and drink until his body finally took anymore and it gave up once and for all, and that was the last thing that I wanted to happen. I wanted Phil to continue living, and I wanted him to persevere and eventually overcome his demons and his addiction. I wanted him to prove that addiction doesn't always win the battle and that he was strong enough to beat it.
I just wish that it wasn't so hard to watch him suffer, that it wasn't so hard to watch him feel like the only way that he could properly deal with his emotions and pain was through getting unbelievably drunk and experiencing a temporary euphoria, and that it wasn't so hard to spend all of these hellish nights all alone with the constant fear that the next phone call I could receive could be the one that confirms Phil's death.
I just wish that this living hell would just fucking end.

~~~~~

That night, after putting Ellie to bed, I found myself sitting on the bed in one of the many guest bedrooms wondering what I should do now that I got confirmation from Ellie that she did, in fact, want to come back to live with Phil and I. Other than the fact that I knew I wanted to wait until Christmas to come home and surprise Phil with not only my return, but Ellie's as well, I had no idea what the next step was. I wanted to talk to Sophia and Greg about the fact that Phil, I, and Ellie herself wanted the young blonde to come back to live with us, but it was late and plus, they were on a business trip and more than likely didn't want to be bothered. But, at the same time, I didn't want to wait until the day before Christmas Eve, which is when they planned to return, to talk to them about this manner.

After spending quite a while thinking about what I wanted to do while weighing the outcomes of each choice that I could make, I finally decided that I would call either Sophia or Greg sometime tomorrow and hope that I'll be able to get ahold of one of them long enough to convince them to let me take Ellie back. Once I finally reached that decision, I let out a yawn as I reached over and turned off the small lamp on the bedside table. I then laid down and pulled the covers over myself.

Just as I was about to close my eyes, I heard a soft knocking at the door. At first, I thought that it was just my imagination since I stopped and listened to see if I would hear it again and didn't after a few moments. Shrugging to myself, I closed my eyes and began focusing on trying to go to sleep.
But then I heard it again and concluded that it wasn't my imagination.
"Come in!" I called out as I sat up and turned the lamp back on.

After I called out, I watched as the doorknob slowly turned and the door opened even slower. After a few moments, Ellie nervously stepped into the room while holding the music box Phil had given her last Christmas in her hands.
"Ellie, what's the matter?" I asked her gently as I looked over at her.
She almost immediately looked down at the music box when she made eye contact with me. For the split second that I saw her eyes, I was able to pick up on the fact that they were bloodshot, which indicated that she had been crying. She was silent for a couple of moments before she finally spoke. "I had a nightmare."
The look on my face and the tone in my voice softened even more when she said this. "I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I could do to make it better?"
Ellie opened her mouth and looked back up at me to say something, but almost immediately closed her mouth and looked back down when she did so.
"Ellie, did you forget about what I said earlier?" I asked, continuing to talk gently so that she would be more likely to talk about what it was that was upsetting her so much.
She simply shook her head in response.
"What did I say then?"
"You said that I don't have to be scared about telling you anything because you would never judge me and I would therefore never have to worry about holding back the truth from you."
"That's right." I nodded. "Now, would you please tell me what's wrong?"
Ellie closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she looked back up at me once more. "I know this is super childish and that I shouldn't even be asking this because I'm eleven, but I was wondering if you would let me sleep with you tonight. The nightmare I had was really bad, and Mom and Dad never let me sleep with them and they always tell me I'm childish for asking to sleep with them."
"Well, I'm not your mom and dad." I said as I held out my hand towards her. "You can come and sleep with me. I don't mind at all."
Plus, it would be nice not to sleep alone for once.
"Thank you." Ellie smiled brightly as she walked over and climbed onto the bed. She then held the music box towards me. "Can you wind this up? It helps me get to sleep."
"Of course." I smiled back at her as I took the music box from her hands and turned it upside down so that I could wind it up. After doing just that, I set it down next to the lamp before I turned the lamp off once more and scooted over to the other side of the bed so that Ellie would have enough space. But almost as soon as I moved to the other side, Ellie scooted herself over to me so that she was extremely close to me. I didn't complain about this. Instead, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her towards me so that her head was resting on my chest. I then reached over and pulled the covers over us and quickly returned my arm back to its original position.
"Dan, are you sure that you're okay with me sleeping with you tonight?" Ellie asked as she looked up at me. "If you aren't, I can just go back to my room. You won't hurt my feelings if you tell me that you don't want me to sleep with you, I promise."
"Yes, I'm one-hundred percent okay with it." I looked back down at her so that it would seem more convincing that I didn't mind her sleeping with me tonight at all. "There's no reason why I wouldn't be okay with it anyway."
"Okay, if you say so." Ellie whispered as she smiled softly. She then laid her head directly onto my chest and closed her eyes. Soon enough, she fell asleep, and I followed suit shortly after as I listened to the soothing tune that was coming from the music box.

*****

The next morning, I woke up early for the first time in ages and for once, I didn't spend way too much time lying in bed and dreading the fact that I would eventually have to get up. Instead, I got out of bed almost immediately after waking up, being careful so that I wouldn't wake Ellie up and quickly made my way downstairs.

Once I was downstairs, I quickly got to work on making breakfast for the two of us. I decided on making pancakes, but that was mostly because I was used to making pancakes since Phil loved them so much.

*****

Almost as soon as I finished making the pancakes, Ellie came downstairs and greeted me by saying, "Good morning, Dan."
"Good morning, Ellie." I replied as I looked over at her and gave her a smile. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yeah, I did." Ellie smiled back as she nodded. "Did you sleep well?"
I nodded in response and asked, "I made pancakes. Do you want some?"
"Of course I do!" Ellie cried out excitedly as she sat down at the table. "I love pancakes!"
"I'm glad to hear that because I made quite a lot." I grinned as I put all of the pancakes onto a plate. "How many do you want?"
"Three." Ellie replied after thinking for a moment.
"Okay." I then placed three pancakes onto one of the three plates that I had gotten out. After doing so, I picked both the plate and the bottle of syrup that I also had gotten out and walked over to the table before I placed them down next to Ellie. I then went back over to where the rest of the pancakes were and placed a couple of them on a plate that I had gotten out for myself and then grabbed two forks and walked back to the table. I placed a fork down next to Ellie's plate before I sat down in the seat that was across from her.

Just as I was about to eat my pancakes, my phone began ringing. I sighed softly as I pulled it out of my pocket. My eyes widened when I saw that Sophia was calling. Feeling happy about this sudden good luck, I quickly answered the call and placed my phone up to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Dan, this is going to sound absolutely crazy, but hear me out." Sophia sounded frantic as she spoke. "You have to take Ellie back. That, or you have to find someone that will take her in"
"Why?" I asked, feeling genuinely confused.
"That's not important." She became more and more frantic as she continued to speak. "Either just take her back or find someone that will take care of her. My husband and I are no longer able to take care of her."
"But-"
"No protests! Just do it!" She snapped before she proceeded to hang up on me.

"What on earth was that about?" Ellie asked a moment after the call had ended.
"Your mother just called me and told me that I have to take you back since she and your dad can't take care of you anymore." I explained. "But she didn't tell me why."
"I know why." Ellie mumbled as she looked down and took a bite of her pancakes.
"Why did they say it then?"
She sighed as she looked back up at me. "They steal money from people. They told you that they were on a business trip, but they lied right through their teeth. They're on a vacation, and they paid for it with all of the money they stole."
"How do you know that they steal money?" I questioned while I raised my eyebrow slightly.
"Because I've heard them bragging about it before." Ellie shrugged. "Also, I don't know where they're at because I wasn't about to risk getting into a load of trouble for trying to find it, but there are documents that prove that they've been stealing money from people. While I do know for a fact that they're stealing money from people through fake insurance, I don't know what exactly they're saying or doing that is making people fall for their fake insurance."
"Why are you so smart?" I breathed out, amazed that she managed to figure all of that stuff out on her own at such a young age. I then raised my voice back up to the normal level. "So, now that I know all of this stuff, I think that your mom said that I needed to take you back because she and your dad couldn't take care of you anymore because they somehow got caught and are now under investigation for their actions. But it sure it doesn't seem like they have a whole lot of confidence that they'll be able to convince people of their innocence since your mom told me to just take you back and all."
"Of course they're not confident about their ability to convince people of their false innocence." Ellie shrugged again. "They got nervous when I started to even suspect about what they were doing. Because of that, I can say with one-hundred percent certainty that they are going to get caught and get arrested. If they don't, I'll prove to everyone that they're actually committing a crime. People might not listen to me or take me seriously at first because of my age, but I'll keep saying these things over and over again until they do, and I will absolutely refuse to live with them since I want to live with you and Phil instead and not some heartless people who bribe me with stolen money to stay away from them."
"Well, in that case, we should probably get out of here as soon as possible." I said as I finished eating all of my pancakes. "I rented out a hotel room to stay in the first night I was here, so we can stay there until Christmas day."
"Why do you want to stay there until Christmas?" Ellie asked as she also finished eating her pancakes.
"Well, I had an idea." I explained. "My idea was that I was going to take you back home on Christmas day so that your return could be a nice Christmas surprise for him. Plus, if we go back on Christmas day, it'll give us a chance to spend time more time together. I know that you spent quite a lot of time with Phil last year, so I thought it would be nice if we also got to spend some more time together."
"Yeah, I would like that a lot." Ellie said as she smiled brightly.
"I'm glad to hear that." I replied as I smiled back at her. "Go up and pack everything that you want to take while I take care of these dishes."
Ellie nodded as she stood up and quickly ran upstairs.

*****

"I should've known." I said with a small smile on my face as I saw that, just like when she had first gone off to live with Sophia and Greg, the only thing she was going to take with her was the music box she cherished so much.
Ellie simply let out a small laugh in response as she carefully held the music box up to the jacket that Phil had gotten for her the night he found her alone in the cold.
"I'm guessing you're ready to go then?"
She nodded. "I'm ready if you are!"
I nodded as well as I placed the house key that Sophia and Greg had given me onto the kitchen table. "Yep, I'm more than ready to get out of here."
"I'm more than ready to go back home." Ellie whispered softly as tears of happiness began falling down her cheeks.
"Don't cry. You're going to make me cry." My voice cracked as I also began crying happily. It hadn't completely dawned on me until just now. Ellie was coming back, and Phil and I were going to officially adopt her. "Never mind. I'm already crying."
Ellie laughed slightly as she wiped away some of her tears with her free hand. "Let's go, Dan." She said, smiling as she held out her hand towards me.
I smiled as well as I grabbed ahold of her hand and walked out of the house and into winter cold of Canterbury, never looking back at the house that Ellie never truly belonged in.