Polaris

Strapped down uncomfortably to a padded hospital bed, Polaris attempted to look around at the decor of the clean white room. But there appeared to be literally nothing other than a blinding light stationed directly above her and four blank white walls. She couldn't even see a door.

She tried to turn her head and couldn't, finding that her neck was restrained as well. Polaris exhaled and awaited Kelley's arrival. They would be undergoing a series of experiments to better understand Polaris's cyborg nature.

Cyborg, not android. She still didn't understand. How could she have lived her whole life without knowing that she was a cyborg? An actual human?

As much as Polaris dreaded the testing, she couldn't deny that she was curious about what the results would reveal to her. And so she hadn't protested when they wrapped a slim-fitting blindfold around her head and roughly pushed her to this blank room.

"Good morning, Polaris," came Kelley's voice. Polaris tried to turn her head toward the sound and was rewarded by a sharp jolt of pain where the restraints pulled back at her neck. "Do you know what day it is?"

"No," Polaris replied.

"You need Internet?"

"Yes."

"Good to know," Kelley said, approaching her. Polaris glanced up at the face of the woman standing over her. "I'm going to oversee a few tests of your cyborg ability today. Just respond naturally to all the stimuli that comes your way, okay?"

Polaris swallowed, her heart speeding up with apprehension. "Okay."

Kelley noticed her anxiety. "It shouldn't have any long-term effects; don't worry. Do you have any questions?"

"Can you tell me what to expect?" Polaris asked.

"No. Any more questions?" the doctor said briskly.

"No."

"Then let's get started. Just relax and don't hold back. I promise you, that will make it worse. Prepare restraints," Kelley called out.

A team of other doctors surrounded the bed and began tightening Polaris's restraints until each was tight against her skin. The one against her throat was painfully tight, carving so deep into her skin that she was sure any human would be choking for air by now. The doctor glanced at her curiously when she didn't react.

In the end, Polaris was rendered almost completely immobile but for the short, shallow breaths that she could salvage from beneath the thick straps.

"Ready?" one doctor asked.

"Timer ready," another doctor replied.

"Restraints are ready," came another voice. "Hormones are ready, connections are ready. System's running."

"Containment is enabled."

"Approval?" the first doctor asked again.

Kelley's voice, now: "Go."

Polaris forced herself to keep her eyes open through the anxiety that stretched over the next moment. The click of a switch being flipped.

And then mind-bending...love.

She almost jerked out of the bed at the surprise that followed this sudden emotion, but the warmth that flowed through her was unmistakable. Polaris felt nothing but love. She relaxed into the bed, her mouth opening into a huge smile, thinking of Andromeda and Ali and—

The feeling faded away slowly, and Polaris furrowed her brows slightly, confused. Where had it gone? She grabbed onto the last tendrils of love, knowing she still had the capacity to care, the capacity to feel just as much love as she had a moment ago—so where was it? Why couldn't she summon that same intense emotion?

A wildly different feeling gripped her now, something more than unpleasant, a churning in her stomach and lightness in her chest that made her feel like she was about to throw up. Polaris recognized it as panic, and she was getting dizzy, and some animal instinct made her open her mouth to suck in air, except the strap was there, the strap was moving (was the strap supposed to convulse like that, it was injecting something into her skin, she had to get it off) against her neck, constricting her, making her cry out and scream and struggle because she had to get away.

She was about to pass out. She couldn't think. The panic was turning to terror now, overwhelming her, and her eyes flew open to take in the painfully bright scene around her that only made her more terrified. So much light. There was so much light, and without knowing, she had begun to thrash against the restraints, she knew they would tear soon, and yet she was filled with the fear that they would hold her there forever.

The fear subsided all at once, leaving Polaris panting with tears streaming down her face, having never felt such fear before in her life.

She'd been screaming. Her throat was raw with the guttural sounds from her oxygen-deprived vocal cords. Polaris realized vaguely that she was whimpering pathetically, but she didn't care—a surge of anger flowed through her—

And she was hit with sedative, like a shot. Actually, maybe it was a shot, Polaris thought when she registered something jabbing sharply in her arm. Her thoughts slowed, her eyelids fluttered closed again. All the tension bled from her body, and Polaris was left boneless on the bed.

Rage. She allowed herself to feel the emotion, taking pleasure in its fullness, the blind fury overwhelming her, feeling so much better and yet so much worse than the fear that had been coursing through her. For the rest of the hour, countless emotions were injected into her; she cried countless times, laughed countless more, ripped at the bed with her fingernails, and in the end, she could hardly remember anything. The entire so-called experiment passed in a blur.

Finally, the blessed words came. "Commencing system cleanse."

Her eyes slowly closed, tears gathering at the corners. The release of all emotion from her body left her exhausted, yet relieved. She was a sweaty, panting mess, and more than anything, she wanted this to end.

The restraints slowly loosened. Stars, Polaris felt like she could happily die right now.

"Give her a break."

Polaris's eyes flew open, and she jerked up against the straps binding her down— "There's more?!"

"Not more of what you just experienced. Not today, at least," Kelley replied. She walked over to Polaris again and bent over her limp body. "You seem pretty spent."

"I wonder why," Polaris whispered, settling back down into the mattress.

"This continues for a week," Kelley said, straightening up. Polaris stared at her with horrified eyes. "I'm sure you can guess what we were just testing."

She was too exhausted to reply.

"Your emotional capacity. Your responses to emotional situations. Unfortunately, I don't want to tell you about the results, but in the interest of statistical significance, we'll have to go through a few more tests like this. Every day for a week, and from then on, if you agree to our training regimen, once a week. If you do especially well, maybe we'll consider once a month."

Polaris closed her eyes.

"Do you eat?"

"No."

"Ooh...I wonder..." Dr. Kelley's voice was filled with wonder and curiosity, and Polaris recoiled in fear and disgust at the thought of this woman examining her as though she were an interesting new species. "Do you breathe? Do you need to, I mean?"

"No."

"Have you ever been in an environment with absolutely no oxygen? Like space?"

"No."

"Ahh, that explains it. And you run on batteries?"

"Rechargeable. Solar."

"Fascinating!" Kelley exclaimed. "Are they efficient?"

"Why don't you test that?" Polaris responded, opening her eyes wearily.

"You are getting a physical examination right now, actually," Kelley told her. The doctor released each restraint holding Polaris down, and she flexed her wrists, relishing the new freedom in her limbs. "Sit up."

Polaris sat up, finding that although she was mentally drained, she experienced no physical fatigue whatsoever, apart from the lingering pain from fighting against straps so tight. "Can we do it right now? And then I can go back?"

"Physical exam. Intelligence exam. And then you can go back." Polaris sighed in relief.

***

Polaris really did pass out after the two exams were over. The physical exam had been pure agony; she wondered if a more suitable name would've been simply "pain." And the intelligence exam had certainly taken its toll on her brain, although she didn't remember what had happened besides some sort of probe through her mind.

She woke up on a comfortable quilt-covered bed, inside a bedroom by herself with a desk and a very small window. Bits and pieces of conversation wafted in from outside the door, and Polaris forced herself off the bed to press her ear to the tiny gap under the door hinge.

"...believe we went through that too. It's worse when you're doing it to her."

"I know...I still feel bad. But she's a cyborg, right? She was with the Rebels?"

"You know how they are about cyborgs. I just hope we won't..."

The voices drifted away, traveling down the hall, and Polaris leaned her forehead against the door gently. Were these the members of the team that had been testing her? Experimenting on her? She had to admit that this bit of dialogue made her feel a little bit of pity for them.

One question came to her mind: if those people had undergone the same testing that Polaris had, did that mean she would someday be part of that team?

She crawled back to bed, bundling herself beneath the blankets, refusing to cry.

And she slept again, savoring every minute of peace she could find before the pain inevitably returned.

***

Hey guys, I hope you liked this chapter! I'm doing some serious revisions on the earliest chapters, which I wrote over a year ago *shudders* 

Please vote, comment, and follow if you liked! Any criticism is also appreciated!