Karsen's head rested on the pillow of the daybed, staring at the serene lake which glistened in the sunlight. She always wondered what was behind the lake, feeling the urge to go on an exploring trip which would hopefully subdue her burning curiosity. She held her cigarette pack in her hand, occasionally glancing at the five remaining pieces which rested closely next to each other, waiting for their turn to be lit, inhaled and then discarded of.

The more she stared at it, the more her nausea would increase, gulping at the feeling as her mind's need for nicotine was stronger than the bile threatening to shoot out of her. She sighed, wishing her hands wouldn't shake as much as they did, her body clearly beginning to hate the murky taste of the smoke lingering in her mouth before it was inhaled through her throat, wrapping itself comfortably around her lungs (which were probably hoping she would quit one day).

She bit her lower lip, giving into her addiction. The brunette took out a cigarette from her pack, placing it between her lips, the queasiness increasing with each step. Karsen took out her lighter, shivering with anxiety while burning the other end of the stick before sharply inhaling the smoke, hoping it would work its magic like it always did. She couldn't lie – the taste was much better than what Derek had given her, her (surprisingly) alert taste buds rejoicing in the familiar flavor. The smoke was exhaled in a steady cloud, her mind already relaxing itself as the nicotine began to euphorically take over.

Though it felt amazing, her throat couldn't help but accumulate the thick salvia, causing her to continuously swallow after each drag. It was uncomfortable, making her feel as though her body was trying to tell her something – but she ignored the feeling. All Karsen could do was be thankful that she was smoking something familiar, having finally learned the lesson of switching brands.

This time, it was only her, the lake and Marlboro Gold.

God would Derek have thrown a tantrum had he known she was smoking his competitors brand.

The brunette, rested herself cozily, sighing in liberation as the smoke came out through her nose. However, the feeling would soon go away as the bile discreetly made its way through her esophagus, excited to surprise her.

In a sudden – she sat up, puking on the grass beside the daybed. The lit end of the stick burned her ring finger, causing her to gasp in pain as she subconsciously threw it away, the blade of grass putting it out for her. Karsen's chest heaved with displeasure as a shorter stream of vomit automatically ejected itself out of her mouth, making her sit upright as she feared resting back would cause her to choke and die on her own puke.

"Fuck's sake..." She muttered quietly, wiping the edges of her mouth with her white cotton sleeve.

Her body could no longer handle the intense combination of carbon monoxide, nicotine and tar that had been coating her organs for the past nine years. The veins on the sides of her temples began constricting in a panic, triggering her head to begin aching at what her body had just done.

'This was embarrassing' she thought to herself as she stared at the chunky, yellow liquid resting upon the grass, soaking itself in the fertilizer. The last thing she wanted was any of the neighbors having seen her moment, though she believed there was none due to how quiet and almost abandoned the area looked. Her initial thought was to clean up the evidence – though she was reassured with the fact that a wild animal would hopefully lick it up for her.

Karsen glanced at her pack, feeling somewhat betrayed by what had just happened to her. It was very tempting to give it another go, but she wasn't in the mood to throw up again, knowing it would dehydrate her and drain all the energy she had left.

She gulped as she scooted away from her position, not wanting her feet dipped in her body's recently released fluids. Grabbing the pack, she walked up to the edge of the river, her feet trembling along with her hands as she gripped onto her beloved tightly. Her heart raced in fear, while her mind battled with her to not take any further action, however, her other organs disagreed, encouraging her to end the cycle of harming them.

The mind tried to be stronger than the little angel sitting on her right shoulder, wanting her to turn back and take out another cigarette, assuring her that it wouldn't let her stomach win the battle. But it was a little too late as she reached the edge of the lake, knowing it was too late to turn back.

She opened the lid, taking out the remaining cigarettes. It was heartbreaking for sure, but it had to be done. Wiping the tear that had just escaped her eye, she held the cigarettes together, hesitantly tearing them into smaller pieces. Karsen sighed, watching the crumbled mess in her hands while the stray tobacco coated her palms.

'There's no turning back now' her mind told her, gulping at the decision which she hoped wouldn't cause her to become regretful in coming days.

With hesitation, she brushed the pieces of the broken cigarettes into the lake, her breath catching itself in her throat as she sobbed. Keegan would have been proud of her – despite criticizing her profession. But for once, she wasn't making such a risky decision for him, she was doing this for herself.

Her eyes glazed as the pieces waved their goodbyes, following the direction of the lake as they streamed further away from her. Part of her wanted to jump and collect the ones that were attached at the filter – but not only would that be gross, it would be self-destructive and impossible to execute.

She sat back, wiping the rest of her tears which seemed to cascade down her face in a continuous stream, causing her to sigh in relief. Karsen repeatedly chanted 'I can do this' to herself quietly, staring out into the horizon as she brought her knees closer to herself, hugging them while subconsciously rocking herself back and forth.