cancel the sun it wakes me up in the morning

i free one end of a web-string it floats up

& billows in the air— how many miracles

poke it at miraculous points at miraculous

intervals to make it billow just so—

i like being wanted but only sometimes

most times i'm time made flesh spiralfading

i find joy in the possibilities of the future

& the probabilities of the past

                                                     how i went in

& they were there

impregnate a chatbox with a hey & watch it

grow into a placental presence into a walking

talking flesh made word i tell myself i hate

people but i think i'm just afraid i'll end up

liking them that i'll have to care despite

the tumbleweed of our messes

when i sync with someone i sink with someone

you guys go ahead i'll stay back

i watch— the clip of [             ]

you cuck-watch time snatch away a peace

that never was yours in the first place

that is the happiest i've seen a bug walking

because it's dead & being carried by ants

to fire or not to fire asks a trigger-cradling

finger asks a quiet synapse with an ionic

moses on its axonic sinai to fire or not to

pitch-black bats trace the path that the chalk-white

stork staked at sundown & i remember

dew-streaked bus-windows star-smeared sky-panes

sita buried herself in earth rama drowned himself

in water

      after centuries of little movements

they touch— no fatherly oaths no demonly lusts

no firely trials— they pore through each other

they absorb each other's cold human viscosity

they become clay

come on they say

we're slaves of our circumstance

with varying chains moving around

in our cages mistaking it for freedom

you guys go ahead i'll stay i say

this is my prayer & this is my prey

what else can i do anyway?

~ ajay

30/5/2021