if life is what i think it is

then i've already failed at it.

so it's a good thing that it isn't.

good thing that even though i think i'll never love

i might end up loving so deeply it'll be breathless.

that even though i think i'll never be good with people

someone will hold on to something i once said

pressed in their prarthanas of being human.

even though i think i'll never feel a part of a family

i might end up gathering the last words of everyone i know

and they'd all say, we don't need heaven because we had you.

and even though i think i'll kill myself before i turn forty

i might become immortal at the end of this century.

good thing that even though i think i'll be forgotten like a cloud

i might end up raining on a memory of a drought

because life isn't what is written or what you will write

but a page on which we smear ourselves

and then call it a night.

~ ajay

17/10/2022