at first it feels like sisyphus

rolling the same boulder up

the same steep sunset hill

but that's still better than feeling like

ashwatthama having killed

the sleeping sons of pandavas

cursed to roam immortally

haunted and hunted by guilt

but that's still better than feeling like

ashwatthama with amnesia

the haunting continuing even though

the source of the guilt is lost

always punished for a crime

you don't remember committing

wishing at most to be unsalvageably lost

at least to be utterly desired.

~ ajay

25/7/2022