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Aurora ☪︎
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Chapter 13:  Come Back to Me [Edited]

"I miss you so much mija. Come back to me"

Those words continue to ring in my head, over and over. It's as if someone is playing a recording on repeat. I can't even remember when my mother said that to me. Trust me when I say I've tried so hard to pinpoint when these exact words were said to me. Though every time, my mind draws a blank and associates it with black, emptiness.

I've been having moments throughout the day where I freak out about me possibly going insane or having some kind of memory loss resulting in the lack of sleep I've accumulated all these years. Or maybe that this is some kind of repercussion from the car accident. I realized this as a lot of the phrases I hear, or I think I'm hearing are related to the crash or some fragment of it.

Luckily, the plane descending is enough to keep me back in the present time. The thoughts of finally seeing my mom after a couple months make me anxious and want to get off the plane as soon as possible. I'm anxious to be back in my home. I haven't been in the apartment since mid-summer when I had to move in the dorms.

A part of me is afraid that things have changed since I left. Another feels that it would be awkward when I see my mother again. I know that it shouldn't be but it's been a while since I've seen her in person. Sure I talk to her once a week over the phone, but that's not the same.

Eventually, I'm home.

Stepping out of the Uber and dragging my small suitcase out with me I face the old, worn down, apartment on the side of Seattle tourists don't see. The nostalgia hits me as I make my way to my apartment, my pink key in hand, prepared to open the door I used to open every day.

As soon as it squeaks open I'm welcomed by the familiar darkness and shadows outlined by the minimal furniture. The entire place smells like my mother, it's comforting. I quickly glance behind me, the sun is almost completely set. I rush in and close the door behind me.

My mother isn't home yet, which isn't much of a surprise, so I flip on the lights. Instantly putting my things away in the room I used to share with my mom I go straight to the kitchen to cook. It's a one-bedroom apartment, there aren't many options on where I could sleep. I'd like to say having to share my room my whole life has definitely helped things go by smoother when I first moved into the dorms.

Thanksgiving food for us is mainly just American food, a little more than a regular dinner. My mom would buy a small tres leches cake from the small bakery a few blocks from here. We don't necessarily think of Thanksgiving as a super important holiday. It's nothing special and almost like a regular day besides the extra food and saying our thanks.

Since it's just the two of us, we obviously don't make a lot of food, seeing as that would be wasteful and unnecessary. For the food we do have leftover, we would eat it the following days until we can go to the store again.

By the time I'm finished, I place the array of food on the small, two-seater table. I decide to keep the cake she bought last night in the fridge until we're done with our dinner. I know my mother's schedule like the back of my hand. She's probably getting off the bus and walking back home right now.

I take my time to sit down, to get a good look at the apartment and the memories it holds. All the hours I couldn't use on sleep were used to study. My unknowing mom only a few feet away, and a curtain separating the small room to give us a sense of privacy.

The fridge that questioned its own usefulness, never full, always with the bare minimum. The old tv that would be my source of entertainment seeing as it was never a good idea to go outside on your own and there wasn't enough money for a tablet to play games on.

Too ashamed to bring any classmates over because I knew I would be judged. They had big apartments, if not houses. My mother put me in a school that was slightly farther from where we live, knowing that they had better education systems and were safer for me to be there.

If I'm being honest, I don't think I would have made it to Berkeley if it weren't for my mother switching me to another district. I had gotten a lot more opportunities as well as much better education. The school even paid for all my tests and college applications through certain programs because I couldn't afford it.

I know I always go with everything happens for a reason, and a lot of times it has proved itself true. My insomnia got me studying more so I excelled in my academics. My mother pushed me to explore options outside of Seattle and I landed a spot in Berkeley. That car accident made me more aware of my surroundings, and I've gotten closer to my roommates and gotten to know Theo. But this, the lack of money, I haven't found any reason behind it. I don't know why it had to be me and my mother.

Wrapped up in my mind, I finally knock out of it when I hear the lock click. The door creaks open.

I snap my head towards the door as it reveals the five feet tall, dark brown curly-haired woman who I call my mother. My body worked quicker than my brain and before I realize it, I crash into her with my arms tightly around her.

"Oh my god, hi mom," I mumble, my head on her shoulder as I skillfully kick the door shut with my foot. I can't help but feel a little anxious about not locking it right away.

"Oh, Aurora." She replies back, hugging me tightly and to my disappointment, let me go. I see her scan the no longer empty table, a smile gracing her face as she gives my hand a quick squeeze before heading over to it. I lock the door before following her, settling right next to her.

"You didn't have to cook all of this on your own mija, I would have helped you." A flicker of sadness seems to welcome her and I know why. She always feels that she's not doing enough for me, that she should be doing much better than what she's doing now, which I completely disagree with but she just doesn't see it.

She's blinded by the need to always do more for me. She doesn't see that she's already doing enough, that there's no need to keep pushing herself. I guess that's the thing about always wanting what's best for the ones you love. You're willing to destroy yourself for it just for them to live a good life.

Not wanting this feeling to last any longer I shake my head, quickly stopping the thoughts that are going through her mind. "You do so much for me already, me making dinner is nothing. I wanted to do this mom."

She frowns, I know she doesn't fully believe me, but it's enough for her to shift her focus and onto something else. "Okay, let us eat." Just like that, her smile comes back.

☪︎

"Can we talk about Austin?" she asks hesitantly, the look of uncertainty in her eyes. She knows it's a taboo topic for me. I freeze at the thought of him, annoyance already replacing my happy and bubbly attitude. Of course, I remember him, how do I forget the villain of my story?

I nod stiffly in reply before setting down my fork completely, suddenly not feeling all too hungry anymore. Coincidentally I start to develop a headache which causes me to strongly tap my temples as if I could hit the headache out of my head. I've been getting headaches at such weird times as if everything has been preplanned.

"Well, we've been talking recently." A million things start to go through my mind, trying to figure out the reasoning. They haven't properly talked in years, why did that change now? Don't tell me they're getting back together, don't. "And we've been thinking about maybe you should spend some more time with him."

"What? No." I say harshly, my growing irritation starts to reflect on her. It's like all of a sudden the world just shifted, again. From being normal and me in a happy mood to, to things like this.

I haven't seen him in years. The last time I've had any interaction with him was two years ago on a two minute phone call, ending it shortly because he got paged for an emergency. I know his job is important with the saving lives ordeal, but he never called back. Even though the calls don't last long and it's the generic how are you doing, do you need money, I still appreciated his calls.

Though I despise the money concern the most. He thinks that sending my mother and I checks every month makes everything even. It does not make it even.

"Please, just let me talk, then you can make the decision to him or not then okay?" she begs, tapping her pointer finger on the table. She's been doing that since I was a child. It's her way of telling me to pay attention to the matter at hand. The look she gives me almost makes me lose the anger completely, almost. I could tell in her voice that she wants me to say yes and see him again, and she's going to try damn hard to change my mind.

"Okay." I finally answer, sighing in defeat. I owe her the time to at least be able to explain herself with the insane idea. My headache starts to throb a little more, and for a moment I think I was seeing black.

"I know he's the last person you would want to see you like this. After you got into the accident..." she starts off, her voice changes a bit. It's lower and sounds tired, but there's something more than that. It's different. Something's different.

"So many things have changed." It feels like my world suddenly shifted. "Those doctors said within time you'll feel better." My mother's voice is echoing and faint. As if someone's pouring their voice into a cave from above. "But time seems to go by so much slower when you wish for it to do the opposite. I couldn't leave him in the dark for long. It was selfish of me to not tell him earlier, I guess I was just too wrapped up in my own head."

"He wished he could have seen you more, to do more, to be more, but now, it might be too late huh..." Things start to become hazy, unclear. Black spots continue to dance in my eyes as everything starts drowning out. The objects before me shrink in size, any and all voices are now gone, and for a second I thought I was seeing white. I shake my head in an attempt to get rid of the blurriness, thinking I just need a good shake to set things back to normal. The sharp pain in the front of my head hits me harder, which causes me to immediately stop.

It's happening again, and I can't do anything about it. I don't even know what to do.

I feel pressure on my hand and for a split second, I thought I was in a completely different place. Before I can even have the time to question it I feel a hand pull on my own and I completely snap out of it.

Everything is completely still, I can see clearly. I notice the worried look my mom has and the hand she has on my own, pulling it as if to make sure I stay in this world.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" She gets up quickly and comes over to my side, putting a hand onto my forehead. Her Spanish accent comes off heavily. "Do you feel sick? I saw your pupils get smaller and you looked like you were sick! Should we go to the hospital?"

She bombards me with questions, questions that I don't even have an answer to. It adds to my annoyance and fear. I bite back the attitude in my tone, having to speak slower in order to do that.

"I'm okay," I say slowly. "I just have a headache." Which it was, well what it started as. I don't want to go to the hospital, I don't want to worry her. Not to mention she's still paying off the bills from my accident.

This isn't a big deal. Right?

"But-" I know she doesn't believe me, but this isn't something that she needs to worry about.

"Seriously, I'm okay. I swear I'll tell you if I get another one of these and we can go to the doctor yeah?" I compromise, hoping that this was the last of the headaches and that I don't get another one.

After a while of back and forth, convincing words here and there, she gives in. As she gives into believing I'm okay right now, I give into seeing my father. I don't care about the points she was trying to make. How she said he claims to want to know me better or that it would be good to create a bond together. I'm doing it because, for whatever reason, she desperately wants me to.

Just like that, the night continues on. No pauses, no more headaches, my mother, and I had to adapt to the situation and choose what we wanted our next move to be.

☪︎

"So how has work been?" I ask, walking around our bedroom. It looks the exact same since I left. I kept telling her that it was okay to get rid and sell whatever I had left in here. I wanted her to finally have the room all to herself.

"It's been okay, mija," She replies. I put the picture of us back down before turning to face her.

"You know I want more than that." I frown, not too fond with her short response. She's a waitress at a Mexican restaurant half an hour away and part time housekeeper. Both jobs pay her minimum wage.

She sighs tiredly, shaking her head. "You know how it is being a waitress. There's always rude customers, that isn't new."

My eyebrows furrow, narrowing my eyes at her. She doesn't notice this though, her back is now facing towards me as she gets ready for bed. "Well, what happened?"

"Can we not talk about this? I don't find it necessary to talk about work in my own home." She grumbles, an edge in her voice. My frown deepens and I wonder what was going on at work. I start to go rigid at the thought of somebody being rude to my mother again.

"Did somebody yell at you? What did they do-"

"Aurora." She cuts me off with a warning tone. She gives me a hard look, narrowing her eyes at me. I keep my mouth closed, biting my tongue from saying anything else. "I told you to drop it."

I stare at her for a moment, seeing the annoyance in her eyes. Her mouth is set in a grim line and she's gripping the blanket. "Okay, fine. I'll back off."

She immediately releases her grip on the blanket and her face relaxes again. "Thank you. Now tell me, how's school?"

I sit down on my twin bed, taking a stuffed animal and keeping it close. I shrug in response, "Fine, I guess. It's just school."

"Well what about your friends? The ones who were with you at the hospital. Tell me about them." She pushes, I know she's trying to move on to another topic. I sigh, deciding to go along with it. I don't want to spend my limited time here arguing with her.

"They're pretty great. You know, we didn't start getting as close as we did until after my accident..."

This is honestly really embarrassing seeing as I haven't updated in a month and a half. I'm so sorry for the major delay. I don't even know if y'all even stuck with me or not but anyway.

I've been having some writers block and just zero motivation but I think I'm slowly getting out of it.

The next chapter has already been a third of the way written and I have a general idea of where I want to go with the next few scenes so hopefully I'll go back to weekly uploads.

Happy December 1st :)

Much love xx

Jess