Dreams.

I have been having these peculiar dreams, god forbid shall I mention them. Each dream has been muddled and dimmer than its previous. Yet, I could not bear to avoid the feelings along with those unforeseen images. A part of me unknowingly will always be left in that world.

It never felt right, those dreams. I would wake up on a new day feeling different like I didn't belong to this world-foreign and more chaotic than ever. A foreigner, that is who I am, and who I will be. With this, I carried a void, sumptuous to stagger my life.

As a teenager, I was a dreamer. Not in the actual definition of an ambitious person but actual dreams, the ones that surprise you at the night. The ones that vary in forms and faces and topics. Evolving emotions that make or break your day; that drown you affect your thoughts.

But, I should say, as a teenager, that was happiness. When you wake up feeling different and you smile about the silly dream. A silly teenager, I was.

That had changed on the night I became an adult. A pile of gruesome dreams. I should be giving myself a warning for calling that series of "stupid images" as dreams. They haunt me, I keep quiet. They stab me, I bit my lips whimpering but enough to hide. To pick my nails and create a way of pain.

To hide. To be a coward. In reality and recurring fantasies in my head.

It affected me from the roots of my existence-the dreams were shattered pieces of glass that I could not, in a million days, understand. When I try, I ached.

Pain.

My daily life went in circles as I witnessed the same flow of dreams. Currently, a set of casual clothing is laid next to me. I should have changed by now. But I sat on the edge of my bed staring at the mirror a foot away from me.

Those dark piercing blue eyes I had seen in the depths of a forest looked back at me. The cool wind grasped the turrid heat, swirling around my body as I ran and ran, gaping at the greenery. It was never-ending, the greenery and my chase.

I remember the blue eyes as anxiety churned my stomach, I ache and bleed from within. Those blue, sometimes deep black pulled me in and I could only sit and watch myself fall.

A dream can be a sign, pulling me in and forcing me into the unwanted endless connections. Thinking about it constricted my chest. Naturally glazing my eyes which were dry a second before. I sniffed, sometimes heaved a breath out, but my eyes, always-whenever my thoughts came to a landslide-remained on the mirror.

"Are you ready yet?" my mother asked, knocking at the door.

I instantly got onto my feet, blinking, as I replied, "Yes. I'll be there in a minute." I seldom heard her voice. It seemed mild that it could have missed my notice.

Looking at the mirror one last time, my heart speeding rapidly, I could not give in. Not yet.

☾

The summer sun got me wearier than I already felt. I stood under a humongous tree taking a breather while my mom picked up some fruits nearby. I skipped walking in the crowd and stayed behind.

The sky looked the prettiest today. With the sun crossing past the horizon. Yellow light scattered across carrying the orange due, settling slowly and creating a path for the night sky. I hummed to a song, a tune I had recently caught up on. The melody was catchy, just perfect enough to soothe my soul. But I didn't know where I heard it before, was it in my dreams?

My attention spanned to a group of children hopping around eagerly. They looked joyous and unconstrained from the world. There was something peculiar about this one boy. He stood against the little merry-go-round-figuring-touching the metal rod and sometimes petting it. Several minutes passed, yet I hadn't sought to understand his action.

I hadn't stopped humming the tune.

The boy pressed a kiss to the metal rod and ran away. From afar, this action showed the boy's innocence, but when I stood closer, walking through the gravel towards the play area, I realized. I wondered if life haunted him-them, scaring those doe-eyed kids. I asked myself if I was once like that boy too. The boy who had kissed the broken metal rod and ran away.

I couldn't remember.

I have become ignorant since the beginning of my dreams.

Shrugging away the anxiety that was beginning to pile up down the depths of my oesophagus, I tried to swallow it, that little lump forming in my throat. I found my mother trudging towards me as I smiled. The best one I could form.

"Here," my mom said, passing one of the bags she carried. I separated the handle and looked in. "Got some of your favourite fruit."

I just gazed at them. Numb. My heart was numb.

...what have I become?

I don't realize.

Although, my jaws had become stiffer than before-as always, as I attempted to fulfil the image of happiness. Ignorant. Ig-nor-e-

"Let's go home."

I heard it. I heard every single syllable. Home. The soft voice of my mother genuinely called me home.

No.

I stilled. Rather frozen, the chilling wild zapping my shadows, piercing me indirectly. Twin vines constrict the skin- slowly crawling through my feet. For a second, I could feel every bit of my body: the flesh and bones; the warmth of my blood that was pumped by my human heart. In all the years that I lived, I never felt alive, yet suffocated. The chill of the breeze skimming around me, aching my numbing bones as I stood-as still as possible-the vines creeping my neck. I could feel the thorns, grazing the neck, skewing in, slowly yet deeply.

It couldn't be real.

The mania disturbed my mind. Images of me struggling, kicking my legs, to escape.

A woman's scream echoed in my head. A voice so familiar, yes. I was looking. Looking far away, the vines from the humongous tree controlling a person-

My voice diminished, a louder scream dispersing the one in my head.

Those blue lights flashing, splitting abruptly. A distressing mixture of all the nightmares. Near, so near that I flinched. Something, not a human can feel-something I could feel. Yet, from the eyes of others, I was stone-like.

I saw anger and then worry flicker in those deep-blue eyes-crawl-constrict-wrap-and the vines swallowed me completely.

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Note: That's it for now. :)) The comments and thoughts of all readers are welcomed.