it's okay.

it's okay.

I knew you'd leave.

(everyone does.)

somehow, I thought that you would be

different.

maybe it was your personality

how you acted

how you treated me?

still

     it's okay

          I'm okay.

really. I am.

do you want to know why?

I'm used to it.

it's on these days that the days are

far too bright

the nights are starless, lit in their

invisible shroud of doom

frost.

it stays by my side, not like a pet

like a master

I am the pet.

it curls

traps me in its tendrils

because nothing else will come near me

somehow, you never said anything.

maybe that was the cause.

maybe it was because I said too little?

too much?

of course, I can't blame you for this

this sort of refrain, it's like some mocking form of

"deja vu"

is that what they call it?

I couldn't do anything right

I screwed up

don't blame yourself.

I screwed up.

of course, don't worry

I'm used to screwing up too

I'm used to a lot of things.

things that aren't good

maybe that's why

you left me behind, with

waves on my cheeks that sob for me

trying to wash away these memories

I hope you're happy.

I hope I'm not bitter either.

it didn't mean to sound this way.

after all

didn't you only come near me

because you thought I was

     what? useful? nice?

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

because I'm not any of those.

it's good that you saw through them

to my inner expression

akin to that of a broken child

leave me behind, because

why should I pull you down

with all my shades of monochrome

that seep into your colour?

it's unfair.

I don't want to be the rain that

stains your brilliance.

I'm fine with being left behind.

trust me.

assume that everything was fine

with that ignorance of yours

that led to this.

(I just don't get it.)

never mind.

it's fine

     okay

     whatever you want to call it.

I'm used to being left behind

     alone.

I'm fine.

I'll be fine.

I think.

(maybe not, I think, as the rain drowns out my cries)