[8.34 PM ]

Hey.

To be honest, I don't know why I'm even messaging you. I don't know a lot of things. I'm really confused right now, sorry. But please listen to what I have to say.

Even if it's just a little, it's fine. I'll take whatever I can get at this point.

I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

You're probably confused at this point. Who wouldn't be?

I don't think things through a lot, and even if I try my best not to, I always end up clinging to you. It always happens, over and over again, and you'd just laugh it off. You'd let me hold on to you, and it's been that way for ages, hasn't it?

But I don't want to be a burden anymore.

I'm sorry if I ever said anything that hurt you, or if you just wanted to be alone when I came up to you and said hi that day. If you'd much rather have been with someone else, then I'm sorry for taking up so much of your time.

You see, I'm really stupid. I need people to tell me when it's not OK. Otherwise, I'll be really selfish and I hate it, but I can't seem to change no matter how hard I try to.

So please don't remain friends with me out of obligation. It's the last thing I'd want.

It's fine if you go.

Just don't leave the whole matter hanging in the air like what everyone else does. Don't let me be the one to have to connect the dots and figure out whatever encrypted message you want me to have. Spit the cold, hard truth in my face. I'm ready for it.

I know you're a nice person. You're one of the nicest people I've ever met, and that's probably why you're still hanging around. Maybe you pity me, or maybe you don't want to hurt anyone by telling me this.

But this stifling air doesn't make it much better.

I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to throw myself a pity party. I just have a lot of things on my mind right now. It happens sometimes.

Thank you for sticking around all these years. I'll treasure these memories forever, no matter what, no matter your decision.

...I won't try to say any more than I have. I'm afraid that I'll just spew more useless things that'll guilt you into remaining by my side.

Thank you so much. I really, really, love you, you know.

...I'm so sorry.

-

[Delete message for all?]

--

shouldnt be writing vents the night before my exams, but here i am

i've been sort of a mess for the past week or so, but i feel especially awful today. i'm overthinking a lot of things and everything just makes me feel so drained and stressed at the same time.

nonetheless, hope you enjoy