Nine Months after the Accident (Present):

My hands were shaking inside my pockets as I walked toward the stairs that led inside the bar.  My nerves were shot, knowing that tonight would be the night I changed my life.  There was no going back once I stepped foot inside the little dive bar.

It was either going to be my new beginning or my end. 

The Xanax and Adderall I bought off Sean last night only made me feel more tired and worn down.  It had been three days since I saw Riley for the first time and I just needed a little bit of a confidence booster to get through the night—just a little more courage to show her I could be the person she wanted me to be, even if it was a lie I was telling both of us.

The sober me was pissed off at the version controlling my body.  That portion of my head said we should take our time and do this slow with Riley—so goddamned fucking slow it was killing off pieces of me. I would have never been here tonight doing this if it had its way. Instead, it wanted me to hide in the shitty, rundown room that I was paying Sean too much for and wait. Then, the drugs started flowing through my body again and everything changed direction.

Tonight and tonight only, I reminded myself.  This one time only. After tonight I was done with the pills and would never look back.  It was the last send-off to bring the real me back. 

The battle in my head for my sobriety wasn't even close to being finished.  The two desires were screaming at each other again in a chaotic whirlwind until I couldn't tell which one was which.

"Fucking chill out," I muttered to myself and pushed my confusing thoughts back. 

I was about to place my unsure foot on the first step up to the bar when the door flung open in front of me.  There was an oversized trash bag, clumsily nudging the door open.  I started to jog up the stairs to hold the door open for whoever was struggling with it when I heard a soft, complaining huff behind the overstuffed bag.

I knew that frustrated huff better than I knew my own voice. 

Riley.

Fuck, I couldn't let her see me yet—not like this in a dark alleyway talking to myself.

I jumped over the side railing and almost busted my head open on the concrete when I didn't stick the landing.  Riley had freed herself from the door and her tiny frame was sandwiched between two black bags that were at least twice as big as she was.  I dove back behind the stairs, tripping over my oversized, slow legs as she looked down over the side of the railing. I leaned back against the concrete barrier and hid, holding my breath. I could see Riley's child-sized feet from the corner of my eye near my head. 

My girl was so fucking close that I could already taste her on my tongue. I wanted to run my tongue up and down every inch of her body while she screamed my name and lost herself to me over and over again.

I shook away my dirty thoughts quickly.  That wasn't why I was here tonight—well, not the whole reason—like forty-nine percent of me thought so anyway. 

Riley started walking down the stairs and I peeped my head up over the concrete. Her perfectly round ass swayed and bounced with every step while she struggled to balance the large loads between her arms. 

It was a fantastic view—and again, not the reason I was here—well, maybe a little.

Fuck me.

My eyes were fixated on Riley's perfect innocence as she strolled over to the dumpster I hid behind a few nights ago. She laid the bags down on the ground and lifted the lid, which was a struggle for her. Then, she did a little hop jump combo to push it back against the brick. She resembled a little hopping bunny. It was so fucking adorable. 

My girl grabbed the bags and tried to toss them up over the edge.  She could barely lift the bags over her head and struggled to get them high enough to clear the edge. I forgot what I was doing and began to jog over by her side to help her. I was halfway there when she let out a little grunt and heaved it inside.

"Calm down and take step back." The irritating voice in my head scolded me as my body buzzed with excitement. I stopped in my tracks as the heavy glass bottles clanked, settling against the metal. 

That voice could suck a dick. She was right fucking here in front of me right now. There was no way I was walking away now.

Riley ran her hands down over the front of her uniform and wiped the dirt off. She stood still, facing the street and sighed. She pulled something out of her pocket, looked down, and her shoulders fell like her heart was breaking. 

Riley was stuck in her head again. She was lost and looked like she was missing something.

And maybe, just maybe—it was me. 

I started creeping up behind her and accidentally shuffled my foot, dragging it along the concrete.  Riley's head snapped back to find where the sound came from as I jumped around to the other side of her.  I could see the faint light of that alley brightening the deep jeweled green in her eyes.  She kept searching in the direction the sound came from and shook her head in disappointment when nothing was there.

She turned back towards the street to get one last taste of the cool night air and I seized the opportunity to make my move.  My body closed in behind her, trapped by the invisible pull she had over me. 

"Get it together. It's almost over." Riley scolded herself as I slowly slid my hand between the gap between her arm and her hips.

I spread my fingers out wide and sunk my fingertips into her skin. I pulled her back into me by her waist.  She leaned her body tight against mine which sent a bolt of lightning shooting through me, electrifying all my senses.  The tingling sensation spread up my arms and down to my toes as I drank her in again. Riley was always so warm and sweet—she was the only girl I had ever wanted or could ever want.

My whole reason for existing was to be by her side. 

"It's been a long time, beautiful." I moaned just below her ear in the exact same spot as the night of the Camo concert.  It was my favorite place to be because of the way it drove her mad with need. 

Riley sunk back into me, wiggling and snapping into place in the spot where she belonged.  She filled the hole I had been trying to repair for the last nine months.   Her soft curls brushed against my cheek when she turned her head to search for me. The intoxicating girl batted her sinful eyelashes at me as her whole body shivered. 

"Ezra?" Her gentle voice purred out my name and mainlined straight into my veins. 

My head rolled around on my shoulders as she filled me up and sent me soaring sky high.  I never wanted to come down from her. 

"What are you doing here?" She trembled in my arms. 

I tucked her tightly into me, running my thumb along the bare patch of skin between her shirt and the top of the too-tiny shorts. Her cheeks were slightly pink in the dim alley lighting. She was always such a beautiful mess for me.

"It's good to see you too." I smiled deviously, watching her unravel. 

Riley grabbed my arms, and started pushing them down, guiding me lower.  She was always so eager for me to touch her. I slid my hand down to stick in the waistband to give her what she wanted when she decided to go rogue and start clawing the skin off my forearms.  She struggled against my limbs, fighting to shove them off her like they were diseased.

She was so fucking confusing. 

I released my hold on her and took a step back in case she had any other wild ideas.  My balls were already doing their best to hide inside my body if she went for those next.

Riley turned and faced me, her eyes locked on mine immediately.  I swallowed uneasily from the deep, intrusive glare. It felt like she was inside me, digging into my soul to find something she had lost. 

My eyes were red, bloodshot, and burning.  Would she finally see the weak self-loathing addict inside me? How long would it take her to realize I took something before I came to see her? I shouldn't have done it and now I would pay the price.  I should have stayed clean for her.

I fucked up again. 

Riley stood defiantly in front of me. The only indication that this whole situation was hard for her was the slight quiver in her pouty bottom lip when she scowled up at me.

That, and the fact that she looked so much frailer than she did before.

I was too self-absorbed in my own trivial shit that I didn't see it the other night. It was an overcharged flashing neon sign with an arrow pointing directly over her head. 

Riley wasn't doing well. 

The blond was so much smaller than I remembered. Her waist was narrower and her hips had lost some of their natural curve.  Even her face looked a little less round.  All Riley's shine was gone and she looked exhausted. It was clear the beautiful girl was struggling to take care of herself.

And she didn't look the least bit happy that I was here. 

"You didn't miss me at all?" I asked, swiping the hair that fell into my eyes as I stared down at her. 

"Ezra, it's been nine months!" She shrieked at me. Her hands began flying angrily as she flapped them near my chest. 

"I had to leave for a while to think. I just got back and I needed to see you." I grabbed the hand closest to me to hold it down before she tried to smack me with it again.  I didn't want a Riley handprint on my face. Her hands were small, but they were lethal.

She yanked her arm away from me and pouted.

"I thought you would be happy to see me." I chewed on my lip ring nervously.

"You thought I would be happy to see you?" She cackled and captured the sound under the palm of her hand. 

I titled my head in disbelief. I knew Riley missed me as much as I missed her. I could feel it in the way she held onto me when I first touched her.  That wasn't her faking it.  It was real, even if she wanted to convince herself otherwise. 

"You left me in the hospital, Ezra. I lost a baby and was by myself. You really think you being here is ok?" Riley crossed her arms over her chest and stamped her foot down to prove her point.

I knew it wouldn't be easy to break through her legendary stubbornness, but I was still holding onto the hope that this conversation would change course and sail into smoother waters. 

"I know I messed up. Give me another chance." I begged while I placed my fingers around her elbow to bring her body to mine.  I just needed to hold her for a little bit.  She just had to remember she loved me too.

"I can't..." She raised her palms up to me to get me to back off. 

"Let's go somewhere," I suggested. The two of us had to get out of here and go somewhere to talk through what happened.  We needed to scream at the top of our lungs, cry together, and fuck each other until we couldn't remember the pain.

I was ready to fight for us, even if she was the one I was fighting against.

"I'm working right now. I can't just leave." Riley pointed to the building behind me.

If leaving her job was a problem, I could wait a little longer until she got off for the night.  I didn't have any place to be other than here with her—but I was going to follow her inside to keep an eye on her.  Those itty bitty shorts she wore were dangerous.  I couldn't let all the men inside eye-fuck my dirty girl all night. 

"When do you get off of work? We can go back to my place tonight." I took another involuntary step toward her. I battled to keep my tone level as my head raced with adrenaline in preparation for the ass-beating I would give any guy who looked her way.  

Riley stood with her feet glued to the cement as I crept closer.  Her chest moved up and down with each slow labored breath she took.  Her eyes flashed with all the sinful thoughts circling her head.  I could see them because they were reflecting my own longing. 

Riley yearned for this too.

"Not going to happen." Riley breathlessly wrestled against the pull. She licked her lips slowly as her eyes dropped to the ring on my lip.

"Heard that one before. It didn't stop me the last time." I bent down towards her, keeping my eyes locked on hers.  Her gorgeous green eyes fluttered closed and she rose on her tiptoes. Her nose brushed the edge of my new ring as she tilted her head higher to find me. 

One breath and then two—so, so close.

I pulled my lip up at the corner and smiled as I leaned forward eagerly to end both of our suffering.

Riley Davis was mine again.