I was nervous to meet up with my friends for the first time in my life. With the intention of not ruining Josie's birthday, I had suggested that everyone come together before the party. We had obvious things to discuss and the less obvious matter of my sexuality. But none of our work schedules aligned, until Josie's birthday weekend. Josie hated to make a big deal of her birthday and had been enthusiastic about having our chat on Friday night and then partying. I was tempted on waiting until after the birthday weekend, but the argument had to be addressed. And I wasn't certain that I'd work up the nerve to bring up my sexuality again if I skipped this opportunity. I would beg my friends not to make a big deal of it, throw a party hat on Josie's head and call it a day. It was true that I didn't want to take away from her weekend, but I suspected that the majority of my discomfort stemmed from voicing my new discoveries. I knew they'd accept me in a heartbeat. The majority of our group was queer; we represented nearly every color of the rainbow. Their acceptance didn't concern me. What concerned me was them feeling like shit. And I knew they would. I didn't want guilt on either end to subside the euphoria of celebrating Josie's birthday.

       My other concern rested in the potential change of dynamic. I could count on my friends to listen to my coming out with no judgement. They would embrace my asexuality, welcome me with open arms. But coming out even when you feel supported, even when you know those around you won't care, is scary in itself. The fear doesn't only stem from the fear or rejection. Though my sexuality has nothing to do with my personality, it feels as though that one small label changes my entire perception in other's eyes. I'm still the same Yasmine. But will they see me differently as I am no longer the Yasmine for whom they can picture throwing a bachelorette, meeting the talked about partner, or sharing sex stories? Would they care that I could no longer meet the expectation of the future Yasmine they envisioned?

      As if sensing my nerves, very likely suspecting what I wanted to talk about, Bella insisted that she pick me up. Despite her poor sense of direction and hatred of traffic, she was even adamant on driving. I drew the line when she met me at my door and tried to help me with my luggage.

      "Knock it off." I squeezed by her. "The special treatment is only making me more stressed."

     "Special treatment?" She guffawed. "I'm doing no such thing. I'm naturally kind. A well-known sweetheart. And a little extra kindness can't hurt considering... what you're facing today."

     Walking towards her Suzuki, I was glad to have my back to her. This way she couldn't see my smirk. She was being extra careful with her words. What better way to calm my nerves than to work hers up?

      "And what exactly am I facing today, Bella?" I inquired challengingly.

     She stammered until she caught up with me and spotted the amusement in my eyes. She stuck her tongue out at me but played along. "You can't fool me by pretending that you're not nervous about seeing everyone after the argument."

      I hummed in acceptance of her response. "Fair enough. But your extra kindness is making me feel as though I have good reason to fear coming out."

     Expectantly, I looked at her sideways. Startled, she nearly tripped on her feet. She studied my face, before covering her mouth in delighted surprise. "Really?" Green eyes watered elatedly.

     Laughing at her reaction, I nodded. "It seems that I've had the epiphany you were looking for."

     Luggage be damned she hurdled herself at me, throwing her arms around my shoulders. "I'm so happy for you, Yaz!" She pulled away to look at me in the eye, holding my face in her petite hands. "And assumptions forgiven, can I just say that I am so damn sorry for sending you to that sex resort."

      "You better be," I snorted, nudging her playfully. "That was quite literally my definition of a nightmare. I nearly considered returning your very amazing birthday gift."

     Bella groaned. "I feel so stupid. This whole thing—"

      "That's what's stressing me out," I admitted. "I don't want you to feel guilty. Mistakes were made on both ends. We learn from them and move on. Treat me like you usually would, minus the set ups."

     "Alright." Bella nodded unconvincingly. Reaching for her car door, she paused. "In that case, can you drive?"

     Already heading for the driver's side, I chuckled. I knew better than to have bought the I'm not up to anything. I just want to improve my driving skills!

     "God bless you." She sighed, practically making a run for the passenger side. "I spent half my morning on the toilet, worried that we'd get lost and be late to the party or that we'd get driven off the road by an angry trucker."

     I shook my head amusedly and plugged in the GPS.

     We were neither driven off the road, nor late. Arriving at the cottage, a half hour earlier than the group's decided time, I expected to be the firsts. We were the last; three cars already parked in the narrow gravel driveway.

     I opened my door almost as soon as I placed the car in park; no use in psyching myself out. By the chaos and clutter of suitcases in the entryway and kitchen, I figured they arrived only minutes prior to our arrival. I half expected the room to fall dramatically silent upon my entrance, but they continued their eager arrangement of rooms. Jamie and Josie were heading upstairs, presumedly to drop their luggage in their chosen rooms, while Sabelia and Sabi tried to cut a deal. Lada smiled amusedly at the two, then turned to greet me with a head nod. Lada didn't like emotional stuff, but I saw the remorse in her gaze and acknowledged it with a small smile of my own.

      Only noting our entrance then, Sabelia and Sabi spun our way.

     "I call dibs on Yaz." Sabelia made a grab for my suitcase. "The snorer and teeth grinder can suffer each other's presence."

     I'm sure we'd hear Bella's snoring from wherever our room was either way.

      Sabi shrugged. "Fine by me, I'm a heavy sleeper anyway." She had two sons, both under three years of age, she was used to excessive noise.

     "Great!" Without another moment of hesitation, Sabelia pulled our suitcases down the hall. "We've got the room next to Lada's and Quinn's."

     She showed me to our quaint room, large window facing Rochgan lake.

     "I'm taking the bottom?" Sabelia offered, knowing my fear of being crushed by bunk beds.

     Smiling gratefully, I tossed one of my bags on the top double sized bunk. She had been so enthusiastic that I was surprised to find sympathy in black eyes when I turned around. My heart rate spiked. Time to change subject.

     "Alright!" I brushed my hands together. "Time to go see the others."

      Her smile told me she knew what I was doing, but still she pulled into a side hug when we crossed the doorway. "Everything's going to be alright."

     In spite of the churning in my stomach, I allowed myself to return her smile.

     Everyone gathered the living room, the anticipation only further upsetting my stomach. Even Jamie felt the tension. He had entered awkwardly, hesitant and starting to suggest that he go for a walk, but I waved off his nonsense. I was hoping not to focus too much on the argument anyways, and it would save me from having to come out to him individually.

      Waiting for Quinn to finish setting up her room, Lada was listing the many games she had planned for the weekend, a good attempt at diffusing the tension. I was leaning forward, listening intently to a game that involved balls, shaving cream, and cards, when petite arms circled me. I recognized Quinn instantly. I had known her too long, not to recognize the delicateness in her touch, and the lingering citrus smell of her soap.

     "I'm so sorry," she greeted, and I swallowed a grimace. "I was way out of line. It's not your fault—" She really just dived right in; no time to gather my thoughts.

     I twisted in her arms, stopping her words. "Misunderstandings," I summarized. "I won't pretend to agree with what was said, but I surely didn't help. I was edge and I get defensive, which I do think was a normal response considering... everything. I'm hoping today will clear things up."

     Eager to listen, she took the stool closest to me, drawing it so close that she may as well have dropped in my lap. Everyone present then, there was no delaying it. The room fell silent with anticipation. Despite not pressuring me with their eyes, I knew the meaning behind the potent silence.

     I cleared my throat, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. "Well... I might as well get this over with."

     "Not to diminish your fears," Lada started. "But we're here for you, no matter what you have to say. No judgement...Though I understand that last week wasn't a great representation of that."

      I cracked a smirk at that, the tiniest ounce of pressure relieved from my chest.

      "I know that." I sat up a little straighter. "This just feels way more dramatic than I would have liked. I don't want to make a big deal out of this."

     Everyone nodded, not a peep added, encouraging me to go on.

     I took another breath. I had every reason to believe that this would go well.

     "Bella helped me come to a realization." They spun towards the mentioned brunette then, who was sporting quite a proud beam. "She convinced me to go on one last date."

     Brows shot up with obvious questions of I thought you said no more set ups?

     "Long story short, Tyson wasn't interested in making a move." At the mention of Tyson, Quinn shrunk in her seat, pure dread painting her features. She was as quick as a whip. I suspected she had met Bella's brother and knew of his sexuality.

      "Tyson's asexual." The word was out; there was no stopping me now. "Which means that he doesn't experience sexual attraction. He still has the desire for a romantic relationship, just minus the sex. He taught me about the Ace spectrum, about the different ways asexuality could manifest. We can go over all of that later if you want, but morale of the story is that he helped me acknowledge what deep down I've always known, despite not knowing the words for it." There was no hesitation anymore. Rather than nervous, I was eager to feel lighter. "I'm aroace: aromantic and asexual. Like Tyson, I don't experience sexual attraction, but opposed to him, I don't want a relationship. I tried to do what was expected of me, but the truth is that I have no desire for any kind of relationship that is more than platonic."

     Bella's face was the sole in the room that didn't reflect surprise. Other than me and Quinn. Quinn looked like she wanted to shrivel up and die. She had now completely buried her face in her hands.

     Lada was the first to recover, choosing her words carefully. "That's cool. Thanks for telling us, Yaz." She looked at the rest of the group before grey eyes fell back on me. "And I think I speak for all of us when I say that we never would have gone through with the competition if we knew."

      Quinn moaned miserably. It felt a little strange to comfort her when I was the one who just came out, still I reached out and squeezed her knee. She shot up at the contact, fixing me with her red rimmed eyes.

     "I was homophobic!" She shrieked. "Or not homophobic, acephobic, or whatever it is. I was unintentionally encouraging the pretenses of heteronormative norms! I feel like an awful human being."

     I tried to interrupt her rambling, tried to reassure her, but she was unstoppable.

     "We shoved person after person in your face! We did to you what would have been shoving dick in Eva's face. I thought we were helping. If I even suspected for a fraction of a second that you didn't want any of it, I swear—"

      "I know, Quinn," I assured, lips twitching with humor. My amusement passed right over her. Purple painted lips trembling; tears were seconds away from falling.

     "I'm sorry I didn't know."

     I shrugged a passive shoulder. "I didn't really know either. And to be fair, I certainly made it seem like a relationship was my eventual goal. I thought it was something I needed." A single tear fell on Quinn's cheek, instinctively I swept it away. "No crying. We've all learned from this."

     "Sorry." She swept at her face, floundering when she felt the wetness. "God, and now I'm taking away from your coming out by crying. Please just ignore me, the damn pregnancy hormones are messing with me."

     Eyes across the room threatened to bulge out of their sockets. Eyes still teary, Quinn frowned at the obvious shock on my features. It was delighted shock, but Quinn threw a hand against her gasp of realisation.

     "That just slipped out!" She was horrified. "Please forget I said anything. I swear I'm not trying to steal your thunder. It's not that big of a deal. Please keep talking about your discovery. I'm so proud—"

     Chuckling, I pulled her into my side. "I'm so happy for you." I stopped her rambling. Her and Eva had spent years saving up for in vitro fertilization. It was very much a big deal. "You're not stealing anyone's thunder, and like I said, I don't want to make a big deal about my sexuality. Because it doesn't change anything. I'm still me."

      "But—"

     "No buts," I laughed. "I know we all said things we regret, but we don't need to figure everything out now."

     Hesitancy marked her features, but she nodded. "So... we're good?"

     "Of course, we're good." I looked at everyone then. Quinn heaved a heavy sigh of relief, instantly brightening up.

     "I'll make it up to you," she promised. "I'll submit myself to the horrors of straight porn if I must. I'll—"

     "God no," I laughed. "There's absolutely no need for that."

     "I still cannot believe you did that." Josie shook her head amusedly. Next to her, Jamie frowned almost fearfully, as if afraid to ask the question. We knew he wanted to ask. Naturally my horror night of porn watching at Quinn's was rediscussed. And what better way to diffuse the tension.

      Some may feel unsatisfied with how my story ends. I still had things to figure out and relationships to mend. There was no resolution to the rising action of my story, no outcome from my climatic acceptance of the dating competition. My sole form of resolution was the conclusion that my life was not meant for a complex love story with an intriguing plot. My resolution was the return to my exposition, only with newfound knowledge that there was no need for inciting incidents. I was already living the beginning of my happy ever after. I had so much life to live and stories to create, but romance is not the sole genre found on a bookshelf. I was finally stepping into the journey of living my life the way I wanted it to be lived and it didn't matter that that way was different than my peers. Though some of our means for happiness were different, I could sit beside them, and be equally as joyous as they lived their dreams.

      Sitting around the campfire, fireworks booming over our heads, but focused on Josie and Jamie finally sharing their first kiss, down on the dock, I couldn't help but grin and hoot as happily as the rest of our group. For the first time in my life, I could watch the new happy couple without the envy or stress of failing to attain what others believed necessary of me. There was nothing wrong with me for not wanting to share what they did. Just as there was nothing wrong with the student who changed degrees to follow their true passion. Or the couple who chose against having kids to travel. So long as no form of harm is inflicted, there is no right or wrong way to live your life. Choose what makes you happiest.

     In the end I didn't get a love story like my friends. I wasn't swept off my feet by the person whom I would grow old with. I didn't get to swoon over the person that would one day put a ring on my finger. But I would never be alone. I would grow old with multiple people at my side. I'd have cane sword fights with Quinn, years from now in an old folk's home. I'd be jealous of Lada's fabulous grey hair and Sabi's flawless skin. I'd be the best aunt to my siblings' and all of my friends' children... Love would not be missing in my life. Maybe a different kind than my peers, but I had still lived a love story of my own. I had learned to love myself as I was.