Quinn was already waist deep in the sand, pina colada held high and I knew it was going to be a great beach day. Everyone already there, we dropped our stuff and laid out our towels. I took the empty spot closest to Quinn. Both of Quinn's hands occupied with her and Eva's drink, legs buried in a makeshift sand mermaid tail, I took the opportunity to spray her with some sunscreen.

     "Hey!" she objected, trying to dodge my act of kindness. She failed, unable to move under the weight of the sand.

     "Do you really want to relive what happened on our trip to Banff?" I cocked a brow. Her pale chest was still covered in freckles from where she had burned to blisters.

     Lips puckered momentarily in thought, she eventually threw her arms up in gratitude, only a few drops of rum running down her arm. "My hero!" She grinned, licking at the drop before it reached her elbow. "So nice to have you back, old friend."

     I rolled my eyes, stripping to my bathing suit so I could lather myself in my own layer of sunscreen. "It's been five days."

     "Felt like months," she moaned dramatically.

     I flung my shorts at her, and she whistled wolfishly. Sabi made her own appreciation noise. "No wonder Lamar was all over you."

     I went rigid, eyeing Sabi as if I had been betrayed.

     "My bad." She grimaced, absentmindedly rubbing a hand over her swollen belly. "No retreat talk. Promise."

     Quinn whinged. "Boring."

     The look in my eyes must have been telling, for each of my friends swore not to bring it up, pinky promises and all. It would be a girls' day with no romance talk. A girls' day with Mark and Jamie, of course, and... Oliver?

     "Hello," I greeted him with surprise.

     Sat at the far end of our group, next to Mark, he nodded in returned greeting. Smiling broadly, I didn't miss the way his eyes passed me over. Quinn either. I had to say something before she did.

     "How was the big restaurant appraisal?" I tried to act casual, ignoring his growing pupils. Some big name reviewer, that I had never heard of, had been scheduled to make an appearance at the restaurant Oliver managed.

     "I'm expecting at least 3.5 stars," he said. "Though some surprise visitors threw me off my game."

     My brows pinched together curiously.

     "Zaina decided to surprise Sean with a fancy supper."

     "No!" I covered my mouth, anticipating where this was going. "My apologies on her behalf."

     "It wasn't so bad," he chuckled. "I had to come up with an elaborate lie that I was replacing a guy named Oliver and that none of the staff bothered to learn my name. All was good after that...Though the owner was a little confused about their compliments for a chef named Arty."

     Though I pinched the bridge of my nose and offered more apologies, I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

      Studying our interaction, I could tell my friends were struggling with the no romance talk. I was blessed to have friends that took pinky promises seriously. I was also blessed with Mark's curiosity. He questioned Oliver about the review, diverting everyone's attention away from me and my fake boyfriend. I let myself fall on my back, enjoying the sun with an easy smile. It's not that I didn't like talking with Oliver. Oliver was great and I'd thank him properly for covering up our act, but I didn't feel like doing so when six girls were planning nuptials as they listened.

     Relaxing as the group fell into an easy conversation, I was the only one to notice Josie's shy removal of her sundress. Actually, I wasn't the only one. Jamie was watching her subtly, eyes sparkling with admiration.

     Josie was wearing an off the shoulder black one piece. Cut low and mesh covering her sides up to her ribs, it fit her figure perfectly. Josie was used to wearing loose fitting clothes. And there was nothing wrong with that. Bella rocked the knee length swim shorts and swim shirt. And Sabi rocked her burkini. But Josie longed lacked confidence. Even after surgery and therapy, she had come a long way to get to this point.

     "You look great," I told her softly, voice soft to avoid drawing attention. Josie smiled gratefully, taking a seat next to Jamie, who had yet to remove his eyes from her.

     Quinn wasn't as subtle with her compliments.

     "Oh my god, girl!" The sand on her lap shook with excitement as if she was trying to sit up. "They look great!"

     With only the faintest blush, Josie smiled confidently. "I sure hope so. They cost me a fortune."

     I thought Jamie might melt with pride; grin so wide that the corner of his lips threatened to crack. With Quinn's loud outburst, it wasn't long before everyone was offering their compliments, shots poured to celebrate this next step in Josie's life.

     The moment the guys followed Lada to admire a stranger's surfboard, all eyes were on Josie, brows arched high or wiggling suggestively. I hadn't been the only one to notice Jamie's pinning. His gaze had hardly left Josie's face since we'd arrived, and I could tell the girls were itching to say something.

     "What?" Josie pressed subconsciously, returning our pointed gazes with furrowed brows.

     "Are you kidding?" Quinn deadpanned.

     Josie feigned ignorance, but her pink tinted cheeks were telling.

     "Jamie's got it bad," Sabi stated the obvious.

     Bella nodded vigorously. "He literally could not want you more."

     Josie spluttered helplessly, gaze flicking between our friend group, before landing on me, silently begging for help.

     "Sorry, Jo." I shook my head apologetically. "I have to agree, that man is smitten."

     Face warming, she huffed defeatedly. "I thought we agreed on no romance talk."

     "I thought we were just agreeing for Yaz," Sabelia cut in.

     "Nope." Josie stuck her chin up stubbornly. "If Yaz gets a free card, so do I."

     In the chance that it backfired, I didn't dare argue. But Sabelia exaggerated her disappointment. "Does that go for all of us?" She blinked innocently. "Because Yasmine missed a lot during her four days of solitude."

     I leaned forward apprehensively; brows pinched together. "I missed some romance talk?" I spoke slowly, almost afraid to utter the words.

     Sabelia nodded nonchalantly, lips twitching to hide a smile.

     "Romance talk..." I hesitated, trying to hide the fear and immense dread. "About your relationship?"

     Sabelia nodded again and I may as well have deflated. No. I fought the tension in body, fought the crinkling of my nose. My eyes flew to her hand, searching her long fingers for an anticipated ring. Sabelia followed my rapid eye movement and burst into laughter.

     "No!" She laughed. "You wouldn't have to feign joy for this kind of news."

     My eyes shot up, careful not to get my hopes up too high. "Break up?" I asked tentatively. I couldn't imagine what other Brad/Sabelia news would bring me joy.

     Sabelia cocked a brow. "Would that really bring you joy"

     "Uh... no?" I recoiled, studying her. I couldn't read her uncharacteristically flat expression. She was messing with me. When I concluded the nose twitching and trembling of lips to be a poor attempt of swallowing her laughter, I nearly tackled her in excitement.

     "You broke up with him? REALLY?"

     She gave in then, laughing fully. "I did."

     My body jerked forward almost as if I was about to tackle her. Swiftly I stilled myself, correcting the undeniable joy on my face.

     "And how are you feeling about this?" I asked cautiously. "Are you doing okay? Are you relieved? Sad or—"

     "I'm fine, Yaz," she giggled. I would go to a 100 more retreats with Lamar if it meant this outcome. "I mean of course I'm a little sad, but I see now that it's for the best."

     I did tackle her with a hug then. This was the best news I'd had in weeks.

     When I had jumped up and down with joy following Sabelia's news, I had been elated at the idea of the brunette finally getting the relationship she wanted. A relationship with Bobbie. Not some random bimbo at the beach, with sand in his moustache.

     Before I knew it sunbathing and drinking with the girls, turned into music and dancing in the dark, beer flying around our heads. I should have known better. The big event was a late-night concert on the beach. Which at first sounded great. What was better than dancing barefoot in the sand to the beat of Marianas Trench? Not much, in my books. I was all Gung-ho until we walked towards the make-shift stage. An adult concern with booze, dancing on a very limited dance floor and half naked people? It screamed horny nightmare.

     I really needed to find me some less horny friends. These people were like moths to a flame. It was like they could smell the single on Sabelia and I. I had stayed away from the beach bar, and still my head was spinning. There were too many new introductions, too many faces in front of mine, too many hands on my waist and chests against my back. Sabelia was thriving, chatting, and dancing with countless strangers, flirting with a few potential contenders. I tried to hang on to my friends' smiles, tried to find joy in their excitement, but everything was hazy. I'd latch onto a familiar smile, only to have it replaced by a stranger. Voices mingled together, only few coherent words clear through the chaos.

     "Want to dance with my friend?" There was no mistaking the slurred words; brush of a mustache tickling my ear. Overstimulated, body sticky with sweat and eyes squinted in vain attempt to find focus in my spinning horizon, my refusal slipped through without hesitation. "No."

     "Yasmine!" Quinn protested from somewhere to my left, hidden by the taller bodies. I didn't bother to plead my case with her. I slipped through the first open space in the crowd that I could find, seeking fresh air, despite being outside.

     Voicing no response to the calling of my name, my strides were quick and determined, pushing through the crowd until I was forced to stop. Someone's hand wrapping around my wrist, I jerked backwards. Chest high, brows stern, I prepared myself to tell someone off. My features relaxed the moment I recognized bushy brows and sandy hair. Oliver offered me a soft smile and let go of my wrist. He nodded his head to the left, towards a path clear of buzzed adults. I followed him towards the beach, far from the swarm.

     Though I was relieved to be away from the horny bunch, I was becoming uneasy for different reasons. Oliver was great, but he was everywhere lately. Which I wouldn't have minded, if I hadn't noticed the change in the way he looked at me, or the change in the physical distance he kept when we sat or stood. Even now, though he gave me space to catch my breath, he sat much closer than he would have a few weeks ago. He'd been around so much that he had now been present for my second breakdown, which was two too many. I feared we were heading down a path that would only lead to disappointment, and I didn't want to lose a friend in Oliver.

     Just like the time at the resort (only five days since my last breakdown), Oliver didn't push me to talk. He sat silently, waiting for me to make the first move.

      "I'm sorry you keep seeing me like this," I eventually cracked a wry smile. "Twice in one week... I'm not usually this emotional or grumpy."

      "I'm not bothered by emotional outbursts. You'd be surprised by the number of breakdowns I deal with in the kitchen during lunch hour..." Smile flickering, he studied my seriously. "Are you sure you're alright? You don't have to pretend that you are, if you're not."

     "I—I don't know." What was the point in lying? He obviously knew something was wrong, even if I didn't know what it was. How could I explain it to him? How could I explain the crushing weight on my lungs, the death grip on my heart? The pressure, building, increasing, attempting to crawl out of my deepest burrows, but I wouldn't let it. I'd been fighting every step of the process, swallowing the truth. Because I didn't want to be different.

     Oliver watched me with a sad smile, still waiting.

     "I'm really trying Oliver," I started. Trying to what? Be normal? What even was the definition of normal? "But nothing I do helps. Nothing's working."

     "You mean the date competition?"

     "Not just that... but—yes."

     Something flickered on Oliver's face, and it took only few moments for realization to hit and for my heart to drop.

     "I—" I tried, floundering. "I didn't—I mean..." I gave up. What could I even say? I would not lie to him; I owed him that much.

     "It's okay, Yasmine."

     Minor relief washed over me. "You—You don't..."

     "Don't like you?" he finished weakly. I stiffened; worry settling back in. The look on his face wasn't reassuring, nor was his brief pause as he focused his gaze on the moon's reflection on the water, instead of me.

      When he finally turned my way, he noticed the panic in my eyes and chuckled softly. But there was no real humor in the chuckle.

     "I was trying to not be obvious, but I really thought you knew," he began, and my face fell. The Fattoush salad I had for supper rose to the back of my throat. This isn't how I wanted this to go. I never wanted to hurt him. "I know I'm just the fake boyfriend. I know we discussed in the beginning that we would just be friends... But I can't help the way I feel, just like you can't control the way you feel. And I know you're confused. I know you're going through stuff, but I won't pretend that I don't like you more than I'm supposed to. I won't pretend that I'm not falling for you. You're an amazing person, Yasmine. And I know this probably wasn't what you wanted to hear, but I thought you should know. Even though I would love for our relationship to extend beyond friendship, I'm not expecting it to, and I'll take your presence in my life in whichever way you'll give it."

     I was silent. I so deeply wished I could reassure him, but I was tired of lying. That didn't make it easy. Though he claimed to have no expectations, the hope in his eyes was undeniable. He had poured his heart out; holding it in front of me, waiting to see what I'd do with it. As much as I tried, as gentle as I was, if I wanted to be honest, I feared that there was no way for the heart before me to escape unbruised.

      I had spent hours trying to imagine giving Oliver and I's more than platonic relationship a shot. I imagined our usual hangouts turned into dates. Imagined holding hands when we went to the movies, kissing when he dropped me off at home... None of it was appealing and I realised that I wanted with him what I had with Quinn and Sabi, and Lada and the rest of the group. I didn't want anything more with him. No matter how hard I tried, I never would. And it had nothing to do with him. Oliver took my silence as his answer, and I saw the moment hope vanished from his gaze.

      Eyes swelling with tears, my lips parted to speak, but again I found no words. Oliver released a shaky breath, gaze shifting back to the water.

      "I thought so," he admitted softly. "But a naïve part of me hoped you might care for me as much as I did you."

     "But I do care for you," I responded urgently. Urgent to make my appreciation of his friendship known. "I like you a lot Oliver, just..." Where had my vocabulary gone, tonight?

     "It's the same way you like Quinn or Mark?" he offered with a small smile.

     Eyes crinkling, I nodded. "I'm so sorry—"

     Oliver shook his head to stop me. "It's not your fault." In hindsight I knew it wasn't, but that didn't diminish any of the guilt I was feeling.

      "I don't want this to change things between us." A tear slipped free then, because I knew that no matter how he responded, things would be at least a little different. Oliver and I's relationship as we currently knew it, would never be the same.

     "We're going to be okay," he promised, voice rough. "I just—I just need time."

     I couldn't stop the tears from flowing freely on my cold cheeks. I'd never felt like such an awful human being. I'd never felt such heavy guilt. And I hadn't even done anything. I was being honest. I was being me. And that's what hurt most. Because there was no undoing this. There was no fixing this. And the idea that I might lose Oliver, who I had come to consider a great friend, because of who I was, was heart wrenching.

     "Please don't cry," Oliver supplied, face twisting painfully. His hands twitched as if to wipe away my tears. The way he recoiled was another blow to my heart. "We'll get there," he reassured. "We'll be back to normal. Just give me time to heal from this... We'll be okay. I promise."

      Drawing my knees to my chest, I nodded weakly. A few sniffles followed by silence; Oliver slowly came to a stand.

     "Will you be alright?" he asked. I had broken his heart, but still he was checking up on me. His kindness was a knife to the gut. "I'll tell the girls you're here... I'm going to head home."

     I nodded gratefully, mustering a quiet, "Drive safe." With a last sad smile, he turned away. He took only a few steps before I called out.

     "Oliver!" I waited until he turned to go on. "Thank you. For everything... I understand if you need to stay away. But if, if you do want to hangout or talk, please call or text me anytime."

     He smiled weakly. "I'll see you soon," he promised one last time before walking off to find my friends. I wasn't quite sure I believed his promise.

     The girls and Jamie found me, minutes later, knees still drawn into my chest, sniffling into my sleeves. Josie and Sabi helping me up, the eight of us headed towards the cars. No one asked questions, for which I was immensely grateful. But I saw the way their initial look of concern transformed into understanding and then disappointment. I even thought I saw anger flicker on some faces, likely on Oliver's behalf, but I was too tired to fully acknowledge the tension tonight.