It seems like the days never end. I used to eat, sleep, and breath swimming.

But now? Now it seems like the days are fifty times longer, making it hard to fill the already empty days.

I can't sleep, because all I think about is swimming. When I finally manage to fall asleep, all I dream about is swimming.

I go to therapy, which doesn't help. Every time I walk to the room in which my torture takes place, I walk past the pool.

A real gorgeous one too. Olympic sized, with proper diving blocks. Completely clear water, minimal occupants. A dream. But all I can think about is how I will never be able to use it again.

Never again will I feel the rush of adrenaline when the whistle blows and you jump in.

Never again will I feel the water rushing past my limbs as I compete to reach the finish line first.

Never again will I feel the happiness, the joy when you win.

Never again.

I get pushed out of my thoughts by the ringing of the doorbell. I look up from lap but stay seated on my bed. The same place I've been sitting on for the past days when I'm not at therapy of course.

I hear my mom answer the door and greet whoever is at the door. She leads them past my room into the kitchen, but when I crane my head to see who it is she blocks the view.

My mother stands in the doorway of my room, purposefully blocking the view of our unknown visitor.

''Who is it, mom?''.

''Oh no one, sweetie. Just someone from work dropping something off since I can't be in the office.'' She replies.

Right. She can't be in the office. Cause I injured myself, a cause of it being me never being able to swim again. See? I just can't stop thinking about it.

I nodded silently and she smiles reassuring at me before closing my door. I hear her footsteps red down the hallway into the kitchen, and then the kitchen door slams shut.

I get lost in my thoughts again. I'll never be able to swim again. I'll never compete in a meet again. I'll never get the chance to swim in the Olympics.

The Olympics. A childhood dream that I was so close to achieving. A dream that was completely in reach. A dream that was going to come true. I filled in the form, I was accepted for practice and I was on track to compete if I stayed focused and kept myself on track.

And now? A ripped shoulder and a daily appointment with a perky therapist who believes the world can be changed with a smile.

Crash.

I fall out of my thoughts when I hear a cup smash in the kitchen. A loud gasp follows and I can't help but wonder what a work visitor could have said to shock my mother like that.

I get up silently and tread along the hallway until I'm just close enough to hear the conversation going on.

''Please Ms.Beaumont. It's really important that we get this done and resolved now.''

''Can't you just be a little sympathetic with her situation? Look she just lost the ability to ever swim professionally again!'' She snaps at him.

I look down, this is about me. My mother and her unknown visitor are talking about me?

''Look. I do sympathize with you, the whole committee does. But if Cara doesn't resign her submission for her spot on the Olympic team-''

Olympic team? Resign? My dreams? Gone.

''She'll do it. She just needs some time. Look she's still struggling to accept the fact that she will never swim pro again. She hasn't been thinking about her Olympic shot at all this past month, this will overwhelm her. I don't think that making her face the fact that her future, swimming on the Olympic team, is completely gone, will benefit her at all.''

I freeze at my mother's words. The cold reality of my life, my future holds me in my spot.

I will never swim pro again.

I will never swim on the Olympic team.

I will not have a future in swimming.

I don't have a future. All my life it's been swimming. My grades are average, I have no other special talents.

I'm nothing without swimming.

I am nothing.

Nothing.

I run towards the front door. I slip on my shoes, throw the door open and run. I don't hear my mom coming to investigate the door slam. I don't hear her call me.

I don't hear her. I just run.

I don't look where I'm going and before I know it I'm at the place it all started. I look up to see East Clover High School Athletic Center.

I walk around the back to the service door I know is always unlocked, for the students who want to get some practice in before the center even opened.

I used to be one of them.

Sneaking in at 5 in the morning on school days, wanting to get some extra laps in before school starts.

I open the door to the swimming center and walk over to the edge of the pool. I sit down and slide my knees to my chest.

Nothing.

You are nothing.

You're going to end up nowhere.

You have no future.

I clutch my head in my hands, trying to cut out the voices in my head. But my attempt is futile, they keep going.

Who is Cara Beaumont without swimming? Oh, that's right... nothing!

Worthless. No future. No life.

I shake side to side and I wrap my hands around my knees, but nothing will stop the negativities in my head.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

I look up slowly and eye the water. Slowly I unravel my hands from my body. Cautiously I let my knees fall from my chest, and I feel my feet dip into the water. I slide further to the edge and feel the water rising to my thighs. One more scoot and I'd be fully in the water.

I look down at the deep blue water, at the very bottom I see the outline of the school logo. I stretch my body further until the water level reaches my abdomen. I close my eyes and the voices rush in again.

Nothing.

Worthless.

Failure.

I take one last breath, and then I jump into the cold water.

Hiii🙋🏼‍♀️,
So what are your thought? Don't worry, this isn't the end... but things will speed up a little after this chapter

Please comment, I am always open to any feedback and critique. Please drop a vote and share if you liked it!

~XOXO, Blair✨