im unmotivated to finish any of my half-finished oneshots so instead here are some out-of-context sentences to some of them

In hindsight, he should have known something was wrong when someone broke in and the only thing they didn't take was the garlic powder.

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If there was one thing Harry Potter needed to complete the chaos that was his life, it was a bunch of wandless, magic-wielding god-spawn taking over Hogwarts.

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"I lost a bet," Harry started with a sigh.

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*Fuck the makeup video, I'm stalking his channel."

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"Weren't you supposed to be having a gay meltdown?" Draco fired back.

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"Luna, my bra is stuck in my hair."

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"Keep your gay shenanigans to yourself."

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"Attitude, blondie. Dial it back."

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"Throwing ass."

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"I have it on good authority that I have a great ass."

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"Neville, Baby Delicious, truth or dare?"

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"You have your mother's eyes."

"I also have her sick right hook. Back up."

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and now some featured quotes from the drafted first few chapters of Harry Potter and the Rising Phoenix

Harry rather considered himself to at least be a snail, at least they were smart enough to get shells, but he never brought this up.

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"I won't blow up the house," Harry replied, but they weren't listening. He then deeply considered finding a way to blow up the house. 

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Get used to disappointment, Harry, that's gonna be the rest of your life.

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"Your name is Crab?" He looked at one of the boys behind Draco. "Like the animal?"

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A rip in the hat suddenly moved, and before Harry could think hey, that's pretty weird, it started singing.

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"Honestly, Draco, you've got to get new lines. You sound like a broken record."

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Seamus had about two skills total, and those appeared to be blowing things up and making up wild stories.

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"If I don't see it happen, it didn't happen," Hermione replied easily, turning a page.

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"Don't objectify me," the doorknob huffed.

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"I could fight this thing with my bare freaking hands. I would. I would get a rooster and take it with me and beat the crap out of the giant snake."

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"Strategy, baby. That's all Ravenclaw."

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 "It's called class, Lucius, one should always have it when facing lesser people."

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"What kinda tomfoolery-"

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"This is the stupidest idea you've ever had, and last week you thought putting syrup in your orange juice would make it taste better."

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"You're certainly aware that my mother is dead, seeing as you wanted to bang her six ways to Sunday and never got the chance."

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"So it's a magical microwave?"

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"Use my dead name again, and it won't be the only dead thing."

I hope you've enjoyed