yes, these are all one story, not separate ones

ViolinGirl_forever has asked for you guys to check out her drarry oneshots book, so why not check it out? :)

also _-Black_Roses-_ drew this for me:

and I love it so much please yall check out her page

(I would also like to mention here that Draco calls rentboys 'whores' and they (harry and draco) discuss how they think virginity is nothing special, etc. I would like to say these do not reflect my own views, nor should they influence your own. You can have as much or as little sex as you want, it doesn't make you a whore or a prude. Virginity can be special or it can be nothing to you. It is simply the character's views, and please do not take it as actual advice or an attempt to change your views in any way.)

and so it begins

*

The Rentboy

It had been exactly one year after the war when Harry saw Draco Malfoy again.

To be fair, when he had booked a room under a false name with a rentboy from the agency, he hadn't expected his luck to be this bad.

Obviously he was an idiot, because when had his life not been this bad?

Malfoy didn't see him at first. He was studying his nails in a clear attempt to appear nonchalant, and the sultry look on his face when he looked up disappeared when he realized who his companion was.

"Potter?" he spat out, shocked.

Harry didn't bother with pointless questions. How did you end up here, what went wrong, what happened to you? all bounced around in his head but he didn't care enough to ask. 

Instead, he just blurted out "Keep the money, I'm not doing this," and left.

The Coffeeshop

It was six months after he had last seen Malfoy in what he now referred to as The Most Mortifying Incident To Ever Happen To Him, and now he was, once again, staring right at the blond.

He just wanted a fucking coffee.

"Hi, welcome to Journey, what can I- oh, for fuck's sake." Malfoy looked like he'd rather slam his head into the cash register than talk to Harry.

"Hello to you too, Malfoy. I want an iced caramel macchiato."

"How did it take you hiring me as a rentboy for me to realize you're gay?" Malfoy muttered, ringing up the purchase. "Four dollars and sixty-five cents."

Harry handed him a five-dollar bill. "I want someone other than you to make it."

"That costs extra." Malfoy's grin was wicked.

Harry's jaw dropped. "No it doesn't!"

"Malfoy, what are you doing?" one of the baristas asked, looking up. Malfoy flushed.

"Nothing!" he replied in a false-bright voice, dumping Harry's change (he was almost certain it wasn't the right amount) into his hand and shoving the receipt at him. "Have a nice day!"

 Harry almost mentioned the fact that Malfoy hadn't asked him his name like the people at Journey usually did, but decided against it.

Scarhead was the name written on the cup.

Harry had to resist throwing it at Malfoy's head.

The Soul Bond

Malfoy was still working at Journey the third time Harry went in, and Harry thanked whatever God there was that the blond wasn't working the counter.

Instead, a cute brunet made Harry his drink and wrote his number on the cup, and Harry resisted the blush he knew was rising to his cheeks as he sipped it and added the number to his contacts.

As he sat, sipping his coffee, the barista boy winked at him. Harry flushed and smiled back, only to be met with a flick on the forehead as Malfoy walked by and asked a woman in a voice way too sweet to be his real one if her drink was all right.

Harry scowled. So did the barista, and Harry only had a moment's warning before the boy picked up something by the mixers and a jet of light soared toward Malfoy.

Harry jumped to his feet, Auror reflexes kicking in. He shot a Protego in front of Malfoy, barely stopping the spell from hitting the shocked blond. He sent a spell toward the front doors to lock in the Muggles so they couldn't run screaming about spells and shoved Malfoy safely into the booth, firing a spell at the barista. It bounced off the glass of the display counter and nearly hit Harry on its way back, and would have if Malfoy hadn't yanked him out of the way.

"Dumbass," Malfoy grumbled, yanking Harry's wand out of his hand and firing a spell that shattered the glass, sending it flying toward the barista, who shouted in alarm and put up several protective spells.

Harry knew he should take his wand back, but two against one had better odds, so he channeled his wandless magic (which still wasn't perfected, he'd only been practicing it for a year) and the door to the back room that the barista ran toward slammed shut.

Malfoy raised one eyebrow that almost made him look impressed, and fired another spell. The boy ducked again and it whizzed past his hair. Malfoy cursed under his breath and stood up higher.

"Two against one, Sean!" he shouted. "Give up already!"

The barista- Sean- lifted his wand higher and his sleeve slipped a bit to reveal the tattoo on his left arm. Harry swore and silently reminded himself to remove Sean's number from his phone when he got the chance.

"So you're a Fury," he said. "Working at a Muggle coffee shop."

"Damn right, Potter. What better place to follow Muggle sympathizers and Death Eater traitors?" He shot a glare at Malfoy, who responded by lifting his chin and firing another curse. This one Sean didn't dodge as easily, and it hit his shoulder. Wincing, he rose his wand and fired a set of curses, the final one being a bright pink Harry had never seen that hit him and Malfoy at the same time.

"Fuck!" Malfoy shouted, firing off a set of curses without hesitation until one broke through Sean's protective spells and hit the brunet in the chest.

Wondering when he ended up teaming up with Malfoy against people, Harry called Ron.

*

It took all of twenty minutes for the Aurors to show up and arrest Sean Hodgens, ten minutes for Harry to Obliviate all of the Muggles, and thirty seconds for Harry and Malfoy to realize they couldn't be more than five feet apart from each other without hitting a wall.

"Have fun with your little boyfriend, Potter!" Sean shouted gleefully as he was pulled away by Ron and Dean. "You have to come out now, and I can't wait to see the target on your back and his when you do!"

"Can I kill him?" Harry asked.

"Not now," Malfoy responded without hesitation. He handed Harry his wand back. "Soul bonds wear off in three weeks. So we're stuck together."

Harry was pretty sure that was the worst thing he'd ever heard.

The Fake Boyfriend

"Are you here all by yourself?" the girl asked, leaning forward with a sultry smile.

"I'm very clearly right here, dumbass," Malfoy bit out. Harry rolled his eyes at the blond's rudeness.

"Sorry, I'm stuck with him for the night," he said, nodding toward Malfoy. She had no idea how serious that statement was. "Can't leave him by himself for thirty seconds, you know?"

She laughed easily and left, wishing him a good night. Harry scowled at Malfoy. "Can you not be a dick for four seconds?"

"No." Malfoy sipped his drink. "Besides, you were just gonna awkwardly stutter your way around a denial like you have with the last five girls who've tried to get into your pants. How did no one know you're gay?"

"Well, everyone knows now, and they still won't stop, so I don't think it has any effect."

"I think some of them are convinced you're a closeted bisexual and you're just saying you're gay because you're a pathetic inexperienced virgin."

"I'm not a virgin!" Harry flushed hotly.

"Oh?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you lost your virginity to a whore, Potter."

"What's wrong with that? I'm not someone who thinks virginity is some special thing. It was fun. I had a good time, it wasn't awkward, because he was experienced. Besides, I don't think you should look down on whores like you seem to. You were one a year ago."

Malfoy scowled at that and didn't talk again.

"Hey there, lovely." A man slid into the barstool on Harry's other side.

"Hi, sorry, not here for a hookup," Harry said almost tiredly.

The guy made a face. "Why the hell else would you be at a bar?"

"Because I wanted a drink," Harry replied, getting the strong urge to stand up and leave.

"How about a drink and some company? Win-win."

"What am I, chopped liver?" Malfoy asked, leaning forward to glare at the guy. "He has company. You're annoying. Go away."

The man didn't deem him worthy of a response, turning back to Harry. "Pushy, isn't he? Wanna get out of here?"

Malfoy rolled his eyes and turned back to his drink, watching the cute bartender make something bubbly and blue.

"Not particularly." Harry sipped his drink and wished he hadn't left his wand back at the apartment.

He stiffened completely when the guy's hand landed on his thigh.

Hot breath washed over his ear. "I can show you a great time."

Internally panicking and mapping the exits, Harry reached out and grabbed Malfoy's hand. "Actually, I have a boyfriend."

Malfoy blinked, opening his mouth, but then his eyes fell onto the hand on Harry's thigh and slammed it shut again.

"That's a damn lie, everyone knows you two hate each other!" the guy shouted. People started to look over at them. "Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, sworn enemies!"

Harry attempted to come up with a cover story, but Malfoy cut in before he could.

"That was before we had a soul bond put over us. Being in close proximity for two weeks changes how you look at a person." He batted his eyelashes at Harry. "Isn't that right, love?"

Harry swallowed, not trusting his voice, and just gave him a hopefully-not-strained smile back.

The hand fell off of Harry's thigh and Harry watched the sleeve move a bit, revealing the tattoo on the guy's left wrist as he stood. "Interesting."

And he was gone.

Undercover Lovers

"I have so many questions."

"Sir-"

"Why did you call me into the office at two in the morning? Why is Draco Malfoy here with you? Why does he have a drink? Why did you wake me up at two in the morning?"

"Kingsley," Harry interjected. "I think the Furies are targeting us."

"I beg your fucking-"

Kingsley cut Malfoy off. "How do you figure?"

"Two weeks ago, we had that Fury, Sean Hodgens, the one from the café? He cursed Malfoy and me, as you've probably heard. The soul bond that only works if you like that gender. Forced me to come out, etcetera, I'm sure you've seen the papers."

Kingsley nodded. "Go on."

"Not even ten minutes ago we ran into another Fury at a bar. Tried to get me to leave with him. Knew who we both are, and I'm not saying a lot of people don't, but twice in two weeks seems like too much of a coincidence."

"I agree." Kingsley said. "I hate to ask this of you, but we need you as bait. If they're targeting you, we can use you to lure them out."

"Which would be fine, if I could leave Malfoy. We can't go further than-"

"Five feet, right." Kingsley sighed. "Well, it wouldn't be the first time we used a civilian in an investigation. We'll do Protocol 8b. We'll get you two rings and have you go to town and-"

"We can't pretend to be fianceés or married. I told the guy at the bar that Malfoy's my boyfriend to get him to bug off."

Kingsley sighed again. "Well, at least you have a story set up already. We'll get a tactical team in tomorrow at four p.m. Bring Mr. Malfoy up to speed, and you're sleeping here tonight for safety. Take a bunker room."

"Yes sir."

"Can I go back to bed now, or is there anything else?"

"No, sir, that's all."

"Thank Merlin." Kingsley grabbed his coat and stopped at the door, turning slightly. "And Potter?"

"Yes sir?"

"It's good to see you and Mr. Malfoy getting along." With that, Kingsley was gone.

"Now do I get to know what the hell a Fury is and why I've been signed up to an Auror mission despite me not having a wand or being an Auror?" Malfoy demanded.

Harry sighed. "We can't take chances or wait. If we have an opening, we have to try it. We can't wait until you and I aren't bonded anymore, so you have to come along."

"You didn't answer the first question."

"The Furies are the goddesses of vengeance in Greek Mythology. They sought out to punish those they believed deserved it. This group thinks that's what they're doing. They have a group superiority complex."

"But who the fuck are they?"

"Essentially? They're Death Eaters reborn, seeking vengeance on those who brought down Voldemort."

Malfoy paled. "And we're chasing them down?"

"Worse. We're drawing them to us."

Malfoy nodded slowly. "I think I'm gonna pass out."

*

"You don't have to give that exaggerated of a laugh."

"And you don't have to be fuckwad, but here we are."

Harry scowled at Malfoy. "You really haven't changed."

"I have, I just still hate you."

"Somehow that's worse."

"Good. Smile. What kind of date involves scowling at the other person?"

"Any one with you, I suppose."

"Fuck right off, Potter. I'll have you know I'm a goddamned delight."

At that, Harry gave a much more genuine laugh. "That's the stupidest thing you've ever said."

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Are they looking or not? I want this to be over with."

"They're looking. Give it five minutes and we'll leave."

"Fine."

There was an awkwardly long pause before Malfoy spoke again. "I used to want to be an Auror."

"What changed?"

"I became a Death Eater instead. Those things are mutually exclusive. It would take a goddamn miracle for the Ministry to not laugh in my face and burn my application right in front of me now."

Harry was about to respond, but his mouth snapped shut when one of the Furies sitting at the booth on the other side of the room stood to go to the bathroom.

"One just went to the bathroom," he murmured. Malfoy straightened and nodded.

"Should I do something?"

"Hell no. You're not an Auror, you're an accessory. We can't actually put you in the field. When spells fire, you get back. The only one of us who can chase a criminal is me."

"Oh yeah?" Malfoy gave him a mocking smile. "What if he's got you on the ground, wandless and ready to kill you? I'm supposed to just stand there?"

"No. You can't run because of the bond, but you hide."

Malfoy's smile faded. "Like hell. Aurors don't leave their partners." He held up a hand before Harry could speak. "And I know I'm not an Auror, but that doesn't change the fact that this is a case and we're technically partners. If he's gonna kill someone, I'll kill him first."

"You can't kill anyone. You're an ex-Death Eater. You'll go straight to Azkaban. Won't even have a trial. Can't plead self-defense."

"Better than letting someone die in front of me again," Malfoy spat, and Harry was left with horrible flashbacks of sixth year. Before he could respond, Malfoy stood. "Five minutes is up. Let's go."

Harry, slightly speechless, stood up as well, taking Malfoy's hand and tossing money onto the table before exiting the restaurant.

"Are they behind us?" Malfoy murmured.

"You check. They'd be on your side. Just look to your right as though looking at the scenery. Check with your peripheral vision."

Obediently Malfoy looked up and around slowly, glancing at the trees for a few moments before slowly turning back and giving Harry a sweet, loving smile. "About ten feet behind us."

"Alright. Stay close."

"I don't really have a choice."

"Don't be a dick. When we reach that bakery right there, we're gonna veer right. Ron and Dean are on the balcony, see them?"

"Yeah."

"They see us too. We're gonna get out of the way and they're gonna pull a surprise attack and trap them in. We can't be caught in the line of fire, we're their main targets."

"Alright."

There was a tense silence as they walked toward the bakery, and Harry's heart plummeted when Dean stood up too fast and fired a spell, narrowly avoiding Harry.

"Fuck!" he swore, yanking Malfoy with him out of the way as one of the guys behind them shouted, "It's a trap!"

"Shit, shit, shit," Malfoy hissed, and jumped as a curse hit his leg. He crumpled, caught by Harry before he could hit the ground.

This didn't do him much good, however, because almost immediately after, Harry was hit with another curse and flew to the ground, Malfoy falling just a foot or two away from him.

There was a lot of shouting and Harry felt himself being grabbed roughly, yanked to his feet. He realized far too late that a Full Body-Bind was one him, and briefly wondered how he ever passed Auror testing.

He watched Malfoy's eyes widen, and the blonde grabbed Harry's wand, fallen on the ground, and a stream of curses flew from his mouth.

There was a flash of red and Ron appeared out of nowhere, performing the countercurse on Harry and fighting off several Furies.

Harry rushed away from them before running into the invisible wall and remembering the stupid fucking bond. Malfoy grabbed his arm and pulled him behind him, still firing curses. "Are you hurt, jackass?"

"Nothing that'll kill me."

"Good. Do some of your wandless magic before me and Weasley get killed."

"I found them! The traitor and Potter!"

"I have a name," Malfoy muttered. Harry channeled his energy and sent a few men flying back.

"Is that really what matters right now, Malfoy?"

"It matters to me!"

"Ladies, you're both pretty, but if we could focus on not dying I would be immensely grateful!" Ron shouted.

"Where's Dean?" Harry asked.

"Got himself cursed. I called for backup and came down."

"Dumbass," Malfoy muttered, and sent a Fury into convulsions.

Ten minutes later, they had a nice collection of tied-up Furies ready to go to Azkaban, and Harry was arguing with Kingsley

"I could have died!"

"He isn't registered a wand, and he can't take someone else's, and-"

"Get fucked," Harry sighed irritably, fed up with the conversation.

"I beg your pardon?"

"He saved my life, Kingsley. You should be begging him to join the Aurors, not berating him for fighting Furies. He could have Apparated me and him away. He could have cursed me, or Ron. He could have let himself be captured. Instead he did what an Auror would do and he fucking fought, so would you just sign him an apprenticeship already?"

"Potter, you're assigned desk work for a week for disrespect to your superiors."

Harry bit his lip and nodded, looking down. Malfoy was staring at him.

"Also, as punishment, your partner is being switched. You have to deal with training Malfoy."

Harry looked up in surprise. So did Malfoy. "What?"

Kingsley paused, before meeting Malfoy's eyes. "Welcome to the Aurors, Mr. Malfoy."

And There Was Only One Bed

"You're fucking kidding me."

Harry could only stare as Malfoy continued talking.

"Absolutely not! I'm not sleeping with you!"

"It sounds wrong when you put it that way," Harry replied, feeling a bit dazed.

"Get your mind out of the gutter! There is one fucking bed!"

"Dibs," Harry said, almost on instinct.

"What in the fuck is a dibs, Potter?"

Harry came up with something on the spot. "Muggle term. Sort of a way of claiming something first. Whoever says dibs first gets it. You don't break dibs, ever. It's like an Unbreakable Vow."

Malfoy paled. "What happens if you break it?"

Harry drew his thumb across his throat. Malfoy's eyes went wide. "Fuck."

"Have fun sleeping on the couch, Malfoy."

"Malfoys do not sleep on couches!"

"Then change your last name or sleep on the floor. I don't give a fuck, I'm tired."

The Nightmare

Harry was pleasantly sleeping on the bed he had stolen from Malfoy when he awoke to soft sounds.

"What in the fuck, Malfoy?" he muttered, scrambling for his glasses. "You better not be jerking off in the same room as me, you fucking weirdo."

Finally, he found his glasses and jammed them on his face. Malfoy was barely visible on the couch, moonlight glinting through the window and off of his stupidly white hair. He was twitching almost, face screwed up and upset.

Harry grabbed a pillow and threw it at him. It hit Malfoy in the face and he jumped up, wand ready.

"Shut the fuck up," Harry said simply. "I'm trying to sleep. Have a nightmare somewhere else."

Malfoy flipped him off and they both went back to sleep.

The Scheming Friends

"Why."

"It's for your own good!" Hermione said cheerfully. "Pansy and I were planning this for a little while, we just had to get you both to come!"

Harry met Malfoy's gaze. Grey eyes rolled, and Harry silently agreed.

His horrible best friend and her horrible Slytherin buddy had somehow managed to get him and Malfoy to a restaurant together, each of them thinking it was just a nice dinner with their friend, only to be greeted with the sight of each other.

"Pansy and I prepaid the bill, so you would only be upsetting us and wasting our money if you left," Hermione said with a sweet smile, standing up. "Have a nice night, boys!"

Harry met Malfoy's eye and they had a silent, two-second conversation in which they came to the same conclusion and stood up. Malfoy grabbed Pansy and Harry grabbed Hermione, and they shoved the two of them in the booth they had previously inhabited. 

"Why don't you two sort out whatever you've got going on, and stop trying to get us to date?" Malfoy said irritably. Both girls' jaws dropped.

"Your bill is paid, so you wouldn't want to waste your money!" Harry added cheerfully, and Apparated away.

The Gender Swap

"This," Malfoy said firmly, "is the worst thing to ever happen to me."

Harry was struggling to breathe. "Right- right- truly terrible-" He failed horribly at stopping his laughter and doubled over, unable to stop giggling.

"Shut the fuck up, you useless swine."

"I- I can't-" Ron gasped, giggling. "You look so fucking stupid!"

"Luna said I would look like her. She wanted to see if we would look like twins! She told me it would last ten minutes!"

This sent Dean into another fit of giggles.

"It's been four days!"

That was the final straw, and Harry collapsed to the floor. He was joined shortly by Ron, and Dean barely managed to keep standing.

Malfoy was scowling. His already feminine features had been exaggerated almost to a cartoonish extent, with larger eyes, a jaw so delicate Harry was sure a good flick could snap it, and a teeny-tiny waist that Harry was almost certain was not realistic. He looked like a girl, which was Luna's intent, but it was such an unrealistic portrait of a girl, and paired with Malfoy's angry scowl and the chest that kept getting in his way, it was the funniest thing to ever happen to the Auror Department. 

"I- can't breathe-" Dean gasped through his laughter. Ron could only nod, and Harry couldn't even do that.

"Weasley! Thomas! Potter! Guests are not permitted into the Auror Dep- Malfoy?"

Dean joined Ron and Harry on the floor.

"Uh- ahem. Mr.- um, Miss Mal-"

"It's Mr. for fuck's sake! Lovegood gave me a gender-swap potion! It was supposed to last a few minutes!"

Kingsley nodded, the corners of his lips twitching. "Right. If you would like to be put on leave while you figure this out-"

"I'm still an Auror! This stupid body won't change that!"

Harry finally found his breath and crawled back into a standing position, dragging Ron with him. Dean stumbled into standing at well. 

Keeping the straightest face he could, Harry asked him, "Would you like us to call you Drayqueesha?"

That sent Ron right back to the floor and earned Harry a yelled "POTTER!" from both Kingsley and Malfoy, but it was absolutely worth it.

The Body Swap

"I think your dick is smaller than mine."

"Shut the fuck up, Potter. We need to figure out how to fix this."

"Oh shit, you've got scars from sixth year."

"Stop checking out my body!"

"Why? Does it bother you?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact!"

"Good. Ooo, you've got little freckles on your thigh!"

"Potter, let go of my thigh!"

"It's my thigh now!"

"For fucking fuck's sake! I'm gonna report you to Kingsley."

"Nah, you won't. Then you have to partner with Smith, and he's just waiting to beat the shit out of you. Oh, these freckles look like a constellation!"

"For Merlin's sake, Potter!"

"Problem?"

"You've got a tattoo, Potter?"

"Hey, wait, stop that!"

"Why? You did it to me! What the fuck does this say, it's upside down! Why would you get a tattoo on your thigh if you can't even read it?"

"It's important to me! Get your hands off of me!"

"I will when you will!"

"Um, can you two stop groping yourselves?"

"Shut up Ron!"

The Glow Up

"Absolutely not."

"Not a question, Potter," Pansy said firmly. "Your glasses are not only stupid, but completely impractical in the field! They're also ugly as fuck and a personal offense to me. Consider this my payment for you getting me and Hermione together."

"You're paying me back... by torturing me?"

"A makeover is not torture, you're just a dumbass."

"Right. Remind me again why I agreed to this?"

"You didn't. I kidnapped you."

"Right."

*

Malfoy barely looked up when Harry came in. "Morning."

Then he looked up again. "What in the fuck?"

"Like it?" Harry raised his eyebrows and gave a little twirl. Pansy had managed to tame his hair (slightly) so it looked less weasel-in-a-windstorm and more i-just-fucked-all-of-your-friends. At least, that's what Pansy said. His glasses were discarded, something Harry resolved to fix later, and Pansy forced him to wear the dark green Auror robes instead of the blue ones, insisting the green ones made his eyes pop despite Harry's protests about them being Slytherin colors. She had also put mascara on him, the only choice she had made that sat well with Harry.

"I'm so fucking glad those god-awful spectacles are gone," was all Malfoy responded with, and Harry hit him as he walked past.

De-Aging

"Not my fucking problem."

"He's your partner!"

"My Auror partner, not my goddamn life partner!" Harry lifted the tiny toddler version of Malfoy and shoved it into Pansy's arms. "Your problem. Not mine."

The Love Potion

Friday morning started with Malfoy jumping over his desk and kissing Harry.

Harry punched him.

This, unfortunately, did not deter Malfoy or his apparent attempt to molest Harry, because he spent the rest of the day following Harry around like a lovesick puppy while Harry spent most of his day threatening him.

"Amortentia," Blaise confirmed. "No idea who would give him that."

"None at all," Ron chimed in, sitting on the counter and swinging his legs. Harry resolved to punch him later.

"This isn't a potion," Malfoy breathed. "This is real. Harry, I love you."

Harry wrinkled his nose. "Ew."

"Gimme a minute." Blaise shuffled through his vials and grabbed one, holding it out to Malfoy.

"No," Malfoy said in that same dreamy voice. "You're gonna take my Harry away."

"I think I'm gonna vomit," Harry added helpfully.

"Take the potion, pussy, or I'm kicking Harry out," Blaise replied cheerfully. "And Potter, if you vomit in my office I'll kill you, Auror or not."

"Some Healer you are."

Blaise only shrugged and smirked, and Harry added him to his to-punch list.

Malfoy downed the drink. His eyes cleared and he promptly muttered "I hate my life" before slamming his head down onto the table.

The Lust Potion

"Why is it always me?"

"You know, I used to say that quite a lot."

"Shut up, Potter."

"You still haven't apologized."

"I'm more sorry that it was you than I am about trying to fuck you."

Harry snorted. "Point."

Malfoy rested the ice pack on his eye. "You know, you could have aimed for my jaw or my mouth or something, but no, you had to go right for the eye. I hate you."

"You started stripping and tried to kiss me, I just wanted you off."

Malfoy immediately turned red. "Merlin, did I really?"

"You don't remember?"

"No, dumbass. Lust potions erase your memory afterward."

"Well, you took off your shirt and your jeans and -thank fucking God you kept your underwear on- pushed me back on that couch and told me how bad you wanted to fuck me and how you were 'shocked you didn't realize it before' and tried to kiss me."

"If you don't mind, I'm gonna go locate the nearest wand and Avada myself."

"I'll do it for you."

Truth or Dare

"Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"How long have you liked Draco?"

"Romantically?"

"Of course."

"Never."

"Wha-" Pansy turned desperately to Hermione. "You said they drank Veritaserum!"

"We drank what?" Malfoy and Harry shouted at the same time.

"Oh, shut up, do you think you just got shots for fun? Don't be stupid. Potter, you're telling the truth?"

"Obviously. Why would I be interested in Malfoy?"

Pansy gaped and stared at him, then Hermione.

"Harry, do you like Draco platonically?"

"I mean, sure, I guess. He's a dick, but he's a good Auror."

"Thanks, Potter," Malfoy replied dryly.

"Draco, do you like Harry?" Pansy asked desperately.

"What kind of game of truth or dare is this? You didn't even ask me the main question!"

"Shut up, Draco. Do you like Harry?"

"Romantically?"

"Of course."

"Absolutely not."

Pansy gaped. "Do you like him platonically?"

"I guess. He's not the worst. Unlike you."

"Fuck right off."

"Harry, do you-"

"What about the game? This isn't an interrogation, for fuck's sake! It's a game of truth or dare!"

"Harry, truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Kiss Draco."

"Oh, for God's-" Harry huffed and yanked Malfoy over Hermione's lap, kissing him roughly and shoving him away. "Happy?"

"A little." Pansy's eyes were gleaming. "Draco, truth-"

"It's Potter's turn! For Merlin's sake, you two are scheming devils!"

"Truth or dare, Malfoy?"

"Truth."

"Do you like me sexually?"

"Absolutely."

"Jesus fuck, he said that fast!" Pansy shouted as Hermione screamed, "What the fuck?!"

Harry just nodded contemplatively.

The Amnesia 

"Who are you?"

"Nope. Ron, your problem. I'm out."

"Who's Ron?"

Trapped In A Small Space

"Just breathe, dumbass."

"I am breathing," Harry bit out. "Why don't you try fucking shutting up instead?"

"Why don't we just try fucking instead?"

"Shut up, Malfoy, shut up."

"Hey, okay." Malfoy held up his hands in mock-surrender and watched Harry with a concerned expression. "Try focusing on the floor instead?"

"That doesn't help, don't you think I've tried that?"

"Alright. Um. Put your arms out. On the walls. Just press your palms against the walls. Yeah, like that. Your arms aren't moving, see? The walls aren't closing in, your arms aren't moving. We're just in a storage closet."

"I get it."

"Hey, I'm trying to help you here!" 

"No, you're trying to calm me down so you can fuck me."

"Okay, first of all, true. Second, how was I supposed to know this locks from the outside?"

"Think these things through before you pull me into a storage closet! And also, if I was going to fuck you, I wouldn't do it in a goddamn closet, it's uncomfortable and small."

"So you're saying you would fuck me?"

"Shut up, Malfoy!"

The Memorized Coffee Order

"Potter." Malfoy shot him a finger gun as he walked past his desk. "Go on a date with me."

"Sure, whatever." Harry shuffled through his papers and scribbled something. Ron choked on his coffee.

"Wait, what?"

"What?" Harry and Malfoy both looked at the redhead in confusion.

"You two are dating?"

"Nah. But we have been fucking for about a month, so call it what you want." Malfoy set a coffee on Harry's desk. Iced caramel macchiato. 

"Did you go to Journey for this? And you remembered my order?"

"I still get a discount." Malfoy flushed. "Don't think anything of it."

Harry grinned at him and Malfoy blushed more.

"Can we backtrack here? You two have been-"

"Yup." Harry sipped his coffee and smiled blissfully. "Perfect."

Ron stuttered and Malfoy sipped his own coffee.

"What did you get?" Harry asked, interested.

Malfoy held out the drink without hesitation and Harry sipped it while Ron continued to stumble over several sentence fragments.

"Vanille latte?" Harry guessed. Malfoy took the drink back and nodded.

"What the hell did you do to your hand?" Malfoy asked suddenly, setting down his coffee and grabbing Harry's hand, studying the burn on the thumb.

Harry flushed. "I was trying to light a lighter the Muggle way and I burned myself."

"Dumbass," Malfoy muttered, shaking his head and casting a silent healing spell with Harry's wand. "Do that again and I'll give you a second scar on your face."

"Isn't that a bit contradictory to your point?"

"Nonsense. Stay safe, dumbass. I'll pick you up at eight." Malfoy kissed Harry lightly and walked away.

"You're telling me you're not fucking dating!?"

If anyone else has more stereotypical tropes, I'd like to make another story like this, so please lemme know lol